A Rogue's Band of Misfits
by Lady Velvet C. Peterson
Summary: My less than innocent interest in Dragon Age Characters seems to growing with each play though of DAO. That damn elf Zevran. My Warden's Diary of thoughts about the Blight and finding love. Zevran romance with Elissa. I own nothing but the computer I write on. Name changed from Zevran as the story isn't based on Zevran alone although he is the LI in this version.
1. Chapter 1: Meeting Zevran

**Authors note chapters updated for grammar and dialog errors.**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

Today was an eventful day. We were headed to Redcliff Castle and came upon a traveler begging for help. It seemed that bandits had accosted them. I sighed to myself, when she came up blubbering and found myself being dragged willy nilly by the hand to the site. I didn't particularly want to help or bring attention to myself as Loghain had put a bounty on all Grey Wardens. Alistair just snickered a bit under his breath, and followed.

Morrigan sneered, "If this woman can't protect herself she has no business traveling."

Leliana held her retort and just simply says, "We have to help them."

Suddenly the blubbering wretch drops my hand and runs into the circle of wagons. I hear something crack and tree is falling towards our group. The four of us scatter to dodge the falling tree and regroup to assess our attackers. The "traveler" was actually smirking at our stupidity as she worked her way to the back of the group of "bandits" and grabbed weapons.

We killed all of them except the leader. I dropped that little blond **charlatan** myself. I have to say, I did take a great satisfaction in that one. The leader of the group was tied up and while we waited for him to regain consciousness. I assessed the assassin while I waited. A handsome elf, with striking tattoos, he is quite muscled but lithe. I've never seen him before in my life and, I wonder who this person is and why the hell he is trying to kill me.

I remember his words, "The warden dies here!"

Finally, he wakes up so we can interrogate him and, wow, what a blabbermouth and charmer at the same time (if that is even possible).

He is rather glib as he wakes and says, "I thought I would wake up dead or rather not wake up all as the case may be."

"That could be easily rectified," I retort quickly.

"Of that I have no doubt, you are quite skilled," he states.

"Since I am not dead, I assume you have questions? Let me save you some time then. My name is Zevran (Zev to my friends). I am a member of the Antivan Crows brought here for the sole purpose of killing any surviving Grey Wardens, which I have failed at, sadly."

"I am rather happy you failed," Alistair counters smiling.

"So would I be in your shoes. For me however, it sets a rather poor precedent doesn't it getting captured by a target seems a tad bit detrimental to one's budding assassin career," Zevran counters casually.

"Too bad for you," I reply smugly.

"Yes, it's true too bad for me," Zevran replies lightly.

"What are the Antivan Crows?" asks Alistair.

"I can answer that," Leliana replies, walking over to Alistair." They are an order of assassins out of Antiva. Very powerful and renown for always getting the job done…so to speak. Someone went to great expense to hire this man."

"Quite right, I'm surprised you never heard of the crows out here. Back where I come from we are rather infamous," Zevran points out.

"Not for being good assassins," I joke. Alistair snickers behind me.

"Oh fine, is that what you Fereldans do? Mock your prisoners? Ha...Such cruelty," says Zevran mock pouting.

"Does this mean you're loyal to Loghain?" I ask frowning.

"I have no idea what his issues are with you. The usual, I imagine. You threaten his power, yes? Beyond that, no I am not loyal to him. I was contracted to perform a service," Zevran states calmly.

"And now that you have failed that service?" Alistair inquires.

Zevran snickers," Well now that is between Loghain and the Crows. And the crows and myself."

"And between you and me," I state happily.

"Isn't that what we are establishing now?" Zevran asks.

"When were you to see him next?" I ask.

"I wasn't," Zevran replied" If I had succeeded, I would return home and the crows would have informed your Loghain of the results…if he didn't already know. If I had failed, I would be dead… or should be at least as far as the Crows are concerned. No need to see Loghain then."

"If you had failed?" I look at him raising an eyebrow.

"What can I say, I am an eternal optimist," Zevran jokes. "Although the chances of succeeding at this point seem a bit slim don't they," He laughs, "No, I don't suppose you'd find that funny would you?"

Alistair looks at Zevran with astonishment and asks, "Why are you telling us this?"

Zevran glibly replies, "Why not? I wasn't paid for silence, although I never offered it for sale, precisely."

"How much were you paid? "I ask.

"I wasn't paid anything, however the crows were paid quite handsomely or so I understand. Which does make me about as poor as a chantry mouse, come to think of it. Being an Antivan Crow isn't for the ambitious to be perfectly honest," he muses.

"Then why are you one?" I ask.

"Well, aside from a distinct lack of ambition. I suppose it's because I was never given much of choice. The crows bought me young. I was a bargain too, or so I'm led to believe," Zevran states very matter of fact. I, however, notice a glimmer of sadness in his features, which almost instantly disappears.

"But don't let my sad story influence you," Zevran jests, "The crows aren't so bad. They keep one supplied with wine, women, or men, whatever you fancy. Although the whole severance package is garbage, let me tell you. If you were considering joining, I'd really think twice about it."

"I'll take that under advisement," I say dryly shaking my head.

"You seem like a bright girl. I'm sure you have other options," Zevran replies wryly.

"Aren't you a least loyal to your employers?" asks Morrigan as she crosses her arms, "It does seem incredibly stupid to bite the hand that feeds you."

"Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish and if you are done interrogating me, we can discuss it further," Zevran says humbly.

"I'm listening, make it quick," I retort.

"Well, here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit. If you don't kill me, the crows will. Thing is, I like living," Zevran jokes.

"And you are the sort to give the crows pause. So let me serve you, instead," He adds seriously.

"Can I expect the same type of loyalty from you?" I counter.

"I happen to be a very loyal person," Zevran explains "Up until the point where someone expects me to die for failing."

"That's not really a fault is it? He asks, "I mean unless you are the sort who would do the same thing. In which case I don't come really well recommended …..I suppose."

"And what is to stop you from finishing the job later?" Alistair asks.

"To be honest, I wasn't given much of a choice regarding joining the crows. They bought me on the slave market as a child. I think I paid my worth back to them, plus tenfold. The only way out, however, is to sign up with someone they can't touch," Zevran explains, "Even if I kill you now they might kill me just out of principle for failing the first time. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you" He pleads.

"Won't they come after you?" Leliana probes.

"Possibly," answers Zevran, "I happen to know their wily ways, however, I can protect myself and you….not that you need much help."

"And if not ...It's not like I had many options to start with, is it?" he adds.

"You must think I'm royally stupid," I say hotly.

"I think your royally tough to kill, and utterly gorgeous," Zevran quips.

Everyone just looks at him blankly for a moment.

"Not that I think you will respond to simple flattery," he adds earnestly.

"But there are worse things in life than serving the whims of a deadly sex goddess," Zevran smirks.

I blush angrily and think to myself "did he just seriously say that…the nerve!"

Pulling myself together and cursing my blush, I ask angrily, "What would you want in return?"

"Well… let's see. Being allowed to live would be nice, and make me marginally more useful to you," He jokes.

"And somewhere down the line should you no longer have need of me, I go on my way. Until then, I'm yours. Is that fair?" He says imploring with his eyes.

"Why would she want your service?" Alistair smirks kicking a stone at Zevran.

Zevran replies, "Because I am skilled at many things from fighting to stealth to picking locks, I could also warn you should the antivan crows try something more …sophisticated, now that my attempts have failed. I could also stand around and look pretty if you prefer. Warm your bed, he adds licentiously dropping his voice; fend off unwanted suitors, no?"

Ignoring my damn blush I reply smartly "is this before or after, you stab me in the back?"

Zevran smiles roguishly, "tsk, tsk… these things you say….they must drive the men wild back home."

"So what shall it be?" He asks briskly, "I'll even shine armor. You won't find a better deal I promise."

"Very well, I accept your offer."

Alistair is incredulous, "what? Are you serious about bringing the assassin with us?"

"He will be useful," I offer.

"You're probably right, but if there was a sign that we are desperate I think it just knocked on the door and said hello," He says dryly.

Morrigan cautions, "a fine plan but I would watch my food and drink more carefully from now on."

Zev replies, "That's good advice for anyone."

Leliana quiet for most of the conversation declares, "Welcome Zevran, I think having an antivan crow along is a great idea."

Zevran grins at her roguishly "oh you're another companion to be then, I wasn't aware that such loveliness existed amongst adventurers, surely."

Leliana's face twists in disgust, "or maybe not."

I lean over cutting Zevran's ties and offering him my hand to stand up.

He proclaims, "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you until such a time as you chose to release me from it. I am your man without reservation. This I swear."

After hearing his oath, I really think he might honestly mean it. I thought this was rather strange after all the innuendo and joking from Zevran. Perhaps there is more to him than meets the eye. Although, I still expect him to try to kill us or run from us ….I guess we will just have to see what he decides to do.


	2. Chapter 2: Sleeping Arrangements

Dear Diary,

Amazingly enough Zevran hasn't tried to kill us again. I offered to share my tent as long as he didn't mind sharing with me and the dog. At least until we get to another place to buy a tent. I know my faithful Wrex wouldn't let anything happen to me.

However, as soon as I offered Alistair blushed and stammered, "It wouldn't be appropriate Zev can bunk with me."

I snickered and said, "Aww, you worried about Zev warming my bed?"

Gosh, I love making that man blush and it's so damn easy.

Zev, snickers at Alistairs obvious embarrassment.

Leliana giggled and looked at Alistair expectantly. I see Morrigan smiling evilly. I looked over at Sten and his face was passive but even he had a twinkle in his eye.

"Well excuse me for being gentleman!" Alistair stated hotly.

"Alright then," I replied cheekily "and you can have the dog sleep with you to protect you from Zev."

"All the smell will be in one place then," Wynne wryly adds.

That got us just roaring hysterically, even Wynne actually tittered and Sten cracked a smile. The first from him I'd ever seen. I would really like to see that Qunari smile more.

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><p><strong>Authors note: Updated to correct and spelling or grammatical errors.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3 Bad Cooking

Dear Diary,

10 days and no assassination attempts from Zev, I truly do hope he meant his oath. I would say I'm slightly skeptical. However, Alistair and Morrigan are almost hateful in their skepticism. It was interesting to observe a bonding moment between these 2 brought about by their dislike of Zevran.

It was Alistair's turn to cook tonight (not that anyone wanted to eat it his cooking). Blessed Andraste, the sacrifices we make.

"Alistair," Leliana asks "what was the stew you made last night? I couldn't quite place it."

"It's a traditional Ferelden lamb and pea stew," answers Alistair.

"I've never associated that taste or texture with lamb," Leliana dryly replies.

"Oh, that must be because the last time you had lamb it was cooked Orlesian style. Food shouldn't be silly and pretentious. Here in Ferelden we cook things differently," Alistair explains, "We do things right. We take our ingredients, throw everything into the largest pot we can find and cook it as long as possible until everything is a uniform grey color. As soon as it looks completely bland and unappetizing, that's when I know it's done."

"You're having me on," jokes Leliana.

"You need to eat in more Ferelden inns," laughs Alistair.

After hearing this Zevran pipes up, "I can cook." He obviously decided he did not want to be subjected to Alistair's cooking again (Not that any of us would have blamed him).

Alistair jumps up, "ABSOLUTELEY NOT!" he states.

"For once I and the Dim-witted one agree," Morrigan adds wryly crossing her arms.

Morrigan and Alistair exchange glances with an understanding.

"Why not?" I ask the two.

"Well," said Alistair condescendingly," It's not like he hasn't tried to kill us."

"He could easily poison the food," added Morrigan.

"We trust him to have our backs and he hasn't stabbed us yet," I countered.

"Tis true," concedes Morrigan, "however I don't wish to push my luck just yet."

"I won't eat anything he cooks," Alistair adds stubbornly.

"Very well, however at some point I wouldn't mind trying some Antivan cuisine," I relent, "it has be better than whatever Alistair cooks."

"Perhaps Morrigan should do more cooking," throws in Leliana, "Her cooking is tastier than Alistair's."

"Hey….it isn't that bad is it," whines Alistair. We all just stopped. Leliana looks at him with a raised eyebrow. Morrigan is rolling her eyes. Zevran mimes praying and I'm sure my expression is conveying the "are you kidding me "vibe.

"Okay," Alistair sighs.

Sten had been silent. He nods and says, "That would be preferable."

"Sten are you saying you like Morrigan's cooking?" I ask. I'm suddenly very curious as the big guy never says much.

"She makes these little things crumbly like cake but smaller," He says stoically.

"Cookies?" I inquire.

"Yes, we have no such thing our lands, this should be rectified," Sten answers and turns toward his tent.

"Andraste's Flaming Ass!" I mouth to Leliana as she giggles.

"Sten, I would have never thought you had a sweet tooth but I'll see what I can do," I say.

"My thanks," replies Sten as he enters his tent.

"He's a softie," giggles Leliana.

"I wouldn't say that to his face," cautions Alistair.

"I'll take that under advisement," Leliana titters.

"So we are decided then?" I ask, "Morrigan will take over Alistair's cooking duties and Alistair will get the wood for Morrigan's fire."

I added this because I know Morrigan likes her own fire and tent away from the rest of us.

Alistair and Morrigan glance at each other uneasily.

Finally, Alistair concedes, "yes I will get the crazy witch's firewood, so long as I don't have to cook." He looks relieved.

"I don't mind cooking for the drooling dimwit, so long as, I don't have to take time to get firewood and I'll make cookies," she smiles tentatively.

I think that is progress but only time will tell.

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><p><strong>Author's note: I redid the chapter to correct any spelling or grammatical errors.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4 RedCliff Village

Dear Diary,

Today was a crazy day. We made it to Redcliff. Just as we were approaching it Alistair asked to speak with me. He had a confession to make.

"I need to tell you something…" he states awkwardly, "I …um…probably should have told you earlier."

"I'm not going to like this am I?" I ask guardedly.

"I don't know. I doubt it. I never like it…that's for sure," Alistair answers.

"Well let's see. How do I tell you this? We're almost at Redcliff. Did I say how I know the Arl Eamon exactly?" he flounders.

"I think you said he raised you. What of it?" I replied.

"I'm a bastard," he quickly states" my mother was a serving girl at Redcliff Castle and she died when I was born. Arl Eamon took me in and raised me before I was sent to the chantry."

"The reason he did that," Alistair continued, "was because….well because my father was King Maric…which made Cailan my half-brother…I suppose."

"What you don't think you might have told me this before?" I ask incredulously.

Alistair sighs, "How? When would I say that? Oh by the way, King Maric had sex with servant and she produced a bastard son, that's me."

"I would have told you…but it never really meant anything to me. I was inconvenient, a possible threat to Cailan's rule and so they kept me a secret. I've never talked about it to anyone," Alistair continued, "Everyone who knew either resented me for it or coddled me….even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn't want you to know for as long as possible. I'm sorry."

"So you're not just a bastard but a royal bastard," I quip.

Alistair chuckles, "I may have to try that line."

"I think I understand," I add more seriously.

Alistair sighs with relief, "Good, I'm glad it's not like I got special treatment for it anyhow. The Arl eventually married a young woman from Orlais, despite all the problems it caused with the King so soon after the war. He loved her a great deal. Anyway the new Arlessa resented the rumors that pegged me as the Arl's bastard. They weren't true, but they existed. The Arl didn't care but she did. So off I was packed to the nearest monastery at age 10. Just as well, the Arlessa made sure the castle wasn't home to me by that point. She despised me."

"Did she know the truth about you?" I ask.

"She may have, but I figured she feared the rumors might be true. I can't blame her for that. I remember I had an amulet with Andraste's holy symbol on it. The only thing I had of my mother's. I was furious at being sent away. I tore it off and threw it at the wall and it shattered. Stupid, stupid thing to do" he said shaking his head, "the Arl came to the monastery a few times to see how I was, but I was stubborn. I hated it there and blamed him for everything…and eventually he just stopped coming," He says sadly.

"So why keep it a secret now?" I asked.

"My blood has never been important to me. I've spent my whole life trying to forget about it and being told I would never sit on the throne." Alistair explained, "And that's fine by me. If there is an heir to be found, it's Arl Eamon himself. He's not of royal blood but he is Cailan's uncle and more importantly, very popular with the people. Though if he is really as sick as we've heard…..I don't want to think about that…I really don't."

"So there you have it. Now can we move on and I'll just pretend you still think I'm some…..nobody who was too lucky to die with the rest of the grey wardens." Alistair pleads.

"As you command … my prince," I tease.

Alistair looks at me in horror, "oh lovely, I'm going to regret this …somehow I just know it."

Turns out as we drew closer to Redcliff, they were really having problems of their own. A panicked villager told us about creatures attacking from the castle. We set out to meet with Bann Teagan.

The Bann was a delightful person concentrating on protecting the village. He did appeal to us to help him in this endeavor. He was so charming and really believed in saving the village. I had to say yes much to the dismay of Morrigan and Zevran. Smooth flirtatious man too. Maybe under different circumstances ...but I digress.

We got the village as ready as we could: finding oil in the store, Getting the bar owner to help out, rooting out the sneaky elf sent by Loghain to spy on the castle. I think I scared him. I promised the blacksmith we would look for his daughter as soon as we got into the castle, Cajoled the dwarf into helping out with battle and persuading the revered mother to offer amulets to the Redcliff Knights. I helped Kaitlyn out with her brother and bought a nice sword for Alistair to use. That helped them and us at the same time to the chagrin of Morrigan who thought I paid too much for it. On top of that I got Bella to give away ale at the tavern to boost the militia's moral.

We were as ready as we could be for the coming battle. A battle that no one could even explain what it was attacking them. So strange…

As sundown came the creatures started marching from the castle. It was a fearsome sight. They appeared to be undead and their numbers were just staggering. As they came down into the village the oil set them on fire and they kept coming. Just as we cut the last one down….a messenger appeared from the village tell us they were also attacking from the docks. We hurried down to the village. I tried to get to Lloyd in time but I was too late the barkeep was taken down. However I have to say the militia themselves were holding their own pretty well. We worked together to prevent any more deaths to the town. Finally we cut down all the undead and burned them in a pyre.

Sunrise finally came and village celebrated our victory. The Bann insisted on rewarding us for our help.

I was eager to see what was going on in the castle. The Bann then requested we meet him at the windmill. I told him we would meet him as soon as we rested as we had been marching for hours long before we got to Redcliff and had fought through the night.

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><p><strong>Author's note: edited to correct spelling and grammar errors.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5 Back at Camp

Dear Diary,

We no sooner made it back to camp when Morrigan started on me about my helpful nature.

"Are you going to give away all our coin?" she asks haughtily.

Zevran just looked at me sideways.

"For your information I used my personal coin to help Kaitlyn and Bevin. You will find that our party coin is untouched," I told her.

She pressed her lips together and walked away.

"So," Zevran began as soon as Morrigan was out of earshot, "you were quite flirtatious with the Bann."

"Why Zev," I tease "are you jealous?"

"Not at all," he says flashing that amazing smile, "I enjoyed watching you flirt. You are quite proficient at it."

"Oooo high praise from the master flirt," I quip.

"Well of course as I am the master flirt," he returns saucily.

"I wish to ask you serious question my dear warden," He adds.

"Oh ask away …I will answer," I replied cheekily.

"You help out every person who crosses our path…I've seen you turn no one away even the lowest peasant. You take me in a person who tried to end you. This is unheard of where I am from and I'm curious as to why you do this?" He says with an almost childlike wonder.

"Well Zev," I begin, "I am actually from a noble family….but my family was different than most nobles. We care about our people and do our best to make them happy and keep them safe. We were careful stewards of what has been given us and took care of our people so we could all make our lands a better place together. I guess I bring that philosophy to whatever I need to do. People have faults and they make mistakes. Not to say we don't play the game because all nobles do. I was taught however to treat our vassals with respect and consideration. My father would expect nothing less of me. I will give my family that respect. It's the least I can do."

"So you use your personal coin to help the needy and take in assassins who were paid to kill you," Zev says smiling.

"I notice my dear warden that you speak of your family in the past tense….I hope I'm not opening old wounds but why?" he asks cautiously.

I walk over to the camp kitchen area and pour a flagon of ale….offering Zev one as well. He nods in acquiescence. We settle in front of the fire.

"I suppose I can tell you it's not like it's a big secret," I say slowly taking a big draught of the ale.

"I didn't plan on becoming a grey warden it was forced upon me," I started. Zev takes a sip of his ale leaning forward in interest.

"Arl Rendon Howe had come to march with my father to Ostagar. However his forces were delayed and many of our soldiers left with my brother that evening. I was to stay at the castle and keep things running smoothly while seeing to our guest Duncan of the Grey Wardens. "

"You were to oversee the entire castle and the lands" …Zev remarked astonished.

"Yes my father thought it would prepare me for running a castle of my own someday. They were trying to find a suitor for me that I wouldn't scare off with my daggers," I joked.

"Well I wouldn't be put off by that at all if anything it makes you more enticing," flirts Zevran.

I snicker, "those stuffy nobles don't think that way Zev."

"Continue please," Zev asks.

"My mother had her friend Lady Landra visit for a few days and her son Dairren. She was planning on leaving to visit with the Lady thinking her presence might undermined me at the castle as father wanted to be left in charge. Mother and Lady Landra were constantly trying to get Dairren and me to marry. We enjoyed each other's company but were not ready to think about marriage yet. That however didn't keep us from getting to know each other better"

"Oh so you do have a sordid past," joked Zev.

"Perhaps not as sordid as you think Zev but that story is for another time," I reply.

"The family said our goodbyes to my brother Fergus and I was told to hit the hay. Of course my older brother teased me about being sent to bed," I joked dreamily remembering.

"I remember teasing him back telling him I didn't mind as I would have company" I chuckle, "I remember Fergus going all big brother on me, telling me that the guy better be worth my time or he would have words with him."

Zev smiled at that and poured me some more ale.

"I was awakened by Wrex's angry barking and growling. I heard someone scream. Looking out the door I saw Howe's men trying to get into mother's room. I quickly put on my leathers and grabbed my daggers. Wrex and I killed those men. Then mother came out dressed in her leathers we scavenged a sword and shield for her and went to check on Oriana and little Oren, both were dead already, killed by Howe's men. They had killed Lady Landra and Dairren as well," I add sadly.

"Mother insisted we go to the vault and get the Cousland family blade we fought our way to vault getting the precious sword and went to find father. We found Ser Gilmore first he had the sense to close the gates once he realized what was going on and pointed us in the direction of father. He held the gates to enable us to escape….I wonder where he is now or if he made it out," I muse.

"Mother and I finally found father by the secret exit in the kitchen. Father, he was badly wounded. He feared he would not survive our escape and would only slow us down…"tears started slipping from my eyes but I took no notice of them and continue, "… Duncan came in and offered to help Mother and I escape but only if I became a grey warden. My father hadn't wanted me to join the wardens before but spoke highly of them so he agreed to the request to save mother and I."

Zev was looking at me astonished…he put down his flagon.

"Mother decided to stay with father and give us more time to escape knowing she would be killed…she always said her place was with father," I finish slowly trying not to sob.

Zev didn't say a word …he wrapped an arm around me ….wiping the tears as they fell down my face. We stayed like that for some time until I regained my composure.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, "I didn't think that I would get so emotional. I haven't spoken about what happen to anyone except in the broadest of terms."

"My dear warden," Zev offers, "with what you went through, I would be concerned if you didn't get emotional. Another flagon then?"

"Maker yes," I answer.

We drink until it was late….until we were drunk … Zev listening and chuckling as I told funny childhood stories. Then we stumble off to our tents.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: edited to fix any spelling or grammer errors<strong>


	6. Chapter 6: The Windmill

Dear Diary,

This morning we headed to the windmill to meet Bann Teagan as promised. Zev didn't mention anything about my breakdown last night. I think he wants to keep that between the two of us.

The Bann was waiting for us at the windmill and informed us that there was a secret way into the castle using his signet ring. He was thinking we should all take that route together.

Then the Arlessa appeared demanding that Teagan go with her to the castle. I remember the Arlessa. She didn't recognize me at first; her distain for Alistair was quite obvious. Quite frankly I disliked the woman immediately (last I had met her I was a child and didn't take much notice of her)…in her annoying shrill voice she demanded Teagan go with her alone without offering explanation. I made it clear that I didn't trust it and we needed more explanation.

"Who is this woman Teagan?" she asks haughtily.

"This is Lady Cousland and you remember Alistair, they are both grey wardens and without their help I would not be standing here," Teagan replies patiently.

"Pardon me, I would exchange pleasantries but …considering the circumstances," Isolde replies meekly.

"Please Lady Isolde…we had no idea anyone was even alive within the castle. We must have some answers," pleads Alistair.

"I know you need more of an explanation …but I don't know what is safe to tell" replies Isolde looking at Teagan, "Teagan there is a terrible evil within the castle. The dead waken and hunt the living. The mage responsible was caught but it still continues….and I think Connor is going mad. We have survived but he will not flee the castle. He as seem so much death. You must help him Teagan. You are his Uncle you could reason with him. I do not know what else to do" she whines.

"Is the Arl still alive?" I ask.

"He is. He is being kept alive so far, thank the maker," replies Isolde.

"Kept alive, kept alive by what?" questions Teagan.

"Something the mage unleashed. So far it allows Eamon, Connor and myself to live," Isolde answers softly.

"The others were not quite so fortunate," she continues, "it's killed so many, and turned their bodies into walking nightmares. Once it was done with the castle, it struck the village. It wants us to live, but I do not know why. It allowed me to come for you Teagan because I begged, because I said Conner needed help"

Do you think this evil could be some kind of "demon?" I question.

"I...I do not know," stutters Isolde," Makers mercy! Could it truly be a demon?"

Hmm I think to myself she knows but is not telling all.

"I can't let it hurt my Connor," she screeches "You must come back with me. Teagan Please!"

"What about this mage you mentioned?" Morrigan asks.

Isolde calms herself, "he is an infiltrator…I think ...one of the castle staff. We discovered he was poisoning my husband. That is why the Arl fell ill."

Now I know she is leaving something out….but what? A lady of the castle should know who everyone is in the service of the castle interior.

"Eamon was poisoned?" the Bann asked.

"He claims an agent of Teyrn Loghain hired him. He may be lying, However, I cannot say," Isolde says dryly.

"So why must Teagan go alone?" I ask.

"For Connor's sake," says Isolde in her bleating tone," I promised I would return quickly and only with Teagan."

"Teagan," she continues whining, "I know you can order your men to follow me, when I return to the castle. I beg you not to, for Connor's sake."

"Why do I get the feeling you are not telling us everything?" I ask pointedly.

The look I get from her is daggers but she knows I know. I'm just getting it out into the open I will not put the Bann and the rest of the group at risk not knowing.

"I ...I beg your pardon. That's a rather impertinent accusation," Isolde huffs.

"Not if it's true," I counter, "be honest lady Isolde I know and you know that you know every person that works under you down to the lowest chamber maid as a lady of the castle should."

"An evil I cannot fathom holds my son and husband hostage! I came for help!" She screeches shrilly, "what more do you want from me?"

"The entire truth would be nice for starters," I reply. Teagan nods in agreement.

"Teagan I do not have much time! What if it thinks I am betraying it? It could kill Conner! Please come back with me….must I beg?" She cries.

Teagan looks at Isolde then me and says, "Tell me about the Mage…the Arl didn't have a mage in his employ when I left for Rainesfere."

Isolde sighs knowing it wasn't a battle she was going to win.

"Connor started showing signs of being a mage. I found an apostate to train Conner in secret to hide his abilities in secret. Eamon had no idea. He would have done the right thing and sent Connor to the circle I couldn't allow that to happen," she pleads.

"I didn't know the mage was hired by Loghain to poison Eamon. Please help Conner," she begs.

I understood mages cannot hold titles or lands and Eamon would have no heir or have to name someone else. Not that I agreed with what she did she was still a bleating sheep playing at the game.

"The king is dead, and we need my brother now more than ever. I will return to the castle with you Isolde," Teagan decides.

"Oh thank the Maker…bless you Teagan, bless you," Isolde babbles with relief.

"This is a mistake it could get you killed," I warn Teagan. Aside from the fact I like this reasonable man, I wouldn't want to see his pretty face a corpse.

"I cannot let Isolde return alone. Perhaps I can help Conner or Eamon. Perhaps this is really a trap, but this is my family I must try. I have no illusions about dealing with this evil alone. You, on the other hand have proved quite formidable," Teagan replies smiling.

For a moment I think about my family, "I understand."

"Isolde, can you excuse us for a moment? We must confer in private before I return to the castle with you," Teagan politely requests.

"Please to not take too long. I will be by the bridge," replies Isolde before walking off.

Teagan turns to me, "here's what I propose, I go in with Isolde and you enter the castle using the secret passage. My signet ring unlocks the door. Perhaps I will distract whatever evil is inside and increase your chances of getting unnoticed. What do you say?"

"And what exactly am I supposed to do in there?" I question.

"I wish I knew. I don't know any more about this "evil force" than Isolde seems too," Teagan replies wryly.

"I don't think we can afford to strip the village of the few defenders it has left, just in case," he adds, "Here is my signet ring it will open the lock on the door in the mill"

"Whatever you do Eamon is the priority here. If you need to just get him out of there. Isolde, me, and anyone else… we're expendable," explains Teagan.

I don't believe the Bann is expendable and I hate the idea of leaving a child for dead….Isolde not so much.

"I don't believe that. I will get you all out," I say softly thinking of my mother's sacrifice for me.

"You are brave, as well as beautiful it seems. The Maker smiled on me indeed, when he sent you to Redcliff. If only this had been…" Teagan trails off.

"So we are just going to send him with that woman. It seems so dangerous," states Leliana.

"But I can delay no longer …allow me to bid you farewell …and good luck," says Teagan.

This man has such honor to his family… I did something without thinking for once.

"Teagan wait!" I call out.

Teagan stops and turns around as I walk toward him. I wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss right on his lips. He is startled for a mere moment and kisses me back hugging me. I pull away. "For luck," I say breathlessly smiling.

The rest of group is stunned into silence. For the most part, Alistair turned an amazing shade of red, Zev is grinning from ear to ear. I think Leliana just mouthed the word "wow." Morrigan looks just slightly surprised and disgusted. I didn't know such a look was even possible. I smirk at her.

Ignoring the rest of the flabbergasted group, I turn on my heel and say, "let's head to the mill."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: Edited for spelling and grammar errors<strong>


	7. Chapter 7 Redcliff Castle

Dear Diary,

We entered the castle lower levels easily enough and ran into the Mage, Isolde told us about.

His name is Jowan and he is blood mage. He readily admitted this to us.

"Why did you poison the Arl?" I ask.

"I was told that Arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden. That if I took dealt with him Loghain would settle matters with the circle. I thought this was the chance to redeem myself," Jowan answers honestly.

I look at Alistair, Zev and Morrigan, "Another poor sap taken in by Loghain's lies," I sigh.

"You a blood mage? Truly? I would have never guessed," says Morrigan in amazement.

"I just wanted to leave the circle and marry the woman I loved," replies Jowan, "they would have never agreed to let us be together. But I made a mess of things and now the Arl is sick and everything is out of control and Loghain just left me here to rot."

"I never meant for it to end like this," continued Jowan, "I swear. Let me help you fix this."

"I say this boy can still be of use to us. But if not let him go, why keep him prisoner here?" Morrigan offers.

"Hey, hey let's not forget he's a blood mage. You can't just set a blood mage free!" exclaims Alistair.

"Better to slay him? Better to punish him for his choices? Is this Alistair who speaks or the Templar?" retorts Morrigan.

"I'd say its common sense," replies Alistair, "we don't even know the whole story yet."

"He wishes to redeem himself…doesn't everyone deserve that chance?" asks Leliana.

"Like yourself you mean?" snorts Morrigan.

"Everyone deserves to redeem themselves in the Maker's eyes. This man no less than any," Leliana replies patiently.

"I don't know," answers Alistair" but these are strange circumstances."

"Give me chance. Please," pleads Jowan.

"Are you responsible for the creatures and killings in the castle and the attacks on the village?" I ask.

"No, I poisoned Arl Eamon but that is all I did. I know it looks suspicious but I'm not responsible for the creatures and killings in the castle I was already imprisoned when that began. I knew nothing about what was going on until the Arlessa showed up demanding I undo what I had done. I thought she meant the poisoning of the Arl. That's the first I heard of the walking corpses. She thought I summoned a demon to torture her family and destroy Redcliff. She had me tortured…There was nothing I could say or do to appease her so they left me to rot," Jowan answers.

"Why would Lady Isolde hire an apostate?" I ask (I know the answer I'm just checking to be sure Jowan is being truthful with us.).

"Connor had started showing signs…Lady Isolde was terrified that the circle would take him away for training," Jowan answers.

"Connor, a mage? I can't believe it," Alistair interrupts.

Well played, Alistair, I think (I need to thank him later).

"She sought an apostate…a mage outside the circle, to teach her son in secret, so he could learn to hide his talent. Her husband had no idea," continues Jowan.

"Perhaps her son is responsible then," I offer.

"I thought that too," Jowan replied, "Connor has little knowledge of magic but he might have done something to tear open the veil. With the veil to the fade torn, spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle; powerful ones could kill and create those walking corpses."

"Why would Isolde be frightened of her son's being a mage?" Morrigan asks.

"Because he would be taken away forever," Jowan replies, "a mage cannot hold a title even the son of a powerful Arl. She's also a pious woman…her son having magic was …humiliating."

"Typical chantry rubbish," sneers Morrigan.

"And the Arl had no idea of his son's abilities?" asked Alistair.

"No," answers Jowan, "She was adamant, he never find out. She said he'd do the right thing even if it meant losing their son and that infuriated her."

"How much magic did you teach him?" I question.

"Some," admitted Jowan, "but he is still very young he can barely cast a minor spell, never mind something more powerful...at least not intentionally. Like I said he may have torn the veil accidently. If he is involved in this at all…I really don't know."

"So how would you make things right?" I ask.

"I would try to save anyone who still out there. There must be something I can do," pleads Jowan.

"Isn't it a little late for that," Alistair remarks.

"I can't undo what I did," says Jowan, "but it doesn't mean I shouldn't try."

"And after that what happens?" I ask.

"Afterwards I assume I will be arrested or executed or whatever people like me get." Jowan replies matter of factly, "I'm tired of running from the circle. I need to account for what I've done."

"That's commendable if it's true," I say softly.

"I'm glad you think so," says Jowan, "so what now?"

"I'll unlock the cage. However, I think you should stay put for the moment. It's safe here. We may need to call on you later be ready," I offer.

We leave Jowan and make our way to the upper levels. I find the smith's daughter and tell her about the passage. She's frightened but I told her the path was clear and to run to the village.

We continue on there are a slew of demons in the courtyard and it takes a good while to dispatch all of them. I open the gate the let the Redcliff Knights in and together we enter the castle.

When we enter the main hall we find Teagan dancing around to the amusement of Connor. It's obvious he is not in control of himself the sight of it sickens me.

Connor speaks but his voice is not the one of a child, "So these are our visitors? The ones you told me about, Mother?"

"Yes Connor," Isolde says sadly.

"And this is the one who defeated my soldiers? The ones I sent to reclaim my village?" asks Connor. His voice is just damn creepy I decide.

"Yes," answers Isolde.

"And now it's staring at me. What is it mother? I can't see it well enough," says Connor.

"This is a woman Connor. Just as I am," Isolde replies.

"You lie!" spits Connor, "this woman is nothing like you. Why just look at her, half your age and pretty too. I'm surprised you don't order her executed in a fit of jealousy!"

"Connor I beg please don't hurt anyone," pleads Isolde

Then his voice changes "M-mother. What's happening? Where am I?"

"Oh thank the Maker," Isolde sighs in relief, "Connor, Connor can you hear me?"

"Get away from me fool woman!" Connor yells (the crazy voice is back), "You are beginning to bore me."

"Makers breathe! What has happened here?" exclaims Ser Perth, in confusion.

"Grey warden," Isolde begs, "don't hurt my son he's not responsible for what he does."

"So he is the evil force you spoke of," I reply.

"Don't say that!" Isolde cries, "Connor didn't mean to do this it was that mage, the one who poisoned Eamon. He started all this. He summoned the demon. Connor was just trying to help his father."

"It was a fair deal," Connor announces, "Father is alive. Just as I wanted, now it is my turn to sit on the throne and send out armies to conquer the world. Nobody tells me what to do anymore."

"Nobody tells him what to do…nobody," yells crazy Teagan.

"Quiet uncle!" demands Connor, "I warned you what would happen if you kept shouting didn't I. Yes I did."

"But let's keep things civil;" he says in a lower tone, "this woman will have the audience she seeks. Tell me woman …what have you come here for?"

"I came here to help if I could," I answer the abomination.

"To help me? To help father? To help yourself? Which?" Connor asks.

"To help the Arl of course," I reply.

"So you're a concerned well-wisher. Why didn't you say that in the first place? All this sneaking around and killing is unnecessary. But father is so very ill we really shouldn't disturb him isn't that right mother?" Connor rants.

"I…don't think…" Isolde begins.

"Of course you don't!" Connor interrupts, "ever since you sent the knights away you do nothing but deprive me of my fun. Frankly it's getting dull. I crave excitement! And action! This woman spoiled my sport by saving that stupid village, and now she'll repay me."

As Connor runs off the solders left in the castle start attacking our party and the knights. I go for Teagan hoping to knock him unconscious before he gets himself skewered. After I knock him out we dispatch the rest of the soldiers trying not to kill anyone. However as with all battles some died.

"Teagan," Isolde runs to him he has regain consciousness and Isolde helps him to his feet, "Teagan are you alright?"

"I am better now I think…"Teagan says, "My mind is my own again."

"Blessed Andraste," Isolde breathes again, "I would have never forgiven myself if you had died. Not after I brought you here, what a fool I am. I am thankful that lady Cousland thought to knock you unconscious."

Teagan looks at me thoughtfully.

"Please! Connor is not responsible for this there must be a way to save him," pleads Isolde.

"You knew about this all along," I accuse.

"Connor is no longer a child…he is an abomination," Jowan says sadly.

"You, you did this to Conner!" screams Isolde.

"I didn't summon any demon. I told you please if you'll let me help…" pleads Jowan.

"Help!" Isolde screams again "you betrayed me I brought you in to help my son and in return you poison my husband!"

"This is the mage you spoke of? Didn't you say he was in the dungeon?" asks Teagan.

"He was … I assumed the creatures had killed him by now. Someone must have set him free," Isolde spits.

"That's right and I stand by decision. Teagan you don't know whole story. We should speak in private," I reply.

Isolde glares at me.

"I know what you must think of me my lady. I took advantage of your fear. I am sorry…I never knew it would come to this…"Jowan says humbly.

Teagan gestures to a side room and Jowan and I follow him.

"Teagan" I begin quickly explaining what I had put together, "I think you should know that Loghain took advantage of Jowan's fear of the circle. He also promised to make things right for him with the circle if he took care of the Arl for him. He also made it clear to Jowan that the Arl was a danger to Ferelden. Jowan thought he was doing something for the good of Ferelden thanks to Loghain's lies. Loghain also somehow knew that Isolde was looking for an apostate mage. He took advantage of her fear as well. I do believe that Jowan did what he thought was best and he is truly sorry for poisoning the Arl. He set things in motion by poisoning the Arl causing a young child to make a deal with a demon to save his father. He wants to make it right and I think we should let him try. Loghain also stationed an elf in the village to oversee that the job was done. I took care of the elf already."

Teagan and Jowan both look shocked.

Teagan takes a moment to digest this and says to Jowan, "If you truly want to help I will not turn your help away. If Connor is truly an abomination I would want to mage here to help. This does not mean there will not be consequences for poisoning the Arl but that can wait until the immediate danger is past."

Teagan turns to me, "I need to thank you my lady for knocking me unconscious and not killing me," he smirks.

More seriously he adds, "Loghain will need to be dealt with when my brother recovers however both Jowan and Isolde are responsible to a degree as well. If she hadn't decided to keep this secret from my brother Jowan would have never been here. I suspect she went to Loghain for help finding an apostate to teach Connor secretly. I don't know what Jowan did to get the ire of the circle but is his mistake to bear."

"From what I gathered he became a blood mage for love of a woman…."I offer.

"Oh! So he's a romantic too then," laughs Teagan.

We head back to the main hall were Isolde and Jowan wait.

"Isolde," Teagan asks, "how did Loghain know you needed an apostate mage to teach Connor secretly?"

"I asked him for help," she replied, "I never thought...oh no…"

"This is Loghain's fault!" she screams.

"My son isn't always the demon you saw sometimes Connor breaks through. I just want to protect him," she sobs.

"Isolde," scolds Teagan, "pull yourself together and take responsibility for your role in this. You wanted to protect him this is how we got into this mess. You hired a mage to teach Connor in secret to protect him."

I'm starting to feel a bit for Isolde now. Once again remembering what my mother did for me.

"If they discovered Connor had magic, then they'd take him away…I thought if he learned enough to hide it, then…" Isolde's words die.

"There is no way any of us could have known what would happen. Loghain did orchestrate this but everyone involved was a victim. Loghain takes the largest part of the blame for this but you both did play a part," I reason.

Both Isolde and Jowan look at me gratefully.

I look at the group and ask, "What are our options?"

"I wouldn't normally suggest slaying a child…" says Alistair sadly, "... But if he is an abomination…I'm not sure if there is any choice."

"We cannot kill a young boy demon or no demon," states Leliana.

Morrigan adds, "there is another option…there is a connection between the child and the demon one that can be followed to the demons true form in the fade. Where the demon can be battled directly and killed without harming the child. It requires lyrium and a group of mages neither of which we have and had we these things it would still fall on one mage to defeat the demon not an easy task."

"Jowan do you have any ideas?" I ask.

"There is another option," Jowan says, "but I loathe offering it. Morrigan is correct you can go into the fade and slay the demon. I can do such a ritual but it would take blood magic. Blood can provide the power instead of lyrium. Takes a lot of blood, in fact it takes all of it."

"So someone must die? Someone must be sacrificed?" asks Teagan.

"Yes then I can enable another mage to enter the fade. I can't do it because I will be performing the ritual. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything it's not really much of an option," says Jowan regretfully.

"Is there no other method?" I ask.

"The power has to come from somewhere and that means lyrium or blood," Jowan explains.

"Then let it be my blood. I will be the sacrifice," Isolde states.

"What? Isolde, are you mad!" Teagan says astonished, "Eamon would never allow this."

"Either someone kills my son to destroy that thing inside him or I give my life for my son to live. To me the answer is clear," says Isolde.

"Blood magic, how can more evil be any good here. Two wrongs don't make a right," Alistair points out.

"It does seem a sensible choice with a willing participant," says Morrigan.

"Connor is blameless in this he should not have to pay the price," Isolde states.

"On that we are agreed," I say to Isolde.

"Opinions?" I ask the group.

"The circle isn't far from here," Alistair offers," we can find lyrium and more mages there."

"We have the treaty for the mages anyway I say two birds one stone?" I question.

"Very pragmatic," says Morrigan.

"I would prefer to not kill a child or his mother," states Leliana.

"Ok so we head to the circle tower," I state.

"Please hurry back. Connor will not remain passive for long," Isolde pleads.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: Edited for grammar errors<strong>


	8. Chapter 8 The Circle Docks

Dear Diary,

I feel a bit apprehensive as we get closer to the circle tower. I'm no mage why do I feel this way.

I think Zev took notice because as we finally hiked into the dock area he looks at me, and says, "Let's stay at the tavern tonight we can go to the tower in the morning. We will negotiate better well rested with full stomachs no?"

Alistair speaks first,"Yes that is an excellent idea."

Morrigan murmurs her approval.

Leliana beams.

"We should hurry… but it's already late and dark so perhaps you're right," I finally say knowing I was outnumbered.

So we wearily clomp into the Inn and find a table. Thankfully there are 2 rooms available much to Morrigan's delight. I pay for the two rooms and return to the table to enjoy a fairly decent stew and ale.

"Anyone up for a game of wicked grace?" Zev asks his eyes twinkling.

"I'm in," Alistair says.

"You'd better deal me," Demands Leliana.

Morrigan shakes her head in refusal and the other three look at me.

"Ok I'm in," I concur…I make a note of perhaps Morrigan didn't know how to play. I should go to her privately and offer to teach her. She would bluff well.

Morrigan leaves and takes the table next to us to observe. Zev seats himself next to me. Alistair shuffles and deals the cards while Leliana gets a fresh tankard of ale for everyone.

Once everyone is seated the trash talk begins. "Say chantry boy," starts Leliana sweetly in a sing-song manner, after bids are set, "are you always so cheap."

"We never had much at the chantry so I learned to be frugal," Alistair stutters turning a nice shade of red.

Leliana does not let up, "Alistair, you said you were in the chantry from the time you were 10 does that mean you never…"

"Never, never what," he jokes, "had a good pair of shoes?"

I lean over to Zev, "good comeback," I whisper to him, "she adores shoes." I try to sneak a peek at his cards.

Leliana giggles, "You know what I mean…"

"I'm not sure I do," Alistair responds teasingly, "Have I never seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in the winter?"

I turn to Zev again he looks as amazed as I feel, "By the maker!" I mouth to him as he snickers.

"Now you're just making fun of me," Leliana pouts.

"Make fun of you, dear lady? Perish the thought. Well tell me, have **you** ever licked a lamppost in the winter?" Alistair asks sweetly.

Leliana blushes and states, "why yes I have licked a lamppost in winter."

I start giggling after the fit has passed. I turn to Zev and say quietly, "I think we need to get chantry boy ale more often."

Zev snickers in approval.

Morrigan is even amused by this display, she is actually smiling. And not in the evil I will turn you into a frog way.

"I, myself," Alistair states, "have never had the pleasure .Not that I hadn't thought about it of course but you know…" he fades off.

"Oh that is cute!" gushes Leliana, "you're a virgin."

"Cute!...Well hearing that from a beautiful woman does make me feel much luckier. I'll say that," He says flirtatiously.

It seems Zev, Morrigan, and I can't stop giggling. At least for the moment, they both glare at us, which causes full blown laughter from us finally they join in as well.

I win the round partially from looking at Zev's hand and from the distraction the other 2 caused each other.

Zev goes to get another round of ales as I deal.

"You think I'm beautiful?" Leliana says.

"Of course you are, and you know it. Your ravishing and resourceful and all those other things you'd probably hurt me for not saying," replies Alistair flinching.

"You flatter me," says Leliana smiling.

"That's what I'm here for. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it," He jokes lightly, "let's get back to the game lest your risqué talk makes us lose every hand."

Alistair won the next round and Leliana the next. Morrigan excused herself and left for our room.

As I won the next round, Leliana is tipsy and pleads she needs some air. Alistair ever the gentleman offers to walk with her. They head outside with Leliana heavily leaning on Alistair leaving Zev and I at the table.

Zev looks at me jokes, "Well it's just the two of us shall we play so I can have some of my dignity back."

"You think you can beat me, Darling Zev," I sweetly smile back.

"I think I can do many things to you," he whispers in my ear while running his hand up my back.

I shiver slightly at his touch. Pulling myself together I say, "Very well a game then. If I win you tell me an assassin adventure. If you win I will tell you how I bested King Cailan."

I move to other side of the table for my own safety and so there will be no peeking of cards.

His eyes twinkle as I move, "Afraid of a little elf, dear warden," he snickers.

"I'm not afraid of a **little **elf," I retort sweetly.

"Oh! You wound me!" Zev dramatically holds his hand over his heart, "I set myself up for that one didn't I," he says laughing.

"Yeah…you sure did," I agree laughing.

Zevran wins the hand. After gloating a moment about his victory, he moves to sit by me and says, "I think you owe me a story."

He is so close I can feel his breathe on my neck. I shiver again. I turn toward him and grab my ale taking a long draught. When I pull my mug away his eyes are twinkling with mischief.

"I was about 7 and King Maric came to Cousland Castle to speak with father, he had brought Cailan with him(I think Cailan is about 3 years older than me), I was in the courtyard practicing my daggers of course they only gave me wooden ones so I wouldn't hurt myself. My mother threw fits that I would not be a good little girl and just learning etiquette and dressing up. However Father said I should have some training to defend myself and I was allowed these lessons. So as a compromise I learned about being a lady and swordplay," I start.

Zev looks at me with wonder; "it seems your parents understood you and each other very well."

I smiled painfully remembering for a moment.

"I apologize; I didn't mean to bring up any bad feelings," He quickly says.

"No harm done I was remembering the good things," I said smiling at him.

"Anyway," I continue, "my lesson was over and I was in the armory putting my things away and Cailan came running in. He asked what I was doing when I told him he looked me up and down and said "girls can't fight they do needle point and wear dresses. At which point I kicked him in shin and knocked him down, by the time our parents found us I had my wooden daggers crossed at his throat."

Zev's laughter rang out across the almost empty room.

"The king didn't have you executed on the spot," he laughs.

"Well the King thought it was funny and that Cailan deserved what he got for acting like an obnoxious prat, thankfully. However my father was not amused and grounded me from my swordplay lessons for a month while my mother taught me how to deal with difficult people," I continue.

"Funny when I saw Cailan at Ostagar he mentioned that I taught him a good lesson that day," I smile, "He was pained when he heard what happened at Cousland Castle. You know he offered to turn his troops on Howe after he heard what happened to my family once we were finished at Ostagar so I know he held no grudge."

"It's funny at one point my parents were vying for a marriage between Cailan and I. I rejected the offer. So Cailan married Anora instead, it was better I am told he loved her dearly," I say smiling.

"You had the chance to become the queen and you didn't take it," Zev's mouth hung open.

"Could you really picture me hanging around with ladies in waiting discussing needlepoint?" I ask.

I notice Leliana and Alistair walking back in actually Alistair is almost carrying a drunk Leliana at this point. He tries to quietly get her up to the women's shared room.

"Good point," he concedes, "but don't you wonder?"

"Back then I didn't but I do wonder now who got the better end of the deal? Anora is on the throne or her father is and he is now trying to kill me. If I had married Cailan I might have spared my family Howe's treachery" I think out loud for a moment.

"No," I decide, "it is better this way I would not have been able to stop the blight. Could you imagine Alistair trying to do all this on his own?"

"My dear warden, you definitely make a valid point," Zevran agrees.

"And on that note I will bid you goodnight Ser, before you try to make any more _points_**,**" I tease getting up and heading to the women's shared room, "Good night Zev."

I walk to our shared room and Alistair is standing there holding Leliana. He looks at me, "I didn't want to incur Morrigan's wrath," he whispers desperately.

I open the door and grab Leliana's limp body.

"No worries, Alistair. I'll get her tucked in," I say smiling.

I lay my friend on her bed and take to mine for a good night's sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Feeling a bit generous as I finished my schoolwork early this week. I have some play time whoohoo!<strong>

**Edited for grammar errors:)**


	9. Chapter 9 The Circle Tower

Dear Diary,

We have to bribe the Templar at the docks to take us across the lake. Leliana batted her eyelashes and promised to regal him with good stories for his trouble. The poor sap folded like a house of cards. I have to admit she is really good.

Once at the tower, we realize it is in shambles, the Templars have sealed it off as there are abominations and blood mages running about.

I realize quickly that something needs to be done and talk the knight commander into unsealing the door for us to slip through. Of course they think we are crazy but it is better than doing nothing.

We fight and make our way thru the tower with a few snide comments from Morrigan about mages living in lockdown.

We come upon a group of mages protecting child mages from and demon and I instantly jump in and help much to Morrigan's dismay.

One of the mages turns around immediately and states "It's you No! Come no further. Grey Warden or no, Take another step and I will strike you down where you stand."

"Wynne!" I exclaim in surprise, "is that you?"

"I'm not here to fight, Wynne," I say to her.

"I say, Kill the old biddy and the rest of these abominations so we can leave this ghastly place," sneers Morrigan.

"Morrigan," I warn, "not helping…"

"Why are you here? The Templars would not let just anyone by," Wynne asks warily.

"I came here seeking the aid of the mages," I explain.

"And you were told the circle was in no shape to help you," Wynne sighs.

"Has the right of annulment come then?" she asks.  
>"Not yet," I answer.<p>

"So they did send for it. So Greagior thinks the circle is beyond hope. He probably assumes we are all dead," she sighs again, "They abandoned us to our fate, but even trapped as we are, we have survived. If they invoke the right, however, we will not be able to stand against them."

"What happened here?" I ask.

"Let it suffice to say we had something of a revolt on our hands, led by a mage named Uldred," Wynne explains, "When he returned from the battle at Ostagar he tried to take over the circle. As you can see it didn't work out as he planned."

"I don't know what became of Uldred, but I am certain all of this is his doing," she continued, "I will not lose the circle to one man's pride and stupidity."

"I erected a barrier over the door leading to the rest of the tower so nothing from inside could attack the children. You will not be able to enter the tower so long as this barrier holds, but I will dispel it if you join me to save this circle."

"Very well, Wynne, I agree to your offer," I say smiling.

"Once Greagior sees that we have made the tower safe, I trust he will tell his men to back down. He is not unreasonable," Wynne states softly.

"He will only agree on the first enchanter's word," I inform her.

"Then our path is set," sighs Wynne.

"You want us to assist this preachy schoolmistress? To save these pathetic excuses for mages?" Morrigan says incredulously, "They allow themselves to be corralled like cattle, mindless, and now their masters have chosen death for them. I say we let them have it."

"You could have been one of them had things been different," I gently rebuke her.

"I could be here, had my mother not shielded me from the Templars, so I should have sympathy?" she asks.

"My mother often said, things are the way they are, because they could not have been any other way. I often question this," She muses.

"Do what you wish," she sighs, "I care not."

"Thank you, Morrigan," I say smiling.

"Petra and Kinnon, watch after the others, I will be back soon," Wynne orders.

"Wynne are you sure you're alright? You were so badly hurt earlier; maybe I should come with you," Petra asks.

"The others need your protection more, I will be alright," reassures Wynne, "Stay with them, keep them safe and calm."

"Come we must hurry before the Templars get the Right of Annulment," I say.

"Morrigan, I want you to head back to the tavern and wait for us to return," I say.

"Yes," Morrigan says, "I think that would be best."

One of the mages seems concerned about Wynne I reassure her I will watch out for her. Wynne takes out the barrier and we walk through.

We make our way through the tower. Checking every room taking out demons where we find them as to leave none alive to attack the children. We find Owan a tranquil cleaning his storeroom. Amazingly he's alive. We make sure to kill anything beyond him so he is safe as well.

Until we find the sloth demon. We all fight to stay awake but it pulls all of us into the fade. The demon offers me complacency I see through the disguise as I know Duncan would never stop fighting and he was hearing his calling by the time we met.

I meet Niall the mage that had gone to Owan for the litany of adralla. He was trying to keep the mages minds their own as the litany protects from blood mages taking over a person's mind. We spoke briefly it seemed as he had already given up. So I make my way further through the fade. I found I could become a mouse giving me a way to make it further to areas I couldn't reach in larger form. Then I meet the dreamer of anger who gave me a body of fire. I'm beginning to catch on about how things work here. I find differing forms from different dreamers and they allow me more powers and access to different areas in each area I there is demon guarding it. I hope this isn't one big dream because then I wouldn't know what to do. I work my way through defeating everything in my path, with short visits to Niall because all paths seem to lead back to him. He seems to be brightening up with each demon I beat. I hope to save the poor man.

Finally a new path opens and I see Alistair. He seems happy introduces me to his sister? I didn't even know he had a sister. I explain that this isn't right and ask him to think about it. He grudgingly agrees and "his sister and her children" turn into demons fighting us. He begs me to no tell anyone how easily he was tricked and fades away in a glimmer of light. Oh maker I hope that means he's safe.

Next I find Wynne, she is drowning in grief. Not her practical self. She gets angry with me at first, and then when I ask her think about it, she decides she needs to leave this place. The dead mages around her rise and we fight them as well. She realizes then she is in the fade. Just as Alistair did she disappears in glimmer of light.

Leliana is back at the chantry living a quiet life of contemplation. She does not remember me but she trusts me and is willing to leave with me. She becomes frightened when the revered mother turns into a demon. Once the demon is dealt with she disappears as well. Andraste's mercy I hope she gets her memory back.

Lastly there is Zevran, being tortured. He is remembering his torture at the hands of the Crows when he was young. He is fighting in his way making wise cracks and snide remarks. I kill the torturer/demons. After which he is free and making jokes about a bracing good racking, I smile at him and he disappears as well.

I make my way through the fade to sloth demon, who talks way too much, they should have renamed him pride, for all the spouting he was doing. My companions are there and quite pissed off. We end the sloth demon and find ourselves back with Niall who instructed us to get the Litany of Adralla from his body. He explains the sloth demon was using his life to produce all these fantasies for all of us and he is dead.

We all wake to find ourselves on the floor I get up and run to Niall to see if we can do anything but he is already gone. I push back a few tears, as the I saw the introverted, thoughtful mage as very brave, and take the Litany gently from his body. Uldred is sooo going to pay now.

We leave the room with the sloth demon and continue heading upward destroying every demon and blood mage in our path.

We finally reach the top of the tower and there is a Templar, locked within a very strange cage. He believes we are a figment of his imagination. It takes quite a bit of convincing that we are not and then he basically decides to he wants us to kill all mages. Wynne introduces him as Cullen a young Templar. His hate of mages is apparent and as we have no way of freeing him, so we let him stay as he is for the moment.

We enter the harrowing chamber above. All I know of this room is that it is where a mage takes a test to see if they can withstand a demon. There are mages in her fighting the effects of blood mind magic. Uldred is creating demons. Has he seriously lost his mind? It is a grotesque procedure to say the least. I would think the nasty looking aesthetics alone would be a deterrent.

He starts yapping as nasty powerful people tend to do spouting his nonsense of being in power. He actually has the nerve to ask me to join him. He must be joking. I'm no beauty queen but I'm not interested in that in the least.

I make sure I have the litany ready and we prepare for battle. We were all somewhat damaged in this one as Uldred turned into a pride demon and called abominations to help him. All the mages in the room were lost, except the first enchanter. I mourned their loss. But I was happy to see the high and mighty Uldred brought down. Sodding bastard.

Wynne runs to Irving helping him to his feet. She places his hand on his face, "Are you alright?" she asks.

"I've been better, but I am thankful to be alive. I suppose that is your doing, isn't it Wynne?" Irving says gratefully.

"I wasn't alone," she states, "I had help."

"The circle owes both of you debt we can never repay," he states, "Come the Templars await. We shall let them know the tower is once again ours."

"Maker, I'm too old for this," he says, "I'll need you to guide me down the stairs…Ah curse whoever insisted the circle be housed in a tower."

I snicker at his remark.

We make it back down to the entry.

Greagior is obviously surprised but he smiles, "Irving? Makers breath, I did not expect to see you alive."

"It is over Greagior, Uldred is dead," says Irving.

Cullen immediately jumps in, "Uldred tortured these mages hoping to break their wills and turn them into abominations. We don't know how many of them turned"

"What? Don't be ridiculous," replies Irving.

"Of course he'll say that! He might be a blood mage! Don't you know what they did? I won't let this happen again!" Cullen rants hysterically.

"I am the Knight Commander here not you," Greagior reminds Cullen firmly.

"So what does the Knight Commander think then?" I ask, looking at Cullen sadly.

"We have won back the tower. I will accept Irving's assurance that all is well," states Greagior.

"But they may have demons inside them, lying dormant …lying in wait!" Cullen rants again.

"Enough!" Greagior commands, "I already made my decision."

Greagior turns to me, "thank you, you have proven yourself to both the circle and Templars. As order has been restored our work is here but the mages are free to help you."

"For now," he continues, "I need to oversee a sweep of the tower there may be survivors who need aid. I would like to speak with you later. And Irving it is good to have you back."

"I'm sure we will be at each other's throats again in no time," Irving chuckles.

I walk over to Irving

"Here we are," he muses, "the tower in disarray…the circle nearly annihilated, though it could have been much, much worse. I am glad you arrived when you did. It's almost as though the Maker himself sent you."

"I'm glad I could help," I answer honestly.

"The least we can do is help you against the darkspawn. I would hate to survive this only to be overcome by the blight," he adds.

"But there are so few mages left," I wonder.

"Do not underestimate us. Even one mage will be a great help to you," Irving replies patiently, "you have my word, as first enchanter. The circle will join the grey wardens in the fight."

"Irving I have a request," states Wynne, "I seek leave to follow this grey warden."

"Wynne," says Irving, "we need you here. The circle needs you."

"I appreciate the sentiment," Wynn replies, "but the circle will do fine without me. The circle has you. This woman is brave and good, and capable of great things. If she will accept my help, I will help her accomplish her goals."

"I would be honored to have you join us Wynne," I say proudly.

"You were never one to stay in the tower when there was adventure to be had elsewhere," notes Irving.

"Why stay? When I can be of help elsewhere?" Wynne asks.

"Then I give you leave to follow the grey warden, but know you always have a place here," Irving replies.

"Can the circle go to Redcliff to save a possessed child?" I ask.

"The child is possessed?" asks Irving, "But… killing the demon would mean killing the… Unless you intend to enter the fade… Yes, yes it can be done with a group of mages. I shall gather the mages, I can, and we shall leave promptly a life is at stake."

With that he leaves to prepare and I remember the Knight Commander wished to speak with me in private.

Letting the rest of the group trade with the quartermaster, I go looking for Greagior. I find him in the library.

As I walk toward he looks at me and says, "You were very thorough, I'm impressed."

"Wynn had erected a barrier to protect the children; once she joined us, it was no more, we couldn't let one blood mage or demon escape to hurt them or Owan," I explain.

Greagior looks surprised, "Wynne always was a strong mage, even tempered as well. I'm glad she is going with you I think she could be of help with my request."

"What can I do for you Knight Commander?" I ask cautiously.

"I think it would be best for Cullen to take a break from the circle. Anyone can see he is distraught, I think killing darkspawn may be therapeutic," He explains.

"You realize some wardens are apostates?" I ask not wanting to explain Morrigan.

"I know, the wardens do what they must, taking people from all walks of life," He replies.

"And what if he gets the sickness from the darkspawn?" I ask, "He is no warden so he is not immune."

"I believe he is not worse danger than he would be here right now given his state of mind," replies the Knight Commander crisply.

"And what of his lyrium?" I ask.

Greagior had the decency to look shocked, "you know of this?" He asks.

"I am privy to such things," I say lightly.

"Do you have any merchants that can deliver such goods to you?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply, "we have a lovely dwarven merchant named Bodhan Feddic he travels with us. If you have shipments sent to him we can make sure to get it to Cullen."

"Good, I will inform Cullen of his new orders and send him with supply of lyrium as well as setting up with your merchant," Greagior says.

"And warden, Thank you for your understanding in the matter, you have been quite sympathetic when you didn't need to be," with that the night commander left to attend to his duties.

I head back to meet up with the rest of the group and we leave the circle tower for the Spoiled Princess.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Edited for grammar errors<strong>


	10. Chapter 10 Cullen

Dear Diary,

Cullen says little as we take the boat back across the lake. However he is looking at Wynne like one might look at a viper.

We meet with Morrigan and as we have two new party members. We get larger rooms. Over dinner we discuss going to back to Redcliff to save Connor. Right after the meal Cullen and Wynne excuse themselves to retire.

Morrigan begins on me immediately as they disappear, "why would you bring that old woman and a Templar of all people to join us?" she sneers.

"First of all Wynne asked to join us," I begin calmly; "secondly Cullen has been through a lot and the Knight Commander asked that I bring him. He is a damn good fighter physically (if Alistair is anything to judge by) and strong enough mentally to not let demons take over his mind."

"So he is here to strike me down should I become possessed," she says spitefully.

"No he is here to fight darkspawn, and deal with what just happened to him Greagior thought getting him away from the tower would be good for him and I agree," I state emphatically.

"Then at least tell me what happened to him," She demands.

"I will tell you what I saw and heard but I only know bits and pieces only he knows the whole truth of the matter," I offer.

"When I first saw Cullen, he was in a cage made of energy no bars just like a field of energy being contained. I think Uldred created it," I begin.

"The stupid ass crazy mage who was using blood magic, summoning demons, and making mages abominations?" she asks snidely.

"Yes," I answer.

"When we first came upon him," I continued, "he thought we were creations that Uldred had manifested to confuse and break him…He spoke of woman he loved…I think she was a mage by what he was babbling, he tried to "will us away"…saying we weren't real… and when that didn't work he began praying."

Morrigan is fascinated now she sits very still listening to my story.

"Finally he accepted that we were real, and said that Uldred had been turning his thoughts against him using blood magic, he begged us to kill all the mages, his hate is so strong right now seeing his fellow Templars die or become abominations, and all the while being in cage unable to do nothing but fight with his mind. He was very upset with me that I didn't kill all the mages. I expect he will say nothing nice to me for some time. It also seems that mages are not the only ones who can be possessed," I finish.

Morrigan spoke, "it would be a mercy to kill him then, nobody deserves that not even a Templar. When Templars chased us through the wilds they might have died at our hands but they had their minds. Mind you, I don't find blood magic evil it's magic like any other but all magic, blood or not, can be used maliciously."

I am completely stunned…compassion for a Templar from Morrigan? Well a sort of compassion anyway.

Morrigan then excuses herself to retire. Leliana had gone as well, leaving Alistair, Zevran and I.

"Well that was unexpected," says Alistair finally.

"I hope she isn't too hard on him," I add.

"I think she likes him," Zevran joked.

"Oh Andraste's mercy that would be bad don't even joke about it," I say pinching the bridge of my nose.

"So Alistair," Zev says changing the subject with a twinkle in eye "you and Leliana?"

I drink the rest of my flagon listening to Zevran tease Alistair as he blushes some remarkable shades of red. I say my good nights and head to my shared room.

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><p><strong>Author's note: Edits for grammar implemented:)<strong>


	11. Chapter 11 Redcliff Castle

**Today is my Birthday so here's a extra chapter this week as my gift to you, enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

I decided to leave Cullen and Wynn back at camp with Sten as I feel they need to rest while Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, Morrigan and I hurry to the Castle.

When we arrive it seems the First enchanter has already arrived with mages and lyrium for the ritual.

Irving greets me, "ah there you are. We have brought lyrium and began preparations for the ritual. We can start anytime."

"Do you have any last minute advice?" I ask Irving.

"It truly depends on the manner of demon," Irving explains patiently, "I realize as you aren't a mage, so I will explain further. This particular demon seems to be one of greed and desire, a more powerful type in the hierarchy."

"Whomever, goes into the fade must know it will engage you in dialog and tempt you with an offer. Avoid it making deals with demons, never ends well," He states calmly.

"So only one person can go thru?" I ask clarifying.

"Yes," answers Irving slowly, "we haven't the supplies of lyrium to send more than one mage a present."

Damn, I was hoping to send Jowan and Morrigan, as I want to give Jowan a chance but have Morrigan there in case he fails.

"Let's do this then," I say calmer than I feel.

"I'm glad we decided to take this route," Alistair breathes relieved, "this is really the best option."

"Very well," replies Irving, "who will go into the fade?"

I feel everyone staring at me. I was dreading this decision.

"Jowan will go into the Fade," I answer.

Everyone got real quiet and then the objections started.

"What me?" Jowan asks, "Are you sure?"

"Loose a blood mage into the fade to meet a demon? What if he takes control of it?" Irving asks disapprovingly.

"This is Jowan's chance to redeem himself," I state standing by my decision.

"You trust too much too quickly," Irving states hotly, a disgusted look crosses his face, "but I shall do as you ask."

Leliana looks pleased with the outcome.

Alistair is shifting from one foot to the other, not looking at me.

Morrigan takes a long look a Jowan and looks at me, "it is dangerous game you play," she says lightly, "but I care not."

Zevran shrugs his shoulders.

"I'll do my best. I promise," Jowan says earnestly.

We step away to let the mages do their job and Jowan is lying on the floor as if asleep. Strangely enough, Morrigan offered to help the mages so we head to the kitchens to get a snack knowing the knights will alert us if anything is wrong.

Alistair speaks up as soon as he has cheese in hand. "I wasn't sure about you choosing Jowan but he really seems to be sorry for his choices and the chaos that set in motion."

Leliana drinks deeply from her flagon, "I am glad you gave him a second chance," she smiles.

"You know," Zevran smiles wickedly leaning back in his chair, "I could get used to this" he waves his tankard around the room, " hot food , warm fireplace, a chair, and the pretty women," his voice drops suggestively.

Leliana just looks at him blankly.

Alistair clears his throat, nervously.

"Really," I say saucily, "you would miss trying to peep on us as we bathe though."

"He doesn't!" Leliana says hotly.

I grin at her, "He only did it only once, because I took his clothes while he was bathing as payback."

She laughs heartily, "Well I guess that will teach him to peep at us. That explains why he entered camp wearing leaves the one day."

Zev grins, "You can't blame a guy for trying."

"And on that note" Alistair starts red-faced, "maybe we should get back to the main hall and check on everyone."

We all tromp into the main hall to find Jowan just waking up looking rather pale and weak.

"The demon is gone," he says, and passes out.

I and Irving go to check on Connor who is sleeping. "It seems you trust was not misplaced," he says gruffly, "but how did you know he would not cross you?"

"I didn't," I answer honestly, "I wanted to send another mage in with him but the circumstances wouldn't allow us too. I trusted my gut. I don't think Jowan is unredeemable he has some good qualities. He made some bad choices."

Irving looks at me, "yes falling in love with a chantry initiate was the first of his downfall. He thought we were to make him tranquil. Then he broke into basement where we kept the phylacteries and destroyed his. That is how he was able to get away from the Templars who were hunting him."

"He wanted to run away with his love?" I asked softly.

Irving nods his assent.

"I wonder though how would Teyrn Loghain know about such an insignificant circle matter," I press cunningly, I know the answer but I want the first enchanter to see it.

"The Teyrn would normally not even know of such a thing…unless Uldred made a deal with him. He was at Ostagar, and mentioned, he spoke to Loghain. He was so proud of it; he made everyone hear it several times," Irving put together quickly.

"Yes, you might find these documents I found on some abominations interesting," I add, revealing the charred papers.

"Loghain promised the mages freedom from the circle," He growls.

"I hope that you don't go too hard on Jowan, Loghain made promises to him too," I add.

"You know I saw Uldred speaking to Jowan a few days before the break-in at the phylactery chamber. I wonder if Uldred told Jowan the circle planned to make him tranquil. I wonder if Uldred knew about Lily," speculates Irving.

"Would you have made him tranquil?" I narrow my eyes suspiciously.

"Goodness no!" exclaims Irving, "he just needed more training, before he completed his harrowing. He was almost ready."

"I think he got impatient because his friends completed theirs," he states thoughtfully.

"The circle won't have him back; if he does come back the Templars will be ordered to kill him." Irving sighs looking at me.

"Maybe there is another option," I suggest with a cunning look.

"I don't know what that option could be but I am interested in seeing what you come up with," Irving offers earnestly.

"The boy is rid of the demon," He states finishing his examination, "he will need to come to the circle for training."

"I suspect there may be a lot of handwringing and crying, and that will be just Alistair," I joke, "Lady Isolde's reaction will be much worse."

Irving snickers at my humor attempt as we head back into the main hall.

Teagan and Isolde take us to the Arl's bedside.

"So, it is over," Teagan breathes in relief, "Connor is his old self, he does not seem to remember anything, which is blessing. I suppose we shall have to send him to the circle of magi for training. It's so odd to think of the boy as a mage"

"Eamon has much to morn and rebuild should he recover," He says sadly, "but at least he can be thankful that both his son and wife are safe."

"I owe you my deepest thanks," began Isolde, "I nearly…I can scarcely believe Connor is the boy he once was."

"There is still the matter of Jowan," inquires Teagan, "You trusted him and he saved Connors life. I am unsure what to make of that. We will hold him for Eamon to decide his fate. If he doesn't recover Jowan's fate is sealed."

"What do you think?" Teagan asks me.

"I think he should remain here until the Arl's recovery," I state sweetly.

"Then it will be for Eamon to decide what happens to him," Teagan says sadly.

"But our work isn't done yet," notes Teagan running his hand down his face tiredly, "Whatever the demon did, has spared Eamon's life but he remains comatose. We cannot wake him."

"The Urn!" Isolde says quickly turning to look at her husband, "the urn of sacred ashes will save Eamon."

"What about magic?" I ask hopefully.

"It has been tried and we will keep on trying," Teagan says pinching the bridge of his nose, "maybe with the demon gone it will make a difference. However the relic is another option."

"My husband funded the research of a scholar in Denerim," Explains Isolde, "a Brother Genitivi; he has been studying inscriptions on Andraste's birthrock, when Eamon fell ill I sent the knights to find Brother Genitivi."

"I had hoped that, he may have discovered the location of the Urn of sacred ashes itself," She continued piously, "they were unable to locate Genitivi, and in desperation I sent more knights in search of the brother or some clue of its location."

"I will see if I can find this relic," I offer….does this urn even exist? Might as well charge me with looking for needle in a haystack it would be more achievable.

"No one else can," remarked Teagan breaking into my thoughts, "Even if I wished to do myself I cannot abandon Redcliff to its own devices. Perhaps you could seek out the brother's home in Denerim and see if any clues remain on his whereabouts; it is the only place to begin the search I think. I must go to the hall and begin rebuilding. You will stay the night and rest here. Warden when you have a minute, I would like to speak with you."

I stop in and visit Conner for a moment.

"Were you the one who saved me?" He asks.

Oh so you do remember some of it.

"No, child that was Jowan," I say to him.

"I should thank him for saving me, Jowan was always nice to me… even though he poisoned father," He says openly.

"The demon told you what Jowan did?" I ask surprised.

"I was really angry at first but I'm not angry at Jowan anymore," Connor states, "nobles always promise things to people to get them to do stuff."

I once again am surprised this child, is wiser than his years, he obviously listens much and says little.

"And how do you feel about that?" I ask Connor kneeling down to his level.

"I'm glad I'm a mage and don't have to _play the game_ …mother so enjoys her game." He states, "If it makes her happy fine but I don't care for it."

"You," I state smiling, "are terrific. Like the little brother I never had."

"Would you play a game with me?" Connor asks, "Jowan would always play games with me."

After three hands of Old Dowager, Isolde came in to tuck him in bed. I waved goodnight and headed past my companions rooms to my room. A bath had been drawn for me. Getting out of my armor, I bathed quickly as the water was already cool. I put on a tunic and leggings and realize I'm starving.

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><p><strong>Author's note: Edited for grammar errors:)<strong>


	12. Chapter 12 Dinner for Two

**Here is a bit of fluff and stuff just in time for Valentines Day Enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

Feeling refreshed I thought I'd head to the kitchen for a snack. I had missed dinner while speaking with Teagan and Isolde. After getting my plate, it hit me Teagan had asked me to speak with him in the main hall. I head down toward the main hall. He wasn't there, probably went to bed, I thought, so I went to head back upstairs with my plate and saw a light in the Arl's study.

I head over to the study door and knocked lightly, "come in" says Teagan, sounding tired.

He was sitting behind the desk looking through papers. Ink pen in one hand paper in another.

"So do you ever sleep?" I ask him joking.

"Sleep is for the weak, I'll sleep when I'm dead," he quips back.

I realize I'm standing at the door holding a plate of food. He must realize it too. He rises from the chair and gestures to the settee.

"You asked to see me," I say, "I apologize for making you wait."

"No need you were playing old dowager with my nephew," Teagan grins mischievously, "sent Alistair to find you; he didn't want to disturb your game. After what happened to your family, we wanted you to just enjoy Connor's company for a time."

"I do appreciate that," I reply slowly trying keeping my feelings under control, "I used to play the game with my nephew Oren."

If Teagan notices my struggle, he says nothing and gives me a moment by pouring some wine for us.

"Did you eat?" I offer as I take the goblet.

"No quite frankly I forgot to," He admitted.

Just them both of our stomachs growled. We both laugh.

"There is not enough there for two of us anyway, wait one moment," Teagan hurries out of the room.

I look around the study. I come to the Arl's desk; I've always been a nosy little rogue. I look through it briefly taking note of the Arl's affairs as only a good noble rogue would and then…I found it. A secret compartment in the desk, I quickly get it open. I see a repaired amulet; I wonder if this is the one Alistair had mentioned was his mothers. I pocket the amulet discreetly, closing and locking the drawer. I put everything back in place and sit back down on the settee grabbing the wine. As I take a large sip Teagan comes back into the room with stand and tray. He sets the stand down and puts the tray on top of the stand.

"That's enough to feed an army!" I banter.

"I've heard about grey wardens' appetites," he teases, "You can't leave here saying we didn't feed you."

He sits down and we enjoy a meal together. Joking and laughing as we had more wine.

"I wanted to thank you personally," He says suddenly. "You didn't have to put yourself so far out for our family but I'm grateful that you did."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "No need to thank me for doing what is right," I start to say.

"You don't understand. I know Isolde is a pain in the ass," He continued.

I snicker softly.

Teagan smiles, "ok she can be a downright bitch, but my brother loves her dearly and she despite the appearance of being a noble hunter, gold digger, truly loves him."

"And quite frankly, the demons ranting wasn't too far off, about her jealousies," He says seriously pouring another goblet of wine for each of us.

"Well I guess I should be grateful she didn't have me executed for being younger than her then after we saved Connor," I joke feeling the wine get to me.

"I do feel bad for Alistair though, from what he told me he isn't angry with her but she did treat him badly," I state.

"Yea she couldn't get past the rumor, nothing Eamon or I told her would make her believe, that Alistair is Maric's son," Teagan said guiltily, "I should have taken him with me to Rainesfere. Instead I let Eamon send him to the chantry and then get recruited by the wardens."

"Alistair thinks the wardens are the best thing that ever happened to him," I state.

Teagan has an odd look on his face.

"Oh Teagan, you can't mean the Arl would put him forward as king," I gasp.

"We may not have much choice he is the last of the Theirin bloodline," He states pragmatically.

I know he's right but I also know this is not something Alistair even wants.

"You know as well as I do the nobles would tear him apart just one day in court," I state, "He has not been groomed for this."

"That is another reason for asking you to visit," He says earnestly," I want you to start grooming him just in case."

"That is something, that could have been done, with him secretly, had Isolde believed her own husband," I say harshly, knowing it would have never happened.

"I will do it though, as I realize Thedas is at risk, but please try to find other options. Alistair has spoken to me about this and is dead set against it," I add more gently.

"Thank you. You are more gracious than you need to be. You are many things smart, beautiful, cunning, strong, and deadly," Teagan sighs dreamily, "I thank the Maker I was able to meet you."

"Oh flattery is it?" I jest lightly, trying to cover for my blushing. Andraste's ass I hope he thinks it's the wine. I take another large sip.

I turn to set the goblet down on the table. As I turn back around, Teagan is has leaned over and says, "It's not flattery if it's true."

I feel his breath on my neck and shiver. He leans in and kisses me. I debate for a moment how to respond. I decide kissing him back is not a bad idea as I did kiss him once already.

He runs his hand down my back giving my bottom a squeeze and runs the other through my air dried hair, deepening the kiss.

I pull away guiltily; I don't want to lead him on.

"Teagan," I say breathlessly, "I really like you. I really do but I can't offer you what you deserve."

He pulls back looking into my eyes, "What do you mean?"

"You deserve a noble wife who can be with you and give you children," I ramble on, "I had to give that up as a Warden. I will never be able to settle down and Wardens can't have children the taint prevents such things. You are nobleman who needs an heir. I would not be able to provide that for you. I have about 20 years to live as warden or so I'm told."

I take another sip of wine, hoping he's not angry.

"You are way better than I deserve," He finally states softly eyes shining, "You tell me these things to protect me even after all you have already done for me and my family."

I look at him questioning.

"If that is the way of it, so be it," he says simply.

I look at him even more confused.

It must have been evident. So he explains, "I propose this we enjoy each other's company this evening. No strings, no commitments, no expectations. "

I blush hotly, "I have never…" remembering that Dairren was killed before, we ever even…tears prick in my eyes and I shut them to will them away.

This obviously surprises Teagan even more…"you really are a marvel," he states thoughtfully.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he says softly gathering me in his arms.

I lay my head on his shoulder and kiss his neck. Grateful he didn't ask me anymore questions. We must have cuddled on the settee for some time, exchanging kisses, and soft murmurs. I decided to explore under his shirt he leaned back and let me, becoming a bit bolder. I kissed his chest. He growled quietly. I decided to run my hands over his chest and stomach following with kisses. He seemed to enjoy this so I continued. At one point his hands tugged on my tunic, he looks at me asking permission. I nodded leaning in to kiss him again. His hands slip up my tunic ghosting over my skin. I shiver underneath his touch.

"So responsive," he says breathlessly. Kissing me again he grazes my nipple, I forget to kiss and gasp into his mouth.

Gently taking his thumb going over my nipples raising them to points, I am just trying to maintain the kiss with whatever is left of my mind.

He drops one hand using his placing his thumb on a pleasure point through my leggings. I gasp again as my hips buck toward him automatically. He smiles a bit smugly at this I notice.

Oh I don't think so, I think to myself and my slightly wounded pride/wine makes me braver.

I move my hand from where it's caressing his chest and decide to caress something a bit lower. His eyes widen in surprise as a gasp leaves his chest. I continue my ministrations for a moment and realize I want/need to see. I quickly undo the bindings of his pants.

He nods in understanding continues his plundering of my mouth, Then dropping down to take a rosy nipple in his mouth, as I jump going from a rougher hand to a smooth wet tongue.

I finally find my prize wrapping my fingers around his length exploring, watching his reaction to what I'm doing. I finally decide he likes a pumping action the best and go with that.

"You will have me undone …if you keep that up much longer," he gasps. I offer him a sweet smirk (similar to the one I was shown earlier) and say, "so be it then." With that Teagan's control melted he was bucking against my hand, "makers breath" he gasps and suddenly he shuddered. I felt something wet and sticky on my hand. I pull it up to examine it curiously. Teagan grabs a wet cloth from the basin we were using to wash our hands as we ate earlier and I clean my hand off.

"I have to say you are quick learner," He teases.

"That's what my sparring trainer used to say," I joked back.

"You are beautiful," he says leaning over to kiss me deeply.

"I didn't expect that reaction but I must repay the favor," he says moving his mouth down to my breasts and swirling them his tongue.

I gasped in pleasure as he moved his mouth from breast to breast. He moved his hands to my waistband. Looking up at me I nodded giving him permission to remove my leggings. He ran his hands up my legs drawing swirling designs following that with his tongue. Maker's mercy that was nice.

He reaches up kissing me deeply again working his way down to my neck to my breasts. Using his thumb the way he did earlier he just put pressure on the nub. I jolted. He tries different motions and pressures gauging my reaction much like I did to him previously. Smirking again he decides to run his thumb in circles over that nub make me buck again. I could care less about the smirk this time. Suddenly he lowers he head and I feel his tongue teasing me.

I feel my body tensing, it feels really good, like pleasure on top of pleasure is building. Teagan looks up from his ministrations and says, "Its ok, go with it."

He adds a bit more pressure to his thumb circles and dives his tongue deeply into me. I come undone bucking my hips keening loudly. He circles his thumb a few more times, and licks me clean as I shudder with aftershocks.

He stands handing me my leggings and taking a wet cloth to wipe his face. Pulling on his shirt he sits beside me pulling me into a kiss. I can taste myself on his mouth. It is not unpleasant.

"That was…." I started to say but I can't get the words out.

"Yes it was," Teagan answers understandingly.

We cuddle on the couch for some time. Just holding each other, each of us knowing this would never happen again.

I wake up finding myself my room in my bed still clothed. I must have fallen asleep and Teagan carried me up here.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: I've done a ton of editing this week, as writing dialog is new to me. I hope these revisions have been helpful for all my readers:) <strong>


	13. Chapter 13 Heading to Denerim

Dear Diary,

We left Redcliff the morning. Isolde even hugged me goodbye much to my surprise. Teagan gave me a hug as well as a chaste kiss on the forehead. Connor hugged me like I was the big sister he always wanted. I must be sure to visit him at the tower.

As we head down the road towards Denerim. I suddenly stop walking, something is wrong. Alistair lost in his own thoughts practically knocks me over not noticing I had stopped. Zev looks at me. I put my finger across my mouth giving the quiet sign. Everyone grabs their weapons, and stands ready.

Suddenly an arrow flies out and hits Leliana in the shoulder. Zev and I immediately throw daggers in the direction of the arrow a body falls. The rest of the mercenaries come running out to attack. Leliana puts herself in the middle of our circle while we cut these fighters down. She is unable to draw her bow and is about useless anyway. Just as I was about to slit the last mercenaries throat Leliana steps forward holding her shoulder.

"Stop! Don't kill him!" She cries.

"Why?" I ask her confused.

"He is no common bandit. None of them were. Their weapons and armor are of fine make and these men were highly trained, you know what I am talking about. Don't you? Who are you?" she asks looks at the man thoughtfully.

The prone man coughs and painfully gets to his feet. "Someone who regrets taking you on, was told it would be an easy job. Kill the little red-headed girl; deal with the others as we pleased. It would have been nice to know which redhead," he sighs.

"Kill the…you came to kill me?" Leliana exclaims surprised.

"Who is trying to kill Leliana?" I ask concerned looking from the man back to Leliana.

The man coughs again obviously we did some damage, "It don't pay to ask someone why someone wants someone else dead. I just need to know what to do and where to get my money."

"Ha money, I'll be lucky to get away with my life it seems. Maybe we can work something out. You'll like the idea." he wheedles.

I defer to Leliana as this was her assassination attempt.

"Speak quickly" she commands coldly.

"I've no real quarrel with you. Wasn't me who wanted you dead, but I know how you can find the one who does," He pleads sadly.

I see disgust cross Leliana's face.

"Your life for the information then," I offer sneering.

The man reaches into a pocket pulling out a folded parchment.

"I have some directions written down on how to get to the house. It's in Denerim. Here," he hands it to me, "it's the best I can do."

"Thank you," says Leliana softly, "now leave I don't ever want to see you again."

"Yes go, and be grateful for Leliana's compassion," I add.

The man turns to leave, "don't worry; I'll not trouble you again."

We walk a bit further and decide to make camp. So Leliana can be treated for her shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14 Wynne and Morrigan

Dear Diary,

We made camp as soon as possible with Leliana being in the shape she was.

Everyone works to set up camp except for Wynne and Morrigan, who are tending to Leliana.

"Alistair, we need you," Wynne calls out.

"Well it's nice to be needed," He says happily, walking toward the trio.

He stops suddenly and I see his ears turn bright red.

I turn my gaze to where he is staring. Wynn and Morrigan have removed Leliana's tunic and she is clad only in her breast band from the waist up. I snicker at quietly at his discomfort.

"Ummm are you sure that you need me couldn't Elly do it?" he asks uncomfortably looking at the ground.

"Alistair, you must do this you're the only one strong enough to hold her but not damage her any more than she is," Wynne explains patiently, although I am detecting a slight smirk at the corners of her mouth, "Morrigan is going to pull out the arrow, as I try to ease the pain, but if she moves too much she may lose use of her arm, so you need to hold her still"

"Can't Sten do it?" he asks hopefully.

"He could," states Morrigan practically, openly smirking now, "if he wasn't out gathering firewood."

"I could offer my services," drawls Zevran seductively letting his eyes linger on Leliana's upper torso.

"No! No!" Alistair says quickly, "Its ok I'll do it."

"Elissa, could you bring the liquor?" Wynne calls out.

"Sure thing," I call back walking toward the food packs. I pass Zev who is getting food out for our dinner.

"You did that on purpose," I accuse laughing.

He smiles widely back at me, chuckling slightly.

I bring the brandy over to the group and offer Leliana the bottle. She takes a large swallow and then a second one.

"I'm ready," she states.

"Alistair you need to hold her other shoulders here and here," Wynne instructs briskly.

"Morrigan, can you provide some healing while Elissa pulls out the arrow? I noticed that the arrow is really close to a major artery and I want you to close it if necessary. I'm not sure if the arrow cut through or not. I will provide as much pain relief as I can." Wynne asks calmly.

Morrigan nods in acknowledgement shifting to let me move besides Leliana's injured shoulder.

"It's slanted," states Wynne drily, "you will have to pull out the same direction it went in."

I nod at her.

Everyone readies their positons. I look at Leliana and she nods. I grasp the arrow and start pulling making sure it takes the same track it did going in. Leliana screams in pain, Alistair is startled but maintains his hold on her as she struggles. I continue pulling I hear a sucking sound coming from the wound and see Morrigan's yellow type energy with Wynn's trademark blue energy working. Maker this arrow is deep. I keep pulling. Leliana is still now, she passed out. Suddenly I realize I've hit the arrowhead and keep the same pull, it pops out with a sickening sound. The wound track fills with blood. I step away quickly to let the healers do their work. Alistair is in shock. I take his arm and walk him away from the healers.

"Are you ok?" I ask him.

"Yes, I've been around field medicine before but…" he trails off.

"You really care for her," I say simply.

He nods.

"She will be fine," I say trying to comfort him.

"I know I just don't like seeing her in that much pain," Alistair says sadly.

"It's harder when it someone you really care about," I smile understandingly.

"Speaking of people you care about," Alistair begins looking at me cunningly, "I couldn't help but notice you were with Teagan in the Arl's study. I went down to the kitchen to get some cheese and I noticed the light on in the study. I went to the kitchen and there is Teagan building a platter large enough to feed a warden"

"So were you with Teagan last night?" He asks pointedly, blushing to his ears.

I'm feeling a bit defensive by his attitude.

"And what if I was," I say protectively.

He looks at me incredulously, "you know it will never work! You are a grey warden now! He needs a wife who will be home for him every night! He needs an heir!" he is almost shouting.

"You don't think I know that!" I flare back, "you are assuming things you don't know about. I suggest you mind your own business in the matter."

I look over and see Wynne and Morrigan have moved Leliana to a bedroll, both looking at us. Zev stops cutting the dried meat he was making for dinner and is just watching us. Sten had re-entered camp and was briskly making the fire trying to ignore us. Cullen walked to outskirts of camp to get away from us.

"You will tell me your intentions toward him, you shameless hussy!" he retorts hotly.

The silence after that statement was broken by the sound of my fist connecting with Alistair's face. I turned and stalked away from him heading toward the stream we found earlier.

I find a nice spot by the stream and sit there fuming. How dare he assume! It's none of his business anyway I don't owe him any explanations.

I must have been gone for quite some time because Cullen came looking for me.

"Hey Elissa!" He called, "where are you?"

"Over here Cullen," I answer tiredly.

He sits down beside me with a wry smirk on his face, "would it make you feel better to know you broke Alistair's jaw and neither Wynne nor Morrigan would heal it for him."

I snicker dryly, "not really, but in a way yea, I shouldn't have hit him no matter what he said."

"I will remember to never get on your bad side for petite woman you sure have a mean left hook," He jokes half-seriously.

"Well I know this will work itself out Alistair and you are like brother and sister, sometimes siblings fight," He states.

I notice the frogs by the stream stop croaking briefly, "That is true. I will need to apologize though I'm just still a bit too angry."

"Well dinner is ready, I just wanted to let you know," he offers smiling, "and for the record I would have clocked him too."

"Do you want to head back to camp with me?" Cullen offers standing up.

"No you go ahead I need a few more minutes," I tell him.

He walks away.

"Ok Zev you can come out now," I state to the darkness.

Zev steps out of the shadows. "I guess I need to work on my stealth," he jokes.

"So who taught you how to punch?" he asks his eyes shining with mirth.

I chuckle, "my brother Fergus."

"He taught you well," Zev smirks.

We continue talking punching techniques until we both hear my stomach growl. Zev immediately stands up eyes teasing, "My dear warden we can't have you fainting from hunger, your banquet waits."

I laugh at him as I get to my feet, "Well maybe a good looking elf should chaperon me to dinner, lest people get the wrong idea," I say factiously.

This draws a snicker from Zev, "we wouldn't want that now would we, dear warden," he says offering his arm.

I chuckle again taking his arm we walk back to camp.

We get back to camp and Alistair has gone to bed. I eat my dinner while talking with Zev and Cullen. I check on Leliana. She seems to be sleeping peacefully so I turn to my tent and fall into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: After a whole lot of editing during my 4 day break from school I also decided to do a bit more writing... enjoy:)<strong>


	15. Chapter 15 Honnleath

Dear Diary

I do feel really bad about clocking Alistair, however I decided not to say anything to him this morning has I can tell by his demeanor he is still angry with me. I decide since Leliana needs to recoup. I take Zevran, Morrigan and Cullen to check out Honnleath, for the golem, that a weird random merchant (we met on the way to Redcliff) gave me a control rod for.

We make it to Honnleath in record time. The village seems deserted except for the influx of darkspawn running rampant. My darkspawn sense I going crazy. We find groups of them efficiently cutting them down working our way to the center of village, and there it is… A massive stone …person?

Someone put a basket of birdseed nearby; I guess the villagers thought having the birds perch on the golem was quaint. However, the smell was more obnoxious than Alistair's feet and the dog together. I set looking about and find a bucket and rag in one of the houses and head to well to fill the bucket.

"You are going to wash this…thing?" says Morrigan haughtily.

Zev's eyes are twinkling mischievously. Cullen has a smirk on his face.

"It's better than the smell going with us," I state shortly.

She walks off to investigate the town.

Zev and Cullen start having their own little chat.

I peel off my armor and start washing the golem in my tunic and cloth pants. I'm scrubbing away however the golem is much taller than I.

So I call to Cullen.

"Cullen, do you think you could give me a boost to I can finish this?"

"Sure thing I'll be there in a minute," He calls.

I can't see where they have gotten too but he appears in moment.

"So where…how…" he sputters looking at me.

What is wrong with him? Why is he blushing like Alistair? I see Zev grinning from ear to ear.

I look down at myself. I was so busy scrubbing I had gotten myself soaked. My white tunic was now basically see-thru. Ok, then… decision time…should I be embarrassed or go with it.

I grin cheekily and grab the other bucket of water I have on hand pouring it over my head.

Sputtering and laughing as the cold water pours over me, I see Zevran chuckling and the Templar relaxes and starts laughing.

After the moment has passed, I look at Cullen and say, "if you can lift me to the Golem's shoulder I can climb up and finish cleaning it."

I turn to Zev, "could you grab another bucket of water…it's seems I ran out," I deadpan.

He chuckles again grabbing the bucket and heading to well. While Cullen clasps his hands together making and foothold for me. He boosts me up to the golems shoulder and puts his hands on my backside, as I clamber up on to the golems shoulder. I turn to look at him and he smirks at me.

I shake my head chuckling and get back to scrubbing the golem.

Once the golem is clean…I rinse off again to remove any bird mess that got on me. Morrigan is back now curiously eyeing the golem. I try using the rod. It didn't work…I sigh…

Morrigan speaks up, "while you were cleaning this thing," she wrinkles her nose distastefully, "I noticed there are magic wards being used in this direction."

I pull my armor over my still damp clothing.

"Aright let's go," I state.

We find a basement, wine cellar (where I grab some booze for us), and some strange crystals. I grab those too perhaps we can analyze them later. There are darkspawn in here too. We fight our way into a large room and I see some of the villagers behind what looks to be a magical barrier. After clearing the room of darkspawn, I speak to the villagers and most of them leave save for Matthias, the son of Wilhelm the mage, who used to own the golem.

He pleads for us to find his little girl who ran further into the depths of this cellar/laboratory. He reluctantly promises to give us the correct activation word if we find his daughter.

We head down into the depths of this crazy place. Finding more of those strange crystals and an a few shades. We find Wilhelm's diary the mage was silly enough to summon a demon and was running tests on the golem. I have to wonder if that might be the cause of his demise as opposed to just blaming it on the golem. We walk into a room and hear the young girl conversing with a cat, there is a puzzle behind the two of them.

I turn to question Morrigan, catching sight of Cullen who has turned ashen.

"It's a demon isn't it," I whisper, Morrigan nods.

The demon speaks of being trapped here without contact for years and demands to be released so she can possess the girl and leave. I smirk inwardly lying to the demon offering to set her free, the puzzle is pretty easily solved. I hate to put Cullen in a situation where he's fighting a demon again but it can't be helped if we are to save Amalia.

I look over at Cullen he catches my glance and nods imperceptibly.

So I start the task of finishing the puzzle. Before I move the last tile I glance at my companions, I know they are ready to fight although not a weapon has been unsheathed.

I move the last tile. The demon starts ranting about freedom which terrifies Amalia. I step between the demon and the child.

"Run Amalia!" I call, as I pull my daggers.

I didn't bother to look to see if she ran. I just attacked. The demon came at me twisting into grotesque thing with tentacles and grabbed both my arms. I look for Morrigan her face is focused on the spell she is casting, Zev is dealing with shade, and Cullen is frozen. The demon takes my hand holding the dagger and brings it up to my throat.

"If I cannot have Amalia, you will pay for your treachery," it sneers.

Suddenly I see a sword cutting down through the tentacles and the demon screams and releases me.

I see Cullen working on cutting the abominable creature down. I flip and roll to the back of the demon and start striking from behind. A moment later Zev joins me, he grins at me and we work together cutting the creature down.

Once it is dead, Zev and Morrigan search the room.

"Cullen are you ok?" I ask. He still looks pretty pale, "I'm so sorry if I had known what was here…." I start to apologize.

"Elly, its ok," He states clearly, "I needed to do this, besides you couldn't let the demon take that girl and I…couldn't let it kill you."

Zev and Morrigan had finished searching headed out the door, Cullen walked away.

"Cullen," I call after him, "wait a minute." I walk over to him.

"Thank you," I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. He blushes for a moment and nods.

I follow him back up to find Matthias.

Matthias is ever so grateful that Amalia is ok. I give him the diary I found in the lower levels telling him he may need to rethink that the golem killed his father. He gives us the correct activation word and we leave that dreary basement.

Once back in the village we head right to where the golem is …using the correct activation phrase, the golem came to life. I have to say that was amazing to watch.

It spoke "I knew that the day would come when someone would find the control rod, and it's not even another mage."

"Well hello to you too?" I retort cheekily.

"I stood here in this spot and watched those wretched little villagers scurry around me for, ah, I have no idea how long, many, many years," the golem said.

"Oh so you were a voyeur," quips Zevran.

"Then one wonders that you wouldn't be more grateful to the one who allowed you to stretch your legs golem" states Morrigan coldly.

"Hmm a mage, charming," the golem states snidely.

The golem sighs, "I was just getting used to the quiet; tell me are all the villagers dead?"

"Not all of them," I reply.

"Some got away then, how unfortunate," the golem replies sadly.

"Do you have a name?" I ask.

"Perhaps I might have forgotten it after all these years of being called _golem_" it says sneering."Golem, fetch me that chair, do be a good golem and squash that insipid bandit, and let's not forget, golem pick me up, I tire of walking."

"It does have the control rod, doesn't it…I am awake so it must," the golem asks suddenly.

"Is something wrong?" I ask.

"I see the control rod…yet I feel…go on order me to do something," the golem states.

"Dump that bucket of water on Morrigan," I order jokingly.

"You wouldn't dare…" Morrigan gasps.

"And eh…nothing… I feel nothing," it says with wonder, "I feel no compulsion to carry out it command. I suppose this means the rod is…broken."

"Shouldn't you be happy about that?" I ask.

"Hmm, I suppose if I can't be commanded this means…I have free will. Yes?" the golem asks almost scared.

"it is simply…what should I do I have no memories beyond watching this village for so long, I have no purpose, I find myself at a bit of a loss," It muses.

"What about it? It must have awoken me for some reason no? What did you intend to do with me?" the golem asks.

"My original purpose was to have you help fight darkspawn," I answer honestly, "However, since you are of sound mind and have free will, I don't intend to do anything with you."

"I can decide?" it asks thoughtfully.

"I see it seems I have 2 options, do I not? Go with it or go elsewhere. I do not even know what lies beyond this village," The golem says after a moment of thought..

"You're welcome to come with me," I offer.

"Are you certain you want to bring this thing with us?" Cullen asks, "It could be dangerous and large."

"Think of it as a portable battering ram," I tease him.

"Good point," concedes Cullen smiling, "better it than me anyhow."

"I will follow it about, for now. I am called Shale by the way," The golem says helpfully.

"I am Elissa, pleased to meet you Shale," I offer graciously.

"This should be interesting," Shale states as we turn to leave the village.


	16. Chapter 16 Apologies

Dear Diary,

We got back to camp late Wynne was on watch and told us to just hit the hay so after grabbing a bite to eat I went straight to my tent.

When I wake I realize it is almost noon.

I dress quickly and make my way to find some food.

Grabbing some cheese, bread and dried meat I head over to see how Leliana is doing.

She's propped up on her bedroll sipping some sort of toddy that Wynne probably made her.

"How are you feeling?" I ask smiling.

She grins "like I took an arrow to the shoulder."

"I know I need to explain some things to you but you should really speak to Alistair," she says more seriously.

"Is he even willing at this point?" I ask her pointedly.

"I think so," She sighs, "I hate to see you both angry with each other."

"I don't like it either," I agree, "I'll try."

I check on Shale to see how she is settling in, it seems Sten and Shale are having an intense discussion. I leave without interrupting.

Wynne has her nose buried in a book, Cullen and Zev are having a discussion on proper sharpening of blades, and Morrigan is nowhere to be seen. Probably in animal form somewhere.

I find Alistair sparring with a dummy.

"Need a partner?" I ask after watching for a few minutes.

"Sure," he says slowly.

"I could use more practice against someone who carries a shield," I offer hopefully.

"I could use more practice, not saying the wrong thing so my jaw doesn't get broke," He banters smiling.

"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time.

We laugh at each other.

"I was being an ass…I shouldn't have ever said that to you," Alistair says sadly.

"I threw you into leading us around and basically just follow and complain," He continues, "you have been wonderful and I would be happy if you and Teagan are happy together, Maker knows you both deserve it. I was just afraid that he would get hurt not realizing I was hurting someone else… I've come to care about as my sister."

"Alistair," I hug him, "its ok Teagan and I are not a together… I care about him …but I care about him enough not to put him through dealing with the life of warden. I told him so…" my voice drops off sadly.

Alistair looks at me stunned for moment, "You told him?"

I nod at him.

"I feel like worse ass now than I did before," he states shakily.

"Well maybe next time you will ask first?" I half-tease him smiling.

"I do feel bad about your jaw though, I should have never punched you," I add more seriously.

"Well, taking all that you just told me into account I really did deserve it, but Andraste's ass Elly, you, for a tiny woman, do have a mean left hook," He says smiling grimly at himself rubbing his still swollen jaw.

"Just make sure you tell Fergus that, when you meet him, he says I hit like girl," I joke.

"Come on," I grab his hand pulling him, "let's see if I can talk Wynne into healing it up for you."

"Ok, I'm coming you don't need to pull," He chuckles.

We walk back to the camp. I find Wynne in the same place she was when I left.

"Wynne, would you be willing to heal Alistair's jaw?" I ask.

"Is Alistair finished acting like a horses behind?" She asks both of us.

We grin and nod like two kids in cahoots.

"Okay then," she smiles, "Elissa, would you grab my bag of components?"

I gather the bag for Wynne and leave her and Alistair to it.

I head back over to where Leliana is grabbing a couple bottle of wine and two goblets.

We really are bunch of lushes.

I pull up a seat and pour us each a goblet of wine and hand her one. She stares at it for a long moment before she speaks.

"I need to apologize to you as well," She finally says.

"Whatever for?" I ask her questioningly.

"I lied to you, you know, about why I left Orlais..." she slowly.

"Lel, we all have a past, I figured you would tell me when you were ready," I offer.

"I didn't feel like talking about it then. What happened to me…" she drifts off again staring at the wine.

I wait patiently for her continue.

"Maybe it will affect us, maybe not, but you should know. I came to Ferelden and the Chantry because I was being hunted, in Orlais," She admits.

"Hunted? What for?" I ask fascinated.

"I was framed, betrayed by someone I thought I knew and could trust. Marjoliane…she was my mentor and …my friend. She taught me the bardic arts…"Leliana continues, "how to enchant with words and song, how to carry myself like a high-borne lady, how to blend in as a servant. The skills I learned, I used to serve her, my bard-master, because I loved her and because I enjoyed what I did."

"How did she betray you?" I ask curiously.

She takes a long sip of her goblet draining the glass. I wordlessly refill it.

"You could say it was my fault. There was a man I was sent to kill. I was to bring Marjoliane everything he carried," She states remembering dreamily.

"I don't know who this man was," she says shaking her head, "she gave me name and description, and I hunted him down."

"I found documents on his body…sealed documents," she says softly.

"Important documents?" I ask quietly.

"It turns out that they were…" she states taking another drink.

"My curiosity got the better of me. Something told me I needed to know what was in those letters," She takes a breath and another sip of her wine.

"Marjoliane…had been selling all different kinds of information about Orlais to other countries…Nevarra and Antiva among others. It was treason," She says sorrowfully.

"Isn't that what bards do?" I ask taking a sip of my wine.

"Some," Leliana admits fidgeting, "but I had always assumed Marjoliane only operated within Orlais. This was an unhappy surprise for me."

"My life as bard," she forges on, "taught me that my loyalties should be kept fluid. My concern was not that she a traitor, but that her life would be in danger if she were caught."

"Orlais has been at war with so many countries. It takes a harsh view of such things…as I later discovered," She trails off draining her goblet again.

"Most countries don't appreciate treason," I state lightly while refilling her goblet.

"I should have left it alone, but I didn't. I had to tell Marjoliane that I feared for her life," She adds unhappily, "She brushed aside my concerns. She admitted her guilt, but said it was in the past. That was why the documents had to be destroyed, she said."

"I believed her," she says angrily taking another quick deep sip of wine.

"I kept believing, until the moment they showed me the documents, altered by her hand to make me look, the traitor," She adds with a look of sadness and regret.

"Who's they?" I asked curiously.

Leliana takes another long drink draining her goblet. I hold out the bottle. She takes it and drinks again.

"The Orlesian guards, they captured me…did terrible things to me to make me confess and reveal my conspirators," She raises the bottle again grimacing, "it was a traitor's punishment, I endured and at the end of it, and at the end of it, all that awaited me was an eternity in an unmarked grave."

I am stunned, "how did you get out?" I manage to ask.

"The skills Marjoliane taught me were good for something, at least," she replies dryly, "I broke free when I first saw the opportunity."

"I did not seek Marjoliane out. If she thought I was coming for her she would have me caught again," she pulls the bottle to her lips again and then hands it to me.

I drink the last and pull the other bottle out. She grins at me wryly.

"And so you came to Ferelden, to Lothering," I state taking a drink and handing the bottle to her.

"I was tempted to confront her," she says angrily, "I was furious, betrayed, but what could I do against her?"

She drinks again and hands me the bottle, "and so I fled, to Ferelden, to the Chantry, and to the Maker. Ferelden protected my person and the Maker saved my soul."

I drink again looking at her thoughtfully. I offer her the bottle back she nods and takes another large sip.

"And that is why I am here," she states calmly "the real reason, no more lies between us, at least in this."

"Thank you for trusting me with this," I say to her.

"It feels good to have this off my chest, thank you for listening and understanding," she says gratefully.

We sit in silence passing the bottle back and forth a few more times. I look over at her and she has fallen fast asleep. I grab the bottle and another one and head over to see Cullen (he may need a drink I reason). I want to be sure he is alright after having to face that demon. I take another swig from the bottle and walk over to him.

"I was hoping you, would come to talk," He says joking weakly, "Saves me from having to come find you."

"I wanted to be sure you were ok after yesterday," I admit.

"I need to apologize, Elissa, for freezing on you yesterday. You could have been killed!" He says angrily more to himself than me.

I hand him the bottle knowingly. He eyes it up for moment and takes it and takes a large gulp.

"Cullen, I saw you save me from that demon," I state warmly.

"You saw me freeze as well …" he accuses again more to himself than me.

He hand me back the bottle. I take a drink and hand it back.

"You froze for a moment; I don't hold that against you. You need to forgive yourself; this self-flagellating behavior does none of us any good," I state softly.

"Forgive yourself for not being able to more at the tower and for freezing yesterday…and remember you did what needed to be done when it needed to be done," I coax gently.

He looks at me thoughtfully as I hand the bottle back to him. We sit in silence for a while just sharing the more of the bottle.

Finally he says, "I may not be ready to talk about what happened at the tower yet, but I feel comfortable talking to you. Thank you for helping me. I will need to think on this more."

He goes to hand me back the bottle I wave him off.

"Keep it," I offer pulling out the other bottle to show him.

I get up and head toward the lake we are camped by. I quickly survey everyone. Alistair is sitting by Leliana half- asleep, Wynne has her book, Sten is sharpening his blade, as Shale is regales him of the many unusual ways she can think of to kill birds, Cullen has gone to his tent, and Zevran is coating his treating his leathers with nug grease, Morrigan is at her fire on the other side of camp. I stop by my tent and grab a towel and clean clothes, deciding to head to the lake, thinking some cool water might clear my head.

I head to the lake set my stuff down and sit…grabbing the bottle of wine I uncork it and take a deep drink.

I hear rustling behind me and Zev pops out of the shadows.

"Mind if I join you, Warden?" Zev drawls.

"Zevran, I swear if you are coming to apologize to me for something, I will throw you in the lake," I threaten.

He chuckles at my threat, "No worries, I haven't done anything to be sorry for…unless you want me to apologize for trying to assassinate you."

"Zevran..." I warn threatening.

He holds up his hands in surrender, chuckling.

"How about we just share that bottle your hording?" He jokes.

"Deal!" I state a bit loudly, taking another sip and handing it to him as he sits next to me.

"However, I wasn't expecting company," I say teasing.

"You weren't?" he says eyes twinkling.

"Well, I was planning on bathing," I gesture to the toiletries and clothing.

He hands me the bottle back and I take a swig.

"Warden, if you don't mind me asking how many bottles of wine did you go through today?" he asks laughing again.

I think hard for a minute, "We meaning Cullen, Leliana and I went through 3. This is the third." I answer honestly.

"Are you saying I'm drunk?" I ask scandalously.

"I would never accuse you of such a thing," He banters facetiously.

"hmph," I fake pout taking another drink, "I think I need swim."

I get up grabbing my soaps and head to edge of the lake. I really do feel grubby after cleaning Shale yesterday.

I quickly strip to my smalls and dive into the water. Not caring what Zevran or anyone else thinks. The sun is receding anyway I tell myself. I grab my soaps and start washing my body down. I look over to the shore but Zev is nowhere to be found.

"Zev," I call out quietly.

No answer he must have gone back to camp I surmise.

Suddenly I feel a pull on my leg and am pulled under the water and then it lets go. I hit the surface of the water gasping and hear Zev laugh.

"Oh so that's how you want it," I joke playfully seeing the mischievous gleam in his eyes.

We spend the next hour or so dunking and splashing each other like children.

I finally begin to get tired.

I look at Zev and say, "I really need to wash my hair before I get out."

Zev looks at me and says, "Allow me," I nod as he grabs the soap and washes my hair for me.

As he works the soap through my hair, I say dreamily, "I remember my mother doing this for me as a child. I never thought I would miss it."

"Tell me about your mother," he says quietly.

I tell him about my gentle very ladylike, proper mother, who became a warrior, and martyr staying with my father, when Howe attacked the castle.

When I finished telling him everything I remembered about her. He looked at me and says gently, "don't ever forget…I have no memories of my mother"

"She died giving birth to me …"his voice hardened, "my first victim as it were"

"Oh Zev, I'm so sorry. Here I am going on about my mother and you never even had the opportunity to meet yours." I gush apologetically.

"Ah no need," he states simply, "you don't miss what you never had, but the sentiment is appreciated."

"I think you just apologized," he teases "you may need to throw yourself in the lake."

"Well my hair needs one last rinse anyway," I banter dunking myself.

He heads to the shore where our belongings are and pulls himself out of the water. I realize he had gone swimming in his pants and that he is very lithe and muscular topless. Well that is nice to look at, I think blushing a bit. I thank the Maker the sun is almost fully over the horizon and he can't see the blush and I pull myself out of the quickly cooling water. Zev respectfully stands with his back to me as I dry myself and dress. I grab the wine and sit down and he joins me.

"Aren't you still wet?" I ask.

"Almost dry just damp," He says cheerfully.

We sit and talk of little things passing the bottle back and forth until it is gone. I lay back on the ground comfortable and drowsy enjoying the bright starlight and moon against the stark ebony sky.


	17. Chapter 17 A Warden's Request

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. I'm unsure, but after talking to Leliana and Cullen about how their pasts haunt them. I'm really feeling the need to go back to Cousland Castle and right some wrongs. I feel that I need to do this to move forward. I will do the same for each of them so they can fight the darkspawn with a clear head.

While in Lothering I met a chantry sister who is related to our Mother Mallol. She was convinced that her sister was still alive and although I didn't always agree with our chantry Mother I respected her and loved her just like my "nan." I have to go back and find out and free anyone left if I can. How do I broach this with the group? Will they agree to it? I will bring it up after dinner tonight as we are going to break camp tomorrow now that Leliana is fit enough to travel again.

"If everyone would please stay after dinner, I would like to discuss something." I say cautiously.

Everyone in the group looks at me as I grab flagons and pour some of wine we got from Wilhelm's basement into the flagons.

"You look very serious warden," Zevran states looking at me curiously.

I hand out the flagons and we all sit around the fire.

"I'm unsure how to bring up this subject… so here goes," I say uneasily.

"As I'm sure most of you already know, Arl Howe, took over Castle Cousland," I start unemotionally.

"He killed my father and mother, but I found there may be survivors…and since the King is unable to send, any help as he promised at Ostagar, I wish to go and see for myself," I say trying to keep my voice steady.

"I doubt Logan even cares for what Howe did to my family or the people of Cousland Castle. I want to save anyone left," I state angrily.

"I realize that this not a warden task and I will not order anyone to go with me. The choice is yours," I end quietly taking a gulp and staring at the ground.

There is silence for a few moments and then Zevran speaks, "if it is important to you Elly it's important to me I will remain at your side."

"I'm with you," Alistair says softly.

"As am I," Cullen states strongly.

"This has nothing to do with warden's tasks, so I will not go," states Sten, "but I do understand," he adds in a softer tone with shining eyes.

"I don't see the point of this," growls Morrigan, "I will await you at camp if it's all the same."

I know Leliana is unable to fight yet. She smiles and offers, "I will pray for you to come back safely and for any survivors."

Wynne debates for a moment more and then gently adds, "You may need a healer, if there are survivors. I will go."

"I will go too, you may need a "battering ram"" Shale quips, "besides I wish to see more the world."

I look up at them my eyes glittering with unshed tears… "Thank you all so much." I manage to say.

Not much is said after that Morrigan goes back to her fire immediately. Wynne pleads needing sleep and heads for her tent. Shale heads to the outskirts of the camp. One by one the group dissipates until it is just Alistair, Leliana, Zevran, Cullen, and I.

Leliana looks at me says, "We all have different demons I suppose. The wonderful thing is that we have each other to help."

"Here, here," Zev toasts raising his flagon.

Everyone drinks to his toast.

"Whatever you need Elly, you helped my family, well the bit of family that I have. The least I can do is help you find some closure," Alistair says thoughtfully.

"You have been wonderful friend," Cullen states a bit tipsy, "you've been here for each one of us and asked nothing until now, I'm happy to help."

"And I think I should head to bed before I do or say something I shouldn't…I'm not used to the drink," he jokes, getting up.

I notice Leliana is drowsily leaning on Alistair.

"Alistair, maybe you should take Leliana to her tent." I say playfully.

He blushes, "ah yes… then I will head to mine." He adds.

"Such a gentleman," I tease.

After they leave Zev looks at me pointedly and asks "are you ok?"

"Ask me again after we go to the Castle," I quip weakly.

"I don't know how I feel or if this is the right thing to do…I just have to know," I explain feebly.

Zev looks at me intensely for a moment, and states "I am here for you for anything you need Elly." With that he leans over and cups my face with both hands raising my head and kisses my forehead, before rising to refill our flagons.

I don't know what to say…Thank you seems so inadequate for what he just offered what they all offered to do.

"Zev…" I start to say.

He shakes his head, "No thanks are necessary."

He grins cheekily, "after all, you didn't kill me."

"Well that is true," I agree snickering.


	18. Chapter 18 Return to Highever

Dear Diary,

Returning to Cousland Castle is the mess I thought it would be. We entered the gates and were immediately attacked by Howe's guards. I guess Howe didn't really care enough about the place to be here himself. We fought our way through the castle to my parent's bedroom where one of Howe's higher lackeys had positioned himself. I really enjoyed cutting that bastard down. He just wouldn't shut up about killing my parents. I honestly thought there would be more resistance. At least the bastard had the dungeon key on him.

So we head to the dungeon in the hopes of finding survivors. In the upper levels, I found many of our servants and castle staff. Those who didn't wish to stay I offered travel money told them to head to Redcliff and speak to Bann Teagan. I know he will make sure they are looked after.

We enter the lower level and I find Mother Mallol.

"My dear child you are still live, thank the maker!" she says joyously.

"Yes, mother and father stayed and fought so I could escape with Duncan," I explain quickly.

"Then you must put Cousland Castle back in proper order," she states in her motherly manner.

"That will be impossible for me to do now, Mother Mallol," I state earnestly looking her in the eye.

"You have known me for years child, call me Mallol," she says quietly.

"Why can you not return and take your rightful place?" she asks pointedly.

"Mallol," I explain softly, "I am grey warden now and the wardens are needed because of the blight."

She nods in understanding and sighs sadly, "I'm so sorry love; no one deserves this to happen to them."

I sidestep her sympathy, look at her calmly.

"Many of the staff have decided to stay you may as well if you like. However, your sister worries for you and will be waiting for you in Gwaren. It may make you feel better to know that Fergus, last I knew is still alive. He was out of Howe's reach although I don't know where he is at the moment. If anyone is going to come back here and make the lands and Castle right again it will be him," I say offering her some hope.

She smiles at the thought, "Maker be praised, I will visit with my sister and then come back as soon as Teyrn Cousland returns."

She turns to leave, "my prayers will be with you child, Maker help us all"

"Thanks Mallol," I smile and head to the lowest levels of the dungeon.

We fight off the last of jailors down here and I open the cells. A bunch of our soldiers are shocked to see me and decide they wish to stay until Fergus returns. There is one cell that hadn't opened. I walk over to cell and realize Ser Gilmore is in it unconscious.

"Wynne come quickly!" I yell, while picking the lock. I get the door open and Alistair gently picks up Ser Gilmore and lays him down one of the cots the jailors used. He's lost a lot of weight and is pale. I'm shaking as I watch Wynne work on him.

"Alistair, I need you turn him over," Wynne requests.

She strips off the dirty tunic he's wearing and we see a terrible wound infected, and deep going from his shoulder to his waist along with whip marks.

I gasp in horror at the amount of swelling and pus coming from those wounds. It's horrible.

"Maker's breathe," I sob uncontrollably. I feel my knees go wobbly. Cullen and Zev are right there on either side of me grabbing my elbows to keep me upright. As I watch Wynne heal him. Tears streaming down my face, I don't even notice them. She cleans the wounds and heals up what she can.

She turns to me seeing my distraught face and says, "Elly I need you to find him clean clothes. Can you do that?"

I mentally shake myself and my mind comes back, "Yes I know where there should be some."

I head to Fergus's room and find a clean tunic and pants along with some smallclothes for Ser Gilmore. Thankfully no one had taken up residence in there; however I had to step over the decomposing bodies of Oren and Oriana to find them. Stifling back a sob I did as Wynne asked.

I walk back down to the dungeon with the clothes. Wynne and the Alistair get him dressed.

"We need to get him out of here," Wynne states practically.

"My old room is untouched and comfortable we can take him there," I state my emotions under control for the moment.

"We need to make a pyre in the front courtyard. That's the only area large enough that's close; many of the bodies were left to rot," I say mechanically.

Zev and Cullen look at each other and nod. Alistair gently picks up Ser Gilmore nodding at Wynne as I lead the way to my old room.

Wynne offers to stay with Ser Gilmore while Alistair and I head out to join Zevran and Cullen.

We work our way systematically through the castle finding bodies and adding them to the pyre. When we get to Fergus's room, I take a deep breath and grab little Oren's body gently bringing it to the pyre.

Alistair is shocked "they even killed the children?" he whispers to Zev. Zev just nods in reply saying nothing.

"I don't even think she realizes, she is crying," He whispers worried.

Cullen looks at him sharply and states quietly, "She can hear you."

Finally we get to the kitchen, and I see my father prone on the floor and my mother with sword in hand protecting him even in death. I'm torn on how to react. I'm angry, angry at Howe, angry with my mother for not coming with me, angry at myself for not being able to save them. I'm distraught beyond belief.

I just shut down. I mechanically pick up my mother and Cullen gently picks up my father and we take them to pyre together. I feel better now that I shut it down. Yes quiet calm, better. I stand by the pyre for a bit afterwards and watch the bodies' burn. Shale offers to watch the fire as she doesn't sleep anyway. I ask a few of the men to get messages to nobles to meet tomorrow. I'm tired. I tell the guys to find clean beds in the barracks. Once they are gone, I head to my parent's room and climb into their bed like I used to do when I had bad dreams as a child. I let the weariness overtake me and I sleep.


	19. Chapter 19 Reality

Dear Diary,

I don't want to wake up this morning. If I do it will mean it that everything from yesterday is real. How is Ser Gilmore doing?

I bolt upright. Well no need to get dressed as I am still in clothes. I note I walk over to the mirror and see tear tracks in the dirt running down my face. I head to the well and get some water and clean my face. The pyre is just smoldering now and I realize its early afternoon. My eyes still burn and are swollen, whatever I don't care.

I head over to my old room and see Wynne clucking around her patient. I smile weakly at the sight and realize Ser Gilmore is awake and sitting up in the bed.

"Elly," He says smile crossing his face, "Wynne explained everything to me. I wanted to wake you up but she insisted I let you sleep."

"Yesterday was trying," I state mechanically not wanting to think about it.

"Well now you're back and things can become a new normal again," he says hopefully.

"No they can't!" I bite out angrily.

Seeing the shock on his face, I soften, "Rory, Wynne didn't tell you everything. I'm warden now and the blight takes higher precedence."

He weighs my words for a moment, many emotions crossing his face, shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, and hope.

"What of Fergus?" He asks finally.

"I still don't know where Fergus is, he was not at Ostagar when I got there. He was on a scouting mission," I explain, "at least he was out of Howe's reach."

His face lights up at the thought.

"Then I will join you," he says decisively.

"Rory, I would not ask this of you," I plead, remembering him trying to hold the gates against Howe's men.

"I don't recall you asking me," He teases lightly.

"In fact I'm demanding you take me with you. Duncan came here to recruit me if I recall properly," He states firmly.

I nod that was true to a point.

"Ok Rory, as soon as Wynne says, you are fit to travel," I say relenting.

"He needs to rest today, I think he will be fine if he doesn't do anything but walking for the next week or so," Wynne replies to the unspoken question.

"Elly have you eaten? You look pale," she says looking at me pointedly.

"I'm fine, Wynne," I say mechanically. Food is the last thing on my mind right now.

I see that Rory is drowsy. "I'll be back later, Wynne, thanks for taking care of him," I say gratefully as I take my leave.

I leave and check on the soldiers and staff that have decided to stay. I run into Alistair and the others are doing basic cleanup around the Castle and Shale is doing much of the heavy lifting. It seems that Howe cleaned out the coffers the bastard. Thankfully our vassals have been bringing food and wood to the keep as word traveled quickly that I was back at the Castle. They showed up in droves pledging their loyalty to me and Cousland Castle. I knew I would have to make an announcement.

I sat on my Father's throne as I waited for everyone to arrive. I knew it would be expected, but it felt strange to be sitting there. Father wanted me to take over the Highever when he decided to step down and I looked forward to it but this was just wrong, it should not have happened this way. Once everyone had assembled and quieted, "Everyone here knows of the treachery of Howe, and what happened here," I started quietly.

"Your Teyrn and Teyrna were killed in cold blood by Arl Howe and his men, along with most of the other members of my family," I continue louder standing up.

"I would take my place in my father's stead as Teyrna of Highever, However I cannot," I stop for dramatic effect as everyone gasps.

"I am now a grey warden and I cannot sit here, while darkspawn destroy Ferelden," I state calmly.

I wait a moment as another collective gasp from the crowd ensues.

"However do not despair, Teyrn Fergus Cousland is still alive and I will bring him back to you," I annunciate the "Teyrn" in the sentence to get the point across.

Everyone looks at me expectantly.

"In the meantime Bann Gilmore will see to the running of the teyrnir of Highever, all of you will treat him with the same loyalty and respect you would have my parents," I finish grandly.

Everyone turns to look at the Bann. The Bann looks a bit shocked but recovers quickly.

"I accept the Teyrna's gracious offer," He says gracefully.

Many people come forward with questions and disputes; I settle the matters as best I can. Finally the nobles filter out to the dining hall. The Bann comes to speak with me.

"This is quite a mess isn't it," the Bann chuckles wryly.

"It is," I answer him smiling dryly.

"Walk with me; I don't think you had the chance to see Rory yet and I wish to check on him. I wanted to speak with you anyway," I say gesturing to the door.

"Why would you pick me?" The Bann asks curiously.

"I've known you to be a good honest man, my father trusted you explicitly and I trust his judgment. I would have put Rory in charge but he insisted on coming with me," I explained honestly.

"However there is a chance that I won't find Fergus or he may be dead in that case you will take over Highever in my stead as a warden I'm not allowed to play in politics," I tell him seriously. He looks at me with mixture of pride and wonderment.

"You are as perceptive as your father and just as brave," He says thoughtfully, "You don't pussyfoot around and do what is needed. I will do as you ask. I think you have done your father and mother proud."

"I will make Howe pay for what he did to Rory and the others," I add savagely.

The man looks at me a bit shocked.

"You will understand my anger when you see Rory," I explain softly, "prepare yourself this will not be easy to see."

We enter the room just as Wynne is redressing the wounds. Maker has an ironic sense of timing. Rory has his back to us. The Bann looks shocked and then angry at the sight. I reach over and grab his hand to comfort him. I nod at him. He nods back in understanding and leans down to my ear and says, "Make Howe pay" in a low growling whisper. "I will, you have my promise," I whisper back. Wynne helps Rory back into the tunic.

"Rory, my boy it's so good to see you!" The Bann greets loudly.

"Father!" Rory exclaims, "So good to see you," He makes to rise from the bed but his father stops him.

"Let me come to you son," He says smiling. The Bann hugs Rory gingerly as not to hurt him.

I look at Wynne and say, "Wynne, I'm sure you could use a break. We will sit with Rory for a while."

"Yes, I would love the chance to check out Castle Cousland," She smiles understandingly as she takes her leave.

The Bann and I pull up chairs by the bed, so we can chat. I explain what happened in the Great Hall.

"So Elly put you in charge?" Rory smiles at his father gleefully.

"Well she would have put you in charge Rory," the Bann teased.

"But you have the crazy idea of running off and joining the wardens," He adds more seriously.

"Dad," Rory begins.

"It's okay, son," the Bann interrupts, "I understand I can see that this important to you."

"I'm just a father who worries about his son," the Bann adds smiling wryly.

"I'm just thankful that Teyrna Cousland came, reclaimed the castle and found you alive," the Bann says looking at me gratefully.

"Please call me Elissa or Elly, Teyrna Cousland was my mother's title," I say with my voice shaking a bit.

The Bann reaches over and hugs my shoulders, "Ok Elly, but in front of the nobility you are Teyrna Cousland. You may call me Roland."

We continue talking until Rory tires and we leave him to rest.

"I don't know how to thank you… for everything," Roland says to me when we leave the room.

I smile at him understandingly. "No thanks is necessary…Rory has been my friend since you sent him here. I care for him. I'm just happy I found him," I say softly.

"We will be leaving in a few days as soon as Rory can travel," I tell him.

He nods in understanding, "I see your friends are looking for you." He smiles and gestures down the hall where Alistair is heading toward us.

"The resemblance between that boy and Maric is eerie," he notes to himself.

I smirk quickly at the remark and school my face walking to meet Alistair.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: I'm feeling a bit generous as my schoolwork is finished for the semester. I now have 16 glorious days of freedom until the next semester starts. Enjoy the extra uploads.<strong>


	20. Chapter 20 On the Road Again

Dear Diary,

We are finally on the road again. It's time to head to Orzammar and take the treaty to the dwarves, both Leliana and Rory have recovered from their wounds, well at least the physical ones, the emotional ones are much harder to deal with.

As we walk, I once again feel my darkspawn sense go off. I stop short. Luckily this time people are paying attention and I don't get trampled. I point to the right and Leliana sends an arrow in the direction I pointed. A darkspawn angrily growls running toward us with an arrow sticking out its arm. Then they all descend. I feel another presence, like Alistair but not Alistair. I look beyond where we are fighting and see a dwarf fighting darkspawn as well.

When the fight is over she comes over and introduces herself as Adela, an Orlesian grey warden. She states there is another darkspawn in the area and we need to go kill it and she will await our return. I look at her sharply because I don't know this woman and she thinks to order me about. However, she is right I feel a something nearby.

We head toward the creature and it speaks to us. It's not a darkspawn but a tainted elf. He is turning into ghoul.

"Don't come near me! Stay away!" the elf warns.

He runs. I follow him curiously as any darkspawn would have tried to attack.

"Don't...look at me! I am…sick," He pleads.

"We can help you…don't be afraid," I say kindly.

"No help no…help for me," he says sadly.

"The song… in my head. It…calls to me. He sings to me. I can't stop it," He continues trying to explain.

"Don't want to hurt you, please stop me!" he begs.

"I have to try and do something," I plead with him.

"Then you leave me no choice…I don't want to do this," he says taking a fighting stance.

"Wait, I'm a grey warden, I may be able to stop the singing," I offer hopefully.

"Yes, stop the singing," he agrees.

"Join me then," I say firmly.

"You can call…me Tamlen," the elf says.

We head back to Adela together.

"You should have just killed it," she sneers, "it's not a pet."

"I didn't ask your opinion," I smirk back, "and his name is Tamlen."

We continue on and finally set up camp Adela complaining the whole way.

Alistair speaks up, "This is what happens when the taint is left unchecked."

He looks at Tamlen, "I am so sorry."

"There has got to be something we can do. So many people have already died," I plead looking at him.

"Perhaps if he takes the joining, I've heard of them doing that it keeps the taint in check," Alistair says thoughtfully.

"Absolutely not!" Adela shouts angrily looking at me.

"Again I don't remember asking you," I sneer at her. This woman is getting on my last nerve, but I feel she is just testing my resolve.

"I am your superior officer and you will obey me," she commands angrily.

"Not likely," I say softly so she has to lean in to hear me, "These are my friends not soldiers they have offered to help with the blight."

I step back and turn to walk away to let her think she has the upper hand. She pulls her daggers and heads toward me. Before she can think of another move everyone has pulled their weapons and all are trained on her. I turn to look at her. She looks around to Zev, I'm sure she can feel his daggers pressed into her back, Wrex is growling and ready to pounce, Leliana has an arrow aimed at her heart, Alistair, Cullen, Sten, and Rory ready with swords, Morrigan and Wynne a hairs breathe away from casting and Shale has picked up a huge boulder if the rest should fail.

"You see Adela, I lead by example," I explain "you can fall in line and join us or you can leave. It's as simple as that. You need to understand only Alistair and I, are the only wardens, the rest are not and my people, my friends are not expendable."

She looks around at the all the weapons trained on her and laughs heartily, "Well played recruit, Duncan said you had spunk when he recruited you. He failed to mention your charisma though."

"Sodding hell, you were able to charm the blighted elf into joining you," she says in wonder chuckling as she puts her weapons away.

"His name is Tamlen," I remind her.

"Okay, I might not agree with you about recruiting Tamlen but there is way to help him," she adds cheerfully.

I'm a bit confused about the sudden change in demeanor but I go with it as she has put her weapons away.

"We will need to find an old friend of mine he can help," She adds.

"How about we talk it over a flagon?" I offer.

"Now there's an idea!" she agrees chuckling.

"Alistair, could you see that Tamlen is comfortable please?" I ask.

"Sure thing, Elly," he cheekily grins.

I pour ale into the flagons and hand her one. She accepts gratefully.

"So what brought about the change in attitude?" I ask pointedly.

"Quite frankly, I was testing you," she admits, "I knew Duncan had recruited a noble's kid. I wanted to be sure you weren't some spoiled prat."

"Well this spoiled prat, noble's kid is now an orphan," I said coldly.

Adela had the decency to look ashamed.

"I apologize, I shouldn't have assumed," she says regretfully.

"We will need to meet with my friend "Ox," she says changing the subject.

"Thank you Adela, I know you don't agree, but I'm glad you respect me enough to try to help him," I say graciously.

"Now I think proper introductions are in order. Hey everyone, gather around for minute!" I call out.

One everyone settles with flagon. I make the introductions.

"This is Alistair another one of Duncan's recruits and bastard child of King Maric," I say grinning cheekily. Alistair nods cheeks flaming.

"Next to him is Leliana bard of Orlais and chantry sister," Leliana giggles at the irony and leans into Alistair.

"Next to her, is Wynne our wise healer and a great mage," I smile at Wynne.

"A pleasure to meet you Adela," Wynne says gracefully.

"The rather stoic man next to her is Cullen a templar from the Ferelden circle," I flash him a cheeky grin.

He nods in greeting to Adela watching her wary.

"Next to Cullen is our resident Qunari Sten, serious but a real softy," I joke.

He glares at me.

"The gorgeous woman next to Sten is our witch of the wilds Morrigan," I tease.

She smirks at me.

"The strapping young man next to her is my childhood friend, and soldier from Highever, Ser Gilmore, also known as Rory," I tease.

Rory looks at me shaking his head and chuckles.

"Our statuesque friend next to him is Shale. She really hates birds," I banter on.

"Next Shale is my faithful most favorite mabari Wrex; he will probably watch you carefully for a bit because you pulled weapons on me," I explain cheerfully. Wrex growls low and stares at Adela.

"Last but not least is my favorite assassin Zevran, he tried to kill me and I recruited him for his trouble," I snicker.

Zevran grins impudently at me and laughs.

Adela looks at my friends, and back at me and says, "You know I really think you can do this."

"I honestly don't think the wardens could recruit better," she says in wonder.

We spend the evening chatting and finally everyone heads back to their tents one by one. I'm just sitting with Zev by the fire.

"Do you think you can trust her?" he asks concerned.

"After the display today, I think she will be just fine," I say confidently, "she offered help for Tamlen although she disagrees with me. I knew she was testing me, if I had pulled my weapons, my point wouldn't have been made."

"You all made my point for me. Sometimes a "show" of force is needed. I however needed you, all of you," I continued gesturing to the tents, "to make the point, which you all did and I am ever so grateful. My father showed me that sometimes letting the people decide was best rather than a show of force on his part."

"Well, I will still be watching her," says Zev seriously.

"I can't let anyone "assassinate" my favorite warden," He jokes.

"Thanks Zev," I smile at him gratefully.

"It's been a long day I think I will head to bed; I have watch in a few hours." I say looking a Shale who is watching from the outside the firelight.

"G'night dear warden," Zev mumbles sleepily heading to his tent.

I didn't really sleep. I laid in my tent on the bedroll and thought with the events in Highever plaguing my mind until it was my shift.


	21. Chapter 21 Tamlen's Cure

We decide that Tamlen's situation is dire and we are seeking out the "friend" Adela told us about.

Tamlen, Adela, Morrigan, and I set out to find Ox. Tamlen explains that he touched a mirror and was transported to an abandoned thaig. The mirror must have been tainted. He got sick after he touched it and was approached by something he calls the "dark thing." I asked if it was a darkspawn he first said yes and then shook his head and said it was something more. He described it as grey with cold curious eyes. It was not human but not darkspawn it was something else. It had a calm but eerie voice. I notice Adela listening intently at this point. It told him he had come through something called an eluvian.

Morrigan perked up at this point and explained that an eluvian was an ancient elven magic mirror that allowed people to transport long distances and communicate. There were many of them when the elves had an empire at the peak of their strength before the tevinter imperium.

I prompted Tamlen to continue and he explained the dark thing offered to help him with his pain from the taint. It had offered him release. The pain was unbearable so he had accepted. It turns out the dark thing hastened the taint within him He started hearing the song ever more loudly. He said he would take it back if he could. There was no pain, no hunger, or thirst (which explains his refusal of food and water), just the song, it was maddening.

I asked him what the dark thing wanted. In exchange for releasing him from his pain he was the dark thing's experiment. The dark thing wanted to end the singing for good. The dark thing is aware that wardens can't hear the singing. Now I understand why Tamlen agreed to go with us he believes we can stop the singing.

I pity this poor man and want to help. I hope that this "Ox" can help him. We find Ox in his home near an ancient temple. Ox as it turns out is a Qunari mage. He sends us to find another flower similar to the one I found for the mabari keeper at Ostagar. I find the flower and he makes a potion that slows the taint down.

After Tamlen has taken the potion he informs Tamlen and I that we must enter the fade.

"Enter the fade?" I ask him after all, Tamlen and I aren't mages we can't enter the fade.

"I am somniari," he explains. I notice Morrigan sit up quickly and intently listening to him. "I can enable both you and your friend to enter the fade but you will need to be asleep."

"What about demons?" I ask.

"I will be there with you there is one who can help but you must be willing to pay the price," He says sadly.

"What price will that be?" I ask.

"I don't know what she will ask of you," He explains.

"Who is she?" I wonder out loud.

"You will see soon enough come," Ox says firmly, "let's save your friend."

He leads us away from the warded circle he created and has both Tamlen and I lay down.

I doubt I will be able to sleep as sleep has eluded since Highever but I will try for Tamlen's sake.

Morrigan seeing my difficulty asks Ox if she can cast a sleep spell on me. He agrees but tells her to make it light one.

I fall into a slumber. I wake up (at least I feel like I am awake) and this place is very strange and beautiful, both Ox and Tamlen are with me.

"You must first fight with Tamlen's demons," he explains gesturing to the rocky path.

The path seems to be shifting however our footsteps are sure, such an odd place, it has a strange green glowing sky there is no sun moon or stars. This is what it must look like mages all the time. Where does the light come from I wonder. I see pretty bits of light they almost look like stars, as I am staring at them one sends out a bolt of light and it hits me.

"Ouch, that hurt! Seems we have to fight these pretty things," I say to Tamlen, He nods. We make quick work cutting the fade creatures down.

We continue down the path and see what I would normally call a rage demon. But this one was different he was trying to hurt Tamlen with words as he fought. Telling him that she was dead because of him, flaunting it, at one point it turned into a beautiful Dalish girl and taunted him in elven. I didn't understand what it was saying but I could see it was hurting Tamlen. I slipped behind it and stabbed with both daggers turning it back into its original form before it disintegrated into ash.

Tamlen looks shocked and shaky I wonder if he's going to faint.

I take Tamlen's arm and pull him over to a rock to sit. "Tell me everything," I say. The elf looks at me still in a daze and begins to speak.

"Lethallan and I were hunting in the forest and we came upon some Shems," He starts pausing shakily. "We found out they were hunting for treasure in the some abandoned ruins they found."

His voice and thoughts are normal in the fade. It took him such an effort to speak before I think the singing is less invasive for him here allowing him to think coherently.

"I wanted to find the ruins and see for myself, hoping if I could find something for the keeper there she would agree to let Lethallan and I join," He says sadly.

"Is Lethallan her name?" I ask softly.

He smiles, "No, Lethallan is a term reserved for family and clan, Lethallan for women and lethallin for men. Her name was Neria."

"And the two of you wished to be joined, like a wedding?" I ask.

He nods and smiles sadly.

"What happened then?" I prompt him.

"I talked Neria into going to the ruins the shems had mentioned. We found tainted creatures (although we didn't know it at the time) and a mirror," He continues almost emotionlessly.

"I touched the mirror and was transported when I looked back through it, I could see Neria on the ground not moving, she had a huge wound on her head. I tried to go to her but I couldn't. The mirror wouldn't let me back through. I yelled and shouted to her to wake up. I didn't know if she could hear me or not," He says almost in a panic.

Getting control of himself, he continues, "I stayed by the mirror for I don't know how long, trying to figure out how to get back. I saw a man come in and tried to yell to him but he couldn't hear me. He raised his sword and shattered the mirror."

I look at him and nod, prompting him to continue.

"There was no way for me to get back with the mirror shattered so I wandered about the ruins looking for a way out. That was when the dark one found me," he finishes shaking again.

I look over at the elf. He is obviously distraught.

"It's my fault she died!" He shouts angrily at himself.

"Ma sa lath, Ma vhenan, emma abelas," he adds sobbing.

I didn't need a translator to understand what the poor man was saying. I pulled him over setting his head on my shoulder comforting him. He was cold, his head bald, parts of skin falling off, it was a bit creepy, but he was still person in need of comfort and forgiveness. He didn't resist like I thought he might (after all I am a shem) he just sobbed until the torrent had passed.

Once he quieted, I hugged him and said, "Tamlen, I forgive you. You couldn't have known what would happen."

"Thank you, Falon" he says his voice gravelly from the torrent that just passed.

"So what does "Falon" mean?" I ask him curiously.

He gives me a small smile. "It means friend," He says warily.

"Tamlen, I am grateful and blessed that you would think of me as such and I would like say the same of you," I offer smiling back at him.

He smiles a bit bigger this time.

"You think we can take on the rest of your demons now, Falon?" I ask.

He nods resolutely.

"Let's do this, then," I say firmly.

We fight two more demons who try to break him down with their words. We ignore the cruel banter and take to stabbing the damn things until they disintegrate and head back to where Ox is waiting for us.

"You have done well; you have healed the mind now we will heal the body. I will take you to her now," He states sadly.

I wonder why he is so sad, but he is already walking so I just fall in line keeping my thoughts to myself.

"She," looks similar to the demon I fought in Wilhelm's laboratory. However her demeanor is different. A bit haughty but kind, she offers to help Tamlen but I must pay the price for him.

Tamlen looks at me, "falon, you don't have to do this."

"I want to Tamlen. I will be fine," I assure him.

I step forward offering my strength to the spirit/demon. I really don't know what "she" is. I feel my strength weaken as she pulls it from me. I sink to the ground weakened.

The next thing I remember is Ox gently waking me up. I get up shakily and walk over to Tamlen. He is awake as well and looks …he looks like…really good looking elf with blond hair, blue eyes and the most beautiful ochre tattoos on his face.

"Tamlen," I breathe, "you're beautiful."

"I look different?" He asks confused.

"Yea, ya crazy elf!" exclaims Adela, pulling out a mirror.

He peers into the mirror.

"By Mythal! I look like myself again, no taint!" he exclaims.

I can still feel the taint within him but it's not affecting his appearance.

"I can still feel the taint within you but for now your body is healed," I tell him honestly.

"We must do the joining as soon as possible," Adela adds.

We look at her nodding in agreement.

"Does anyone know where we can find some archdemon blood?" Adela asks.

I look at her confused "We have plenty of darkspawn blood wouldn't that be sufficient?"

"I see," she says slowly, "Duncan didn't have time tell you before …he died."

"Tell me what?" I ask.

"Darkspawn blood is part of the potion you drank but there is also a drop of archdemon blood added to the mix." She explains wryly.

"The dark one's laboratory," Tamlen interrupts.

Adela and I both turn and look at him.

"I think I remember where it is I can take you there," Tamlen adds excitedly.

I feel weak so I drop to the ground beside Tamlen.

"She asked for Elly's strength didn't she?" Adela accuses Ox lightly.

"That was her price, yes," Ox says firmly.

"Actually she gave me choice strength or intelligence," I joke.

"Well at least you were smart enough to keep your wits about you," Adela banters.

"You will need to rest once back at your camp for at least a week or two to regain your strength," he explains patiently.

"And I have one request," Ox says.

"I'm listening," I say warily.

"I wish to join you. If the blight isn't stopped we are all in danger," He states practically.

I've learned enough about Qunari to know they don't like mages to be free and I think about Sten for a moment.

"I would be delighted to have you along," I say choosing my words carefully, "I feel I should let you know that I have varied group including a Sten."

"So long as he doesn't try to bind me, which isn't his job anyway, I think we will be just fine," Ox states with firmness.

"We need to get back to the others quickly," Adela says.

I feel tiredness overtaking me. I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.

"I'll carry her," says Ox.

"No, she did this for me. I should be the one to carry, falon," Tamlen says rising.

He picks me up easily as Adela calls for Morrigan who has spent her time studying the wards in the area.

I wrap my arms around his neck like small child.

"You're really strong for a skinny elf," I say drowsily.

Tamlen chuckles looking at me mischievously, "you're cute when you're tired, falon, go to sleep."

"Thanks for carrying me, Tamlen," I say dropping my head against his shoulder.

I immediately fall asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Ma sa lath, Ma vhenan, Emma abelas- my one love, my heart, I am sorry<strong>


	22. Chapter 22 Back at Camp

**Posting a bit early due to internet issues...enjoy:)**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I wake up in my tent back at camp; the nightmare I experienced had me in a cold sweat. Highever again, at least it's not blightmares. I console myself. I don't bother changing as a dip in nearby pond seems a good idea. We always seem to camp near water, I note wryly. Good thing too because smelly fighter is not my perfume of choice.

"She finally rejoins us," Adela teases.

I'm still feeling a bit weak and shaky after my jaunt into the fade. I smile weakly at her and head over to the makeshift kitchen area for some water and bread.

I sit down by the fire with and eat listening to everyone talk. I suddenly realize that everyone is looking at me.

"Elly you're rather quiet you ok?" Alistair asks.

"Just drained," I joke. "I'm really tired; Ox says it will take me some time to recover. I will need some of you to trek about for me for about the next two weeks," I announce.

"Elly we are concerned what happened? Adela wouldn't tell us and Tamlen said we needed to hear it from you," Alistair says concerned.

Everyone took a place around the fire waiting for me to speak.

"Well, I'm guessing since Tamlen got his good looks back," I tease "and we have a new companion. I need to explain."

"I'm taking it you made your introductions to Ox or do I have to do it again," I joke.

Everyone nods, and I give the same speech to Ox introducing everyone.

No one says anything except Sten who looks at Ox distastefully and says, "Saarebas."

"Sten," I admonish, "all the mages here are Saarebas to you. He is here to help just like Wynne or Morrigan. Be polite or be silent please."

He weighs it for a moment, "As you wish, Kadan."

I look at him questioning for a moment, as he had never called me that before. I keep the question for later and move on.

"Ox helped us, he helped Tamlen get back to his good looking self. He requested to come with us to help with the darkspawn. Adela and I trust him," I explain to the group.

"I was weakened by the fights we had to endure to get Tamlen back to himself," I explain not wanting to get into it further.

"I will need Adela, Morrigan, Alistair and Tamlen to head to the laboratory here on the map," I point to the spot on the map that Tamlen marked.

"We need to find archdemon blood to perform the joining on Tamlen. He is plagued with the taint we managed to reverse it to a point but the joining must happen quickly. As we only have three wardens right now it seems a good idea to do so," I explain quickly.

The four of them look at me nodding in agreement.

"Adela, please explain to Alistair about the archdemon blood on the way. I'm fairly certain he wasn't told either," I instruct politely.

"Leliana, Cullen, Sten and Wynne can head to Redcliff Village and restock our food and supplies. Ask Bodhan if he would like to join you, I'm sure he has wares he can trade," I direct.

"Maybe I can find new shoes, oh how love shoes," Leliana gushes.

I see Sten roll his eyes, and I snicker.

"The rest of us will stay here hold down the fort," I joke.

Everyone who is leaving scurries around me preparing for their trips. Ox sits down next to me.

"You lead well and create well-formed groups comprised of all skills," He notes.

"I find that a well-rounded group can be more prepared for anything that might arise," I explain to the grizzled mage.

"You show wisdom beyond your years." he states respectfully. "You also stood up for me when you didn't have too." He says gratefully.

"Flatterer," I tease. "I believe people are people, mage or no, Qunari, elf, dwarf or human. They are still people worthy of respect. The color of their skin, whether they have magic or not, horns or no horns, tall or short, it doesn't matter to me. I wasn't taught to have preconceived notions about them," I explain.

"Until I have reason not to, I treat them the way I would want to be treated," I add quietly.

"So what is your story Ox, what is the real reason you wanted to come with us? I know there is more to it than killing darkspawn," I ask pointedly.

"My mother left Par Vollen with me when she realized I was mage. She knew I would be bound if they found out. I don't really know if she was my natural mother. I just know she was the Tamassran that was expected to raise me," he explains.

"A Tamassran is like a mother?" I ask curiously.

"Well from the way she explained it Tamassrans have many jobs. Some are to take care of and teach children. Some of them are breeders to breed the strongest and smartest Qunari. Some are basically prostitutes their job is to make sure the men can …well release tension," He says practically.

I blush hotly.

"Women are usually farmers, merchants or Tamassrans, men are fighters of varying sorts and mage handlers," He continues.

"Tamassran spent her life working hard to provide and protect me. She found mages to teach me in private until I surpassed them. I want to do something good for her and the world she tried to create for me before I die," He explained.

"Well that explains a lot about Sten," I say giggling uncontrollably.

"Do tell," Ox asks politely as I collect myself.

"He couldn't understand how Leliana and I could be women and fight, he thought we were either men or couldn't fight," I say going into in uncontainable laughter.

Ox chuckles, "Yes, it probably would confuse a Qunari new to these lands."

"Oh, we went in circles on that one. It's still up for debate," I snicker gleefully.

Now Ox goes into a full belly laugh as he pictures the conversation.

"Why is he with you?" He finally asks once he collects himself.

"All I know is that, he was imprisoned for killing a family of farmers, I basically conscripted him," I explain.

"He admitted to it, and said he might find atonement fighting the darkspawn. I asked him before and he said he imprisoned himself something about a weak mind. That was all he would say about it. I didn't press further because I felt he wanted to keep it to himself," I finish gently.

"Ask him again," Ox advises, "he called you Kadan. You may find he is willing to talk about it now. And he might have resolved his women and fighting issue," Ox smiles knowingly.

"I was wondering about that, what does Kadan mean exactly? He never used the term before today," I ask curiously.

"It means literally _where the heart lies,_ it is a Qunari term of endearment, meaning a person someone cares about," Ox explains.

"Just talk to him when he returns, I think he may be willing to talk to you now," he advises rising from his perch.


	23. Chapter 23 Shale and Rory

**In celebration of hopefully a stable internet connection for the first time in 2 weeks, I bring you this chapter:)**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

Not long after Ox left me to the fire, Shale decided to stop over for a chat. I'm not sure if I should call Shale a "he" or "she", but "it" just feels so impersonal. And I'm getting the distinct idea that our resident golem has an affinity for Sten. I remember it quietly mentioning his rippling muscles at one point after a sparring match so I will go with "she" as it seems something a woman would say. Although she might want make sure Sten doesn't hear it.

"Warden, I have a request of you," Shale states in her firm manner.

"What can I do for you Shale?" I ask curiously, Shale never asks for much it's not like she can eat or drink. She seemed to appreciate the crystals I found, as they are to her what our armor weapons and clothes are to us.

"The last time we talked about my memories, I wasn't quite honest with you," she states guiltily.

"How so?" I ask looking up at her.

"I remember a place although I don't know why. Perhaps when we go to Orzammar you could bring me along. It might help me remember," she asks.

"Of course, Shale I would be glad to bring you along, perhaps the shaperate might have information for you as well," I offer hopefully.

"You know about the shaperate?" she asks surprised.

"Noble children are taught about all the races and their protocols along with the important places. Humans have been trading with the dwarves for years." I explain, "The only thing I have little knowledge about politics and trade wise are the Dalish. They stay away from us humans."

"Well…thank you…for bringing me along," Shale says awkwardly before walking away.

I'm really still very tired so I head to my tent deciding against the bath I thought about earlier.

I toss and turn in a fitful sleep Highever is ever present on my mind. After another hour and half has passed I give up get my shaky arse up out my tent, grabbing my fresh clothes and my toiletries.

Rory stops me on my way to the pond, "Elly, I want to talk to you. I know you are having Tamlen do the joining. I want to do it too."

I take a deep breathe, I knew this conversation was coming I had been trying to avoid it.

"Rory, you don't understand what you're asking," I say sadly remembering Daveth. It was horrible how he died. I can't bear the thought of same happening to Rory especially after Highever.

"Well then explain it to me!" He demands harshly.

I start at the tone of his words.

"I'm sorry," He apologizes immediately upon seeing me jump.

"It's just I want to help," He continues, "you and Alistair have been on your own for so long, Duncan had come to recruit me, this is something I really want, something I can be proud of."

I remember Duncan's words "I will not lie; we grey wardens pay a heavy price to become what we are. Fate may decree you pay your price now rather than later."

I must have looked like was daydreaming.

"Well?" He says impatiently.

"Rory, I am bound by rules I can't tell you everything about the grey wardens unless you are one," I say gently.

He crosses his arms at me. I consider the options Rory is the only child of the Bann I have running my castle. If Fergus is….dead, the Bann will permanently run the lands …if there is no heir to the Bann there will be fighting amongst the houses for power. I really don't wish to see my friend die a grey warden after what he's already been through with Howe. I can tell it haunts him still. However I cannot decide for him. I will let him make an informed decision.

"I will break this one rule if you promise to tell no one," I add seriously, "and you promise to think on it after I tell you."

"Is it really that bad, Elly," He looks a bit taken back.

"Yes it is," I assure him.

I sink to the ground because I'm tired of standing and lay my bathing stuff on the ground.

I pat the ground next to me for him to sit. He complies.

"Rory, the joining itself can kill you. Some of the recruits I was with didn't make it," my voice drifts off.

"They died a horrible painful death. It was awful to watch," I add sorrowfully.

"You will never be able to have normal life. No wife or children. The taint causes sterility," I add sadly.

"You will have nightmares of darkspawn and even the archdemon; it tries to talk to us," I explain with a shudder.

"And in addition to all that there is one other thing," I explain mechanically.

"What else could there be?" he asks curiously.

"You have about 20 years to live give or take. When your time is near you will hear the calling/the song as Tamlen described it, and be compelled to fight darkspawn in the deep roads until you die," I explain softly. "Although to be honest after seeing what happened to Tamlen I think many become ghouls first and then die.

I can see the shock on his face. He says nothing just looking at like I kicked him in the stomach. That look slowly transforms to astonishment.

"They don't tell you all of this before the joining; I'm breaking the rules telling you. The only thing I knew before the joining was that it could kill me. I understand the need for the secrecy if everyone knew no one would join," I explain cautiously.

"You are one of my dearest friends; I want you to be able to make an informed decision. You are also the only child of your dear father and I want you make sure you consider him in your decision," I explain gently.

He looks at me flabbergasted for a moment and then pulls me into a hug. "You have sacrificed so much Elly, I'm sorry," He says his voice is gritty.

He pulls away and stands up; I gather my clothing and items and stand as well.

"You've given me a lot to think about you are right I do need to consider this further," He starts to walk away.

"And Elly," he says looking over his shoulder, "thank you for telling me and giving me the chance to think about it."


	24. Chapter 24 Tamlen's Joining

Dear Diary,

Sleep is still elusive but sleeping draughts and spells have helped. My strength has almost fully returned as Ox has promised. In a few more days we should be heading to Orzammar. Alistair and his group have returned from the laboratory. They found all sorts of interesting things there in addition to archdemon blood. We have planned Tamlen's joining tonight. Leliana and her group should be back tomorrow or the next day.

We are all sitting by the fire waiting for Ox and Adela to tell us they are ready to begin the joining for Tamlen. I guess Ox is creating the joining juice as I call it. I can tell Tamlen is nervous; I try to smile confidently at him. He gives me small smile back. Adela and Alistair explained things to him. I walk over to Tamlen and sit next to him.

"I know you're feeling a bit nervous, Falon" I say gently, hoping the use of his word would put him more at ease. "But it's not like you're getting re-tainted after all you are already tainted," I tease lightly laying a hand on his arm.

He smiles at the jest, "It's not the joining I am worried about. I just wonder if I should ever see my clan again and explain what happened. I would also like to know what happened to Neria."

"If you wish to return to explain, I will be happy to go with you, Falon," I offer softly giving his arm a squeeze.

He smiles gratefully, "I would like that."

Adela calls to us at this point and Tamlen, Alistair and I walk over to the secluded area we chose for the ritual.

"Are you ready Tamlen?" Adela asks.

He nods his agreement.

"Alistair will you speak the joining ritual words?" I ask him.

He nods "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn and should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten and that one day we shall join you."

Adela walks up Tamlen with a chalice.

"Tamlen step forward, you are called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good," She says reverently.

Tamlen step forward taking the chalice from her and drinks. Alistair and I know what to expect we stand on each side of Tamlen ready to catch him when he falls.

"From this moment forth you are a grey warden," Adela says to him.

His eyes roll back in his head, he cries out in pain. We catch him as he drops and lay him gently on the ground.

Ox looks a little shocked at that scene but says nothing for a few minutes. I sit down by Tamlen watching him breathe.

Finally Ox speaks, "that was unsettling."

"It always is," Adela says sadly.

"You all did this?" he asks in wonder.

We all nod. "You have never seen a joining then?" I ask curiously.

"No," Ox explains, "Adela asked for my help with creating the potion I have never made it before."

"Well, it looks like Tamlen will live," Adela says seriously.

I look at her with raised brow because she would usually be making some sort of joke and she didn't call him _the elf_ like she usually does; she called him by name. I note it's probably a gesture of respect on her part.

"I can be serious when I want to be;" she says defensively, "besides I'm glad he survived the joining, I would have hated to go through all that for him to die."

"I disagreed with your decision but I'm glad you stuck to it we need more wardens to help with the archdemon," She adds gently.

Everyone is standing around uneasily shifting from foot to foot.

"I'll stay with him; you can go if you want," I offer helpfully. Not like I'll be able to sleep anyway. I haven't slept without a potion or spell since Highever. They filter out one by one leaving me sitting beside Tamlen in the torchlight. I pull his head into my lap and just sit with him as he deals with the blightmares. Stroking his hair and calming him when he cries out.

I doze a few minutes here and there during the night. Tamlen doesn't wake until just before dawn.

"Lethallan, ma vhenan," he breathes when he opens his eyes drowsily.

"Falon, how are you feeling?" I ask him.

He starts becoming fully awake and realizing where he is, he tries to sit up.

"Rest Falon, It's ok. Give yourself a few minutes the joining is hard on the body," I calm him. Tamlen had taught me enough elvish for me to note that he must have thought I was Neria for a moment in his addled drowsy state.

"Ma Serannas, Falon," he replies as he relaxes into my lap as I trace the Vallaslin on his face. "I feel achy and like I jarred my entire body but I am whole," he answers honestly. We sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Did you stay with me all night?" he asks giving me a strange look.

"Of course, that is what friends do right?" I grin at him and help him sit up.

He turns to sit facing me. Returning my grin he says, "I could not ask for better friend within my clan or outside my clan Lethallan."

"You will always have my loyalty and my trust," He adds more seriously.

I know this is a big deal the Dalish rarely trust outsiders.

"I know you will have dreams of the archdemon, if you haven't already. I call them blightmares. Alistair says they will be stronger because this is a real blight," I explain gently.

"The singing is completely gone," he says happily, "I can deal with a few "blightmares" if that is the price for it."

"There is one more thing, Tamlen," I say seriously, "not everyone makes it through the joining, two died when I took mine. We make a pendent and fill it with a portion of the blood to remind of those who didn't make it. I added a few drops of my blood to the pendant. Remember we will always be joined as brother and sister."

I place the pendant in his palm, and he puts it around his neck immediately, "this is an amazing gift you give me, Falon."

"Besides," he adds says his look darkening, "if the blight isn't stopped my clan is in danger. Even if I can't ever go back, I can still help them. I am grateful that you will be here to help me."

"Do you think you can make it back to camp?" I ask him, rising to my feet and offering him a hand.

"Perhaps you can carry me this time, after all I am a skinny elf," he snickers rising to his feet. I'm so short for a human he easily puts his arm around my shoulder for support leaning on me heavily.

"I did say a strong, skinny elf, if I remember correctly," I banter smiling at him.

"That you did, Falon," he chuckles as we start the short walk back to camp.

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><p><strong>Ma Serannas, Falon – my thanks, friend<strong>

**Lethallan, ma vhenan – term of endearment in this case, Lethallan refers usually to female clan member or cousin but can also be used for one who is familiar.**

**Ma vhenan – my heart**


	25. Chapter 25 Aftermath of Highever

**Author's note: Enjoy the extra post this week. I will post as per regular time tomorrow. School starts again this Sunday (yes I have class Sunday night go figure) so I will be back to posting once a week again.**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

Everyone is assembled by the main fire when I leave my tent. This is odd. I head over to the kitchen area grabbing a mug I head back toward the fire and pour myself a mug of tea from the kettle that is sitting close by on the warming rock as we call it.

I sit down between Tamlen and Zev at the fire. I look at everyone. They seem rather serious.

"Did someone die and not tell me?" I joke weakly looking at them.

No one even cracked a smile. Wow, this must be serious.

"Elly," Wynne starts, "We are worried about you."

"Why? What's going on?" I ask worriedly.

"You have been taking a large amount of sleeping draughts lately." Morrigan notes lightly.

"You come to each of us separately hoping we wouldn't notice," Ox adds firmly.

"Ok, so I have trouble sleeping, blightmares remember?" I say defensively.

"It seems to be worse since Highever," Alistair says.

"Alistair, that is really none of your business," I say quietly seething.

"You never asked for sleeping spells or draughts before Highever," states Wynne firmly.

I fire an angry glare at her.

"I saw the devastation at Highever, you cannot come out of the unscathed, you helped me let me help you," Cullen says kindly looking at me with sympathy.

"You aren't the same Elly," Leliana says gently, "Please talk to us."

"You are getting pale and thin, my dear warden, you hardly eat anymore," Zev adds with concern showing in his amber eyes.

"You avoid me now," says Rory worriedly, "you won't talk to me about it."

"If your most trusted companion's say this is not you, I believe them," Adela adds seriously, "I have not been here as long as the rest, but even I can see you are not yourself."

I'm getting angrier by the second it seems.

"You are changed," notes with distain Sten, "and if you cannot lead I cannot follow."

"I've seen you sneaking out of camp at all hours of the night," Shale snitches.

I glare at her angrily.

"What, it's not like I sleep or perform other body functions," she adds distastefully.

"We care about you, Falon, please let us help," pleads Tamlen.

Not you too Tamlen.

"Well now if I can finally speak," I bite out angrily. Seriously an intervention…They think I need an intervention?

"Have I shown I am an incapable leader?" I hiss at them.

They are all silent.

"Good, then this discussion is over and I suggest you leave me the hell alone for a while!" I angrily stomp off heading for the pond.

I look back at the camp and see my companions in huddle talking and gesturing in my direction.

I turn and stalk to the pond out of their sight.

What the bloody hell! Andraste's flaming arse! How dare they! I seethe. I grab a stick and start hitting a tree.

"Perhaps you would prefer a more animated sparring partner."

I turn to see Sten standing a few feet away from me with wooden practice daggers and wooden sword and shield.

"Andraste's flaming knickers Sten, did you just make a joke?" I say sarcastically, "I'll mark that one down on my calendar."

He looks at me stoically but I see the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly.

"So you've come to wrestle me for leadership because I'm unfit to lead?" I bite out angrily.

"No Kadan, I'm here because I think this is what you need right now," he says gesturing to the practice weapons.

I feel several eyes upon me. "You might as well come out I know you're there," I sigh crossly.

Alistair, Zev, Cullen, Adela, Tamlen, Rory, Leliana, and Wynne step out of the brush looking a bit guilty. I look behind them and see Morrigan, Ox and Shale watching with interest from a distance.

"We only want to help, please," Rory says sadly.

"Help me what?!" I grate.

I am answered with silence.

"Relive the nightmare!" I answer my own question shouting furiously. Grabbing the practice weapons, I move automatically into fighting stance.

Sten readies himself and I throw myself in a whirlwind slashing at him. I come at him and connect hard. He looks a bit surprised (Sten and I have never sparred before) as his balance trembles a bit but he holds fast.

"Howe killed my beloved!" I shout angrily remembering Darrien's sweet face when he proposed and then his broken bloodied body. I lunge forward again this time Sten feints to the side slashing out with his sword. I roll sideways barely missing the blow and rise to my feet. I feel he is mocking me egging me on.

"He killed my sweet sister in law, and nephew whom I absolutely adored!" I scream irately, remembering little Oren asking me to teach him to use a sword. I strike again. Sten counters with his shield.

"Then I was forced to leave my parents and my best friend to die at his whim," I blare raging thinking about Rory holding the front gate, and hugging my parents for the last time, rushing Sten and dropping low for a leg shot. He grunts as that one connects.

We connect again my crossed daggers on his shield. "And if that wasn't enough he tortured my best friend," I shriek out lividly remembering Rory's wounds, pushing against the shield.

"And left the bodies to rot," I scream enraged, picturing the decomposing bodies, Sten twists effectively knocking me backwards. Tossing the sword and shield to the ground, he grabs my arms effectively pinning me to ground.

I struggle, "I carried my mother's decomposing body to the pyre myself," I howl in angry pain as I remember and my heart is breaking all over again. I ferociously head butt him as hard as I can. I see stars but I don't care. Sten seems stunned.

"I can't…," I sob all the fight going out of me. In my blurry vision I see Sten shake his head for a moment.

He pulls himself off of me and sits on the ground pulling me into his lap like child. One the floodgates were open I couldn't stop. "I am here, Kadan, for your Ataas shokra. It's ok Kadan there will be kost in herah," he soothes rubbing my back. I sink into the large Qunari, letting the man comfort me, not caring about appearances anymore. Everyone is quiet for some time as I my sobs slow down and finally stop. "I was wrong," He says regretfully. I look up at him curiously still teary eyed. "I should have come. We don't have families as you do but I understand the need to ash aqun and ash kost."

"I told you he was a softy," I hear Leliana whisper to the group.

"Parsharra! Venak hol! Not a word!" Sten growls in Leliana's direction. I snicker in spite of myself.

Sten looks down at me the corners of his mouth are slightly upturned, "Are you feeling better Kadan?"

I swear to the Maker the man might be smiling.

"Better yes, myself, not quite yet. Thank you Sten," I wrap my arms around his neck giving the man a hug and impulsively kiss him on the cheek. I see a bit red enter his cheeks at the gesture. I still the impulse to comment on it and look up at him giving him a watery smile.

"Are you Ok?" I ask concerned as we stand.

He rubs his head and I can see several bruises on his greyish skin.

"I would be honored if you would spar with me in the future Kadan. You hit hard…. for a human… I can see why the others are afraid of you," He smirks.

Andraste's flaming butt cheeks! Sten is smirking. I think the void just open up and I've been transported into an alternate Thedas.

"I just assumed the other warden had weak bones," he adds dryly.

I shake my head wryly chuckling as we walk back to camp.

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><p><strong>Venak hol: "Wearying one". A mild insult.<strong>

**Parshaara:"Enough".**

**Ash Aqun: seek balance**

**Ash Kosh: seek peace**

**Herah: Time**

**Asit tal-eb:"The way things are meant to be." or "It is to be." A driving principle of the Qunari philosophy.**


	26. Chapter 26 Girl Talk

Dear Diary,

I've been sleeping for 3 days straight after the sparring match with Sten. I'm still hurting and angry but it's not a raging knot in my stomach anymore, my mind seems to have stilled and the dreams are not so terrible, strange to say but Sten's odd therapy worked. He offered to spar again if I need to.

I grab my dirty clothes and bathing items, and head out to the pond. I notice the 3 mages are in a deep conversation about goodness knows what. Shale is in her customary spot by Sten on the other side of the camp. Leliana is watching the guys spar in the open area to the left of the camp. I wave at her as I head out to the pond.

A few minutes later Leliana joins me with her dirty clothes washing hers on the rock next to mine.

"Let's have talk about our companions," she grins wickedly.

"You want to talk about Wynne and Morrigan, behind their backs, that's just… scandalous," I fake looking outraged.

I know what she means but I can't help myself.

"I know you wouldn't say anything bad behind my back," calls Morrigan snidely, walking over with clothes and soap.

"You know what I mean," Leliana snickers.

"I don't have any idea what you mean," Wynne teases lightly coming down the path.

"You want to talk about the guys don't you?" says Adela who is walking behind Wynne.

"I suppose it's alright if you're into that sort of thing," She snickers.

We all stop and look at her.

"Oh single out the girl who likes girls," She laughs.

"I don't really care what you prefer Adela, I just didn't know," I answer honestly.

She smiles at me.

"Ok if you were to have a man, who would it be?" Leliana asks cunningly.

"Sten of course," she replies without hesitation.

"Sten?" Leliana asks confused.

I know better than to ask, I just shake my head.

"Go big or go home," Adela deadpans.

We all giggle incessantly.

"Ok Wynne, what about you?" Adela asks.

"Oh I am too old to worry about such things," she brushes it off.

"Wynne, you have told Zevran several times you are old enough to be his mother. That would put you in your 40's maybe early 50's. You are older not dead!" I say teasingly.

"I would like to think on that one…"Wynne dodges deftly.

"What's the story with you and Alistair?" I tease Leliana.

"Nothing much yet, He's a good kisser," she admits smiling. "There is nothing official with us yet. We just enjoy spending time together," she explains.

"Well the goo-goo puppy dog eyes are telling another story," cackles Morrigan.

We all snicker at that one. Morrigan isn't wrong and by Leliana's small smile in response, she hit the nail head on.

"I think that Alistair, Cullen or Rory would be good matches if I were 20 years younger," Wynne says suddenly deciding to join in the conversation.

"Oh Wynne likes them tall, strong and ….able to wield a sword," Adela snickers.

We all erupt into laughter.

"What about you Elly?" Leliana asks slyly.

I don't know, I haven't thought about it really. I've just been dealing more with my own family stuff and losing Darrien. I hadn't really thought about it too much. Teagan is really nice but I just couldn't. He really deserves to be able to have proper wife.

"I don't know to be honest I like everybody," I say pragmatically.

"Yea, and eventually you will need to make a choice, I've seen the looks Zev, Cullen, Rory and Tamlen give you." she says teasing.

"Not to mention your….ahem (she coughs) dinner with Bann Teagan," She snickers.

"That won't ever happen. I told him he needed proper wife not a warden and it's not a sordid as you would like to think," I smile craftily.

"You didn't ….butter the southern pony," She asks giggling.

Laughter ensues. I'm even laughing as I'm blushing. Hopefully I can blame the laughter.

"Well?" Adela presses.

I shake my head "no" as I'm still unable to breathe.

"What about you Morrigan?" Adela asks pointedly.

"Well the dumb warden is definitely out he's pretty enough but then he talks and my brain gets angry," She sneers.

I smirk, maker I should not laugh Alistair is my friend… but damn she is funny.

"All the better for me then, I won't have competition," Leliana grins.

"However Cullen and Rory, would seem to know how to treat lady and know well enough when to be silent," She muses.

"Yea I could see that they would be terrified of being turned into a frog during the process," quips Adela.

We all snicker at that one. Morrigan looks slightly miffed but smug at the same time.

"So getting back to our little party, who are you going to pick?" Leliana asks pointedly.

"I've already answered your questions Leli, it's my turn to ask," I deflect.

"Who's "anvil" would you be polishing if you weren't making puppy eyes at Alistair?" I tease.

Everyone turns to look me in shock at my dirty euphemism. Laughter explodes. To my amazement even Wynne is laughing.

Once we gain some semblance of composure Leliana answers.

"Well…" Leliana starts smirking, "Zevran is an assassin and they usually pretty good at doing more than one thing at a time "dual wielding" and all, add to the fact he was raised in a whorehouse he probably has some crazy good skills. He would definitely be a fun tumble."

The rest of us collapse into giggles at "dual wielding".

"Cullen is good looking enough and he handles "his weapon" well by the looks of it," she says chuckling.

We titter helplessly.

"Rory has the look of a soldier who has been around the block a few times. It might be fun to take a twirl on his pike," Leliana manages to say between giggles.

Maker's breath….I'm clutching my sides with laughter, I look over I see everyone else in pretty much the same position.

Once we become somewhat calm Leliana continues.

"Tamlen is so pretty, strong too. He seems innocent as well. I don't know if I would want to be the one to buck on that horse," She states smiling at her observation.

We all smile her description of Tamlen. Tamlen has been pretty quiet so the others don't really know of my friend's own heartbreak.

"She can't stand the idea of deflowering pretty boy but has no problem with Alistair," Adela hoots loudly.

Laughter erupts once again.

"As for Ox or Sten, I'm not sure I could satisfy the demands of their Qun," Leliana continues with a smirk gracing her face.

We howl with laughter. Finally silence comes over us and we all look at each other grinning like idiots.

"Well Leliana, its good thing the only thing you need to worry about is mastering your taint," Wynne quips out of the blue.

We all look at Wynne silently flabbergasted for a moment and burst into hysterics.

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><p><strong>I know I'm horrible cheeky grin. This chapter was inspired by friend Garnet Saren and her story "This One's heart is Pure" chapter 66.<strong>


	27. Chapter 27 Sten

**Author's Note: Updating a day early as my internet is still acting up:( Enjoy:)**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I decide it was high time to take Ox's advice and have a chat with Sten. He often looks like he's lost his best friend, I notice this especially when he thinks no one is looking.

"Shanedan Sten," I greet him, remembering the greeting Ox had taught me.

He looks up at me surprised, "Kadan?"

"What caused you to kill those farmers, Sten?" I ask directly, knowing that I need to be direct as he had deflected my questions earlier.

Sten sighs, "Meravas, Kadan, I will tell you my tale. I caged myself a weak mind is a deadly foe as you are no doubt aware."

I look at him with concern, "So what happened exactly?"

"I came to your lands with 7 of my Beresaad brothers." He states calmly, "to seek answers about the blight. We made our way across the Ferelden countryside without incident, seeing nothing of the threat we were sent to observe, until the night we camped by Lake Calenhad. They came from everywhere; the earth beneath our feet, the air above us. Our own shadows harbored the darkspawn. I saw the last of the creatures cut down, too late, I fell."

"That sounds like what happened to us as Ostagar," I note compassionately.

"I heard the stories at Ostagar, your kith stood their ground when others fled, no one can do more than that," He replies with respect, "I don't know how long I lay on the battlefield along with the dead. Nor do I know how the farmers found me. I only know that when I awoke, I was no longer among my brothers, and my sword was gone from my hand."

"What did you do?" I ask curiously.

"I searched for it," he says simply, "and when that failed I asked my rescuers what had become of it."

"And then?" I prompt.

"I killed them," He says regretfully, "with my bare hands. I knew they didn't have the blade. They had no reason to lie to me. I panicked. Unthinking, I struck them down."

"You panicked over a lost blade?" I ask gently not wanting offend but wanting to understand.

He gives me an intense look for a moment. Looking for what I am unsure but he must have seen what he wished because he spoke again.

"That sword was made for my hand alone. It is my Asala. I have carried it from the day I was set into the Beresaad. I was to die wielding it for my people. Even if I could cross Ferelden and Tevinter unarmed and alone to bring my report to the Arishok, I would be slain on sight by the Antaam. They would know me as soulless, a deserter. No soldier would cast aside his blade while he drew breath."

"Couldn't you search for it?" I ask hopefully.

"If I knew where to look it would be in my hand," he replies dryly.

"Where did you fight the darkspawn?" I ask.

"Near Lake Calenhad," he says with slightest amount of regret in his voice.

"Don't worry we will find it," I offer helpfully.

"Perhaps those words are empty but thank you all the same," he says gratefully.

"So your sword is Asala? Is that a type of blade?" I ask curiously looking up at him.

"Asala means soul, the sword is my soul," he explains kindly.

"I see so going home to Par Vollen…without would mean, you have no soul." I say slowly as understanding truly hits me, "I'm so sorry Sten." I walk over and give him a hug.

He nods accepting my compassion and hugs me back for a moment before pulling away, "Your compassion is unneeded but welcome, Kadan, thank you."

"So what changed your mind?" I ask.

He nods in understanding of the question, "you did, you show wisdom in your decisions, you are more than you look, Basalit-an."

"Thank you, Sten" I offer appreciatively.

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><p><strong>Shanedan: greeting, translation literally is I will hear you<strong>

**Meravas: so shall it be**

**Beresaad: scouting company (military unit) which belongs to the vanguard of the antaam. Literally means "those who reach ahead."**

**Asala: soul**

**Arishok:****One of the Triumvirate, the three pillars/leaders of the Qunari people, leader of the army.**

**Antaam: Literally "body", a name for the Qunari army.**

**Basalit-an: A non-Qunari worthy of respect.**


	28. Chapter 28 The Frostbacks

**Author's note: so happy that the internet line outside the house is finally fixed, sharing my giddiness with all:)**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I split the group into 2 as we have some many people. I, Morrigan, Zevran, Tamlen, Ox, Shale and Cullen head to the Frostbacks and Orzammar while Alistair, Leliana, Wynne, Sten, Rory and Adela head to the area on the map near Lake Calenhad to look for Sten's sword. We agree to meet outside of Orzammar.

We finally get to Orzammar, located in the unrelenting cold of the Frostback Mountains. To say that Orzammar is a mess would be vast understatement. More like their politics are just as convoluted and discombobulated as Fereldans' are at the moment. As a noble I understand the intricacies of Dwarven Politics and thankfully any other questions are answered by Adela. It is similar to the noble game but with more killing. Instead of committing social suicide, they just kill you.

I realize quickly that I will need to pick a side and help that person take the throne to be able to get any support for the grey wardens, as the dwarves are too worried about politics to give a nug's ass about the blight on surface. So we set to gathering information about two dwarves vying for the throne.

After meeting Zerlinda and hearing her story, I plead with her to take her son to the surface. I make sure her and son eat, and give them some sovereigns to tide her over until she can find work. She asks if I wish to hold the child for a moment and I can't resist. The baby has a full belly and happily coos in my arms. It makes me smile as I hold the little dwarven tike, not that ever really thought about having children before but I do love holding them. I talk to him and he smiles and laughs. I look over and see Zevran with a real smile on his face; it strikes me that I have never seen that look on his face before.

Alistair's group makes good time meeting us within a few days of us getting to Orzammar.

We decide to make camp outside of the Dwarven city to discuss how to deal with the situations referring to Dwarven politics and what they discovered about Sten's sword.

Upon finding out that Faryn a merchant I spoke previously to may have Sten's sword I take Sten to talk to the merchant.

"Makers breathe!" Faryn startles as he sees us walk up, "I beg your pardon, friend, you uh…startled me."

"We're looking for Qunari sword," I say flatly.

"Qun… What…I'm sorry, I don't know what that…" He starts.

"Where is my sword?" Sten interrupts.

"I don't know what you mean, Ser" the man blathers.

I smile wickedly, "I'd give it to him if I were you, Faryn."

"I don't have it," pleads Faryn, "I swear on Andraste's knickers, I sold it on the way here."

"Who did you sell it to?" I ask, pulling out a dagger and cleaning my nails. A simple scare tactic and it seems to work.

"A dwarf near Redcliff," Faryn sputters, "Dwyn I think his name was."

"I know Dwyn. What would a Dwyn want with a Qunari blade?" I wonder.

"Said he was a collector," Faryn says a bit calmer, "he has the sword I promise."

"We'll see," Sten answers glaring at him.

We head back to camp.

I call everyone to the main fire as I wish to speak to all of them.

"It seems Orzammar is mess, I announce we need to decide what to do as we cannot enforce the treaty with the dwarves unless there is a King on throne. Opinions?" I ask.

Adela speaks up, "I think we should go with Harrowmont he is the honorable choice."

I admit I'm surprised at her attitude, I honestly thought she would be all about helping the casteless, but I admit Bhelen's methods are not honorable. Her sense of honor overcomes they fact that Harrowmont could give two shits about the casteless.

"But what of the casteless?" I ask playing demon's advocate.

"I know," she says sadly," but we cannot let Bhelen take the crown. He only cares for himself. I know the girl he has the child with, sweet girl, too nice for him. He killed his brother and had his sister exiled. I wouldn't be surprised if he helped the king to his deathbed or it could be the king so heartbroken it finally took a toll on him. It was well known he was loving father especially after his queen died."

I smile remembering my own family.

"Perhaps we could offer the casteless something different," Alistair says with his eyes lighting up.

We all turn to look at him.

"We need wardens and soldiers to fight the blight. How about we offer them something of a life away from Dust Town?" He says brightly.

"Not a bad idea," I grin at him, "I think Harrowmont is a close minded fool, they complain that Dwarves are dwindling in number but they refuse to even acknowledge the casteless, they could be a valuable resource."

"Well it is said the casteless were rejected by the stone itself," Adela says thoughtfully, "in dwarven tradition, so they are considered the same way surface dwarves so not much difference there. The nobles will be pissed as they haven't got the casteless to do their dirty work for them." She giggles wickedly.

Everyone looks at me and nods.

"Okay then, we are agreed," I announce, "I will take Sten, Ox, Tamlen, and Zevran with me to Redcliff. Alistair will put together who he needs for whatever tasks Harrowmont wishes us to do to get the rock licker on the throne." I grin as Adela giggles, "And the rest can see how the casteless feel about a life on the surface."

* * *

><p>Rock licker- another name for bronto<p> 


	29. Chapter 29 The Sword of the Beresaad

Dear Diary,

We enter Redcliff and are greeted happily by the townspeople. After checking with Bella and Owen to restock, we head to Dwyn's house. I make sure to knock this time. As we enter he says, "Some fight, reminds me why I left Orzammar in the first place."

"Thank you for helping with the battle, Dwyn," I say appreciatively leaning against the doorway.

"Hey, anything for Redcliff right?" He banters grinning.

"I'm looking for a Qunari blade you bought," I say smiling.

He looks surprised for moment, "now why would you be asking for that?"

"It's mine," Sten says simply.

Dwyn looks up at Sten and groans, "You know, Faryn didn't mention the giant he took it from was alive."

He debates for a moment, "you helped fight for Redcliff as well, I'd be a nuglicker's ass not to give it to you," he hands Sten a key, "it's in my strongbox in the other room."

"Would dinner and ale make it up to you?" I ask mischievously grinning.

"Only if you're buying," he banters cheekily.

We head to tavern only to be stopped on the way by Redcliff soldiers and Bann Teagan.

"Warden," he chides lightly, "you should have told us you were here. You must come and dine and stay the night at the castle I won't take no for answer."

"I would be delighted good Ser," I tease cheekily, "I wasn't planning on an extended stay we plan to leave in the morning, my apologies for not letting you know I was here. However, I am taking my friend Dwyn out for a meal and ale."

"Well then," Teagan announces smiling, "He may join us as well."

As we walk to castle Dwyn looks at me in amazement, "you know you said you would put in a good word but I never thought I would be dining with the Bann."

"Oh," I say, glancing at him sideways, "I already put in a good word consider this a bonus."

"What if I use the wrong fork?" He asks half teasing, half slightly anxious.

"Just be yourself and don't worry about it Teagan isn't going to kill you for using the wrong utensil," I tease lightly; "If you are really worried just copy what I do."

We get to castle; I see Isolde and Connor are waiting. Connor runs up to me giving me a tight hug. Isolde walks over and hugs me too, much to my surprise. I figured she was just grateful for Connor's life before.

"I spoke with Bann Gilmore. I'm sorry for what happened at Cousland Castle," she whispers softly. I am shocked maybe she's not such a shrew after all or maybe recent events have opened her eyes. Or maybe she thinks to profit somehow. Regardless, I pull back and say, "thank you, Lady Isolde."

"Lady Cousland, would you play a game with me?" Connor pleads.

I look at him and pretend to debate, "only if you call me Elly, or Auntie," I say smiling.  
>Isolde nods and smiles at me.<p>

"Well my plans are set until dinner," I say smiling, "What are all you guys going to get into?"

"Do you have library?" Ox politely asks Teagan.

"Of course, I'll have a servant take you," Teagan smiles.

"I would like to see the library as well," Sten announces.

This raises my eyebrow as I know Sten doesn't care for Ox one bit. I don't ask I just let it go.

Tamlen, Zevran, Dwyn look at each other.

"How about a sparring match?" Zev asks mischievously.

"I'm in," says Dwyn.

"I don't see why not," admits Tamlen but he has a twinkle in eye belying his eagerness.

"I shall join you as well," Teagan offers.

Dwyn's eyes get huge. I can tell he is worried about offending the Bann.

Teagan must have noticed, "Don't worry Dwyn; I saw you fight, your skill far surpasses mine. I would appreciate some pointers though."

The dwarf relaxes and smiles.

I grin as I walk away leaving them to it.

After 2 games of Old Dowager, the maid lets us know it's time for dinner and we head downstairs to the dining room.

I sit down between Zevran and Dwyn, "so how was sparring?" I ask.

"I learned a lot from Ser Dwyn," Teagan says smiling charmingly.

Dwyn is beaming from ear to ear.

Tamlen looks at me, "Zevran is learning about bows and I'm learning about dual wielding."

I remember Leliana's comment and stifle a snicker but I can't keep from smiling.

"It's always good to expand your knowledge," I say settling my gaze on Sten and Ox.

"The library was larger than I imagined," Ox says lightly.

"It was adequate," Sten says firmly.

As we enjoy the meal and the ale flows, the banter gets noisier. Ox and Sten excuse themselves. Dwyn heads back to the village with a few soldiers as it's better to be safe than sorry as Teagan put it. Isolde collects Connor to tuck him into bed. Interesting she doesn't have a servant do it. That's something I guess. I might be warming up to her; she really does love that child.

Just Tamlen, Zev, Teagan and I remain at the table. "I propose we play game," Teagan says roguishly.

The cards are brought and rousing game of Diamondback ensues. Rules are set the winner can ask any of losers to remove a piece of clothing.

The betting and bluffing that ensues for the next two hours is amazing. By the time the last hand is dealt the I am comfortably sitting my long tunic with a permanent smirk on my face, however the poor Tamlen is looking pretty self-conscious and is out of the game have as he has run out clothing. Zevran is snickering at the poor elf's discomfiture and betting on his smalls. Teagan is smiling roguishly thinking he has everyone beat. He is also only in his smalls. I peek at my cards and keeping my face schooled, realize that no one can beat me as I have drawn the magician-priestess. So it is with a schooled face I raise the ante.

Zevran seems to think it over and finally says, "You only live once!" and raises the ante again. Tegan thinks about it and matches Zev's bet. When the cards are shown, I grin cheekily at Zev.

"As you wish, Warden," He smirks in response to my gaze, removing his smalls and setting them on the table.

I look at the three of them Tamlen looking decidedly uncomfortable, Zevran is grinning saucily, and Teagan has that knavish look he can get. Instead of dealing another round, I decide to reach over the table and grab the coin I won during the night.

"Well gentleman, I thank you for a ….most entertaining evening," I say looking at them mischievously, "However it late and I must get some sleep before we leave in the morning."

With that I grab my leggings and armor and gracefully walk out of the room leaving the three stunned men behind me. Once I get to my designated guest room, I giggle wickedly and carefully put the coins in my bag and crawl into the bed.


	30. Chapter 30 Some Down Time

Dear Diary,

We return to our camp back in the Frostbacks. It seems that Alistair has taken Adela, Cullen, Wynne and Leliana to root out the carta at Harrowmont's request. I hear how Adela won the proving. The same stone that rejected her for castelessness is the stone that favored her as she won the proving. I can't help but to snicker wickedly at the fact that it must be causing all sorts of mayhem within the noble circles.

We sit around the fire enjoying a meal and warming up after our long trek from Redcliff. After we finish eating I start to wash my dish and Sten takes it from me and washes it for me. I look at him curiously as he puts the dish and utensils back into the pack.

"I had almost forgotten it," he says sadly, "Completion."

I look at him and smile as I was happy to help my stoic friend.

"Are you sure you are a grey warden? You must be an Ashkaari to find a single lost blade in a country at war," He says looking at me with curiousity.

"What will you do now?" I ask with a pining glance.

"My sword is my hand again and I should put it too good use, and I could deliver a much more satisfying answer to the Arishok's question if the blight were ended don't you agree?" Sten says pragmatically.

"Absolutely," I answer smiling.

"Lead the way, Kadan," He smiles as I walk back toward the fire. I hold my hands over the fire warming them up debating if I should return to my tent.

* * *

><p>"Can I talk to you Elly?" Rory asks.<p>

"Of course," I answer smiling. We walk a bit away from the campfire.

"I just wanted to give you this…" he shuffles nervously, and hands me a package wrapped in burlap and tied with string.

I untie the string and unwrap the burlap to find a familiar looking bottle, I look at Rory curiously.

"Perfume?" I ask curiously, looking up at him.

"Well," he says nervously, "considering the previously heat and fighting, and everything you been through, I remember you wearing it, at the Castle…"he trails off.

"It's a lovely gift and my favorite scent…but I have to ask how did you know it was this particular type?" I smile at him inquisitively.

"I took a shot at it, I remembered the scent I guess," he says grinning happily.

"Thank you, Rory," I say appreciatively. I stand up on tiptoe and kiss his cheek.

A cold wind gusts up and I pull my cloak around me.

"We should get back to fire," he says practically putting an arm around me for warmth.

We walk back to fire it's pretty comfortable except for the occasional breeze that comes through.

* * *

><p>Tamlen hasn't said much since the card game at Redcliffe and I wonder if it was a bit much for him. I go to my pack and grab some wine we picked up Redcliff and sit next to Tamlen. He looks at me briefly dropping his eyes to the ground.<p>

"I take you never played strip diamondback with the clan," I state lightly opening the bottle and handing it to him.

He looks at me briefly and takes the bottle. "It was an interesting experience…although I don't think I wish to repeat it" He says blushing as he takes a quick swig from the bottle.

"It's ok, Tamlen, You have nothing to be embarrassed about," I say firmly as he hands the bottle to me, "After all it's not every day I have 3 supremely attractive and sexy men sitting naked at table with me." I grin mischievously at him taking a swig from the bottle myself. He smirks in spite of his still slightly rosy face.

Rory looks at me for a minute overhearing the conversation and snickers, "Elly, what did you do?"

"She didn't do anything," Zevran grins as I hand him the bottle, "Except, accept the challenge of strip diamondback and win. Possibly corrupting our Dalish friend for life."

"And yet all agreed to the Bann's rules," I note grinning.

Rory chuckles, "Why, am I not surprised?"

"Actually the whole thing was Teagan's idea," I tease as Zev returns the bottle and I take another drink. Then hand the bottle back to Tamlen.

"So the Bann, Zevran, Tamlen and you?" He asks chuckling looking at Zev and Tamlen and then back at me.

"I learned to never play cards with Elly," he says teasing, "She almost always wins."

"I have to say the warden was rather fetching walking out with our money, in her tunic," Zevran banters.

I clink my coin purse to make the point and grin wickedly.

"Oh so you did lose a few hands," Rory pretends to look surprised.

"Ok, Wicked grace in my tent," I offer taking a drink, "No crazy bets just a game, I'll ask Morrigan if she would like to join."

Ten minutes later we all make it to my tent as it is the larger of most of the tents except perhaps for Morrigan's. Morrigan brings her staff and lights it as means for us to see. Sten of course declines the offer but Rory, Tamlen, Zev, and Ox decided to join in. I teach Morrigan how to play…I find my assessment was correct she does bluff exceedingly well. In fact she seems to revel in the game. We enjoy a few hours of the game before everyone stumbles to their respective tents and sleeps.

* * *

><p><strong>Ashkaari: one who seeks, scientists, philosophers or those have found enlightenment<strong>


	31. Chapter 31 The Deep Roads

Dear Diary,

Alistair returns with another warden recruit by the name of Leske. He is one of casteless. Alistair does introductions with a lot less flourish than I did but I'm glad he made the attempt. I'm also glad he recruited someone without me it seems his confidence is growing. Perhaps the gentle nudging I've been giving him has helped.

We all convene to be debriefed it seems Harrowmont now wants us to go the deep roads to look for the Paragon Branka. I don't really want to take any non-wardens to the deep roads for fear of the taint but in reality that just isn't feasible as we need a well-balanced group to prepare for anything.

I decide to take Morrigan, Zevran, Shale, and Tamlen with me. We head into Orzammar. Past the proving grounds and to the deep roads entrance where we are stopped by drunken red haired dwarf.

"Stranger," he says in way of greeting, "have you seen a grey warden hereabouts? I've been privy to a rumor that he…or was it she—you must understand this was many mugs ago—was searching for Branka on Lord Harrowmont's own command."

I appreciate the honestly about the several mugs as it seems he's had several recently.

"What does the grey warden look like?" I ask unable to keep from grinning.

"Stout and muscular, but with a strong jaw and a bold nose, surrounded by a great glowing nimbus, if she's a woman, she might be more slight, but her eyes will shine with purity and her large but chaste bosom will heave magnificently. I've been looking for hours, but I haven't seen anyone who looks like that, very frustrating," He says as seriously as a drunk possibly can.

I look over at my companions, Zev and Tamlen are trying to stifle snickers, and Morrigan seems amused with smirk coloring her face even Shale looks as if she might crack a smile.

"Sorry I haven't seen anyone who fits that description," I offer, once again unable to contain my mirth.

"You are a grey warden," he decides narrowing his eyes perceptively, "don't you try to pull one on old Oghren."

Maybe not as drunk as he smells I note.

"Yes, I am a warden," I say with an amused chuckle.

"Name's Oghren," he says grinning, "and if you've heard of me before, it's probably about how I piss ale and kill little boys who look at me wrong." He ends with short laugh, "and that's mostly true but the part they didn't tell you is how I'm the only one still trying to save our only living paragon."

Why would he even be interested?

"and if you're looking for Branka, I'm the only one who knows what she was looking for, which might be pretty sodding helpful in finding her," He adds hopefully.

"Why haven't you gone after her then?" I ask curiously amusement replaced by puzzlement.

"Believe me I have," he sighs, "But where she was going, it was a lost thaig. No one's seen it in centuries. I searched as far as I could but…it would take teams of warriors searching weeks on end to cover ground enough to hope to find it."

I nod in understanding hoping it will prompt him to go on.

"Which I assume Harrowmont's men have done." He says cunningly, "And they shared what they found with you. But they haven't found Branka herself, and that means whatever they got, it's not enough if you don't know what she was looking for. If we pool our knowledge, we stand a good chance of finding Branka, otherwise good sodding luck."

"Don't I have enough lunatics following me already," I tease smirking.

"Perfect, what's one more," he banters.

Oh lovely in addition to our already ...diverse group now we are bringing a smelly drunk.

"Branka was a brilliant girl," he says more seriously, "but half the time she'd add two and two and make it fifty. If you want to find her, you need to know how she thinks."

"What makes you think you can trust me?" I quip with another smirk. I hear Zevran stifle a snort behind me obviously he is highly amused.

"Ach!" He growls, "I'm not some sodding elf maiden who sits around and waits for a passing hero to solve my problems. I'm a bloody warrior! I mean to get her back, and you wouldn't be down here if you weren't trying to for the same thing. Branka was looking for the Anvil of the Void. It might have been the most important invention in Orzammar's history."

"Oh you mean the anvil, created by Paragon Caridin, that created the golems like my friend here," I say innocently with wide eyes.

Oghren actually looks at Shale and realizes what she is and then back it me in surprise.

"As far as anyone knows, the anvil was built in the old Ortan Thaig. Branka planned to start looking there, if she could find it," he offers, "all she knew it that it was past Caridin's Cross. No one's seen that thaig for five hundred years."

"Why do you care about Branka so much?" I ask curiously. I know I'm being nosy but why would any random dwarf really care no one else does unless it's to put someone on the throne.

"Why?" he says astonished I don't know, "We were sodding married until she left me and took our whole house into the deep roads on her mad quest for the anvil. It was a stupid move. If I'd been with her, she'd made it back years ago."

Well that is a good reason I suppose. I give him an appraising look.

"But I forgive her." He adds generously.

"Harrowmont gave a map to Caridin's Cross," I offer.

"If we're going, let's get moving. Branka's not going to sodding find herself," he grumbles.

With that we head into the deep roads. Oghren grumbling about sodding nobles taking their sweet ass time and drinking from a flask that smelled strongly of alcohol and maker knows what else.


	32. Chapter 32 Down a Rabbit Hole

Dear Diary,

We have been in the deep roads for a week, I think. We found Caridin's Cross easily enough with the map Harrowmont had given us. However, Caridin's Cross is a crossroads that goes in many directions, and we unsure of which way to go from there.

We clear out the darkspawn and make camp. As we can't tell what time of day it is so far underground, we've been making camp when we tire.

"Oghren, any ideas?" I ask curiously gesturing to the many directions of the crossroads.

He grunts shaking his head tiredly, grabs his flask and taking a long drink.

"The path to northeast seems to be clear. We can head that way tomorrow," I offer optimistically.

He grunts again in agreement and sits staring into the fire glassy-eyed. Shale has been wonderful on this adventure into the deep roads, taking watch all night for us as she has no physical need for sleep. Well, I think it may be a she, as it seems to have a slight crush on Sten.

After having a quiet meal, we crawl into our bedrolls to get some rest. Suddenly, we are roused from our slumber by Shale's warning. I feel darkspawn. Drowsiness is overtaken by fear for my friends as I grab my daggers. Everyone has been sleeping in full armor since we came here, just to be safe. After all I doubt the darkspawn would wait for us to be fully armored. Once the last darkspawn is killed, I look over at everyone assessing for injuries.

"Anyone hurt?" I ask.

Thankfully they shake their heads. I breathe a sigh of relief; I'm in constant fear of non-tainted companions becoming tainted.

"Well, we might as well move on, I don't think I can sleep anymore, anyway," I say wryly.

"I am in agreement," Morrigan says nodding her head.

"As you wish, Falon," Tamlen agrees as well.

Zevran nods and Oghren grunts in acknowledgement, so we put out the fire and collect the packs, and head toward the northeast opening I mentioned earlier.

The trek through the tunnel is pretty quiet with exception of a few deepstalkers. The tunnel opens up into what they call Thaig, basically an underground city.

"Aeducan Thaig," Oghren says in astonishment, "This place has been lost for centuries."

"How do you know which thaig it is?" I ask curiously.

He points to plaque written in dwarven above what obviously used to be a grand building.

As we make our way to an open area in the middle of crumbling thaig we see a lone dwarf fighting deepstalkers that have surrounded her.

"Let's go!" I yell running to the fray, I hear the clanking of heavy armor behind me and know that Oghren is running as well. We help the dwarf dispatch the deepstalkers and after the last one is felled she looks up at me.

"I thank you for the timely rescue, stranger," she says smiling, "But if I may be so bold who are you what are you doing in the deep roads?"

"Don't tell me you don't know a grey warden when you see one, Lady Aeducan," Oghren teases as he steps into her view grinning.

"Oghren," she says with a touch of disgust, "How did you manage to get permission to come to the deep roads? Last I knew you were forbidden to enter."

I look at Oghren questioningly.

"I didn't exactly ask permission," Oghren admits, "but I decided to tag along with the Warden, to look for Branka."

Lady Aeducan looks thoughtfully for a moment, "So if you are looking for Branka that means the assembly is arguing about the next King, does that mean my father is dead?" she asks only a slight waver in voice gives her away.

I look at the dwarf with sympathy, "I'm afraid so, the assembly is in an uproar and there is fighting in the streets over a new king. Everyone is picking a side between Harrowmont and Bhelen."

Her face hardens at the mention of Bhelen, "My brother is reason I am here," she spits angrily.

"I heard whispers, that Bhelen killed his brother and framed his sister; I assume you are that sister?" I ask gently.

She nods, "Tristan was killed here, Granted he was pompous prick and we didn't get along but he was my brother and I did love him. I happened upon his dead body and everyone just assumed I killed him. I've been searching for evidence that Bhelen did it, but with the deepstalkers I haven't been able to search much yet."

"Well we are in the deep roads on behalf of Harrowmont looking for Branka; he seems to think she can break the stalemate between the deshyrs. Even we had to pick a side between Harrowmont and Bhelen." I explain quickly.

"But why would you care about Dwarven politics?" Lady Aeducan asks politely.

"There is a blight on the surface, I came with the grey warden treaties to get Dwarven help. However the treaties only compel a king to help and Orzammar is in chaos without a king. So a king must be put on the throne." I patiently explain.

She contemplates my words for a moment and smiles, "That would explain the lack of darkspawn I've seen. Seems you have a good grasp on Orzammar politics, Warden. Harrowmont is good man, if a bit traditional. He was one of the few who believed me but without proof I was banished to the deep roads."

"Since we are here I see no reason not to help you look," I offer smiling.

She gives me a small smile, "Let's get started then."

We search the thaig finding plenty of old treasures but no evidence. I sigh in defeat as we have pretty much combed the thaig and walk to the side of one of the buildings to sit and take a moment. As I sit I notice a loose stone on the side of the building. I wiggle it out and note there is a small recess behind it, it appears to be trapped, but I cannot know if it is magically trapped as well so I call Morrigan over.

"What can I do for you?" she asks curtly.

"I found this hidden recess behind the stone." I explain patiently, "it's trapped but I can't be sure if it is magically trapped or not. Would you please check it?"

"Of course," she says in softer tone, "you realize that dwarves don't have magic though, I assume."

"Well from what Alistair told me the carta employs all types even apostate mages," I say simply, "I'd rather be safe than sorry."

I've been of the thought that carta was behind Tristan's death anyway, from what I saw the nobles don't like to get their hands dirty.

Morrigan nods in understanding as she does her spell. There is flash of blue light, "no magical traps," she says triumphantly.

I reach into the recess and finding the springs of the mechanical trap, I disarm it. Once disarmed I reach in again and feel parchment. Pulling it out I look at it, it is written in dwarven and I can't read it. We walk back out to the open area.

"Lady Aeducan, Oghren can you come here?" I call out, "I found something."

They quickly make their way over to me, "Can you read this?" I offer holding the parchment to Lady Aeducan.

She scans it over, and a smile crosses her face, "You found it, Warden, this is a payment ledger to the Carta, from Bhelen" then she frowns. "It won't be enough though," she says sadly.

"Why?" I ask curiously.

"It only shows that Bhelen paid them to do something it doesn't say what, it just says for services rendered," she explains shaking her head.

"Won't it at least make the deshyrs doubt him?" I ask curiously, remembering that sometimes with nobles doubt can be enough.

"Yes," she sighs sadly, her face drawn, "but it won't be enough to discredit him completely and clear my name."

She seems to need some time so I walk over and start a fire as we have decided to camp here tonight. I feel horrible for her, to be accused of her brother's murder, that was orchestrated by her other brother and finding out about her father's death. The hope of clearing her name dashed. I can kind of imagine her feelings about losing her father, but the rest I can't imagine what the poor girl is going through.

"Warden," Lady Aeducan calls to me.

I walk over to her. "I wish to talk to you privately," she says gesturing away from the others.

I walk with her out of earshot of the others.

"I've been contemplating what to do now," She explains, "There is no reason for me to stay here. I was thinking that I could come with you and perhaps become a grey warden."

I look at the dwarf, wondering if there is another way, seeing none as she should probably at least accompany us just for safety. "Lady Aeducan if this what you wish…"

"It's not my first choice," she admits interrupting, "but my options are limited, I'm a damn good rogue and my skills can be used to do some good instead being another decaying corpse in the deep roads."

"I'll tell you what, Lady Aeducan" I reply with compassion, "come with us to find Branka and when we get back to surface if this is what you still want I will make you warden."

She smiles, "Agreed but enough with this Lady Aeducan thing, I can tell you are nobility as well, you carry yourself as such, and you don't run around having everyone call you by a title. Call me Serena."

I look at her slightly surprised at her skills of perception.

"Once you join the wardens you leave titles and your past behind," I explain smiling, "and please call me Elly."

She grins happily, "I am lucky you found me and not Legion of the Dead."


	33. Chapter 33 F Spiders

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure how long we have been in these damn deep roads. I'm craving the sun and even the cold wintry Frostbacks would be a welcome change. How do the dwarves stand to live underground for their entire lives?

We discover Ortan Thaig and the poor tainted dwarf living there. I know it would be a mercy to kill him but I just can't. Oghren notes that Branka had definitely gone through here. I find a chest containing the names of those who were families of the Thaig and remember Orta. As we continue through the Thaig we come over a bridge and to a place where we fight some huge spiders it seems to be a main nest.

The queen seems to disappear and leave what I can only guess are solder spiders out to continue fighting. As we are fighting the queen drops down right one. I give a blood curdling scream, as it pins me down. I hate spiders even the small ones. I look from my vantage point on the ground and see Zevran racing over to me with a look of horror on his face. The creature has my arms pinned to my sides I can't even pull up my daggers to even try to strike. I struggle helplessly under the huge heavy creature.

He starts stabbing the creature, a moment later I feel rather than see Oghren's axe slice through the spider's legs that were pinning down my right arm. I grab my dagger tightly and using one hand to stab the creature from below repeatedly. Nausea hits me as I feel its innards spilling onto my body. I can see Shale's legs briefly behind the creature and feel her pummeling the creature. It finally drops down on me and I hear rather than feel my ribs crack. I panic again, "Get it off, Get it off" I scream. They roll the dead creature off of me. I stand up quickly ignoring the shooting pain from broken ribs walk a few feet away and heave the contents of my stomach.

Zevran walks over to me laying a comforting hand on my shoulder, "It's ok Elly, it's over now."

"Why does it have be fucking spiders?" I manage to grind out holding my ribs.

He starts to grin and sees me holding my ribs, his expression changes to concerned, "Elly is injured we need to make camp now." He commands.

I grimace but I know he's right. He walks me over to place we can sit, I look down at myself I am coated with the insides of the spider. Realizing this I almost heave again. I look up and see Oghren standing in front of me, "here," he says almost gently offering me a relatively clean tunic, "Use that to wipe yourself off."

I take the tunic gratefully and start wiping off my skin first. Then I start wiping down my armor.

"Let me, Elly," Zevran says softly, having removed his gloves he takes the tunic from my hands. I nod and he wipes the worst of the mess off me.

Morrigan has come with her pack of herbs. "These spiders were tainted with poison," she announces, "We must neutralize the poison since both of you were exposed."

"I'm sorry Zev," I say apologetically knowing if he hadn't touched the tunic to clean me off, he would be out of danger from the poison.

"Its fine, Elly," he says comforting me. Looking back at Morrigan he asks, "What do we need to do?"

"You need to put this salve everywhere any part of innards of the spider touched you to neutralize the poison. Once that is done I can heal any other injuries," she says calmly.

"Morrigan, would you please grab our packs?" Zevran asks softly.

The witch regards him quietly for moment, "yes, I will," She says shortly. She returns in moments with our packs.

"Thank you, Morrigan," I say appreciatively. She nods and walks away.

Zevran looks at me warmly, "I know you are hurt and I don't wish you to damage yourself any further. May I?" he asks fingering one of the clasps on my armor.

I nod dumbly. He gently unclasps the one he is touching and the others on my armor, my leathers are soaked through, the armor is ruined. I couldn't dare put it back on without risk. I sigh looking at it.

He opens the salve after rubbing some on his hands he digs into my bag pulling out a clean tunic and leggings so as not to contaminate the clothing. Then tugs at my ruined tunic and looks at me questioningly. I nod and put my arms over my head hissing with pain as I do so.

"This was not how I envisioned undressing you, Dear Warden," he teases lightly trying to distract me from the pain.

I smirk wryly at the jest. As he pulls the tunic off of me and tosses it behind some rocks. My breast band is also soaked I note, I blush hard realizing that the clasp is in the back and that he will have to remove it. As if he realizes my self-consciousness he hands me the salve and I rub some into my hands and arms. He grabs the clean tunic and moves behind me. He quickly undoes the clasp and sits with his back to mine as I rub the salve onto my torso. I hear a catcall from Oghren and glare at him blushing. Tamlen is busying himself with the fire averting his gaze.

As soon as I finish I raise my arms hissing again and he reaches up to get the arms of the tunic over my hands and slides it down over me. I stand to unbuckle my breeches letting them drop I step out of them, thankfully my small clothes are intact, but my calves and lower thighs have been hit by the spider's liquids. I take the salve and put some on my thighs but as I try to get my calves, I grunt in pain.

"Please Elly, let me," He asks pleading.

"Very well," I nod in acquiescence.

He kneels in front of me placing my foot on his thigh and rubs some salve on my calf massaging it in it does feel nice I relax. He then switches doing the other calf. I sigh again relaxing into it. I sit relaxing for a moment as the calf massage was wonderful, I briefly wonder how he would be in bed and blush hotly realizing I'm daydreaming with him right in front of me. I quickly look at the elf he is busy closing up the salve and thankfully doesn't seem to notice.

"There," He says crisply looking up and smiling at me, "Now we just need to get Morrigan to knit your ribs back together and you will be yourself again."

I grin at him thankfully.

"Morrigan," he calls, "we are ready for you."


	34. Chapter 34 Branka's House

Dear Diary,

We spend the night/day (?) camping near the spiders nest. To be honest, I hardly slept after that even though Morrigan healed me up. I'm up before everyone else and making tea. As soon as the others have had tea and a light breakfast, we head back over the bridge to the main part of Ortan Thaig back to Ruck, the poor tainted, twisted dwarf. After promising to tell his mother he was dead, Ruck agrees to trade with us. I find some armor that will work for me, as I really don't wish to trek through the deep roads without any.

While I was being healed up Oghren and Serena found some of Branka's writings and a few baubles. Oghren brings me Branka's notes and I read them as they are written in common and not dwarven. I hand them back to Oghren immediately. He looks at me with a suprised expression on his face.

"I thought you might need them," he says looking at me quizzically.

"No, Oghren," I smile at him sadly, "These may be last words Branka wrote. You should have them."

He looks at me for moment giving me an intense searching gaze. He gently takes the parchment and says, "thank you, Warden," as he quickly walks away. If I didn't know any better, I would have said the tough dwarf had tears in his eyes. As they were shining suspiciously as he turned to walk away.

It seems Branka was headed to the dead trenches; this is where the Darkspawn breed and have the highest concentration. I worry about my non-warden companions going there but it's where we are headed. I wonder if Branka is tainted and what condition we will find her in.

We make it to the dead trenches and find the canyon below filled with darkspawn. The archdemon flies out, we quickly drop and flatten ourselves behind the natural wall above the chasm. I can feel the taint within the creature pulling at me, it is almost unbearably strong. I look over at Tamlen; his face is twisted in horror, probably mirroring my own. The archdemon flies over the horde and roars directions, I don't understand the words but I feel strongly compelled follow and I almost stand up. Zevran grabs onto me, as I squirm, he holds me down to keep me hidden. I panic looking at Tamlen again and see Serena holding him down as well. The archdemon flies closer making a loop around us. I know it can sense us. Then it looks right where we are hidden. I can't breathe. I'm terrified and drawn to follow at the same time, it's so conflicting. Then it flies away in the opposite direction from which we came and the horde starts marching.

After a few moments Zevran helps me stand, "Elly, are you ok?"

I feel like I've been punched in the solar plexus as I gulp lungfuls of air. I give him a small smile, "I think so."

I look over at Tamlen and see Serena checking on him as well. He gives me a small smile with a nod of his head letting know he alright as well.

"By the ancestor's tits!" Oghren breathes after we come out of cover, "Was that the archdemon?" he states more of an exclamation than a question.

I nod at him and shudder, "it speaks to us, It knows we are here just as we can feel the taint in it, it felt us too."

"By Fen'Harel's ass! How are we supposed to kill that?" Tamlen asks incredulously.

I look at my friend sadly, "I don't know Tamlen, but I think it may have something to do with the taint."

We pick our way down the mountain into Bownammar. The dwarves from the Legion of the Dead are holding the line here. However we need to cross the bridge where the darkspawn are to continue to on. We fight our way across the bridge and clear the other side of darkspawn.

This seems to impress the Legion of the Dead, the leader of the group, Kardol mentions meeting Duncan, I am thankful that Alistair isn't here as he would be reduced to tears. He warns me that drunks make bad allies. I assume he means Oghren. I smile charmingly explaining there is a blight and ask them to help with the surface as he has noticed there are less darkspawn to deal with in the deep roads. He politely declines the offer and we go our separate ways.

We work our way through the Dead Trenches, taking out darkspawn as we find them. Finally we come upon a dwarven woman who feels tainted but it doesn't feel the same as with warden's, or darkspawn. She looks severely ill. She is feverish with dark blotches on her skin.

She looks almost like Tamlen did but not decaying. I wonder briefly if we can save her. She seems to be reciting a poem.

_First day, they come and catch everyone._  
><em>Second day, they beat us and eat some for meat.<em>  
><em>Third day, the men are all gnawed on again.<em>  
><em>Fourth day, we wait and fear for our fate.<em>  
><em>Fifth day, they return and it's another girl's turn.<em>  
><em>Sixth day, her screams we hear in our dreams.<em>  
><em>Seventh day, she grew as in her mouth they spew.<em>  
><em>Eighth day, we hated as she is violated.<em>  
><em>Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin.<em>  
><em>Now she does feast, as she's become the beast.<em>  
><em>Now you lay and wait, for their screams will haunt you in your dreams.<em>

Oghren recognizes her as Hespith, a poetess from Branka's house.

Speaking gently to her, I manage to pull her out of poem and she looks at me with astonishment and says "What is this? A human? Bland and unlikely. Feeding time brings only kin and clan. I am cruel to myself. You are a dream of strangers' faces and open doors."

"Is this darkspawn corruption it looks…different?" I ask concerned. I look at the others hoping for answers, but receive no response.

"Corruption! The men did that!" she answers harshly, "Their wounds festered and their minds left. They are like dogs, marched ahead, the first to die."

She pauses and rubs her wrists fidgeting, "Not us. Not me. Not Laryn. We are not cut. We are fed. Friends and flesh and blood and bile and…and…" her voice breaks sorrowfully.

"All I could do was wish Laryn went first. I wished it upon her so that I would be spared." She says guiltily, "But I had to watch. I had to see the change. How do you endure that? How did Branka endure?"

"What change?" I press, "What are they doing?"

"What they are allowed to do. What they think they must. And Branka…" she trails off for a moment, "Her lover and I could not turn her. Forgive her…but no, she cannot be forgiven. Not for what she did. Nor for what she has become."

"What did she do, Hespith?" I press again, "What did Branka do?"

"I will not speak of her! Of what she did, of what we have become! I will not turn!" she states loudly becoming excited, "I will not become what I have seen! Not Laryn! Not Branka!"

Then she runs off.

I look over at Oghren, he looks a bit shocked if it's by Hespith's confession or condition I cannot tell. I get that Branka took this woman for a lover. I look at Tamlen for some answers as he was tainted before but he shakes his head, to my silent question. We walk on.

I hear Hespith's voice above us. _She became obsessed…that is the word, but it is not strong enough. Blessed Stone, there was nothing left in her but the Anvil._

As we make our way through Bownammar, Hespith speaks again, _We tried to escape, but they found us. They took us all, turned us… The men they kill…they are merciful. But the women, they want. They want to touch, to mold, to change until you are filled with them…"_

I stop, stunned and shudder, looking over at Morrigan. She has schooled her face but I assume she is just as horrified as I am.

Hespith continues above us somewhere as we make our way through the doors and halls, _they took Laryn. They made her eat the others, our friends. She tore off her husband's face and drank his blood._

I feel revulsion and terror going through me. Hespith had to watch that, Branka left her house behind? To whatever would befall them? I know that a Paragon's people are pledged to them. We trek on silently; I think the entire party is in shock.

I hear Hespith once again, _and while she ate, she grew. She swelled and turned grey and she smelled like them. The remade her in their image. Then she made more of them._

I shudder again repulsed and will the bile rising in my throat to settle. Zevran and Tamlen have taken to walking protectively on either side of me. Looking behind me for a moment, I notice that Shale and Oghren have taken to guarding the rear and have put Serena and Morrigan in the middle of the group.

Coming to turn we hear Hespith announce, _BroodMother._

As we come around the corner the corridor opens up into a cavern and the creature we see makes all of us startle in shock at the mere sight of it. It's a ghastly swollen grey creature with 4 tentacles; it has many chins going to down its face and sharp deadly looking teeth, 5 pairs of breasts going down its body. I see no means of movement no feet it seems be sitting and uses the tentacles to grab at what it needs. The creature roars and sends tentacles out to attack.

Serena, Tamlen, Zevran and I each take a tentacle, while Oghren and Shale pummel and slice at the body of this horror, Morrigan stands behind giving healing and supporting us as best she can. Suddenly I hear Morrigan yell, "Reinforcements! Heads up!"

I groan and finish stabbing down the tentacle turning to our new assailants. There are too many we can't stop them from over taking us.. Suddenly an idea occurs to me, I run quickly to the side of the creature and scale the rock climbing up high enoght to reach the brood mother's squishy looking head.

I jump over landing on its head as I look up from my landing, I see Zevran; He sees me and smirks briefly before taking on another darkspawn. I climb up the creature's forehead straddling it and with one hand gripping the creature's surprisingly bony brow I grab one of my daggers and stab it in the eye, leaving the dagger. It howls and tries to shake me. I hang on with everything I have. I wonder briefly if this was a good idea, then I notice the tentacles have quit attacking as it tries to shake me, giving the group the chance to take the darkspawn. A tentacle comes at me and misses as the brood mother smacks its own face, I must have blinded it. I smirk wryly.

The rest of the group dispatches the rest darkspawn quickly since they have no tentacles to deal with and advance on the brood mother. I feel the creature shake with the blows Oghren and Shale are delivering. I know my perch is precarious, but I take a chance and grabbing my other dagger I stab the other eye. The brood mother roars again and falls forward. I fall with her and as we go down I lose my grip and try to tuck my head and roll as not to be too badly hurt by the fall. The roll works but it is hard fall and I feel my newly mended ribs snap. I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath as Zevran and the others race to my side.

Zevran crouches down grinning at me, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Elly," he teases, "Why do you keep doing these dangerous stunts?" I look up at him and smirk.

"Because no one else could do it as stylishly," I jest, trying not to laugh. I get a smirk in reply. The others quickly come over as well. I look them over to see if anyone could possibly be tainted as Tamlen and Zevran help me to my feet.

I look up and see Hespith standing on a ledge above us. "That's where they come from," she says emotionlessly, "That's why they hate us…that's why they need us…That's why they take us…That's why they feed us. But the true abomination…is not that it occurred, but that it was allowed. Branka …my love."

I am stunned. I was thinking that Branka might have…may have been negligent in leaving her house behind to the darkspawn and that is reprehensible enough. But that she allowed it to happen knowing what the darkspawn would do to the women. I am completely filled with rage at the thought.

"The stone has punished me, dream-friend," Hespith continues, "I am dying of something worse than death…Betrayal."

With that she raises a dagger in both hands and with no hesitation stabs herself in the heart. I gasp in horror watching her drop. I look at Zevran, he shakes his head silently. The rest of the group is quiet. Zevran puts an arm gently around my waist and leads me back the corridor we had previously been in. Morrigan comes to me to heal my ribs. She is somber and not her usual snarky self. I think this "adventure" has us all a bit solemn. I am beginning to hate the deep roads.


	35. Chapter 35 Branka

Dear Diary,

This morning I feel a bit less horrible about the events yesterday. I know Hespith did not want to become a brood mother; she knew what happened to Laryn and killed herself to prevent that from happening to her as well. I don't know if we could have saved her with the joining but I feel that she wouldn't have made it to the surface to try.

We pack up and head through the tunnels, dispatching a few darkspawn here and then. As we come out of one tunnel into a large cavern I hear it collapse behind us.

As we continue forward I see dwarven woman standing on rock ledge above us. "Let me be blunt with you," she says stoically, "After all this time, my tolerance for social graces it fairly limited, That doesn't bother you, I hope."

Branka I assume, I glare at her.

"Well shave my back and call me an elf!" Oghren calls out happily. "Branka, by the stone! I barely recognize you."

"Oghren." she says distastefully, "It figures you'd eventually find your way here. Hopefully, you can find your way back more easily."

I look behind me and realize she caused the collapse and I am angry. I take a deep breath to calm myself as Zevran looks over at me.

"And how shall I address you? Hired sword of the latest lordling to come looking for me? Or just the only one who didn't mind Oghren's ale-breathe?" she says snarkily.

I take another breath as I find myself disliking this woman already and put on my most noble polite smile.

Oghren steps up. "Be respectful, woman! You're talking to a Grey Warden!"

She looks thoughtful for a minute, and starts pacing back and forth. "Ah, so an important errand boy, then. I suppose something serious has happened. Is Endrin dead? That seems most likely. He was on the old and wheezy side."

Stealing a glance at Serena, I check to see how she is holding up. I note she has schooled her face just like I have. I smile charmingly again, gritting my teeth, "Yes, he is dead and the assembly is deadlocked."

"And those idiots can't make a decision without a Paragon to tell them," she says snarling, "I don't care if they put a drunken monkey on the throne. Because our protector, our great invention, the thing that once made our armies the envy of the world, is lost to the very darkspawn it should be fighting."

I look over at Serena, again, her jaw is tensed with anger.

"The Anvil of the Void, the means by which the ancients forged their army of golems and held off the first archdemon ever to rise, it's here. So close I can taste it," Branka rants.

"But of course there's a catch," Morrigan says haughtily looking at Branka disdainfully.

"The anvil lies on the other side of a gauntlet of traps designed by Caridin himself. My people have given body and soul to unlocking its secrets." Branka says proudly.

"Including allowing them to become darkspawn," I mutter angrily. Zevran looks at me sideways and nods.

"This is what's important. This has lasting meaning. If I succeed the dwarven people benefit. Kings, politics…all of that is transitory," Branka ministers to us.

Are you kidding me? People have worth! People are important they aren't just castaways or bodies to further your own sense of self-worth or what you think is important.

"I've given up everything and would sacrifice anything to get the Anvil of the Void," She finishes proudly.

"I guess that includes Hespith and the others of your house as well as your husband and us." I spit out angrily.

"Enough!" Branka commands. "If you wish me to get involved with this imbecilic election, I must first have the Anvil. There is only one way out Warden, Forward. Through Caridin's maze and out to where the anvil waits."

I am nonplussed about this because I already knew she created the cave in blocking the way behind us.

Oghren is obviously in shock. "What has this place done to you?!" he says with shock and frustration, "I remember marrying a girl you could talk to for one minute and see her brilliance."

Branka looks at Oghren coldly. "I am your Paragon."

I honestly feel bad for the man. This crazy woman is his wife? As much as I have been exposed to Oghren's smell, and lack of hygiene or decorum, He obviously loves her and was more than willing to risk his life or becoming tainted to find her. Ignoring her I lead everyone through the room and into another tunnel finding dwarf and darkspawn corpses along the way.

"I needed people to test Caridin's traps. There is no way to break through except by trial and error. I sent them in…" she says almost cheerfully.

Branka is again on a ledge up above us as we enter the room. I wish I knew the path that Hespith and Branka know so I could wring her thick dwarven neck.

"They were all mine, pledged to by my house and they didn't want to help. They tried to leave me, even my Hespith…" she whines.

People not possessions, I think glaring at her. Zevran gives me a raised eyebrow.

"But even she couldn't understand that when you reach for greatness, there are sacrifices. As many sacrifices as are needed," She justifies.

I look at Oghren his face is mixture of emotions, anger surges through me as I look at the devastated dwarf. Zevran touches my arm, "Elly, I don't think I've ever seen you this angry."

I look at Zevran steadily. "Once we get her back and get support for the Warden's, I am going to advise you to get me out of Orzammar speedily or there may be an incident, I might have to kill her," I mutter angrily.

Oghren says nothing, Morrigan nods in agreement along with the others.

"I want to kick the shit out of her as well," Serena whispers threateningly.

Darkspawn start coming in from the other side of the room which is already littered with dwarven and darkspawn bodies. As we fight the spawn Branka rants on, "She shouldn't have gone. She was pledged to me."

We clear the room and she starts ranting again as if trying to justify her actions.

"She swore she would do whatever it took to find the Anvil." Branka claims without shame or regret, "There was no other choice. Most of them were dying of the taint already, but some …some of the women were …transforming."

I look over at Zevran as my stomach twists and turns. I am nauseated at the thought she would find it fascinating.

"I knew what they would become. There would be an endless supply, fresh darkspawn to test the traps." She declares cheerfully, "they could still serve me, let me find the Anvil. It was the only way… "

Glancing over at Oghren his expression is one of pain, shock, and disgust. As he looks up at Branka, it's like he's never seen this woman before.

"You have no idea how they carried on, holding my hand and begging to die. They had pledged me their loyalty!" Branka says incised, "they had no right to fight me.

I am so angry at this point my entire body has started to shake. I seriously have never wanted to kill anyone more (maybe except for Howe). Zevran and Tamlen must have noticed the change because they each come to stand beside me. Zevran puts a hand on my shoulder and Tamlen reaches over and gently takes my arm gently pulling me away. "I know we need her," I spit through gritted teeth.

"I say we just kill her or feed her to the darkspawn," Morrigan says through clenched teeth. I want to nod in agreement but I shake my head.

"They say your order is renowned for its wits as well as brawn perhaps you'll do better than my poor clansmen." Branka adds snidely.

Oghren is almost beside himself, muttering dwarven curses about his crazy wife. Looking over at the poor brokenhearted dwarf, I lose the last few threads of control I had left.

"Enough!" I shout. "Justify it all you want, Branka," I sneer, "it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself, you will never convince me. You killed your house and drove your lover to suicide because she would rather die than become a brood mother." I feel a bit of joy in the fact that woman actually did wince upon hearing that.

"There will be no more darkspawn coming should we fail. We defeated everything we found on the way in, so you better hope we make it through this gauntlet." I continue savagely. "As for Oghren I feel bad the poor bastard ever married you, even with his …quirks. I will help you for now, because it is as you said we need to put an ass on throne. I hate what you are and what you stand for. The best thing you can do right now is sodding shut up! And let others do your dirty work for you!"

Branka looks at me a bit stunned. She very quickly schools her face into cold calculation. I stalk off into the next tunnel having said my peace for moment. Before I can get too far, I feel a tug on my arm. Turning around I am face to face or face to breast as it would seem with Oghren. He looks up at me, with an odd expression on his face I can't quite read. He shifts his feet nervously moving his gaze to the ground. "Uh…I don't know if I can say this right but no one has ever really stood up for me before. Usually I would just fight and…what I'm trying to say is…Thanks Warden."

I reach over giving the poor dwarf a hug. He stiffens up at first, and then he relaxes as he realizes that I am offering comfort. He hugs me back momentarily before pulling away.

"I was happy to do it Oghren, you may not agree but I think you deserve better than that." I offer smiling. Oghren grunts in reply and returns to his place watching the rear as I start walking down the tunnel.

Working our way through the tunnel, we come to a stop in front of an open door. There is a green mist pouring out and as I get closer it stings my eyes and nose. I take a breath and holding it, I poke my head in the door. I see the room is laid out in 3 sections with 2 golems in each section. I see bodies on the floor and I barely see what I think are levers on the far walls of the second area. I step away and move the group away from the door.

"Shale, I need you come with me. If I become incapacitated by the mist you may need to get me out." I order quickly, "I also may need you to cover me, as we don't know if those golems will be activated."

The Golem nods in understanding. The others look at me as if I lost my mind.

"Zev and Morrigan, see if you can figure out what the mist is, as you both are versed in poisons." I say gently. seeing the concern in Zevran's face, "The rest of you be ready if I call. Please be careful."

"Are you ready, Shale?" I ask.

"Yes," Shale answers simply.

We walk over to the door, taking a deep breath; I race into the room staying to the left. I hear Shale run in behind me and then cracking sound. I pay no mind to the Golems coming to life. I'm focused on the lever I saw from the door. I pull it turning around I notice one on the other wall. I race over and pull that one as well. My lungs are starting to burn from holding my breath. I ignore it and race to the other side of room, as I pull the third lever, I notice the mist is less and I gasp for air. Andraste's ass, there is another lever on the other side of this one. As I race to it I am knocked down.

"Now!" I manage to yell, "Serena, Tamlen , Zevran, and Oghren race into the room with Morrigan behind them. Zevran races over to the Golem that is attacking me and diverts its attention as I hit the last switch. The air almost immediately clears. I jump back into the fray which was considerable due to 4 golems charging or punching at us in such a confined space. We take down the 4 golems in the room, however there are 6 in total, it seems two of them are broken.

"Well, that was interesting," I say wryly, "and something I don't wish to repeat."

"I was able to figure out what the mist was," Morrigan offers, "It will kill you but the effects are only active when you are in it, there are no lasting effects."

I look at her thankfully, "that's good to know Morrigan, thank you."

We walk out of the room and through a short tunnel to another door. I open it cautiously. The layout is the same as before.

"I said, I _didn't_ want to repeat this," I mutter. Zevran snickers wryly.

"Something is different about this one," he says after poking his head in the door.

I look again and the layout is exactly the same but I see some pins located centrally in one of the areas.

"Traps on traps," I say astonished, "Caridin weren't kidding around was he?"

I think quickly and grin as I come up with a plan.

"Zev, I'm going to need you on this one. I will race in and hit the levers as before, you will need to deal with the traps." I say quickly, "Shale will enter with us to keep any golems off of us. Tamlen use your bow, I know it seems silly against a stone enemy, but maybe you and Morrigan can divert attention. Be ready to let Serena and Oghren through when I get the levers pulled. There were 4 in the last room I'm going to assume there are a least that many here."

Everyone nods in agreement.

"Let's go," I say more confidently, than I am feeling.

Zevran and I race into the room with Shale following close behind. I skirt the trap hearing the crackle of the golems coming to life. I hit the first lever, as I turn to hit the one on the opposite wall. I hear Shale grunt; she has been knocked onto the trap that Zevran was trying to disarm. I wonder briefly why these golems are so much larger than Shale. I hit the second lever. I run over to past Zevran who is trying to ward off three golems. One has headed to the door distracted by the others and Shale has pulled herself off the ground and is preparing for another attack. Once on the other side I hit the third lever and spin around hitting the fourth. I look over and see Zevran unconscious on the ground. My heart sinks; I race over to the golem that is attacking Zevran and jump up on it, climbing up the rough stone and covering its eyes. "NOW!" I yell to others and all four come pouring into the room. Tamlen trades out his bow for a set of daggers and starts stabbing the creature I'm riding on as Ohgren's axe connects with another one. Once the golems are down, I race over to Zevran.

"Morrigan, we need you," I call out trying not to panic. Sitting down on the cold stone, I gently lift Zevran's head into my lap. "Please be ok, Zev, I need you." I whisper to him, as I brush back a strand of his hair.

Morrigan comes and checks over Zevran. "He's taken a bad blow to head," she confirms, "but I think I can heal it."

"We will camp here for the night," I announce to the others. Serena and Tamlen nod in approval and start a small fire. Anything trying to get in will have to open one huge door or go through Shale. We will be ready for it.


	36. Chapter 36 Dreams

Dear Diary,

I haven't moved since Zevran got hurt and he hasn't regained consciousness yet. Although Morrigan says she has healed him, She warned it make take some time for him to come to. I'm still worried. Tamlen and Serena have pulled out the sleeping mats and we gently place Zevran on his bedroll, I place mine beside his to keep an eye on him. Morrigan has given instruction on what to look for. Everyone is exhausted. We eat a light meal and retire to our beds.

I am suddenly awakened by someone shaking me. I panic. The fleeting thought that Zevran is worse crosses my mind before I even open my eyes. Much to my surprise, Zevran is shaking me. "Elly, you were having dream, you were shouting. Are you ok?"

I look around and it seems everyone else is still sleeping. "I'm sorry I woke you Zev," I say quietly as not to wake everyone else up. "But I'm glad to see you regained consciousness."

"You stayed with me the entire time then," he says looking at me. His expression is indecipherable.

I nod sitting up. "Of course I did. It scared me that you might not wake up."

"Do you have dreams all the time like that, Elly?" He asks concerned as he settles himself beside me.

"I call them blightmares," I explain. "All wardens have them, some worse than others." I glance at over at Tamlen. "They are worse during a blight because of the archdemon. It talks to us, sometimes I almost understand it."

"That's how you and the other wardens are able to sense them?" He asks curiously.

"Wardens can sense darkspawn and each other, while in certain proximity." I explain, "It's similar to how Templars can sense magic, I think."

"But if the darkspawn can sense you, there isn't any real advantage, to being a warden?" He says thoughtfully, half asking.

"Not really but I can warn others," I say slowly.

"But where is advantage?" He probes curiously.

I sigh heavily. "From everything I've been told there are many disadvantages and few advantages other than it takes a warden to kill an archdemon. As one of the other newer recruits I have been left out of the loop about how that works. I assume it has something to do with the taint. Another advantage is that…grey warden stamina, Alistair talks about all the time."

"I notice you wardens don't tire a quickly as others," he says thoughtfully, and then he grins wickedly, "You know, my dear warden, we could put that stamina to the test."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, a few hours ago you were unconscious and now you are trying to bed me," I tease lightly shaking my head at him.

Suddenly his demeanor changes to thoughtful. "So what are the disadvantages," he asks seriously.

"Well…" I say slowly, "I'm really not supposed to tell but since you offered to teach the crows secrets I don't see why not."

He looks at me curiously.

"First we are tainted, the process of that can kill you," I explain softly, "the taint takes away the ability to have children, and I have about 20 years or so to live before the calling starts."

"In war, victory, in peace, vigilance, in death, sacrifice." I recite the motto.

I look up at Zevran and he has the strangest look on his face. "What is the calling?" He asks quietly. The words seem to come out throatily and reluctantly. But he seems very concerned.

"The calling from what I understand is when taint has gotten so strong the nightmares are constant; Wardens will go to the deep roads to die fighting the darkspawn," I muse, "but after what I saw with Tamlen I wonder how many wardens have become ghouls. He was already tainted we just reversed the process slightly and made him a warden to slow it. As far as I know the only cure for the taint is death. You can never have normal life or family."

I look at Zevran. He looks tired.

"I think the wardens ask much and give little in return," he states slightly bitter, "but I could say the same of the crows, but at least the wardens won't kill you for trying and failing."

"Well, I think if we fail to kill the archdemon, I may be just as dead," I quip lightly.

"I faith in you, Elly," he says softly, "If anyone can do this I believe it will be you."

"You should get some rest, Zev," I offer kindly. I lay back down on my bedroll sighing and hear him lay back down as well.

"Elly?" he asks.

"Yes, Zev" I say sleepily.

He shifts to his side and puts his arm around me sliding me back toward him in a spooning position.

"Is this ok?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply drowsily teasing, "so long as you behave yourself, I don't want to have to knock you unconscious."

He chuckles sleepily. "I have no doubt you could do so if you desired. I promise I will be perfect gentleman."


	37. Chapter 37 Caridin

Dear Diary,

Zevran seems to be back to his old self this morning, well…if it is morning, as I really have no idea. He's even managed to slightly annoy Morrigan; however she seems more amused by his antics than annoyed.

As we pack up the camp, Serena looks at me and asks, "So you and the elf huh?"

I blush slightly at the insinuation. But looking her steadily, I say. "He's a dear friend, and I care about him."

"Uh-huh," she says looking me skeptically. I drop it and finish filling my pack.

"Is she always like that?" She asks Morrigan in quieter tone. Morrigan just smirks.

"I can still hear you," I call out teasing, with a grin.

This brings a chuckle from Zevran.

"Let's move on," I say with an amused smile.

We walk the winding tunnel until coming to another door. I hope this isn't like the last one. I open the door cautiously and the room is different a walkway seems to lead to an open area where there is some sort of statue hanging from the ceiling, with benches set symmetrically front of the faces of the stature. I look quickly for golems seeing none, I step into the room. Walking down the corridor to the open area I see the statue seems to have 4 faces and there is bench in front of each face. We get closer to it and it turns and the eyes light up. Suddenly it spits out what look to be 4 spirits, which of course, immediately attack us. As we drop the first spirit, the bench seems to light up. I look at it curiously for a moment and realize it's an anvil not a bench. I touch the anvil cautiously and the spirits seem get sucked back into the statue. It turns and rumbles.

"The statue changed," yells Morrigan from her post off to the side.

"How?" I holler back curiously.

"The first side, its eyes no longer glow they seem to be…bleeding?" she answers curiously.

The rumbling is getting louder. I look at the others my mind is spinning. "Once the anvils glow and we touch them, it seems to hurt it," I call out, as more spirits seem to be solidifying again. "Everyone split up take and take an anvil, Morrigan, Tamlen give us some support." I command quickly. Everyone nods and runs to an anvil Oghren and Serena take one, Shale takes one and Zev and I each take one.

I quickly take out our opponent and I run to hit the anvil as quickly as I can. Looking around I see the others have managed to do the same. The statue hisses angrily and rumbles loudly again.

"The eyes are closed here," Serena calls out.

"Good maybe that side is deactivated," I shout hopefully, as the next wave of spirits starts to form.

I immediately slash at my enemy, and see Serena come running toward me grinning.

"Nothing came out on my side," she pants slicing at our opponent.

"I appreciate the help," I grunt stabbing with both blades. The spirit disappears and she hits the anvil.

I run to Shale to aid her. As I get over to her location, she has defeated the spirit. I run past her and hit the anvil that has started glowing. The cavern shakes and rumbles the statue billows a blue white mist down upon us. I wonder for a moment if we are going to be buried under an avalanche of rock. Then it just stops. All the eyes are closed and it is still.

I take a deep breath. "Well that was interesting," I note glibly squaring my shoulders.

Serena grins at me cheekily, "I'd say."

"We should move on before something else happens," Morrigan says dryly, gesturing to the door leading out of the room.

Taking the walkway out of the room, we enter another tunnel that just opens into cavern. Upon entering I note there are 6 golems standing in line, 3 on either side of us and a large metal golem at the end of them.

As we walk toward the large metal golem we are greeted by a booming metallic voice, "My name is Caridin. Once, longer ago than I care to think, I was paragon to the dwarves of Orzammar," the metal golem says.

I look at the others they seem just as surprised as I am. I look at this thing in wonder and feel some compassion for it. For even with metallic quality of its voice it has feeling.

"Caridin the paragon smith, alive?" Shale says astonished.

"Ah, there is voice I recognize. Shale of the House of Cadash, step forward." Caridin greets happily.

"You know my name?" Shale says curiously, not moving an inch. "Is it you that forged me then? Is it you that gave me my name?"

"Have you forgotten then?" Caridin asks. "Ah, it has been so long, I made you into the golem you are now, Shale. But before that you were a dwarf, just as I was. The finest warrior to serve King Valtor and the only woman to volunteer."

"The only woman? A dwarf?" Shale asks a bit taken back.

"I laid you on the Anvil of the Void here in this very room and put you into the form you now possess," Caridin explains.

"The Anvil of the Void," Shale says curiously, "that is what we seek."

"If you seek the Anvil," He says, "then you must care about my story or be doomed to relive it."

"You made the Anvil, I take it?" I ask lightly.

"Though I made many things in my time, I rose to fame and earned my status based on a single item: the Anvil of the Void." He says simply, "It allowed me to forge and man of steel or stone, as flexible as any soldier. As an army they were invincible but I told no one the cost…" He trails off for a moment.

"No mere smith, however skilled, can create life." He explains, "To make my golems live, I had to take life from elsewhere."

"A dire shortcut, was it worth it?" I probe.

"So said my King, the darkspawn were pressing in," answers Caridin honestly. "Originally, I only took volunteers, the bravest of souls willing to trade their very lives for the chance to defend their homeland, but King Valtor became greedy. He began to force men …casteless and criminal…his enemies…all of them were put to the anvil, and soon a river of blood flowed out of this place."

He pauses for moment and continues. "Finally it was too much, I refused, and so Valtor had me put on the anvil. It took feeling the hammer's blows myself to realize the height of my crimes."

"What now?" I press curiously. "Do you want revenge?"

"Not revenge," He says firmly. "The blow of the hammer opened my eyes. My apprentices knew enough to make me as I am but not enough to fashion a control rod. I retained my mind. You were amongst the most loyal Shale, you remained at my side throughout and at the end I sent you away out of mercy."

"I do not remember," Shale says slowly.

"We remained entombed here ever since," He continues. "And I have sought a way to destroy the Anvil. Alas, I cannot do it myself. No golem can touch it."

"NO!" Branka shouts bursting into the room. "The anvil is mine! No one will take it from me!"

I think quickly, as the last thing I want is this heartless, cold bitch to have the Anvil. She'd make golems out of anyone she pleased and wouldn't give it second thought.

"Shale you fought to destroy the Anvil once, do not allow it fall into unthinking hands again!" Caridin pleads.

"You speak of things I do not remember, you say we fought, did you use our control rods to command us to do so?" Shale asks pointedly.

"I destroyed the rods, perhaps my apprentices eventually learned to replace the rods. I do not know," Caridin says quickly. "But if so then all they need is the Anvil to make all the slaves they need."

"You," Caridin pleads looking at me. "Please…Help me destroy the Anvil! Do not let it enslave more souls than it already has."

"You were a Paragon," I say cunningly. "I'll help if you support a new King."

"Don't listen! He's been trapped here a thousand years, stewing in his own madness." Branka tries to cajole. "Help me claim the Anvil and you will have an army like you've never seen."

I almost snort and stop myself. She's one to talk about madness. Hypocrite. Caridin seems normal in comparison.

"Branka, you mad, bleeding nug-tail." Oghren growls, "Does this thing mean so much to you, that you can't even see what you lost to get it?"

"Look around. Is this what our empire should look like?" Branka rants, "A crumbling tunnel filled with darkspawn spume? The Anvil will let us take back our glory."

Is she completely insane?…No… just a cold sociopath.

"The Anvil enslaves living souls," I say my voice flat with anger walking over to her; "It must be destroyed. I have to give it to you Branka; you really are a piece of work." I'm so angry again that, I astonish myself by punching the dwarf in the jaw.

She reels back in surprise as I turn and walk away back over to Caridin. "That was for Hespith and the rest of your house, and for Oghren, he deserves better than you." I say hatefully.

Oghren looks at me with astonishment.

"So it fights with Caridin then," Shale asks. I nod in reply.

"Good, that seems right," Shale says happily.

"Thank you, Stranger," Caridin says gratefully. "Your compassion shames me."

Branka's face becomes twisted and hard. "NO! You will not take it! Not while I still live."

I grab my daggers readying for a fight. I feel my companions' tenseness. Looking over at Oghren and can tell he is torn, "Branka, don't throw away your life for this!"

I try one last time, "We have to destroy the Anvil, Branka."

"Just give her the blasted thing! She's confused…maybe once she calms down, we can talk to her." Oghren pleads.

"I'm sorry Oghren," I say sadly. "I can't take that chance. You saw what she did. She's obsessed beyond redemption. What makes you think the first thing she wouldn't do is test her new toy out on you?"

"Bah! You are not the only master smith here, Caridin!" Branka spits brandishing a control rod. "Golems! Obey me! Attack!"

The golems start coming to life.

"A control rod," Caridin panics. "My friend you must help me. I cannot stop her alone."

I look over at Oghren, hoping I won't need to fight him too. He glances over and nods in agreement. I notice that Branka has gained control of most of the golems. I make a beeline straight to her. I hope that if she dies the golems will become deactivated again. I see Serena flanking Branka with a wicked grin on her face. Seems she wants a piece of this sad excuse for a person as well.

We finally take Branka out and the rest of the golems that were not already deactivated quit fighting. Andraste's ass she was a strong one. The only thing the woman ever fought for besides the Anvil was her life. I note sadly.

"Another life lost because of my invention, I wish no mention of it had made into history," He says sadly.

"Yeah, you ain't kidding," Oghren says dryly, "Stupid woman! Always knew the Anvil would kill her."

"How is it that the woman was not able to disable me as she did you Caridin?" Shale asks curiously.

"I do not know," Caridin replies just as curiously. "Have you been altered?"

"I once had a pathetic little mage of master," Shale answers honestly. "He did something to me…experimented on me…and I killed him and it rendered me paralyzed."

"Hmmm," Caridin says thoughtfully, "perhaps he was bringing forth old memories…and caused you to remember a time when you fought at my side. The paralysis you speak of always resulted when the master perished. As for your free will, you always were a strong woman, Shale. I am pleased to see you remain so."

"I don't know what to say," Shale replies with wonder. "Thank you."

"Oh," Caridin sighs heavily, "do not thank me. All of this…is my doing…my legacy…"

"But at least it ends here," he says a bit more brightly, "I thank you for standing with me, Stranger. The Anvil waits for you to shatter it."

"Is there any boon I can grant you for your aid?" He asks, "A final favor before I am freed from my burden?"

I know what I need to do but Oghren lost Branka.

"Oghren," I say gently, "You lost Branka to this. What do you want?"

He looks at me with surprise for a moment that I would even care to ask.

"Eh, I don't suppose you can bring Branka back? Maybe make her a golem? Like you?" He asks Caridin.

"I would not do such a thing to her, even if I could," Caridin says softly.

"Somehow I didn't think so. Then, I don't want anything that would remind me of…this. Best it's just done…There is still the matter of the election. I mean we still need a Paragon to get the Assembly's support right?"

"For the aid you've given me, I shall put hammer to steel one last time, and give you a crown, for the king of your choice." Caridin declares.

As he walks away to work, I look at the others. "Anyone hurt?" I ask concerned.

Everyone shakes their heads.

"We might as well rest for a while," Serena says practically pulling out her bedroll.

Morrigan nods in agreement and sets to digging in her pack.

I see something interesting on the far side of the room and walk over to investigate. It seems to be some sort of monument. Tamlen walks over to look at it with me. It's written in dwarven so I can't read it.

"I think they might be names," he offers smiling.

"Oghren, Shale," I call out. "I found something interesting. You might want to see this."

They make their way across the room. After giving it a look, I ask, "Shale do you know what this is?"

Shale says, "No, perhaps it thinks I should? It may have something to do with Caridin's words. If there is some way to make a copy of these runes, I am willing to study them. Perhaps there is something to be gleaned from them, I know not."

"Oghren, what is this? Can you tell?" I ask.

Oghren says, "Huh, Names. A long list of dwarves and their houses. Err wait a minute …hold on…_We honor those who have made this sacrifice; let their names be remembered._ Fart me a Lullaby! It's a memorial… of all the dwarves who became golems! Has to be! If there was some way of getting this back to the Shaperate in Orzammar, I'd bet they'd brown their trousers! And pay good gold for it. Probably both._"_

I make two tracings of the monument and tuck them in my pack. We all take to our bedrolls. Except for Shale, who has no need for sleep and steps away to talk with Caridin as he works.

Sometime later after we have awoken, we see Caridin coming down the steps. I rise to meet him.

"There, it is done," he says handing me the crown. "give it to whom you will. I do not wish to know their names or anything of them. I have already lived beyond my time. I have no place here."

"I will destroy the anvil, as agreed," I offer gently.

"That would please me, Human," Caridin says happily.

I walk up the long staircase to Anvil. Taking the hammer that Caridin just finished making the crown with I bring it down on the anvil with all my might. It crumbles to rubble.

Once the anvil is destroyed Caridin walks over to edge of the platform, his back facing me. "You have my eternal thanks, Stranger," he says with relief,. "Atrast nal tunsha…may you always find your way in the dark."

I walk to stand beside him but before I can get to him, he dives into the lava below. I'm a bit taken back but I do understand. I walk back down the steps.

"Where is Caridin?" Shale asks.

I just shake my head.

"I see," She says sadly. "He just wanted it to be over. He told me so."

"I think I'm ready to leave here." I announce, grabbing my pack.

Oghren stops me for a moment. "Well that pretty much beat the sod out of how I imagined it. You ready to head back and share the news?"

"To the assembly," I say grinning at him sarcastically, "they should know as soon as possible."

"Eh," he grunts, looking at the ground. Then realizing, I was being facetious, he grins. "Those deshyrs have been trying to destroy the city for years. Haven't managed yet."


	38. Chapter 38 The Making of a King

Dear Diary,

We take an alternate route out of the deep roads, thanks to Oghren. He understood, we couldn't just walk through Orzammar with Serena. Once back at camp we have a meeting.

I introduce everyone to Serena and show them the evidence we found in Aeducan Thaig. Setting out the crown I received from Caridin, Leske whistles appreciatively, "Well that might be enough, who are you planning to put on the throne?"

I think for a moment Serena has shown herself to be fair and forward minded, in our conversations. She would have been a good ruler if not for Bhelen's treachery.

Leliana jumps up. "Wait a minute," she says quickly rummaging in her pack. "This may help," she says handing me piece of parchment. I quickly scan the parchment; it seems to be love letter to a casteless girl from Bhelen, the contents basically saying he would make her his queen, once he was king.

"Where did you find this Leli?" I ask curiously.

"I was sneaking around the palace and young dwarven woman dropped it when attending to her child, after she left I picked it up," she grins cheekily, "I didn't think much of it at the time, but it after what you found I thought it might mean something."

I look at Serena. "Do you think with what we found in the Thaig and this it would be enough to overthrow Bhelen?"

She reads the letter, "It might be but it's all consequential. However it might be enough to clear my name."

I grin wickedly. "Serena, how would you like to be the ruler of Orzammar?"

She looks like eyes are going pop out of her head. She starts to say something and stops collecting her thoughts.

"It was never my place as the middle child and a woman I was to be married to some noble house," she says practically, "Orzammar does need change, and the traditionalists know that without the surface trade we would have crumbled a long time ago but refuse to let the surface dwarves have any kind of say in politics. The casteless are a great resource that is being overlooked as well as the Legion of Dead, especially as they protect us and we offer nothing in return. Being in the deep roads has taught me this."

"Good," I grin at her. "Because it is my intention to put you on the throne."

"The very fact I'm alive will piss Bhelen off," she smirks.

We find Serena a cloak with a hood to hide her face. I decide to take Shale, Oghren, Zevran and Wynne with us.

As we walk into the Assembly, we hear. "Lords of the Assembly! I call for order! This argument gets us now where!"

"Then, why these delaying tactics?" Bhelen demands petulantly, "I call for a vote right now. My father has one living child to assume the Aeducan throne. Who would deny him that?"

"Your father made me swear on his deathbed you would not succeed him," Harrowmont states dryly.

One of the guards walks out in front of us, "I apologize for the interruption Lord Steward, but the grey wardens have returned."

The Lord Steward momentarily looks relieved to see us.

"We should let the warden speak," says Harrowmont, "What news do you bring?"

"I bear a crown from Paragon Caridin for his chosen King," I announce, handing the crown to the Lord Steward. He takes the crown looking over it intently.

Oghren steps forward. "Caridin was trapped in the body of a golem," He explains. "This Warden granted him the mercy he sought, releasing him and destroying the Anvil of the Void."

He pauses dramatically. "Before he died, Caridin forged a crown for Orzammar's next king, chosen by the ancestors themselves."

"And we are supposed to trust this," Bhelen sneers, "The word of a drunken sot and a Grey Warden known to be in Harrowmont's pocket."

"No," I answer cheerfully smiling. "I don't expect you to just take my word." I pull out the papers. "Lord Steward, would you take a look at these papers?"

I hand him the ledger and the letter. His eyes widen as he scans them, "Where did you find these?"

"The ledger was found in Aeducan Thaig. The other was in the found in the Royal Palace," I smirk.

"How can we believe anything this _warden _says?" Bhelen shouts.

"Silence!" the Lord Steward commands. "These both look legitimate. The crown is of Paragon make and bears the House Ortan's ancient seal. Tell us Warden! Whom did Caridin choose?"

"He wished me to give it to whomever I chose." I say firmly.

"The grey warden knows nothing about us," Bhelen fumes. "Why would a paragon entrust someone like this with such a weighty decision this is ridiculous."

"Actually Brother," Serena replies cheekily, lowering the hood of the cloak. "This warden is noble and actually has a great grasp on Orzammar politics, as well as good sense about her."

"Lady Aeducan!" The steward gasps. The room stills in shock and everyone looks at her.

Bhelen is stunned. Harrowmont is the first to speak. "I didn't expect to see you alive," he says gently regarding her.

"We've argued in these chambers for too long," the Lord Steward decides. "The will of the Paragon is that the grey warden decides."

"I grant the crown to Serena Aeducan," I proclaim smiling.

"What! You would hand Orzammar over to the woman who killed my brother," Bhelen rants.

I look at the Lord Steward. He nods and holds out the papers. "Here is a ledger showing payment from Bhelen to the Carta and here is a letter from Bhelen to a casteless woman telling her he will become King, both contain Bhelen's seal," He explains to the deshyr. "I believe this clears Lady Aeducan of any wrong doing in Lord Tristan's death."

"I will not abide by this," Bhelen shouts.

"The ancestors have spoken," one of the deshyrs says firmly.

"Serena is your king, stand behind her," I plead with Bhelen.

"Would you let a surfacer decide the fate of the dwarves?!" Bhelen rants.

"Watch out!" The deshyr cries out "He brought weapons!"

"Guards!" Harrowmont calls out.

Grabbing his sword, Bhelen looks around like he is expecting aid and jumps down from his platform, no one else even moves. I think his supporters may have realized they allied with the wrong side. He heads toward Serena but I get between and he starts attacking me.

I grabbed my daggers as soon as I saw him grab his sword, so I am ready for the assault. His anger makes him stupid leaving his right side open to attack. I plunge a dagger in and twist. I know it's a kill strike. He drops to the floor. As I kick his weapon away, Serena runs to him. "Bhelen you stone-eaters ass! I should hate you," she rants angrily. "But I love you brother, although I can't forgive you." She says more softly.

Bhelen tries to speak but he's fading fast. "Rica…"

"Don't worry brother I will make sure she is cared for," Serena nods understanding.

Bhelen nods and closes his eyes for the last time.

Serena stands up. "Warden…thank you," she says with unshed tears glittering in eyes.

"I appreciate your forthrightness, Warden. You have acted with grace throughout this torturous process." Harrowmont says gratefully. He looks a Serena with affection.

"I withdraw my bid to be Orzammar's King, and pledge myself and my house to Serena Aeducan." Harrowmont says dropping to a knee.

The deshyrs come forward still looking a bit stunned at the recent events. I and my companions move off to the side being vigilant that any of Bhelen's supporters might attack.

Serena nods walking up to the Lord Steward as he places the crown on her head.

"Let the Memories find you worth, first amidst the lords of the houses, the king of Orzammar." The Lord Steward says reverently.

"I admit," Serena says sorrowfully, "I did not think even Bhelen would defy the word of a Paragon. However, at least his followers have seen him for what he was, and I trust if there is any insurgency, I will be able to bring it under control."

"I have faith in you, King Aeducan," I say bowing slightly.

"Indeed," she says smiling. "More than anyone but Harrowmont, Warden, and I thank you for it."

"Those loyal to throne will begin preparations for a surface mission immediately," she commands. "Orzammar will fulfill its treaties."

"Thank you, King Aeducan. Perhaps your rule will mark a new era for Orzammar," I offer kindly.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," she says looking at Bhelen, "I must get to the palace and set our plans in motion."

"And I must return to my duties on the surface," I say smiling at her.

"You are always welcome in Orzammar, Warden" she says gratefully, "I wish you luck against the Blight, Warden. May we foster another four centuries of peace."

"Please visit me in the palace before you leave, Elly" she adds softly as she leaves.


	39. Chapter 39 Wynne

Dear Diary,

Now that we have taken care of the chaos in Orzammar, we are headed to Denerim hoping to find this Brother Genitivi, the Arlessa had told us of. It seems that Arl Eamon had been a patron of the Brother's research in looking for the Urn of Sacred ashes.

We leave the Frostbacks heading north around Lake Calenhad. As we walk into a valley and I feel that darkspawn are close. I slow my gait looking back at Alistair and Adela. They both nod in agreement to my unspoken question. I notice Tamlen has pulled his bow out. The rest of the party noting our tenseness readies for a fight. Stepping into a bit more open area of valley, I see darkspawn archers above us and fighters below us. I take off running toward the darkspawn fighters. I feel rather than see Wynn's rejuvenation spell taking effect. Then more darkspawn rise from the ground in an attempt to surround me. I look to my right and note that Zev is beside me; he throws me a roguish grin and stands back to back with me effectively keeping either of us from being flanked. As we work cutting down the darkspawn, I hear Adela and Sten's battle cries and hear the crackles in the air of mages' magic. Soon all the creatures are dead. "Well that was bracing!" Zevran says smiling. I chuckle at him and check on everyone only minor injuries no one seems to be badly hurt. We continue on the through the valley just as we are leaving the area I hear a sickening thud.

I turn and Wynne has hit the ground. I race to her. However Leliana is closer and gets to her first. Wynne groans we crouch down to check on her. I see no wounds on her. Did the darkspawn taint her?

"Uhh…I fell," she says a bit astonished.

"Wynne," I gasp, as she reaches for me help her sit up. "Are you ok?"

"For a moment there I thought I was….I thought it was over…" she says.

"You thought _what _was over?" I ask curiously.

"Everything…" she says simply.

I check over her again looking for wounds and seeing none. I regard her curiously.

"I…I will explain everything at camp," She says patiently, as she slowly stands up, "Now is not the time."

I flash a concerned look at Leliana and she nods in understanding. I know she will keep an eye on Wynne as she still looks a bit shaky. I decide as soon as we find an appropriate place we would make camp.

Once the tents are pitched and the fire is crackling brightly, Wynne makes her way over to me.

"I think I own you an explanation for what happened earlier," she says slowly.

I nod and grab two chalices from the kitchen pack and a bottle of Orlesian wine; I know she is partial to. Walking back to the fire I sit beside her, pour the wine and hand her a chalice. She smiles in appreciation but seems hesitant to speak.

"Yes, you had me quite worried," I say concern showing on my face. "I was afraid that maybe you had gotten the taint."

"I'm sorry Elly," she says guiltily, "I didn't think about that. I should have said something right away."

"So what happened?" I ask curiously.

"You should know that…something happened to me at the tower. Before you came along." She explains slowly.

"Is this why Petra was so worried about you?" I question.

She nods. "Petra encountered a demon at the tower. It would have killed her had I not intervened. I saved her life that day, but I did not survive the encounter."

I look at her curiously. "But Wynne, you're standing right here?"

"I engaged a very powerful demon to rescue Petra," she clarifies. "It sapped me of all my energy and will, and left me drained. It took everything I had to defeat it, and when I was done, I no longer had the strength to keep my heart beating. I remember my life ebbing away," she says with a disturbed look on her face. "Everything receded from me…sound, light…I remember being enveloped in complete, impenetrable darkness."

I look at her trying to wrap my mind around what she is telling me.

"And then I sensed a presence," she continues with a calm happy expression. "It was enfolding me and cradling me, whispering quietly to me. The sensation is impossible for me to describe."

To me what she is describing is motherly love but I hold my tongue and let her continue.

"I was being…held back, firmly, but gently, as a mother would a child eager to slip her grasp." She says gently. I smile at the thought.

"I felt life and warmth flowing through my veins again." She continues, "I began to be aware of small sounds, and the discomfort of my hip pressing into the cold stone of the tower floor."

"That is an amazing story," I say in astonishment.

"The fade contains spirits both benevolent and malicious." She explains, "The benevolent spirits seldom make themselves known, because they want nothing from mortals, unlike demons. It was one of these spirits that saved me. Without it I would be dead. And it is still with me, even now bonded to me."

I look at her with amazement.

"You see," she forges on, "I am supposed to be dead. It is the spirit that is keeping me in this world but this not the way of things. Perhaps the spirit did not expect this but it is weakening, gradually. I am living on borrowed time."

"How long will the spirit last?" I ask a troubled.

"I do not know," she says honestly, "I can feel when the spirit weakens, so I should have fair warning. Come; let us not talk about this, there is time yet."

I refill her chalice and mine.

"Have you encountered many abominations outside the circle tower?" she asks changing the subject.

"Well there was Connor…" I offer.

"Ah yes, Connor. Of course." She says remembering. "The first time I saw an abomination, my blood turned to ice. It was months before the nightmares stopped," She admits. "It was the knowledge that I could easily become one of them that frightened me the most."

"But it is that knowledge that drives you to be cautious," I answer her firmly.

"One slip…all it takes is one slip and everything you are…is simply gone…replaced by madness." She says sadly. "And there is no going back .Or at least that is what they say."

"You have doubts?" I ask quizzically.

"Of late, I have begun to wonder if…if there is any way an abomination can be …cured." She says thoughtfully. "Or if a mage could be so possessed and still retain their sanity. Their humanity."

I look at Wynne. My mind is spinning. By all definitions she is an abomination. However she has maintained her mind and herself. She is questioning what she is. I realize with astonishment. She is afraid of what she might be.

"If one retains one's humanity, one is not an abomination." I say gently.

She looks at me with surprise. "You know, I never thought of it that way, Thank you."

She drains her chalice. I hold up the bottle offering her another. She shakes her head. "I think I should rest," she says tiredly, "Thank you Elly, for everything."


	40. Chapter 40 Soldier's Peak

**Author's note: Having a break from school has given some more time or for writing enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

After meeting Levi Dryden outside of Orzammar, I decide to make a detour on the way to Denerim to Soldier's Peak. We head back into cold mountainous regions, much to my chagrin. Levi is taking us through a twisting mountain path that seems to go nowhere. We hike on and suddenly we are just there. The path opens up to a….Fortress.

"Maker's Breathe," Levi breathes with astonishment, "look at the size of her. What a fortress. I told you the map would get us through the tunnels."

"She's impressive that's for certain," I say with wonder.

"It's just teeming with history. Can't you feel it?" He continues excitedly, "So…I'll follow you about, from a distance."

As I walk ahead he pulls out his bow. At least we won't have to protect him too much. I think gratefully.

"This place has the stench of death. I expect there's trouble up ahead." Levi adds.

Alistair nods in agreement. "Soldier's Peak. Looks like its seen better days, better centuries more like."

"Once the Warden's flourished their ranks full, their caliber certain, now they even accept people like you, Alistair," Morrigan lightly sneers.

"And I guess your mother thought you were too spellblind to let you in on all her secrets," Alistair retorts.

Morrigan looks at Alistair surprised and tightens her lips.

I gently reprimand both of them with a look. Inwardly I'm proud of Alistair for standing up to Morrigan. As we walk toward the steps I see skeletal remains everywhere. And what looks hazy like a dream opens up in front of us.

"Fall back! Fall back already!" A man dressed in armor yells.

"Taking the Peak will not be easy, milord," another man standing beside him says.

"I gave the Warden's one chance to die with honor," spits the first man, "Instead they hole up like cowards. We follow the king's advice then. Starve them out."

"But the Peak has months of supplies," the other man notes dejectedly.

"Then we wait," the first man says firmly, "when they are too weak to lift their weapons, we send them to their final judgment."

With that the scene disappears, what in the Maker's name happened here?

"Wh –what was that?" Levi asks in astonishment, "I felt a bit woozy there. I'm not mad, am I? You saw it, too?"

"I had a vision too, Levi." I confirm for him.

"How is that possible?" He says almost terrified, "This place truly is haunted."

"The world is full of mysteries," I muse.

Levi nods silently.

As we walk forward, I hear a screech as the corpses start to rise. I knew this was too easy.

"We must fight them!" I yell grabbing my daggers. We dispatch the corpses, loot the bodies and check out the area. It seems safe enough for the moment. I decide to let Wynne and some of the others rest here. I take Alistair, Adela, Tamlen, Zevran, and Morrigan with me. Strangely enough Levi wants to come along. He was pretty good with his bow earlier so I allow it. We walk through door of the keep and have another vision.

"The men's morale is low. My spells are of no use in this matter, Commander." Says a mage to woman dressed in commander warden armor.

The woman answers firmly, "There is more to leading men than sorcery, Avernus. I will remind them that they're Wardens."

"Men," she rallies, "I won't lie to you. The situation is grim. Our forces outnumbered. Our bellies empty and our hearts are sagging. But we are Wardens! Darkspawn flee when they hear our horns! Arch demons die when they taste our blades! So are we to bend knee to a mere human despot? No! I for one will never give up; I for one will never surrender just to dance on Arland's gallows! So I propose here and now, in these hallowed halls where generations of our brethren stood vigil against darkspawn and evil…That we send a message to that fat bastard! In this sacred place, proud men, strong men, stood defiant and would rather die than submit to tyranny!"

The ghost wardens cheer and the scene fades away.

"So brave, even when starving," Levi says with wonder, "and my great-great-grandmother stood with them."

"I can't believe the king attacked the Grey Warden's." I muse. Perhaps this had something to do with the exile of the wardens from Ferelden.

"Everyone knows they were banished," Levi says angrily, "but to murder them like that. King Arland must have been a monster. But I've gabbed enough. Lead on, my friend."

We clear the next few rooms of undead and scattered demons and gather a few notes. It seems that both sides were taking heavy losses and something very strange was going on here.

"What do you think Morrigan?" I ask curiously.

She ponders a moment, "The veil is thin here, and we may run into more than just living corpses and demons. The memories are strong that is why we can see them. I also sense magic."

"I am sensing a warden," I announce looking at Alistair and Adela. They nod in agreement.

"I feel it too," Tamlen says suddenly.

I look at him in surprise. Maybe his long exposure to the taint helped those abilities along.

Entering the next room a bunch of corpses come to life in waves as we dispatch them demons rise up as well. Once the demons are dead we wait a moment to be sure nothing else is rise at us. I notice a huge book on the floor it is badly burned but I walk over to it anyway. I can only make out a word here and there as it is badly burned. The room shimmers again as we are being shown another memory of this place.

"The door won't hold, Archivist." A woman says panicking. I can hear banging on the door.

"Almost done…" a man says, "the truth must be told."

"What does it matter?" She implores, "We're dead." The banging gets louder.

"Our grand rebellion …so close…and to die here a stillbirth," The man says sadly.

"We never should have done it;" the woman says regretfully, "Wardens aren't supposed to oppose kings and princes."

"Should we stand idly by while…" the man begins. As yelling outside the door becomes louder. The room shimmers again and returns to normal.

"Another one…" Levi says horrified, "Rebellion? What's this about a rebellion? If only the book weren't burned."

"What? Rebellion is against everything Wardens stand for." Alistair says firmly.

Adela nods, "but if the letter we found from Wulff is any indicator, Arland had gone mad."

"But Sophia must've had her reasons. The wardens are heroes." Levi says firmly, "some injustices just can't be ignored."

I nod in agreement. "I'm curious as to this Wulff mentioned in the letter. Was he an ancestor to Arl Gallagher Wulff. Perhaps we will find more answers further in." I muse.

"We can only hope," Levi agrees brightening.

We head up the stairs into the next room that opens up into what looks to be dining hall/great room and the air shimmers again. We see the warden commander.

_"__Make them pay for every inch, men!" She rallies as she takes down a soldier. "Hold the flank!" she yells. Turning to mage she calls, "Avernus, we need you!"_

_Avernus starts chanting."Nelatep obresooth sythan net bekon." Demons rise from the floor._

_"__Andraste's blood!" A terrified solder yells, "What!?"_

_Sophia turns toward the enemy. "More, Avernus …Whatever it takes!"_

_Avernus chants again, "kaelee ai benfotus victus!"_

_More demons rise. "Press them, press them now!" Sophia demands._

_The demons are out of control they begin attacking wardens and soldiers._

_"__No!" Avernus yells frustrated, "I command you fight the king's men."_

_One demon stops to look at him. "Fool, so much death, suffering, and, oh yes…blood. The veil is torn now. Your soul is mine, Avernus."_

_Avernus looks terrified. "Acolytes…retreat now, the battle is lost," He commands._

_Avernus takes one last look into the room and runs up the steps. _

_"__Avernus!" Sophia yells after him._

The room shimmers again and is back to normal.

"What just happen…" Levi starts to say before interrupting himself, "oh no, more fighting."

We fight another group of dead wardens and Arland soldiers led by demons.

"The wardens summoned demons," Levi says in shock and dismay, "I can't believe it, and my grandmother, she knew."

"The wardens don't forbid blood magic," I say gently trying to console him, "anything it takes to win."

"A practical attitude," Morrigan says simply.

"I believed that my family was better than that," he says sorrowfully, "but answers may lie up ahead."

We walk into the next room after dispatching the corpses there in we note that the door ahead is blocked only leaving the door to the left as our only way to go.

Opening the door, I see the Warden Commander Sophia…well the body is of Sophia but she is obviously not herself.

"Step no further, Warden" she says, "This one would speak with you."

"Why would I do that?" I ask the demon, as she turns around. I can see that decay has taken over and Sophia Dryden is evidently possessed.

"Because this Peak is mine," she says proudly. I hold back a snort.

"This one is the Dryden, Commander, Sophia, all these things," It proclaims.

"Grandmother!?" Levi says in amazement.

"You have slain many of the demon ilk to get here," she continues ignoring Levi, "This one would propose a deal."

"Levi," I say gently, "I'm afraid your great-great grandmother is possessed."

"That or she has really let herself go. I don't know what that thing is," Levi says with disgust, "my great-great grandmother died a long time ago."

"And why should I trust a demon?" I ask her.

"What is one woman-child compared to your might," the demon answers, "Strike me down if my terms offend. A fool this one would be to betray a grey warden."

I don't trust it. This demon is more powerful than it is letting on and has been waiting for 200 years for someone to come through here. It wants something. For some reason it has been unable to leave this place.

"Is there any of the real Sophia left in you?" I ask curiously.

"This one has tasted her memories, seen her thoughts and hidden places," the demon gloats, "but she is food for this one, no more, no less."

I admit to being surprised by the honestly of the demon. However I keep my face schooled.

"I will not make a deal with demon," I decide.

"Maker's breathe," Alistair breathes, drawing his sword, "took you long enough."

"Fool!" the demon screams bringing the corpses to life around it. Once the demon and corpses are dispatched, we search the room upon finding Sophia's diary, I read it. I am shocked by the revelations, not only was Arland a tyrant, but Sophia was given to wardens as an escape from the charge of treason. She used the wardens to mount her own campaign against the King.

I silently give the diary to Levi, who scans it and sighs heavily.

I look at the other 3 wardens. "I still feel a warden, here." I note uneasily.

They all look at me nod in agreement.

"There is magic in the direction of the blocked door," Morrigan says firmly.

Upon entering the next room I notice that the barrier over the door is gone and we walk through. We cross the bridge leading to a tower. Entering the tower we find more corpses and Avernus' notes and book detailing his experiments on people, as well as an enhanced alchemical potion.

Without hesitation I drink the vial and double over in pain. Alistair looks at me with wide eyes. I feel knowledge in this pain and it gives me power.

Zevran looks at me with astonishment. "Elly, promise me you will never do that again," He says with concerned look on his face.

"I'm ok Zev, and thank you," I look at him and smile, "but I can't promise you that."

"Was, a foolhardy thing to do," Morrigan says with a devious grin, "but I approve."

"Morrigan if you wanted some, all you needed to do was ask, I would have shared," I tease cheekily.

She smirks at me.

We move on into the next room obviously Avernus' laboratory. As we draw closer he says, "I hear you, do not disrupt my concentration."

We look at each other quizzically and walk forward.

He finishes his task and walk toward us. "Even now the demons seek to replenish their numbers. Are you to thank for this welcome but temporary imbalance?" Avernus asks.

"I'm amazed you still live," I say honestly, "I felt another warden but didn't exactly know who to expect."

"I'm only just alive, I have but a short time left." He answers.

"This man has dabbled in magic forbidden by the maker," Alistair says.

"So the maker told you that did he?" Avernus scoffs, "Short sighted men have forbidden my research not any god."

I hear Morrigan snicker behind me.

"Why are you here?" Avernus asks, "What is your intent?"

"I want some answers," I say casually.

"To what questions, I wonder?" he muses, "Ask."

"How did you survive all these years?" I probe curiously.

"The chantry foolishly forbids blood magic…but there are many secrets to uncover," He says cunningly, "As my body decayed, I found ways to extend it but that can only go so far."

"Tell me what happened here." Adela demands.

"What use would story telling serve?" Avernus asks. "The tyrant Arland is long dead, as is all our noble co-conspirators and the grand rebellion. Sophia's corpse may walk and talk, but she too is no more."

"We killed that one on the way here," Tamlen mutters.

"How was Arland a tyrant?" I ask.

"He ruled with fear and poison," Avernus says angrily. "His treachery pit noble against noble in terrible battle. We thought him a monster. We gathered allies to rebel. But the toll of years has erased our failure, hasn't it? It seemed so pressing then, but the kingdom lives on."

"What happened to grand rebellion?" Levi asks.

"Too many mouths to quiet. Even sorcery can only go so far." Avernus answers honestly, "So we meet with Teyrn Cousland. With him on our side, we had a chance of victory. Instead, the king's guard ambushed us. Commander Dryden and I barely escaped."

"Interesting considering you have both a Dryden and a Cousland standing in front of you," I say cunningly.

Avernus looks genuinely surprised. "I am glad that the noble houses that sided with us didn't die out," He says a bit astonished.

"You had to know summoning that many demons was risky," Morrigan chides snidely.

"Perhaps, but it was survival," Avernus says glibly, "For months, I prepared the summoning circles, researched the darkest depths of the fade. That moment was a triumph of demonic lore. Dozens of demons called by my hand. But with so many variables, I suppose calculation errors were inevitable. I was so close."

"What was the purpose of your experiments?" I ask curiously.

"To stop the demonic tide," he says firmly, "to correct the miscalculations of the past. Blood magic comes from demons. They could counter every bit of lore I knew. But the darkspawn taint, that is alien to them and it has power. The wardens use merely to sense darkspawn, a triviality. My research has discovered so much more…hinted at even greater heights. This knowledge could not only save Soldier's Peak…with it, the Wardens could grow even more powerful.

"Sophia's great grandson brought here. Levi, go ahead." I offer gently.

"Master mage," Levi starts, "uh…ser. My family name has been worth less than dirt for over a century. Do you have any proof that Sophia was a hero?"

"The boy who braved the mists," Avernus chuckles, "so you heeded my call. And you are Dryden? The cosmos has a sense of humor."

"Your call?" I ask.

"He was but a boy, Avernus explains, "when he entered the tunnels below the Peak. His heart pure. His character certain. In dreams I gave him the keys he would need. He would be my deliverance."

"Somniari," Morrigan says breathlessly.

"What of Levi's question," I probe.

"Your great-great grandmother was the best of us," Avernus says regretfully, "Brave, charismatic, fiery. Utterly devoted to the fight. But we still lost. We fought against a tyrant, you know? So full of vigor, then. So blind to consequence. But proof? There's none to be had."

I look at Levi's mournful face. "I'm sorry, Levi," I say softly.

"I…I had hoped," Levi says sadly, "but thank you Warden."

"I'm so tired," Avernus says suddenly, "so old. Let me undo my greatest of mistakes. Let me cleanse this place. Then…then I will accept whatever justice you feel I merit."

"Commander Dryden knew of the demons?" Alistair asks.

"She gave the order," Avernus says candidly. "I would have summoned the demons, anyway. Only under Wardens can true magical research continue. A chance to rediscover the secrets of ancient Tevinter."

"You remember how that ended?" Alistair chides, "The black city? Darkspawn?"

"Chantry lies told to subjugate the mages," Avernus scoffs, "to keep them docile."

"How do you know they are wrong?" Alistair presses.

"And how do you know they are right?" Avernus asks, "Their faith would have you swallow a great deal for small comfort."

Personally, I agree with him but I say nothing.

"I think it is time to retake the Peak." I say firmly.

"If justice or vengeance drive you, stay your hand until the demons are dealt with." He pleads.

"Very well," I concede, "the demons need to be stopped. Now."

"That will do for now," He agrees. "We must go to the great hall. There I will repair the damage I caused so long ago. There will be peril. The demons will fight us every step of the way. Come."

We head back down to the great hall. Once there Avernus turns to me, "We must act quickly. The demons are clawing on the gates. The veil must be closed."

"What do you need us to do?" I ask.

"I will unravel the summoning circles I drew so long ago." He explains, "Waves of spirits and demons will come through. Dispatch them."

I nod in understanding and glance at the others as they make ready. We "dispatch" three waves of demons. When we are finished Avernus, sighs heavily, "It's over. The veil is strong now, stronger at least. I said I'd submit to judgement, and so I shall. Can I be left to experiment in peace?"

"Experiment away," I offer cheerfully, "If it bears any fruit I want to know."

"I feel I am close to breakthrough." He says happily, "And now I can dedicate all of my time to research. I will share anything I learn with the Wardens and with you. And Warden, please come see me before you leave the peak."

Levi walks over as Avernus leaves. "You've done it Warden. Soldier's Peak is safe again. That old geezer Avernus deserves the gallows, if you ask me, but…people will do queer things to survive. But there was no proof to redeem my family."

"Your grandmother, I'm not too sure about," I say slowly, "But you are a good man."

"Thank you, Warden," Levi says gratefully, "for so long I was focused on the past, on answers. But I think I would have been better off had I stayed home. Enough of that, though. I find myself at a loss."

"How so?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"You've got a whole fortress now," He muses. "I suppose I should start plying my trade again."

"Soldier's Peak is a lonely place," I tease lightly, "where will you go?"

"I might use the peak as a base of operations," He answers smirking, "My cousins have been looking for a safe place to store trade goods. So many bandits about but none would dare come here. You of course will get a sizeable discount."

"Looks like we're done here," Alistair says happily, "A demonic invasion thwarted, a Warden base safely rescued. We do good work."

We head back out the rest of our group.


	41. Chapter 41 Avernus

Dear Diary,

After resting overnight, I decide to go see Avernus, as he asked. I tell the others I will be back and set off to leave. Strangely enough they don't try to stop me. I expected some resistance. Zevran stops me.

"You aren't going to see _old and creepy_ without your assassin?" he asks cheekily. "You know he may want to experiment on you and we know how that ended for his other subjects," he adds more seriously.

"So how did you win the straw pull?" I tease now knowing why no one tried to stop me.

He grins mischievously. "I cheated of course."

"Alright, come on," I smirk at him.

We walk up to Avernus' Laboratory in silence. I am wondering what he could want he must realize I would not be willing to put myself at risk.

Avernus looks up at our arrival and sets the book he is studying aside.

"I'm glad you came, Warden," He says, with what seems to be, a touch of happiness. I am surprised at this reaction. I would not have expected warmth.

"Was there something you needed?" I ask curiously.

"Yes and no," He answers. I look at him confused. "Please sit," he says gesturing to a sofa and chairs I don't remember seeing the last time I was in here. I look around he cleaned up the place too.

"I would like to offer you tea," He says cautiously looking at Zevran.

"I'll make it," Zevran says shortly heading over to the fire and taking the kettle. I knew he would check everything to make sure it wasn't dosed or poisoned.

Avernus sits on the chair and seems unoffended by Zevran's demeanor, "I understand your trepidation, Warden," he says looking at Zevran. "I just haven't had anyone to talk to in so long; it's nice to have a visitor or two."

"Well I guess demon Sophia wasn't the best conversationalist," I tease lightly.

Avernus chuckles. "No, she wasn't."

"So tell me what is going on with the Wardens," He asks curiously.

Zevran brings the tea and we sit together.

I explain the events of Ostagar and what happened to the rest of Wardens. Avernus listens with rapt attention. Laughing at how Adela acted upon meeting us and get getting a good chuckle at the irony of having Zevran join us to which Zevran adds a few of his own flourishes.

"So you recruited the assassin tasked with killing you. That is rich." He laughs looking at Zevran.

Zevran grins wickedly, "how could I say no to such a beauty?"

"So how did you come to the wardens?" Avernus asks candidly.

"Well…" I say slowly, as Zevran gives Avernus a sharp look.

"I apologize," Avernus says immediately.

"It's ok Zev," I look at him firmly as he puts an arm around me protectively.

I quickly explain what happened without going into it too deeply. Looking at Avernus I see understanding and compassion. It's an interesting contrast to the clinical mage I met the day before.

"I came to wardens from the circle," he says offering his story now that I've told mine. "I was to be made tranquil for the crime of protecting a one of my friends. She had just taken her Harrowing and the knight commander like to have his way with the young women after their Harrowing."

"What happened to Knight Commander," I ask curiously, hoping that there was some punishment for the man.

"He lost rank, but that was about it," Avernus sneers, "I made sure the man wouldn't be capable of doing anything like that again."

"I was lucky, that the wardens happened to be recruiting at the tower," he explains, "they invoked the right of conscription and took me away from there."

"Poor Alexys was made tranquil. I found out later. I had Sophia go to the tower to recruit her." He says sadly, "They made her pay for my crime even though she had passed her harrowing."

"I'm so sorry Avernus," I reach over and place my hand on his arm. "I can say I have met the current Knight Commander and he seems a reasonable sort." I offer quickly explaining about Cullen.

"So you have two apostate mages and templar in you group?" He asks in amazement chuckling.

"Well if you want to be technical," I tease, "I have 2 apostates (one is Qunari the other a witch from the wilds), one circle mage, a templar, an ex-templar, another Qunari soldier, a Dalish elf, an antivan elf, 3 dwarves, a chantry sister who used to be an Orlesian bard, my best childhood friend, and a golem, who has retained her mind. All have joined my little group."

Avernus is stunned. "You can't be serious?"

"She is quite serious, our dear warden is quite charismatic," Zevran says smiling at me.

"They aren't all wardens though," Avernus notes looking at Zevran.

"Only 4 of us are Wardens at the moment," I say quickly.

"Your chances would be better against the archdemon with more wardens," the mage says practically.

"I know, Avernus and some of them are considering it," I say thinking of Rory and Leske, "but I refuse to let any of them take the joining without them realizing what they give up."

"I understand the need for secrecy, and conscription," I quickly say, "but they should be able to make an informed decision. I will not force my friends to undertake the joining."

"That brings me to the second reason, I wished for you to see me," Avernus says warmly.

"I…Thank you for not…" I start and stop. I really thought he was going to give me an earful for that one.

"I understand. I am looking for a way to make the joining safer, and more powerful," he explains. "I have a request of you, Warden," he says slowly.

"Avernus," I chide, "I think we have spent enough time together now that you can call me Elissa or Elly."

He smiles and says slowly, "Elly, to complete the last tests of my research I need a warden blood sample."

"Couldn't you have just taken blood from your other specimens?" Zevran asks moving protectively around me.

"My other specimens," Avernus retorts hotly, "volunteered, and even when I needed to hurt them for research, I made sure they were healed and comfortable afterwards. They were well fed and I…cared for them."

"You notes seem to say otherwise," Zevran sneers.

"I had to stay detached for experiment purposes," Avernus says rising and going to one of the many tables in the room. He picks up a book and brings it to me. Setting the book in lap my gently. He goes to sit back in the chair. Zevran moves closer to me so he can look as well. I open the book and see that his is real diary started overt 200 years ago. I read …this man cared for the volunteers accounted who they were and befriended them. He grieved when they died.

I close the diary a bit teary eyed and look up at Avernus, "you really did care for them."

He nods sadly, "It was my hope that my research would end before they all perished."

"We can't afford to lose one warden with a blight ravaging Ferelden," I say firmly.

Avernus nods. "I don't need any more _specimens _to finish the rest of the research; the others have already paid the price so no more will have to. I just need warden blood to finish my research."

"All right, I'll do it," I say firmly.

"Elly, are you sure," Zevran asks concern showing in his eyes.

"If it can help Wardens live more normal lives," I say looking into his concerned face, "I will do this for the future Wardens."

"I understand," he says unhappily.

After the procedure, Avernus warns me to rest for a few days. He promises to contact me as soon as he has new joining potion. I lean heavily on Zevran as I'm feeling a bit weak and we leave the tower.


	42. Chapter 42 A Warden's Request

Dear Diary,

I've been resting for a few days as Avernus suggested tomorrow we plan to leave for Denerim. I'm checking our provisions when Adela comes over to see me.

"Is it true that Alistair's father is Maric?" she asks in a low voice.

I look at her confused. Within the group it's not exactly a secret. "Well yeah," I reply. She takes me by the arm and I walk with her away from everyone and out of earshot.

"Do you know anything of his mother?" She asks.

I shake my head, "other than she was a serving girl for Redcliff Castle and her name was Fearne, I know nothing."

She looks at intently, "I'm going to tell you something that you can tell no one even Alistair, I shouldn't even tell you as I was sworn to secrecy but I can't keep it to myself after meeting him," she says quietly. "As you know I came to Ferelden looking for Riordan after the battle at Ostagar, He was the last of our group that wasn't gone and me…I need to find him."

"We will…" I say firmly. She smiles at me. "But what does this have to do with Alistair?" I ask curiously.

She sighs deeply, "Well in my joining there was Riordan, Duncan, Fiona, and me who made it through. We all became very close. There was a rescue mission into the deep roads the wardens needed either Loghain or King Maric to lead them to Ortan Thaig as they were the only people at that time who knew the way. Maric decided to go with Duncan, Fiona and a few others. To make a long story short Maric and Fiona became lovers and Fiona had a child. That child was Alistair."

I look at her bewildered, "I'm not seeing the need for secrecy politically that would be boon not detrimental."

"You would normally be right," she says smiling softly, "however Fiona is an elf and a mage." The image of shocked and scandalized nobles slips into my head and I snicker.

She looks at me harshly. I calm myself quickly and explain, "I was imagining how scandalized the nobility would be to find out that the last of the Theirin line has both elf and mage blood." I snicker again helplessly and Adela chuckles.

"Fiona never wanted that for Alistair," She says seriously, "she made Maric promise that he would be raised as human and never be a part of the nobility."

"You said _is_," I note cunningly, "so she is still alive."

Adela nods, "yes the first and only warden to be spared the Calling because she lost the taint. It was a curious thing. we thought it might have had something to do with her pregnancy."

"That is curious indeed because you don't hear of wardens having children after the joining," I say thoughtfully.

"So is she still with the wardens in Orlais?" I ask curiously.

"No," Adela says anger and hurt, "the other wardens felt she had cheated death by losing the taint. She even tried the joining again, but it didn't work. So finally she left the wardens and is now First Enchanter of the Circle in Montsimmard."

I look at the hurt in Adela's face and understanding hits me. "I'm so sorry, Adela…You loved her didn't you?"

She nods slowly, "Yes, she loved me too but not in the same way. Promise me you will not tell Alistair. Fiona wanted him to believe he is wholly human."

"I promise no one will hear it from me." I say firmly, reaching over and giving the dwarf a quick hug. I get up and walk back to the packs finishing what I had started earlier.

This packing thing has taken a lot of time. Just as I close up the last pack I look up to see Alistair walking toward me. As he stops he says, "You know …Maybe this isn't the best time to be thinking about this, but I've something to ask you."

"Sure Alistair, what is it?" I ask smiling.

"Chances are we'll be heading to Denerim soon, and when we're there I wonder if we might be able to…look someone up," He asks nervously.

"You've a friend outside the wardens?" I say curiously.

"The thing is I have a sister, a half-sister," He explains, "I told you about my mother right? She was a servant at Redcliffe Castle, and she had a daughter…only I never knew about her. I don't think she knew about me, either. They kept my birth a secret, after all. But after I became a grey warden I did some checking and …well I found she's still alive, in Denerim."

"Did you contact her?" I ask schooling my face. Bloody Maker what if she tells him she isn't his sister. What if he meets her and finds out later they aren't related? Makers breathe, Should I tell him?

"No," he says shaking his head, "I thought about writing her, but never did. And then we were called down to Ostagar and I never got the chance."

I nod silently relieved.

"She's my only real family I have left," He continues, "the only family not also mixed up in the whole royal thing. I've just been thinking that maybe it's time I went to see her. With the blight coming and everything, I don't know if I'll get another chance to see her. Maybe I can help her, warn her about the danger. I don't know."

"If you want to, we could try," I offer, hating the lie now. Dammit why can't anything be simple?

"Could we?" He asks gratefully, "I'd appreciate that. If something happened to her and I never went at least to see her, I don't know if I could forgive myself. Her name is Goldanna and I think she remarried but lives just outside the alienage. If we're in the area, then…Well, it's worth a look."

Maker's breath! I need to talk to Adela. I think panicking as Alistair walks off happily. I didn't want to lie but I made a promise. I scan the area looking or her. Not finding her, I head to the southwest corner statue to find some peace where I can think.

My thoughts are interrupted by a voice, "so Alistair says he's going to meet his sister?" Adela says cheekily.

"Yea the nobles did the job a bit too well," I joke half-heartedly, "they gave the serving girl a name and when Alistair became a warden he did some digging and found the serving girl had other children."

"So what are you gonna do?" She asks curiously.

"I don't know," I say wearily, "they even gave him an amulet that they told him was his mother's." I pull the amulet I lifted from the Arl's desk out of my pocket fingering it thoughtfully.

"Can I see?" she asks with a strange expression on her face. She studies the repaired amulet for a moment. "They didn't lie about everything," she sighs, "This did belong to Fiona."

She hands me back the amulet gives me an intense look. "I'm well aware there is a good chance with Cailan's death the Arl will put Alistair forward for the throne. I can't advise you in this matter. If Alistair is put on the throne and the nobility finds out it would disastrous. However, if Loghain takes the throne after his actions in Ostagar, it could be worse. I will leave you to decide."

"Your knowledge of Ferelden politics is remarkable," I tease trying to lighten the mood.

"Darling," she says mockingly drawing the word and tossing her head, "I've lived in Orlais for years The Grand Game is a way of life."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: I am going back to regular Sunday updates again now that my school vacation is over.<strong>


	43. Chapter 43 Out in the Open

Dear Diary,

After my discussions, I decide to go to Redcliffe. I believe that Bann may have some answers. Upon hearing the change of plan a few of the group question the decision. Alistair presses the hardest. I just tell them there is some unfinished business to take care of at the Castle and set off in quick walk.

Upon arriving at Redcliff, I send everybody except Adela and Alistair to the village, making arrangements to meet at the tavern later. We enter the castle and Teagan is happy to see us but curious.

"I need to speak to the Bann for a moment and then you both will join us," I announce.

Teagan raises an eyebrow but says, "Shall we retire to the study then?"

I nod curtly, and we walk the short hallway to the study. As he shuts the door, he teases, "I assume you are here on some urgent business and not for my roguish looks."

"You assume correctly," I say but I can't keep a straight face so I'm grinning back at him.

"So what is so urgent?" he asks curiously.

"Alistair," I say emphatically. I get another eyebrow raise in response. "I know the secret of his birth and who is mother is. I would have said nothing but your brother did his job too well."

Teagan looks at me sheepishly and sighs, "So what is our dear boy up at?"

"He seeks to find his sister, the daughter of the serving girl he was told was his mother," I explain quickly, "From what I understand when Alistair became a warden he started doing some checking and found the serving girl also had a daughter named Goldanna."

Teagan looks thoughtful for a moment. "I see how this could be a problem, but how did you become privy to this information?"

I chuckle wryly. "Maker has a damn good sense of humor and timing. The other warden, Adela, told me. It just so happens she is friends with Fiona. Right after she told me, Alistair came to me asking about meeting this Goldanna. So I figured the best action would be to discuss it with another noble who is aware of the situation and figure out the best way to deal with it."

"Damn," Teagan says smiling, "they don't make it easy do they? I wouldn't suggest meeting Goldanna. She is shrew of person. We let her go years ago."

"Then we need to tell Alistair," I say slowly, "We both know the implications if the nobles were to find out, but I can't let him go on this wild goose chase it would be too cruel."

"I agree, but…" he says awkwardly.

"We have to trust that he will make the right decision," I say emphatically. "He's not stupid." Alistair has really grown, I trust him to lead although he prefers not to. He has even come up with some interesting solutions to problems, a far cry from the whining warden I met at Ostagar.

"I agree." He says frowning wryly. "The thing is I thought he should have been told a long time ago. I just feel a bit silly because I didn't find out until after he was sent to the chantry."

Realization hits me like a lightning bolt. "You're afraid he will be angry with you?" I ask tentatively.

He nods looking embarrassed. "I love that boy and am proud of the person he's become."

"He may be upset, but from what I understand, the secret was Fiona's doing not Eamon's or yours. She made Maric promise that Alistair would be told his mother was human. So if he wants to be angry at someone, he needs to know who did what. That's why I made Adela come with me." I say offer.

Teagan brighten a little bit. "You do think of everything," he says with a bit of wonder, as he goes to the door. He calls for a servant to bring Adela and Alistair to join us.

As Adela and Alistair enter the room, Teagan opens a bottle of brandy and pours each of us glass.

"This must be serious," Alistair notes holding the glass.

I take a sip of the brandy and feel the burning warmth as it slides down my throat. "Alistair, quite a few things have been brought to my attention lately and we felt you needed to know," I say simply.

He looks at me and takes a large sip from his glass, "Bad news then. Okay, lay it on me," he says steeling his gaze.

I take another sip nervously. "Alistair, the woman who you were told was your mother isn't your mother. You mother is an Orlesian warden."

Alistair sits stunned and his hand trembles slightly as he lifts his glass and takes another gulp.

"There is more," I say softly, "she wanted you to have a good life but one without the trappings of nobility; she made Maric promise that you would be raised as if you had a human mother. Your mother is both an elf and a mage."

Alistair looks shocked. He looks at me, Adela and Teagan in turn.

"So you mean to tell me, that I've been lied to, my whole life?" he asks incredulously.

Teagan leans over refilling his glass and Alistair finishes it in one draught.

"So you knew?" He looks at Teagan accusingly.

"Alistair, I'm sorry I only found out after Eamon sent you to the chantry," Teagan explains.

"Well, it's not like we got family visits," Alistair sneers, then his face softens. "I apologize, Teagan, it's not your fault."

"I think I need some time," Alistair announces getting up, "I need to be alone for a while."

He walks out of the room quietly shutting the door behind him. I look at Adela apologetically. "I'm sorry Adela but I had to do something."

She grins taking a drink. "I understand Elly, no worries; I think he deserves to know the truth too."

"You will answer any questions you can for him?" I ask.

"Of course, I'm not a genlock," she teases.

"I think he took it rather well," Teagan says surprised, "In fact I expected a bit more of an outburst."

"I'm sure your training room and dummies are going to feel the brunt of this," I say knowingly.

"Perhaps," Teagan says thoughtfully, "He has grown hasn't he?"

I nod in reply looking at my empty glass.

"You want more," Teagan asks teasingly.

Adela and I look at him and say "Maker, yes!" in unison. Teagan chuckles as he refills the glasses.

"You will rest here tonight," he says firmly, "I'll assume that the rest of your party is in the village. I'll send a messenger for them."

I nod in agreement.

"So what is the story with the two of you?" Adela asks a bit too innocently. Her cheeky smile is giving her away.

Teagan grins. "An honorable man does not kiss and tell."

Blushing furiously I glare at Adela. She doesn't seem to notice. I finish my glass in one draught.

"On that note," I jest despite the blush lingering on my cheeks, "I think I will visit with Connor."

Alistair doesn't show up for lunch or dinner. So after dinner I head to kitchen and make him a plate and grab a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. Leaving the kitchen I see Teagan. "Going to find Alistair?" he asks.

"Yea he's probably hungry." I say feeling a bit sheepish.

"Adela told me a very interesting story, she heard about you breaking Alistair's jaw," he says corners of his mouth turning upwards with mirth.

I chuckle briefly. "Yea, Alistair got the wrong idea about us and reverted to calling me a…well not very nice name. I punched him for his trouble and broke his jaw."

Teagan snickers. "Maker's breath! I don't ever want to be on your bad side Elly."

"Well, Bann Teagan," I tease, "I don't think you would ever act that way, besides Alistair has grown since then. Once he calmed down and talked me about it, he decided he deserved it. Although, I probably shouldn't have punched him."

Teagan chuckles. "Sometimes a person needs a hard lesson. I don't envy you having to be the one to give it to him."

We walk to the end the hallway. "Elly," he says softly, "You know I absolutely adore you."

"I know," I say sadly, as I give him a kiss on the cheek before walking away.

I find Alistair in the training area. He has obviously been putting his training to use by the looks of the training dummies.

"I thought you might be hungry," I offer cheerfully.

"Yea," he says not really looking at me, "Thanks." He walks over to me taking the plate and gestures to bench on along the wall.

I sit with him and pour us each a glass of wine as he eats. "So how are you holding up?" I ask.

"Frankly," he says with no small amount of disgust, "The whole situation pisses me off. But I understand what my mother was trying to do and I can appreciate she cared enough to exact a promise from my father."

He shifts awkwardly looking at the ground. "But she's not going to get her wish about me staying out of noble affairs is she? I'm not stupid, Elly. I know you've been grooming me for nobility and I'm pretty sure that Eamon or Teagan will put me forward for the throne but I don't understand why."

"Alistair," I chide gently, lifting his chin so he looks at me, "you are right I have been grooming you, part of the issue is that you have stronger claim by blood being Maric's son, if Teagan or Eamon put themselves forward they would seem opportunists no better than Loghain. However if I didn't think you could do it I would tell Eamon or Teagan to put themselves forward."

"You would," he asks curiously.

"You bet Andraste's ass, I would," I say cheekily.

"Well," he says, "I still don't like it but if it's what's best for Ferelden, I'll do it. Although I don't imagine I can mention my mother in noble company can I?"

"No, you can't," I say honestly, "but I wanted you to know the truth."

"I should…" he starts and stops. "Thank you, for not letting me make an ass out of myself, by showing up on Goldanna's doorstep, and for detouring our whole trip just for me."

"That's what family does, Alistair. You have a family right in front of you. You just need to realize it. Adela and Teagan are available if you have questions." I offer, "also I have something for you."

I pull the repaired amulet out of my pocket and hand it to Alistair. "Adela confirmed this was Fiona's, I thought you might like to have it back."

"This is my real mother's amulet?" He asks clarifying.

I nod. "Where did you find it?" he asks curiously.

I chuckle briefly. "Alistair, I am a rogue. I found it in the Arl's study."

"But why isn't it broken?" He presses.

"I figured the Arl fixed it. Perhaps he meant to return it to you." I answer thoughtfully.

"Then he must have repaired it," He says, "and kept it. I don't understand why would he do that?"

"Perhaps you mean more to him than you think?" I ask curiously.

"I…guess you could be right." He says wistfully. "We never really talked that much and then the way I left." He shakes his head regretfully. "Thank you…I mean it. I thought I lost this to my own stupidity. I'll need to talk to him about this …if he recovers…when he recovers that is." He amends quickly. "I wish I'd had this a long time ago. Did you remember me mentioning it?" He suddenly asks looking at me with an intense gaze. Without waiting for an answer he continues, "Wow! I'm more used to people not listening when I go on about things."

"Of course Alistair, you're family and special to me." I answer smiling at him.

"I don't know what to say," He says shaking his head in wonder, "You're special to me too Sis, Thanks."

"Take some time Alistair but don't forget to eat," I chide gently. Standing up I take the plate and my glass.


	44. Chapter 44 Denerim

Dear Diary,

Denerim is a bit of a mess and we have to be careful as there is still a bounty on us. We enter the market district and peruse the wares. After meeting Sergeant Kylon and finding he does not believe Loghain's claims about the wardens killing the king. I'm happy to help a supporter of the Grey Wardens. After the rabble is dealt with without bloodshed, much to the man's surprise, I decide it's time to check out this address we received from Leliana's would be assassin.

Upon entering the residence we are immediately attacked by guards. I am ever so grateful I brought Sten and Ox with me as thanks to them we were able to take them out quickly.

Entering the next room, Marjoliane looks a bit surprised that Leliana brought back-up. I immediately realize this woman is not to be trusted.

"Leliana," she greets facetiously, "So lovely to see you again, my dear…"

"Spare me the pleasantries," Leliana snorts, "I know you're…"

"Oh, you must excuse the shabby accommodations," Marjoliane continues whining ignoring Leliana's outburst. "I try to be a good host, but you see what I have to work with. This country smells like wet dog. Everywhere. I cannot get the smell out. Even now it is in my hair, my clothes…ugh."

"Why did you send assassins after Leliana?" I ask pointedly narrowing my eyes at her.

"So business-like," she says appraising me, "your companion."

"You framed me," Leliana accuses hotly, "had me caught and tortured. I thought in Ferelden I would be free of you, but is seems I am not. What happened to make you hate me so? Why do you want me dead so badly?" She asks sadly.

"Dead? Nonsense. I know you, my Leliana." Marjoliane says with fake concern, "I know what you are capable of. Four, five men…you can dispatch easily. They were sent to give you cause to come to me. And see? Here you are."

I snort dubiously at her comment and reply with no small amount of sarcasm. "You could have sent her a letter; assassins make for a whole different kind of statement."

"You are so transparent!" Leliana sneers. "What are up to, Marjoliane? Why are you in Ferelden?"

Marjoliane drops the façade. "In truth? You have knowledge that you can use against me. For my own safety, I cannot let you be. Did you think I did not know where you were? Did you think I would not watch my Leliana? What is she up to? I thought. _The quiet life, the peasant clothes, hair ragged and messy like a boy…eh this is not like her._ You were planning something, I told myself. So I watched …but no letters were sent. No messages. You barely spoke to anyone. Clever, Leliana, very clever. You almost had me fooled. But then you left the chantry so suddenly. What conclusion should I draw? You tell me."

Leliana looks at me and I nod. This is her fight I will let her fight it.

"You think I left because of you?" Leliana says incredulously, "you think I still have so plan for…revenge. You are insane. Paranoid!"

"Not to mention having a very misplaced idea of your own self-importance," I mutter wryly. Leliana smirks in response. "Not everything is about you, Marjoliane" I add in a louder voice.

"Oh is that what you think?" Marjoliane laughs evilly, "If I were you I would believe nothing she says. Not a one. She will use you. You look at her and see a simple girl…a friend, trusting and warm. It is an act."

"I am not you, Marjoliane. I left because I didn't want to become you." Leliana says indignantly.

"Oh but you are me." Marjoliane mocks, "You cannot escape it. No one will understand you the way I do, because we are one and the same. Do you know why you were a master manipulator, Leliana? It is because you enjoyed the game; you reveled in the power it gave you. You cannot change or deny this."

I look over at Leliana and she looks downcast and beaten.

"Just because you may be good at something doesn't mean that it needs to be used for personal gain," I offer her diplomatically ignoring Marjoliane, "Skills such as that can be used for the greater good. I trust you Leli."

Leliana looks up at me, "thank you, Elly." She gives Marjoliane a hard, angry glance. "You will not threaten me or my friends again Marjoliane. I want you out of my life, forever." She says firmly.

I look over at her. "You know she will hound you as long as she lives." I say, knowing that Marjoliane would hunt Leliana over and over until she or Leliana is dead.

She nods at me in agreement. "You've caused too much pain for to many, Marjoliane. It ends here."

"And you think you can kill me, like that?" Marjoliane sneers, "I made you Leliana. I can destroy you just as easily."

I smirk at the woman's words. "I'd like to see you try…damn egomaniacs," I mutter grabbing my daggers. Leliana smirks momentarily and readies her bow. I note the traps on either side of the room and head for the closest one while Leliana puts her back against the wall and start shooting arrows at Marjoliane's fighters who have come from the doors on each side of the room. We dispatch the fighters and Marjoliane with only minor injuries.

"It's over," Leliana breathes, "she's dead because of me."

I walk over to her letting Sten and Ox loot the place. "Leli, are you ok?" I ask concerned.

"I…I need some time to myself. We…will talk later." She says with a small sad smile on her face. I give her shoulder a slight squeeze in understanding.

Upon meeting up with others in our group we decide to split up and get some shopping done. I also think it would be good Leliana to do something fun she has been very somber after the incident with Marjoliane. We also decide that a night in the tavern with beds and hot baths would be a nice change. I take Alistair, Zevran and Morrigan with me and head toward the address Sergeant Kylon gave us for Brother Genitivi.

Upon reaching Brother Genitivi's house we enter to find a man. The man looks at us upon our arrival.

"Yes, what are you doing here?" He asks.

"Brother Genitivi, I presume?" I ask curiously.

"My name is Weylon. I am the assistant of the scholar Brother Genitivi. This is his house." He says simply.

I realize that it his house. I wonder why the man states the obvious.

"I am looking for him. Where is he?" I ask patiently.

Weylon sighs. "That makes two of us. I haven't seen Brother Genitivi in weeks. He's sent no word, it's so unlike him I am afraid something has happened. Genitivi's research in the Urn may have led him into danger."

"Do you think he's in trouble because of the Urn?" Alistair asks pointedly.

"Perhaps the Urn has been lost for a reason," Weylon says, I pray for Genitivi's safety, but hope dwindles with each passing day. I tried to send help, but some of the knight came from Redcliffe look for him not long ago. I sent them after Genitivi but they too have disappeared.

"How do you know they disappeared?" Alistair asks cunningly.

"Well, they…haven't returned and they sent no word either," Weylon stumbles.

As he stumbles over his words I take a quick look at Morrigan. She quickly mouths the word mage and shakes her head.

"Are you so close to the knights?" Zevran asks suspiciously, "Why would they send you word?"

"I…I don't know," stutters Weylon, "After what happened to Brother Genitivi, can you blame me for thinking the same thing could happen to the knights? Perhaps I am a pessimist. I hope I am wrong."

I look at the shaken man narrowing my eyes. "So where did they go?"

Weylon holds up his hand in a suppressing gesture. "No, don't ask me where they went. You'll go after them, and what if ill-luck should befall you too? The search is a curse," he gestures emphatically, "on all of us. Some things are not meant to be found. I know that now."

I decide to press one more time to see what he is hiding.

"I am willing to risk it. Tell me where he went." I say firmly.

Weylon sighs, "So be it. All he said before he was that he would be staying at an inn near Lake Calenhad. Investigating something in that area."

"What exactly was he investigating?" Alistair asks curiously.

"I don't know," Weylon sighs sadly, "all I discovered from going through his research was that he was staying at the inn."

I look at Alistair gratefully for a moment. Then looking at the _assistant, _"but you just said he spoke to you and told you that."

I'm beginning to feel that this assistant is no such thing.

"Y-yes, of course he told me," the man stutters, "but I also went through his things to see if I could find other clues to his whereabouts."

Zevran starts walking around the room inspecting it. I know he feels this man is acting suspiciously as well.

"You sound awful nervous. Hiding something?" Alistair asks intimidatingly.

"That's n-ot true," The man stutters again, "I told you everything I know. Brother Genitivi told us—t-told me about the inn and that's all."

I feel tension building within the group.

"You're lying; we all know it," Morrigan says flatly.

Weylon looks around seeing Zevran behind him absently looking at some notes on the table and the rest of us in front of him he panics. "I gave you a chance to turn aside and forget you ever hear of Genitivi and the Urn. But you persisted. Now it has come to this…Andraste forgive me. I do this in your name." He then throws up a barrier around and is and prepares to start casting. However Zevran is quicker and stabs the mage from behind. He quickly crumbles to the floor.

"What a weak pathetic excuse for a mage," Morrigan sneers. I'm inclined to agree with her.

We search the house and find the real Weylon's body and Brother Genitivi's notes.

"It looks as though we need to go a village called Haven," I note reading the book, "let's get out of here and meet up with the others."


	45. Chapter 45 Soris

Dear Diary,

We meet with the rest of group at the Tavern. After speaking with the others it seems Leliana wants to look for new shoes and I need to stop by the armor shop. I've been using the ill-fitting armor that I got in deep roads from Ruck. I really need to find something else, it has been chafing horribly. I've heard Wade of Wade's emporium is known for great armor. It seems Wynne wants to stop by the Wonders of Thedas. Morrigan seemed to show some interest as well. So the 4 of us leave the rest of our companions at the Tavern while we of us go shopping.

We stop by the wonders of Thedas first and Wynne walks in excitedly. "Hmm, jade, carved and polished into the shape of a large... Oh, I see. Well, that's just... rude." I look in the direction she is indicating and school my face smothering a snicker.

"Tis all junk, just as I...hmm, is that an authentic Chasind fertility carving?" she says smirking, as she notes the item that Wynne had just pointed out. Leliana chuckles at the large jade phallus at least she seems in better spirits I note.

Morrigan and Wynne make their purchases and I even find a couple gifts for Shale and possibly Sten. As we leave Morrigan caresses the jade phallus much to Wynne's embarrassment. She turns around smirking at us as Leliana and I dissolve into giggles. "Too bad Adela didn't come with us," I say teasingly, "she would have found a slew ways to embarrass us with that one." Leliana nods in agreement through her giggles.

We stop in the market at an Orlesian shop that makes Leliana squeal with delight. I buy some soaps and oils to match the perfume that Rory gifted me. Burying my nose in the soap I am reminded of happier days when all was normal in my life. On a whim I try to find another scent as Leliana scurries off exclaiming, "Oooh...glass slippers."

Morrigan peruses the items with interest. For a witch of the wilds she really does take pains with her appearance. I can't help but wonder if Cullen might have something to do with her shopping.

We make our purchases and head over to Wade's Emporium. Upon entering the shop I look at the wares and find something suitable. However it does need alterations. I walk up to the clerk behind the counter.

"Welcome friends….Welcome to Wade's Emporium." The man from behind the counter greets us. "We have the finest armors in Denerim, maybe in all of Ferelden. How may we assist you?"

"Tell me about Wade," I ask curiously.

"You're obviously not from around here," the man says cheerfully, "Wade is possible the most brilliant armor smith in all of Ferelden."

"That's not true, Herrin" the other man by forge says. I am assuming is Wade. "The dwarves in Orzammar make the finest armors around. These piles of rust droppings you force me to make are worthless compared to their work. You never let me have the time or materials to make something special."

"Customers expect their armor in a timely fashion," Herrin chides, "not years late like the last time."

"That happened once." Wade defends, "just once and you never let it drop."

I set the light leather armor I've chosen on the counter. "Could I have this altered please?" I ask curiously.

Wade come over and studies it. "This armor is pretty good and I can alter it but I miss really good materials," he sighs, "Let's take some measurements and get you fitted." We walk into the forge area and I remove the armor I have currently. He gasps excitedly, "Oh this stuff is better than what I have here, is it dwarven make?" I nod. "You would be better served if I altered this for you." He says his eyes shining gleefully at the thought of working with the dwarven light armor.

"Can you alter it?" I ask curiously.

"You bet Andraste's dimpled butt cheeks I can." He says firmly grabbing the measuring tape again. Herrin starts to object. But I assure him I will buy the other set as I don't want to be without a spare after what happened in the deep roads.

That seems to make Herrin happy. Wade takes my measurements and we agree that the skirt need to be shortened on it. And it needs to be more fitted to alleviate chafing but allow me to wear leggings in colder weather. He tells me to return in 2 days' time to pick up the armor. I guess there are worse things than to be holed up in a tavern waiting for my armor to be fitted.

We set off to return to the Tavern and I see an elven man arguing with a guard. Curious I walk toward the shouting, it seems the man wants into the Alienage and it has been closed due to a plague. The guards get aggressive with the man. "But I live here," he pleads.

They grab him and toss him to the side "You should be thankful you are on the outside knife-ears, less chance of getting sick." One of the guards sneers as they walk away. I quickly walk to him and hold out my hand to help him up.

He looks at my outstretched hand disbelievingly. "Are you Ok?" I ask him with concern.

"Yes," He huffs but seeing the expression on my face he allows me to help him to his feet. "I wouldn't have expected help from a shem," He says bitterly but I know his anger isn't directed at me.

"I'm not like most shems." I say smiling.

"Obviously not," he smiles back tentatively.

"I'm Elissa, Elly to my friends. I take it you wanted to get back in as you have family in the alienage?" I ask lightly.

"The Arl's son took my wife on our wedding day," He spits angrily in a whisper, "I went after her but they over whelmed me and I almost didn't make it out alive." He whispers a bit more quietly, "I had to leave for a while for the safety of the others as the Arl's men showed up. I finally come home to find it's blocked off."

I'm shocked at this revelation, it's no secret in noble circles the Arl of Denerim's son Vaughn was a sadistic freak, but that he would blatantly do such a thing and his father did nothing infuriates me.

"I'm so sorry," I say laying a hand on his arm. He jumps at first but realizing that mean to comfort him. He relaxes a bit looking intensely at me. I realize he's probably looking for signs of falsehood, seeing none He smiles.

"I…apologize for my rudeness Lady Elissa, my name is Soris." He says finally.

"Well Soris will you walk me home?" I ask nodding to my companions who are at the end of the building. They nod and head back to the tavern giving us some privacy to talk. Soris walks with me arm in arm with me. The guards openly sneer at us, calling me a knife ear lover. Once out of earshot, I say "Just call me Elissa or Elly."

"But…I can tell your nobility, it's in your posture." He says looking at me with wide eyes.

"The warden's don't care what your station is," I explain quietly, "and I don't care that you are an elf."

He walks slack jawed for a moment taking in what I said.

"I assume that was the only place you had to go," I say quickly steering him toward the Tavern. It is starting to get dark and although I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I don't want to push my luck. "I'll get you a meal and roof over your head for the night. I have an offer for you, should you choose to take I can promise food and shelter, along with adventure and the dangers that come with it."

"And if I chose not?" He asks sharply.

"I will give you what coin I can while you look for other options." I say simply.

He sighs with relief. "I would like to hear your offer Elissa," he decides as we get the door of the tavern.

"Good because right now this is my home." I grin opening the door.


	46. Chapter 46 The Tavern

Dear Diary,

We enter that tavern and I see the rest of our group has commandeered the private room in the back. As I walk in with Soris I get some raised eyebrows from Alistair and Adela.

I make formal introductions as we sit down on a bench at the huge table. We all order food and the banter begins. Leliana tells everyone what happened at the Wonders of Thedas with the Chasind Fertility carving which has everyone smiling and laughing heartily much to Wynne and Alistair's chagrin.

"I can't say I'm sorry I missed out on that one," Alistair says seriously.

"Aww is the big bad templar warden afraid of a little Chasind stone cock?" Zevran asks cheekily.

I snicker at Alistair's discomfiture. He has turned so red. I feel Soris shaking beside me. I look at him and he's trying so hard not to laugh. I elbow him ever so slightly in the ribs and he laughs so hard, he has tears streaming down his face. Everyone starts laughing even Sten cracks a smile.

"Oh Maker," He gasps, "I needed that so desperately."

Alistair recovers quickly, grinning despite the lingering blush. "That's what I'm here for to provide entertainment when needed."

Wynne is smiling when she stands. "Now that everyone is done teasing me, I think I will head to bed."

Stena and Ox excuse themselves as with Shale following them.

"You had an offer for me?" Soris asks more seriously as Alistair calls for more ale.

"Yes, but I have to ask what were you plans when you got back to the alienage?" I say curiously.

"Well, I just wanted to be sure my family was alright," he says thoughtfully, "I know I couldn't stay there after all I attacked the Arl's son. I would be a danger to them. I guess I didn't think it through very well…after I checked on them…I don't know. I guess I could run off and join the Dalish if they even exist." He says sighing.

"Maybe we could offer you something else," I say diplomatically. He turns to me curiously.

"You could help us unite Ferelden and stop the blight," I say seriously, "and if you are so inclined you could become a grey warden."

"You mean all of you aren't Wardens?" he asks incredulously looking around the table.

"No," Alistair explains, "Only Elly, Adela, Tamlen and I are wardens right now. Some of our friends are considering it, but we are not conscripting anyone ….well we haven't yet."

Rory and Leske nod at Alistair's words.

"It's your choice," I say firmly, "I will hold to my agreement that I mentioned earlier should you chose not to join us."

Soris looks at us thoughtfully for moment.

"Well, it sure beats being on the run or basking in the squalor of the Alienage." He says cheerfully.

After the next round of ale, almost everyone slips out to go to bed; Soris is bunking with Alistair and Cullen so he leaves when Alistair does. Before he leaves he leans over giving me a one armed hug and whispers "Thanks Elly, for giving me a chance." I nod at him smiling.

Soon it's just Leliana and I left, she has become rather quiet not her normal bubbly self. I refill her flagon with ale from the pitcher I had brought to the table. She jumps realizing I'm still here.

"Oh hello…"she says distractedly, "was there something you wanted to talk about?"

I look at her curiously, "No, you looked like you might need to talk though."

"No it's nothing," she says unconvincingly, "I'm fine. I'm just thinking."

"Do share," I prod lightly.

"I just can get what happened out of my head," she sighs sadly, "I'd been in Lothering for years and she still thought I was plotting against her. She didn't trust me. Maybe she never did. She loved me when she could use me and control me, and now that she can't, she wanted me dead. It…it hurts to realize that I never really knew her."

"Is there anything I can do?" I ask helpfully.

"You are already helping so much by listening to me." She answers gratefully, "I knew she was ruthless, but I didn't know how far she could go. She was self-serving, cruel… she uses people, then discards them, but that's how she survived in the life that she led. What if she's right…What if we're the same?" Her voice rises in panic. "I…I should have stayed in the Chantry."

"We would have never met if you hadn't," I say pragmatically.

"You don't understand," she says emphatically, "I forgot my life as a bard while I was in the cloister. I felt safe. I didn't have to watch my back all the time. That's what made Marjoliane the person she was, don't you see! It ruined her; it will ruin me too. It's already happened, when we killed her I… I enjoyed it. Seeing her dead gave me satisfaction."

"Oh Leli," I say reaching and laying my hand on her arm, "she did you a great injustice, it's only human you would feel that way. Don't punish yourself."

"But that is no reason to rejoice over her death. That is what she would do. I don't want that," She pleads(if she's trying to convince herself of me I can't tell). "What we're doing …what we've done …hunted men down, killed them…part of me loves it. It invigorates me and this scares me," She says frightened looking into her flagon. "I…I feel myself slipping."

I reach over and lift her head so she is looking right at me. "Don't punish yourself for doing something you enjoy. Marjoliane chose who she became and so can you. I don't see you slipping. You are figuring out who you are. This is who you are."

"I admit that I took great pleasure in the intrigue back in Orlais. It was dangerous and chaotic…and exciting," she says musing, "but it destroyed my life. I thought the chantry showed me another path. I thought I was done with this life…am I wrong?"

"Leli, I think all you were doing at the chantry was running away, you are not a chantry sister you are a bard…spy with a great amount of faith," I offer firmly as this is exactly how I see her.

"There is this thought that floats into my mind constantly…that I lie when I say the chantry gave me peace when in truth it…it bored me," she admits.

I can't help smiling a little as the very thought bores me to tears.

"Here, with you…knowing the freedom of the road and the uncertainty of tomorrow…I feel alive again," she says thoughtfully.

"Deep down, you know this is where you belong," I say smiling at her.

"I think I need to be alone for a while. I have many things to consider." She says getting up, "Thank you for listening."

"I'm just happy to be able to do so," I say happily pushing the pitcher toward her, "you stay the room is empty and I'm ready for bed."

She nods thankfully as I rise to leave.


	47. Chapter 47 The Incident

**Author's Note: Posting a bit early this week as I have family coming to visit from out of town. Since I had to finish my semester work early as well that will give me more time so maybe two posts next week:)**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

We spend a few more days in Denerim, while I wait for my armor to be done. I mainly relax at the tavern while the others do odd jobs to increase our coin and help out the city. Since we are now a party of 14, we need more provisions. Although, Bodhan has been wonderful, I figure our poor merchant could use some time to trade and restock as well.

We have enjoyable evenings playing diamondback or wicked grace and it's nice to have beds to sleep in. The common folks in the market district seem to be happy with the crime rate decreasing and for the most part they have kept the fact that we are wardens to themselves. But I know it's only a matter of time before Loghain locates us and tries something.

Soris has had his nose buried in a book that Rory had lent him. He has pretty much stayed at the tavern due his fugitive status as well. I find that I have some time on my hands so I have a few glasses of wine in the main room sitting at the bar. Another customer decides to sit beside me; I honestly don't take much notice until he speaks.

"Why would such a lovely lady be sitting in the tavern drinking at this hour?" He asks leering at me.

"I could ask you the same, Ser," I say noting how drunk he is.

"Oh come on, darling, no woman sits in the tavern drinking at this hour unless she is a paid whore," The man says obnoxiously putting his arm around me.

I pull away disgusted, removing his arm. "If you wish to keep that arm you will not touch me again," I hiss, "I don't know what gave you that idea…so keep your hands and notions to yourself."

The Bartender looks at me nods. Letting me know he sees what is going on.

I decide the best thing to do is drain my glass and leave. So I call for hot water for a bath and decide to settle in for an afternoon of girly primping and relaxation, while I wait for the others to return. As I get up to leave the bar, I feel a hand on my behind. Turning around I grab the hand before the man can do anything I turn twisting his arm painfully around his back using my other hand I grab one of my trusty daggers and have it at his throat. "I warned you what would happen if you didn't keep your hands to yourself," I snarl angrily giving a light flick of the dagger just enough to draw a bit of blood.

"Ser, I think it's time for you leave," the Bartender announces looking at me, his eyes pleading for me not to kill the man, "Please, My lady."

"Very well," I say, looking at the bar owner nodding. I really like this man and he has been good to the rest of us. He signals his 2 burly security guards to escort the man out as I release him.

"Stupid fucking whore!" The man spits as I walk away.

The Bartender not only sent hot water and towels but he also sent a bottle of his finest wine. Whether it was an apology or a gift of thanks for not killing the blighted fool, I don't know, but I am thankful. I strip down pouring a glass and settle into the tub for a soak. I relax enjoying the hot water for some time when I hear the door open.

"Leliana?" I call out thinking maybe she come back early.

I hear footsteps and that drunken fool comes into view.

"Not exactly," He sneers racing over to hold a dagger at my throat.

Ok seems the fool sobered up a bit. I think to call Wrex but then I remember he went with Alistair.

"What do you want?" I grit out, "I'm not selling what you're buying!"

"And I'm not buying, you bitch," he smirks, "I'm taking it!" He punches me and everything goes black.

When I come to I am being carried over someone's shoulder, my memory quickly comes back and I start to struggle. Looking at my surroundings I realize I'm still in my room. The attacker throws me down on one the beds leaning on me heavily. The dagger is back at throat. I glare at him. "Does that make you feel like a man?" You can beat up a girl and rape her." I say taunting him.

"Shut up!" he yells before striking me again. My nose starts bleeding probably broken. I am not afraid of his anger better him beat me than rape me I decide.

"Men like you only go to whores because they can't get someone themselves," I sneer smirking.

That gets me clocked upside the head again. The dagger is still at my neck. If he is hitting me with his other hand, he can't do anything else.

"I bet you couldn't get up for a willing girl….not that you could find one," I taunt once again.

"You don't know when to shut up do you whore!" the man spits as he punches me. Looking around he says "There must be something here to shut your mouth!

While he is distracted I grab the vase on the side table and hit him in the head. It shatters as it hits the floor. He is surprised and as he shakes his head, I struggle to move the hand holding the dagger. Unfortunately it isn't, enough my head is still reeling from being knocked unconscious. He is not deterred. He snarls as he reaches down to undo his breeches.

I hear the door burst open and the next thing I know, the man is flung off of me. I see Soris standing there with a sword at the man's throat. Soris goes to raise the sword to deliver a killing blow. I quickly stand. "Soris, No!" I yell as Sergeant Kylon and a few of his men come running in the room.

"Stand down!" Sergeant Kylon orders. Soris looks at me and I nod, he lowers his sword.

"This woman seduced me and her knife-eared servant attacked me!" the man says hotly.

I glare at him through my one eye that isn't swollen shut. "This man tried to rape me and if Soris hadn't come…" I start angrily then my voice disappears as realization hits me and I start to shake. Soris grabs a blanket from one of the beds wrapping it around me and leads me to sit.

"If that were true, she wouldn't be beat up you, stupid blighter," Sergeant Kylon says looking at me knowingly. He's making a point of it to keep his gaze on my face. He looks into the adjacent room where the path of water goes and realization hits him. "In fact had she not been bathing when you intruded you would probably be dead. Be thankful you still live. However, after some time at Fort Drakon you might wish you were dead." He says coldly.

He has his men take the man away. "Are you ok my lady?" He asks kindly. I nod at him. "The Bartender called us when he heard yelling from your room."

"The Bartender must not have noticed _that man_" I spit with distaste, "had returned with happy hour going on. He threw him out earlier for harassing me."

"I see," the Sergeant says thoughtfully. He looks over a Soris and says "good job lad and for what it's worth I'm sorry. I heard what happened at the alienage. No one will hear you are in Denerim from me, the others don't know who you are."

Soris relaxes slightly. "Thank you, Sergeant."

Sergeant Kylon asks a few more questions for his report and then leaves. Assuring me he will not use my name and my identity will be kept anonymous. I breathe a sigh of relief as the door shuts behind him.

Soris looks me with concern. "Are you ok Elly? Did he?"

"No Soris, Thanks to you my honor is still intact." I reach over and hug him feeling the need for a hug myself. I ignore the sharp, screaming pain in my shoulder when I do so. "I think I kept him too pissed to perform." I chuckle wryly.

He pulls away reaching up to gently touch my bruised and swollen face. "Why did you keep egging him on?" he asks softly.

"I figured if I kept him hitting me he couldn't rape me," I offer dryly, "he already had a dagger at my throat. I was keeping the other hand busy." I shift under the blanket and my shoulder screams at me. I grimace in pain. "I think I would like to get dressed."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks.

"I don't think I can get dressed without help," I say. He looks at me concerned. "It seems I didn't notice until things calmed down…the bastard dislocated my shoulder." I say gritting my teeth.

"Maker's Breath!" He says looking at me with a bit of astonishment.

Soris helps me get dressed trying to be gentlemanly as he can, considering the situation, which makes me snicker inwardly. Or at least I thought I was until Soris says dryly, "I'm so glad that my chivalry makes you laugh, Elly."

I let out chuckle and grimace. "I'm sorry Soris, but considering the amount of bruises I have right now and with my busted nose and swollen face. I don't imagine I'm much to look at anyway. Besides the Sergeant and all his men saw me naked as did you, so I'm not too worried about it at this point."

He stops for a minute holding my sleeping tunic in his hand and looks me over from head to toe. I am only in my smalls as I've decided trying to get into a breast band was too much work. I can't help but to blush a bit under such intense scrutiny.

"Elly even beaten and bruised as you are right now. I don't think the Maker's bride could look more beautiful than you do," Soris says with a small smile.

"Blasphemy!" I tease lightly, which brings a smile to his face. "On a more serious note though, thank you, Soris," I say swallowing thickly and leaning over to kiss his cheek.

He reaches over taking my arm gently working the tunic sleeve over it and then the other and slides the tunic carefully over my head and shoulders. He leads me over to the two chairs in the room and I sit in one as he grabs the abandoned blanket from earlier wrapping it around my legs.

"Feeling better?" He asks. I smile gratefully and nod.

The Innkeeper and Bartender stop in the check on me. They both apologize profusely for missing the man. I wave it off telling him that the fool would have probably found another way. They nod gratefully offering us free rooms for the rest of our stay and have one of the serving girls bring us more wine.

I settle into one of the chairs as comfortably as I can, sipping at the wine as it is helping the pain recede somewhat.

Soris just stares into his cup a bit morosely. "I couldn't help her …But I'm grateful I could help you."

"What was her name?" I ask curiously.

"Velorna…she was my betrothed. I didn't know her it was an arranged marriage. In fact I wasn't sure I wanted to be married at the time." He muses with a small wry chuckle as he remembers.

"The Arl's son took the entire bridal party. I and Neleros my cousin's betrothed stormed the Arl's estate to get them back. They killed Velorna after they raped her. I think in some ways it was more merciful." He explains sadly.

But my cousin…" he went getting a bit angrier, "they raped her over and over because she fought them. She held out the longest trying to save our other cousin Shianni from being raped. Neleros was killed as we entered the estate. I found Killian and gave her his sword. Then she killed them all including the Arl's son. She was a damn good fighter."

He pauses and drains his glass I reach over with my good arm and refill it for him and top off mine as well. I am curious to why he speaks of Killian in the past tense but I hold my tongue and let him continue.

"I and Killian got ourselves and the rest of the bridal party back to the alienage. The Arl's me came soon after demanding that the person responsible step forward. I was scared. Killian stepped forward knowing that the entire alienage would be punished if no one did. She took all the blame leaving me out of it." He sighs, "She was so brave to do that. She knew she would be executed for killing the Arl's son. I was a coward and I let her. The people in alienage knew… and it was only a matter of time before someone ran their mouth so I had to leave."

"I knew Vaughn Kendell," I sneer, "The world is better off without that degenerate sorry excuse for a human. The Arl always made excuses for his behavior. At one time the Arl tried to get me to marry Vaughn. I would hug your cousin thank her profusely if I could, then get her drunk."

Soris gives me a small smile, "I think if I would have done something different…"

"Soris she sacrificed herself to save you…" I say thoughtfully, "If she hadn't saved you…you wouldn't have been here to save me."

Soris looks up at me giving me a hard look.

"Don't belittle her sacrifice by blaming yourself," I say gently reaching over to touch his arm.

He looks up at me thoughtfully. "You're right," he says with a small smile. Then he raises his cup, "To Killian and her bravery."

"I'll drink to that," I say smiling as we clink cups.

I hear a commotion down the hall…and Wynne, Leliana, Morrigan and Adela come bursting through the door.

"Elly are you ok?" Leliana asks breathlessly.

"Maker's breath! Look at you!" Wynne says worriedly digging into her pack.

"A bit banged up but she seems whole," Morrigan says.

"Drinking even," Adela says amused.

Ox leans into the open door asking if his services are needed and Wynne waves him in.

"On that note," Soris says smiling as he rises from the chair, "I'll leave you to it."


	48. Chapter 48 Leaving Denerim

**Author's note: As promised as I have time between semesters. I have done some more writing and editing enjoy:)**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

We finally have left Denerim. Thanks to Wynne and Ox's healing skills I am almost fully healed after the assault I had endured. Just some residual bruising left and my shoulder is only a little bit stiff. Alistair insisted on leading until I'm back to 100% (which I really don't mind as he is gaining more confidence) but I have been given permission from my jailors/healers to start sparring again.

So Rory and I have decided to have a sparring match. There is enough trash talk going on to even amuse Shale. She sticks around the watch the sparring session. We are having a bit of fun as we practice. It almost feels like old times when I would sneak out and spar with Rory without my mother knowing. Then Rory surprises me with new shield attack that knocks me down. However his stance must have been unbalance because he falls on me. I look at him bewildered for a minute and suddenly I panic.

"Get off!" I pant shaking.

He pulls himself off me confused. "Elly what's wrong?"

"I'm fine," I say trying to compose myself while I stand up. "I'm sorry Rory…" I say backing away. "I think I need to be alone for a while."

"Elly?" He asks puzzled.

I practically run to the outskirts of camp by the stream we've chosen to camp by. By the maker what is wrong with me? Why did I panic like that? Rory wouldn't hurt me. I will myself to calm down. Look back toward the camp I see Rory start to walk toward me but Leliana stops him whatever she says seems to keep him at the camp for which I'm grateful. Zevran looks at the two of them and back at me. I turn back and decide to walk upstream for a bit just listening to the sound of the stream and the birds. As my body calms down I feel tired. I find a pleasant spot and sit for just enjoying the quiet almost drowsily. Until I hear a rustling behind me, I pretend to be still just daydreaming drowsily but slowly reach for my daggers.

"Elly it's just me," Zevran announces himself.

I relax and let go of my daggers, "Oh, hi Zev."

"I figured I'd better announce myself rather than be skewered," He says soberly, "May I join you warden?"

"Of course," I say smiling but noting he is referring to me with a title instead of my name and wondering why. I slide over so he can sit with me on the rock.

He takes a seat. "So I was watching your sparring match with Rory." He says conversationally.

"Oh? Was there something I could improve on?" I ask lightly ignoring the unspoken question.

"Are you ok Elly?" he asks softly.

He asks it anyway.

"Maker's Balls! I'm so tired of everyone asking me and tiptoeing around me." I explode not thinking. "I'm not some damn Orlesian wallflower! I was not raped! My damn virginity is intact, okay! I'm fine!"

He moves so fast I can barely comprehend what he's doing. I find myself pushed roughly to the ground with a dagger to my throat. I immediately panic and struggle as his eyes stare intensely into mine. I finally quit struggling and will myself to calm down. I still find I can't control my shaking.

"Making good on your contract, Zev," I manage to grind out spitefully in defiance of my quaking body.

"No," He says curtly sitting back up and withdrawing the dagger, "merely making a point. You have not faced this fear it will not go away by you solely ignoring it."

I sit up curling my arms around my knees. I realize that I must have hurt his feelings by saying what I did. "Maker Zev, I'm sorry" I say dropping my head to my knees.

He reaches over to gently touch my chin, raising it so I am looking at him. "No need, I know you didn't mean it. You were angry… anger is good in situations as these," He says with a small smile.

"How did you know?" I ask him curiously.

He sighs. "I've seen it before…you shy away from physical contact and panic in situations that would not have bothered you before…only a coward would rape or attempt to rape a woman."

"So what do I do?" I ask in small voice feeling like a child.

"You talk about it," he says gently, "you don't bottle it up, you don't blame yourself, and you don't try to handle it on your own. We all care about you Bella, let us help you."

"I keep thinking if I didn't choose that moment to bathe, he would have never gotten so close. If I hadn't threatened him before, he might have just left me alone." I say in shaky voice.

"Oh Bella," Zev says sadly, "it's not your fault; it's never your fault. Men like that will always find a reason and they will always make their victims feel like they are to blame. They refuse to realize, that no, means no."

"He was pestering me at the bar…drunk. He put his arm around me and I told him to leave me alone." I say unable to stop the flood of words pouring out of my mouth.

"I went to leave and he grabbed me," I continue emotionlessly, "I threatened him with my dagger at his throat. The bartender had him thrown out. I left to go take a bath and wait for the rest of you to return."

I take a breath as Zevran reaches over into the pack he brought with him pulling out a bottle of wine. He looks over questioning and I nod. He uncorks the wine handing it to me.

I take a large swallow and continue. "I left and went to my room the bartender had a bottle of wine brought to my room with hot water. I added my oils to the water and settled into it with a glass of wine. I soaked for some time until I heard the door. Thinking it was Leliana I called out to her. But it was him; he put his dagger to my throat."

I take the bottle from him taking another large swallow. "I told him I wasn't selling what he wanted to buy as he thought I was a whore sitting at the bar earlier. He didn't care he said he was just going to take what he wanted. Then he hit me so hard I must have blacked out. I woke up to him carrying me across the room to the bed."

Unable to stop the torrent of words I continue as I hand him back the bottle.

"He threw me on the bed and put the dagger back to my throat. I remember taunting him telling him that took a real man to beat up a woman and rape her." I smile wryly, "it infuriated him further so he hit me. I decided if I kept him angry and hitting me he would too occupied to actually rape me. So I spit out any nasty thing that came into my head…that he couldn't get a willing woman…and if he could he wouldn't …" I manage a choked snicker at this point, "be able to perform if he had a willing participant."

Zevran flashes me a small grin, handing me the bottle which I accept gratefully.

"He was looking for something to gag me with and I grabbed the vase by the bed and hit him with it," I say shakily, part of me not wanting to continue but the words continue to fall, "but I must have been so addled by the beating I took, I couldn't hit him hard enough. He was just reaching down to undo his breeches when Soris came in and threw him off of me. Soris was about the kill the man when Sergeant Kylon came in."

I take another large swallow of the wine handing it to him. He places his arm around me…and I start to panic again. He pulls away not wanting to frighten me.

"It's ok Zev," I say taking the initiative and leaning into him remembering this is Zevran and he will not hurt me. He gingerly places his arm around me, as if he is afraid I will startle and bolt like a frightened deer.

"Soris was angry but so kind to me…he was shaken too and angry after everything that happened to him. I had to be strong. I was able to help him at least." I say pressing into Zevran harder with a sob.

"Oh Elly, always thinking of others before yourself, even in a situation like that," Zevran says his voice tinged with astonishment tightening his hold as I sob softly into his chest. Once my tears subside we sit quietly as I feel perfectly safe with Zev inhaling the scent that I had come to associate with him.

Finally I need to move, my body is forcing me too although I would prefer to stay in the safety of Zevran's embrace. I shift stretching my arms and neck. I find my shoulder is stiff and I roll it trying to work the stiffness out.

"Feeling better now Bella?" Zevran asks concerned.

"Yes," I say looking at him my face feels hot and tight, "Thank you Zev." I lean over and kiss his cheek gently.

"And glad I am to hear it," he says softly as he reaches for the bottle again. I rise to wash my face in stream.

"It will be ok Elly, just give yourself some time and talk to us." He says with a note of imploring in his voice.

"I will," I promise him sitting down beside him. He hands me the bottle and I take another drink.

"You do realize that I will keep my flirtations to a minimum while you recover. That kind of talk may not be conducive to your recovery," he states quietly.

"Don't you dare," I say heatedly, "if everyone walks on eggshells around me, like they have been, it will make me feel strange (and it has been making me feel strange) and it would make everything weird."

"Perhaps you are right we all need to behave as normal," he says thoughtfully and then he grins wickedly at me as if testing the waters, "So you and the Bann didn't …"

I smirk back at him even as I blush, and just enjoy the feeling of normalness for a moment. "I think I made it clear earlier that my maidenhead was still intact, when I was angry earlier, Zev." I blush slightly. "There are other things you can do it doesn't just have to be actual sex." I tease him impishly in spite of the blush.

Zevran looks at me with a surprised appraisal and raised eyebrow for a moment and then leers roguishly at me, "that is very true, you minx."

I snicker for moment holding my hand out for the bottle which he passes to me.

"You continue to surprise me, Elly," he says thoughtfully with a mischievous gleam in his amber eyes, I think my first assessment of you was correct; royally tough to kill, and utterly gorgeous but I have to amend that as well, wise, compassionate and…a flirt. I cannot help but to wonder what you did to the Bann he is smitten after all."

"A lady does not kiss and tell," I inform him lightly. "Anyway the Bann and I are not meant to be. He needs a noble wife, who he can come home to every night and who can bear children. He deserves that."

Zevran becomes quiet at that and we sit in silence for a while just passing the bottle back and forth. I realize it's about gone. Zevran is the first to break the silence.

"Do wardens have relationships with others? Is there some rule against it?" He asks curiously.

"Not that I'm aware of," I say honestly leaning back into him, "I haven't known or spent time with many wardens, except for my brief time at Ostagar. I was only an actual warden for one day before everyone died. It seems Adela takes her pleasures where she finds them, as there aren't many women wardens I assume some are outside the wardens. But I don't know many people who would want to be in a relationship with someone knowing that children are not possible and knowing that the person they love will leave once the calling comes. Why do you ask?"

"Leliana and Alistair," he answers evenly, "I realize they haven't slept together but that's just a matter of time. I suppose if the non-warden knew this and it didn't deter them it would not be such a tragedy for one to have happiness."

"I would imagine for the most part that wardens would mainly have relationships with other wardens because they would understand," I say thoughtfully, "I remember Alistair noting there weren't many woman wardens when I met him. In fact, I think I was the only one at Ostagar. But after finding out about brood mothers, I understand why." I shudder at the thought.

"Well, I will promise this, if you ever are in danger of becoming a brood mother, I will make good on that contract, dear warden." Zevran says gravely.

"I will hold you to that Zev" I say leaning once again on his shoulder. "I'll even take that contract out myself. The darkspawn shall not have me."

"Agreed," he says softly into my hair, "However we should probably get back to camp the others will be worried."


	49. Chapter 49 Locating Haven

Dear Diary,

I've been taking Zevran's advice and everyone has stopped asking me if I'm ok. I feel I'm slowly returning to normal but I still take one of the women with me when I go to bathe. It makes me feel safer and no one seems to mind. We've decided since we got some information about Haven trying to find our way to the village. It doesn't seem to be an easy find, but thanks to Bodhan finding some old maps of Thedas, we are able to narrow down a location.

Finally after two weeks of trekking though the Frostback Mountains it seems we might be getting close to Haven. I look in the distance and see dark, dangerous looking clouds head our way. I immediately call a halt.

"Morrigan?" I call out patiently waiting as she walks over to me. She looks at me and looks at the sky understanding my request. Morrigan hands me her pack and changes form into a bird and flies off.

Everyone forms a circle around me and looks at me expectantly. "We are going to have some bad weather," I announce pointing at the clouds that are coming closer, "I sent Morrigan to scout out some shelter for us all, in the meantime we should grab what firewood we can. Stay close though, I don't know how soon she will return."

With that I drop my pack alongside Morrigan's and head off into the woods collecting branches as I walk. A bit later I feel something alight on my shoulder, Morrigan has returned and she turns her head and chirps.

"Thank you, Morrigan." I say appreciatively as I walk back to the packs and call everyone back. Morrigan flies off my shoulder coming to land on a nearby tree as start to shoulder both our packs.

Cullen stops me. "I got them," He says smiling.

"Cullen 3 packs? Isn't that a bit much? I can at least carry mine," I say grinning at him.

"I got it Elly, if you want to take this wood I gathered it will work." He smiles back at me. I take the firewood from him and he grabs the packs.

Morrigan chirps at me as if urging me forward and I start walking as she flies from tree to tree leading the way.

A short time later just as the first flurries of snow start to fall, we come the mouth of cave. Morrigan lands in front of me changing form.

"As many times as I've seen you do that, I still find it fascinating," I say grinning at her.

"I second that," I hear Cullen mumble behind me. Morrigan smirks at both us. As I step through the cave mouth, I fear the cave may be a bit small for the whole group but it opens up into a large cavern and much to my surprise is fairly dry. Bodhan covers his wagon before he and Sandal enter. As a group we have set up camp so many times, that all of us work in synergy to build a fire near the mouth, set up the cooking pot and working out the large meal for dinner. The cave is large enough for everyone to spread out.

While we are waiting for dinner to cook I look around the cave, the three mages have set orbs of light around the cavern as the light coming from the mouth of the cave as dimmed due the storm. I see that Adela, Ox, Tamlen, Leske and Rory have started a rousing game of Wicked Grace. Leliana, Alistair, and Sten are making the meal. While Shale stands near watching curiously, as the three debate about which spice will make the meal taste best. Wynne has her face buried in a book. Morrigan is going sorting out some herbs and components with Cullen helping. This does surprise me a little and wonder if Zevran might be right about our sharp tongued apostate friend. Soris, Zevran, and Oghren seem to be having a spirited chat about blades. Bodhan is watching Wrex play with Sandal. Leaning back against my bedroll, I sigh contentedly at the sight, just thankful that everyone seems to be getting along.

I must have dozed off because I am awakened by a body sitting down next to me. As I open my eyes I see Rory grinning at me with a mischievous look on his face. "Sooo," He says drawling out the word, "Why is Elly sitting here all alone?"

I grin at him. "Well I must have dozed off but I was enjoying some people watching," I tease lightly.

"Oh really," He quips, "which people?"

I chuckle at his inquisitiveness. "All of you," I answer lightly, "It was nice to see everyone happily getting along."

"I wanted to talk to you about something," Rory says quietly.

Turning to look at him, he seems nervous. I haven't seen Rory nervous since we were teenagers.

"Whatever it is you can always ask me Rory," I say gently trying to quell my oldest friend's nerves.

He clears his throat anxiously before he continues, "You remember when we kissed out in the garden, don't you?"

I smile as I go over the memory. "Of course I do Rory. It was my first kiss. How could I forget?"

"Do you think…you still feel that way?" He asks moving his gaze to the ground.

I feel stunned for a moment. Do I have romantic feelings towards my childhood romance/ friend? I realize quickly that, although I care for Rory deeply, that I don't feel that way about him. I don't want to hurt him. But I know him well enough to know, he would want me to be truthful with him.

"Rory," I say, letting my thoughts slip into place as I reach over and tug at his chin lightly to raise his gaze up to mine. "I adore you. I care about you and you are one of my dearest friends. However, I don't have those types of feelings about you. I'm sorry."

We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. "You were mine too. I kind of knew but I wanted to be sure." He finally says quietly. "I had just hoped…"

"It's ok Rory," I say smiling gently at him, "You were my first kiss. You will always be special to me, just as I will probably always be special to you."

"Dinner's ready!" Leliana calls out. Rory stands up. Looking up at him, I see sad smile on his face as he offers me his hand to help me stand. He walks over to the makeshift kitchen area. I feel heavy hearted about hurting his feelings and I just hope he will forgive me for not feeling the same.


	50. Chapter 50 Weathering the Storm

**Author's note: Unfortuneately, I go back to class today. So posts will be going back to once a week. I hope you enjoyed the extra posts. During my brief vacation. I had to do at least one puppy pile with this group.**

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

The wind and snow are getting worse. Thankfully we have plenty of provisions and firewood. We've now added torches to the cave as not to strain the mages mana.

Rory has been avoiding me and although I understand why it still hurts. I wish there was something I could do for my friend. But I feel that I just need to let him deal with this. I'm afraid anything I would do or say would make the situation worse for him.

Leliana noticing my melancholy comes to sit with me bottle of wine in hand. "Why so quiet Elly?"

I don't want to spread Rory's business but I feel terrible. "I hurt Rory's feelings, Lel."

She looks over a Rory who sharpening his sword on the other side of the cave with Cullen and Alistair.

"I see," She says softly, "You grew up together did you not?"

I nod and sigh as she hands me the bottle of wine.

"You know it's not your fault." She says half questioning. I nod again in reply taking another gulp of wine.

"I know but I still feel bad about it." I give her half-hearted smile and hand the bottle back to her.

"That just means you care about him," Leliana states practically. I look at her sadly. "Don't worry so much," Leliana says smiling, "It will be fine. Rory is a nice looking and good man. He will move on and find someone who can love him the way he wants to be loved."

I look at her worried. "There's not much chance of that if he becomes a Warden."

"I don't find that to be much a deterrent look at Alistair and me." She teases lightly.

"So Alistair told you?" I ask curiously.

Leliana nods soberly. "Yes, I understand what you give up when you become wardens. That doesn't mean that doesn't mean you can't be happy with someone. But I understand you don't feel the same way about Rory." She takes a swig of the bottle handing it back to me.

I take a drink thoughtfully. "No, I don't feel the same as Rory does about me. I care for him very much and I love him but as a friend or brother."

"Then, I think telling him the truth was the right thing to do," she says simply.

"I think so too," I say giving her a small smile.

"You remember our talk?" Leliana asks changing the subject.

"Yes, of course I do," I answer nodding.

"I just wanted you to know I thought about it …and you were right." She says smiling. "Despite what Marjoliane says I am not like her. I know that now. I found peace in knowing the Maker and nothing will change that. I followed you to make the word a better place and as long as I keep that in mind I will not fall. Sometimes it takes another to show us truths we hide from ourselves."

"It was my pleasure," I say handing her the wine bottle.

She takes the bottle and after she takes a swig hands it back to me. "I'm glad I left Lothering in your company. You have proven a true friend and I thank the Maker for you."

"Are you feeling better about what happened with Marjoliane?" I ask softly after taking swig of the wine.

"Yes…a little better." Leliana says as I hand her bottle. "Time heals all wounds, so they say. Scars remain but they just colors in the painting of my life. No?"

"They add to the beauty and complexity of the piece," I offer smiling. Leliana takes another swig of the bottle handing it back to me with a wry smile.

"I wish things would have happened differently but knowing her, and knowing me, I don't think they could have." Leliana explains, "We did have good times though and I look back on those fondly. Whatever happened after will never change the past."

"You loved her didn't you?" I ask already knowing the answer.

"Yes," Leliana says happily. "Once, a long time ago, she was worldly woman and there was so much she knew and was willing to share with me. I would have done anything for her, once."

"She didn't deserve you." I state emphatically taking a drink.

"She used to be different," Leliana explains as I hand her the bottle. "Happier I think. She loved music and had a weakness for sugary cakes. Maybe she was always lying about who she was, or maybe she changed over the years."

"You miss her." I say taking back the offered bottle.

"I do and a part of me probably always will," Leliana replies. "But life goes on and I will move on…in fact I think I already have." She looks over at Alistair who smiles softly at her. "You are how she used to be years ago, a joy to be around, a constant companion and listening ear in times of need."

"I am not Marjoliane," I say smiling at her and looking over at Alistair who has a slightly curious expression on his face.

"Yes, I know that." She says turning her gaze back towards me. "I don't think you would ever do what she did to me. I have never regretted leaving Orlais. I do not regret any of the pain, the anger, the loneliness because it brought me to you and Alistair and I love you both, Alistair in a different way of course."

"Of course," I say teasingly. "Go on your boyfriend is wondering why you are saying you love us." I start to hand her the over half empty bottle.

"Keep it." She instructs shoving it back into my hands as she turns to run off to Alistair.

I sit in silence for a while watching the fire and the storm beyond it through the mouth of the cave. I hear footsteps and see Soris walking over to me.

"I wish to speak to you if it's not a bad time," He says politely.

"Of course Soris, something I can do for you?" I ask smiling at him as I gesture for him to take a seat.

Soris takes the hint and settles himself gracefully beside me. I offer him the bottle and he takes it appreciatively, relishing a sip.

He hands me back the bottle. "I wanted to thank you."

I feel confused, "thank me for what?"

He looks at me a bit nervously and I hand him the bottle again. "For helping me after what happened in Denerim." He says cautiously as if afraid to mention it.

"I think we helped each other day. Soris there is no need," I say smiling at him.

"Yes there is," He disagrees almost chiding me. "You were the one that horrible man went after and then I fell apart on you. And you…you helped me quit blaming myself even after everything you went through. You didn't even really know me but you still helped."

I look at Soris and can tell he is almost berating himself. "Your welcome, Soris," I say softly touching his arm. "I was glad I could help. We have enough self-flagellation around here already. You are good man and I saw that."

"You remind me of her you know," Soris says taking my hand.

"Of Killian?" I ask curiously, wondering what he means. "Will you tell me about her?"

Soris nods taking a swallow of the wine and handing it back to me. "She was fiery like you are. She put others before her own welfare and got into so many fights protecting people, the Hahren didn't know whether to be frustrated with her or proud. Her father was afraid that the humans would kill her like they did her mother."

"What happened to her mother?" I ask curiously. For a moment more sadness crosses Soris' face and I am sorry I asked but then he smiles.

"She died protecting a young girl from being raped by a human." He says sadly, "Just like Killian. My aunt taught Killian and me how to fight, how to use a sword. We hid it because elves are not allowed to carry weapons in the alienage. Killian was much more skilled than I at swordplay. I was better with a bow and at picking locks."

I can't help to but to grin at him. "I bet between you and Killian, the two of you got into all sorts of mischief," I tease.

Soris grins wickedly. "That we did, I would follow Killian into whatever tomfoolery she would think of."

"She sounds like an amazing person," I say stifling a yawn and leaning up against Soris drowsily.

"She certainly was," He says in agreement, sounding a bit tired himself. I allow myself to relax into Soris' warmth and doze.

When I awake some time later, I find that Soris, Tamlen, Zevran and I are tangled mess of limbs. Lifting my head I can see in the dim firelight that everyone has moved around to be in the heat of the fire and each other. Wynne is being cuddled by Sten and Ox on either side of her. Sten has is arms protectively around the older mage. I have to look away to prevent myself from giggling at the sight. I see Morrigan is using Cullen's shoulder as a pillow. Morrigan's legs are entwined with Rory's legs. But there is another set of legs over both of theirs. Lifting my head slightly higher I see they are Leliana's legs. Leliana's head is pillowed on Alistair's shoulder. Adela, Leske, Oghren, and Wrex are in a snuggled heap of limbs. Then I see Shale looking toward the mouth of the cave keeping watch, she nods in acknowledgement and I give her a smile in return before snuggling into the warmth of the bodies around me falling back to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51 Opps

C

Dear Diary,

Upon waking this morning, well I think its morning as it's a bit brighter than it was the storm is still raging outside our protective earthen jail/shelter. I almost feel like this is the deep roads again. I am however quite thankful for the lack of darkspawn.

I'm awake early as I gently untangle myself from the arms and legs of my sleeping companions, as not to wake them. I stand and stretch my limbs. Tiptoeing to the water bucket I see that it's empty. Grabbing my cloak, I take the bucket and head toward the mouth of the cave.

I step out of the cave and my breath is taken away by the fierce cold. I walk a few steps into the snow and pack the bucket with fresh white virgin snow. I take a few deep breathes enjoying the fresh air before I head back into the cave.

"I could have done that you know," I hear Shale say looking at me. If I didn't know she was made of stone I would have thought she was reprimanding me for going out into the cold.

"I needed some fresh air," I reply smiling at her. "Thanks Shale."

"While I am happy you appreciate me, I am unsure as to what you are referring," she says stoically.

"For everything, you didn't have to watch over us while we sleep and make sure we are safe but I am thankful that you do." I reply honestly.

"I have no need for sleep so I am the obvious choice," she answers pragmatically, "But I do like being valued."

I notice the others start to stir as I stoke the fire and put the fresh snow in the kettle for making tea.

I decide to make breakfast for everyone granted the breakfast will be dried meat and cheese with bread. I decide to toast the bread and cheese with a bit of dried meat in the middle.

I start by slicing the bread and cheese then feel a hand on my shoulder. "Would you like some help, Elly?"

Rory is standing behind me looking a bit sheepish.

I give him a small smile. "Yes, if you like Rory. If you could cut up some of the dried meat that would be great."

We work in silence for a few minutes before he asks. "What are you making?"

"I'm not sure," I answer giggling as I take pan off the fire. Setting it onto a plate I had it to him. "You get to try it first."

He grins at me."Well you've never cooked anything bad tasting before."

He bites into and his eyes get big, "Elly this is really good!"

"You think I should make them for everyone else?" I ask.

"Maker yes! This is so much better that cold bread, cheese and dried meat. The cheese has melted into the bread and through the dried meat. The outside is a crispy but the inside is soft." He replies grinning.

I set to making the bread meal with Rory having an extra person helping me lets me finish much quicker. As everyone wakes up and helps themselves to the tea, I hand them the toasted bread with meat and cheese.

As I sit down with my toasted bread, Rory comes to sit beside me.

"Are we okay?" I ask him.

He smiles at me "Yea, we're good."

"I'm glad because I missed my friend," I say smiling back at him. As I go back to kitchen area with more melted snow to wash the pans. I am stopped by Sten.

"What was the thing you made with the toasted bread?" He asks.

"I don't know I just came up with it today." I answer honestly.

"I think we should just call it an _Elly_," Zevran proposes grinning at me.

"Personally, I don't care what we call it," Alistair says, "I just think we should have them every day. It has melted cheese."

"The _Elly _it is then," Leliana decides.

"Well, maybe not every day but definitely more often," Sten says taking the pan I going wash from my hands.

Zevran grins at me. "Go, do something else. We got this."

I walk away not knowing exactly what to do with myself, maybe rub some oils into my new armor. I am feeling better about the situation with Rory.

Grabbing my new leathers from my gear I start working the oils into them. Leliana sits to join me doing the same.

"I think the storm may be passed by tomorrow," she says looking at the mouth of the cave.

"Maker, I hope so, I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in the deep roads." I grin at her.

"I told you it would work out you know." She says lightly.

"It did. Thank you, Leli," I say appreciatively.

"Elly," Zevran calls, "I have an idea. Grab the practice daggers."

"Be there shortly," I call back.

She grins at me. "I think he likes you."

"Zev likes everyone. I don't think I can take his flirtations seriously. I mean, you _have_ heard him flirt with Wynne, but he has been a good friend," I say honestly smiling.

"A good friend could become something more, no?" Leliana grins.

I chuckle lightly shaking my head at her as I walk away. Grabbing my practice daggers I head to back of the cave.

"Good, you're here," Zev says flashing me a grin. "I had some ideas on fighting moves and wanted your thoughts."

"Alright," I say grinning wickedly, "whatcha got?"

Zev and I work well together and having the same fighting style as rogues we often find ourselves backing each other up. He is louder grabbing attention while I slip in from behind. We also seem to do well in back to back combat.

We go over the ideas. The first idea is when we start in back to back combat and we confuse the enemy into thinking we are both still present by dropping a flask of smoke and quick stepping in stealth to flank them from behind. This is a total wash in practice as the smoke makes it difficult for us both to see.

The second idea has a bit more merit. Instead of racing into a fight and finding an opponent or waiting for an opponent to come to us, Zev thinks we should find a way to flank them easier by using tumbling skills. He practices tossing me into the air (as I am the better tumbler of the two of us) and me sticking the landing while staying in stealth. I note that Sten is watching with some interest.

"It would be better with a higher throw," Sten says walking over to join us.

"That would help her fly further," Zev admits.

"I'm not a bloody bird," I point out.

"Pasharra!" Sten says, giving me a firm look.

Zev stifles his grin …badly I might add, at Sten's reprimand. I am actually a bit scared Zev knows how to throw a person to do such things. The large warrior does not.

"Would you please at least learn the proper technique?" I plead with them. I am picturing our huge warrior friend picking me up by the collar and waistband, and then flinging me forward.

Zev grins wickedly as if he sees my vision for a moment and looks at Sten. "Let me show you my large muscled friend." He says looking at Sten.

After a few practice tries…small tosses according to Sten we decide to try it for real.

I ready myself. Sten grunts as he heaves me up and away from him. As I somersault into the air my head hits something and everything goes black.


	52. Chapter 52 Awake

Dear Diary,

I awaken to yelling. Alistair yelling to be precise. "For maker's sake, you threw her so high she hit the top of the damn cave!"

"I've said I'm sorry, what more do you want?" Sten asks calmly.

"I want Elly to wake up!" Alistair retorts.

"I have nothing to do with when she wakes. She will wake when she is ready; the witch already told you that." Sten answers.

"It's already been 4 days," Alistair yells.

I groan weakly without opening my eyes. "Andraste's tits, Will you two shut up?" I reach up and touch my aching head.

"Elly," Zev breathes from my side. "Sweet maker, you're awake. Wynne, she's awake. "

"Zevran," Wynne says kindly making her way over to me. "Would you please get some hot water and some of the stew from last night for Elly? I need to check her over."

Wynne looks at Alistair and Sten. "You two, go to bed, I am sick of listening to you bicker." She commands.

They both leave without another word. To be honest I am amaze they went that quickly without argument but looking at Wynne's face I quickly understand why they did.

Wynne checks my vision and if I can move properly. "You are better. You had bad concussion, your brain was bleeding we had to reduce the swelling by taking turns healing you until it stopped."

"If this is better I'm glad a stayed asleep for so long," I weakly jest and then tears fill my eyes thinking about how hard my mage friends worked and how drained they must be.

Wynne looks at me. "Elly what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry you all to work so hard," I say with a sob. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Elly it's ok," Wynne says patting my arm. "Head injuries can cause you to be emotional. We are fine."

"Good because I'm not sure exactly why that made me so sad," I say tearfully but strangely enough steadily. "At least there is reason but it's weird."

Zevran returns with hot water and the stew which smells delicious. Wynne makes a medicinal tea which she says will help with my headache.

I try to sit up but feel shaky. Zevran noticing this comes to my aid, sliding a pack behind me. I look at him gratefully.

I sit and sip the foul tasting brew.

"I'll stay with her Wynne," Zevran says soberly. "Just tell me what I need to do."

"Thank you Zevran," Wynne says warmly, "I could use a rest. She can't eat too much yet as she may end up nauseous. Just a few bites and wait. I've made more tea. She can have as much of that or water as she can hold down. No alcohol!" She says firmly looking at us both like children. "If she complains of blurry vision or her headache gets worse. Come get me, it can indicate the bleeding on brain has started again. Elly should improve from this point but we need to stay vigilante."

I listen but barely comprehend what is being said as my head is pounding. Wynne leaves us going to her bedroll.

Then I notice a very large need louder than the pounding of my head. "Zev?" I ask quietly as not to make the pounding any worse.

"What do you need, dear warden?" He asks looking at me expectantly.

"I need to use the privy," I reply blushing lightly as I push the blankets back.

I realize I'm in a thin sleeping tunic. One of the few things I have left from Highever. It's so threadbare it's almost see-through. However nature urges me more than my embarrassment so I push it to the back of my mind. I attempt to stand and Zevran rushes to aid me.

"Do you want me to carry you?" He asks looking at my shaky frame.

"No, I want to walk there myself," I decide thinking about how thin the stupid fabric is.

He places one arm behind my back and assists me to walk to the area we had designated as the privy. It feels like the shaky walk is taking forever. He is silent as am I, not wanting to aggravate the pain in head. Once we get to the area that we had curtained off with a few extra blankets from Bodhan's wagon Zevran takes me through the curtain.

"Don't be embarrassed to call if you need help, Elly" He says quietly before going back through the makeshift curtain. Thankfully I find that I don't need to do so.

As we make the walk back I feel Wynne's tea take effect and the severe pounding is weakened to a dull roar.

"4 days?" I ask.

"Yes, we have all been quite worried about you." Zev replies, "I think Sten especially so, he hasn't left your side except to sleep."

"I think Sten sometimes underestimates his strength," I jest with a weak chuckle.

This brings a smile to Zevran's face. "I agree."

"We will have to try it again outside the limits of the cave," I offer with a small smile.

Zevran chuckles. "You would actually want to try again?" He asks a bit surprised.

"Of course," I reply as I stumble over a rock almost falling. Zevran is quick right us and steady me.

"Enough of this, I realize you are trying to be strong but this is ridiculous." He says reaching over to scoop me up like a child.

"It's not that," I say before I can stop myself as embarrassment floods through me again.

"Then what is it?" He demands.

"This tunic is so thin, it's scandalous," I say blushing deep red. Seems my head injury has loosened my tongue as well. I feel absurd saying it out loud. Maybe it's that emotional thing that Wynne talked about.

Many emotions pass over Zevran's features, mirth seeming to be the most prominent. But he settles on being serious. "I was worried about you, Elly. I didn't even notice."

"Thank you," I say wrapping my arms around his neck. He carries me back to bedroll and once settled he brings me more of that offensive tea. I sigh looking at it warily.

"It tastes terrible doesn't it?" He says grinning, "It's probably the same horrid stuff Morrigan made me drink. Although, I think she was trying to poison me."

"Naw, if she was going poison you it would taste good to get you to drink it or she would put it in your wine," I tease lightly.

"Probably," He chuckles slightly, "I have to say, it did help."

"Yes, it does," I say eyeing the horrid concoction as I work up the courage to drink it. I pinch my nose and take a sip. It doesn't help it is still horrible.

Zevran snickers at my attempt to not taste the horrid brew.

I look around and notice everyone is sleeping. The pounding of my head prevented me from noticing, how quiet it really was. "Zev, I'm keeping you awake," I say guiltily knowing how much the assassin loves his sleep.

"No worries, Mi querida, Right now, I can't think of better reason to stay awake," He says smiling.

"I bet you say that to all the girls with concussions," I tease lightly.

"Well, I'm sure I could find more excuses if given time," He purrs.

I chuckle inwardly shaking my head at him.

"You think you can eat now?" he asks gesturing to the bowl and spoon.

"I'd like to try," I say, it smells delicious but my stomach feels shaky as my legs did when I was walking. He sits down beside me. Then he hands me the bowl and some bread.

I take about two bites before setting the bowl down.

"Too soon?" Zev asks concerned.

"Yea," I say feeling nauseous. Wordlessly, he brings a bucket over to me. I nod gratefully before making use of it heaving my stomach contents into it. As I heave I notice Zevran has moved to my side and is holding my hair back as he places a cool wet cloth on the back of my neck, which makes me feel better immediately. As I push the bucket away he hands me another cup with water this time. I swish my mouth, pulling the bucket back to spit into it, before pushing it away again. He quickly takes it out of the cave to empty it. Before coming back to sit beside me

"How did you know to do that?" I ask curiously pointing to the cloth.

Zevran chuckles lightly. "I've had too many nights with far too much wine or liquor," He explains smiling.

"More tea?" He asks lightly.

I nod feeling drowsy. I hate the taste of the stuff but it seems to be keeping the pound of my head down to a suppressed stampede level.

I drink the tea quietly. Noting that other than waiting on me he hasn't moved from my side. Looking a bit closer, I can see he is exhausted. He even has dark circles under his eyes and I wonder briefly how long he's been awake. "Zev you should get some rest, you're just as tired as Wynne." I say concerned.

"I'll be fine, dear warden," He protests.

I sigh. "You don't need to watch me sleep." I try to say firmly.

"I told Wynne, I would watch over you," He maintains stubbornly.

"Now who's being ridiculous," I mutter sitting forward to pull the bedroll from behind my back. I untie it and lay it out as best I can beside mine. "You can sleep right here that way if anything happens, you will wake."

He looks at me skeptically.

"Fine, your choice," I say laying down as I pull up an extra cover to over my now slightly chilled body. I know it's manipulative of me but I turn on my side away from him and shiver purposely under the blanket. I know he will feel compelled to keep me warm. But Andraste's ass! He needs sleep. Stubborn man. A few minutes later I feel him lay down the bedroll beside me and put an arm around me. I smile to myself drowsily and snuggle into his warmth "Thanks Zev."


	53. Chapter 53 A Miracle?

Dear Diary,

The others have returned with supplies from the town. We could feasibly move on but no one wants to leave until I am in fighting form. I get up feeling refreshed and not sore for the first time in days, since I started doing Vir Bor'assan and swimming lessons. Strangely enough I had no blightmares either which is odd as they have become nightly occurrence. Alistair told me this happens because it's a true blight. My movements feel more harmonized and I feel like I have more spring in my step. I head to kitchen area and make some of the tea I've been drinking for headaches. It doesn't taste as terrible now. I guess I've gotten used to it. I also grab a small plate of bread, cheese and fruit. Thank the Maker! We were able to get some apples.

I sit at the fire and eat my breakfast. Everyone else is already busy except for Wynne, who is seems to be exhausted. She is reading but keeps nodding off. Before I can ask if she is alright, I hear Tamlen. "Elly are you ready?"

"Yes," I say brushing off any crumbs and drinking the last of the tea. I take the dishes over to the kitchen area where Alistair is cleaning his dishes.

"I got them Elly," he says smiling, "You go."

"Thanks Al," I flash him grateful smile.

Tamlen gives me a quizzical look as we walk to the practice area.

"What?" I ask curiously.

"Something is different about you today," He says giving me a harder look.

I shrug my shoulders. "I'm not sore and tired for the first time in what seems like forever. I'm feeling better."

"Maybe that's it then," he says smiling.

We get to the practice area and go through the movements of Vir Bor'assan. I feel very in tune with the movements and it feels effortless. The second time through Tamlen stops and watches me. I finish the sequence and look at him curiously.

"Elly, you did the sequence so well; it's almost as if you followed Vir Tanadhal." He says with no small amount of surprise.

"It's strange…"I say trying to explain, "It makes sense now and I just…know. But that course that is probably because you have been teaching me."

"Let's try something else," he says looking at me with obviously curiosity. "I'll go over the sequence for Vir Assan."

I nod eagerly and watch as he goes through the sequence of movements. The movements are harsher, harder than the previous sequence. Maybe because the _way of the arrow_ has to do with a weapon? Something stirs me to join him, as if I already know what to do and what the movements are.

"You ready to try?" he asks.

I nod standing to join him. We go through the sequence with him facing me as he usually does to correct any issues with form but he says nothing until we finish.

"Andruil's Blessing!" He says with wonder, "It's like you have done it for years. Your form was perfect."

"Let's try something else," He says suddenly. He moves to stand beside the way we usually practice after I've gotten the movements memorized. "I'm going to do the sequence for Vir Adahlen. Join me if you can."

I try to watch first but my body wants to move, so I give in and just move. We move in perfect harmony. I intuitively seem to know what to do. It's a strange but elating feeling.

"Fen'Harel's ass! You know Vir Tanadhal!" He says astonished. "I don't know how or why, it's odd to say the least. Many followers of Vir Tanadhal work for years and cannot achieve the fluidity that you have. It's almost as if you understand the intent. You were brought up as an elf."

"I don't know," I say bewildered, "I just feel it."

"In any case, your coordination seems to be returning." He says thoughtfully, "Would you join me in the mornings to practice?"

"So that's where you used to slip off to every morning," I say teasingly accusing.

He gives me a sheepish look. "Yes, many of the hunters would get together to practice. I miss it."

"I'd be happy to join you," I say smiling.

"Shall we put the three sequences together?" He asks returning a smile.

I nod expectantly as I take the first position.

We work through the entire sequence of Vir Tanadhal, twice more before finishing our practice.

Tamlen leaves to spar once we get back to camp. It seems Wynne has gone to her tent to rest. I sit poking the fire with stick. I hate to say this but I'm bored. I realize I haven't been bored since before that terrible night a Highever. The thought makes me snicker (oh the irony), one of a handful of Wardens left in Ferelden, with darkspawn and Loghain after us, trying to put an army together and I'm bored.

I'm pulled from my musing by Zevran.

"Ready to go swimming, Elly?" He asks.

"Yes, just let me get my things," I answer standing. I go to my tent and grab a towel, my bathing items, and some clean clothes.

"Shall we?" He says smiling.

I nod falling into step with him.

"How tired are you from your practice earlier?" Zevran asks concerned.

I shake my head. "I feel fine, Zev. It's been an odd morning."

"So Tamlen said, but he didn't go into detail about it." Zevran admits.

I'm not ready to share yet as I'm still bewildered by the situation myself. "Well it seems my coordination is back," I say lightly.

We get to the pond and drop our items on the bank.

"No headache or residual soreness from yesterday?" he asks me.

I shake my head again. "Zev please, you are starting to sound like Wynne," I tease.

"Alright," he concedes, "shall we swim across and back."

I nod eagerly at him. "Breast stroke across back stroke on the way back," he instructs.

"Good, last one in is darkspawn food!" I tease pulling off my leggings racing toward the pond as I fling off my tunic letting it drop on the on the ground.

Zevran chuckles as he tries to strip down as fast as he can. But by the time he is in the water I am already breast stroking my way across the pond.

I get to the other side and turn over to back stroke the way back.

Once I return to the starting side, I stop and wait for Zevran to catch up.

"It seems your stamina has returned," He says, looking at me the same way Tamlen did earlier.

I stifle a giggle, but fail.

"What's funny?" He asks with a smirk.

"Tamlen had the same look on his face earlier," I say almost snorting, which pulls a chuckle from him.

"You are right, it is odd" he says thoughtfully. "So if you don't mind would you share what happened earlier today?"

I furrow my brow trying to decide where to start. "Well, I got up feeling good this morning. I thought maybe it was because I haven't had a headache in 2 days or because I'm not sore or because I didn't have blightmare last night."

Zevran nods for me to continue.

"When Tamlen and practiced this morning he noticed that my form was good and that the movements came naturally so he showed me a new sequence. I picked it up by only being shown once," I continue explaining.

Zevran is looking at me unconcealed curiosity. "And?" He prompts.

"Well then, Tamlen started doing a third sequence and I just knew it. I did it with him without being shown or coached. It was a bizarre feeling. It was almost intuitive as if I had done it many times before." I try to explain without sounding too weird.

"It is strange considering only yesterday you had to stop and rest on the other bank before returning," He says thoughtfully, "You seem as though you could do another lap over and back, but I don't want to push it."

"Do you think I will be cleared by my jail-healers," I correct as he grins, "to spar again."

"If Ox or Wynne says so, I don't see why not," he agrees.

By the time we get back to camp, I hope Wynne is awake but to my disappointment she is not. However, Ox is sitting by the fire drinking tea and reading a book.

"Ox?" I ask looking at the huge mage, "Can we talk?"

"Sure. What can I do for you?" He says shutting the book.

"I was wondering if I could be given the go ahead to spar." I say looking at him.

"Let's check you over and then I can tell you." Ox says looking at me curiously.

We walk to the outskirts of the camp. He runs a series of tests on me testing my coordination and reflexes, as well as asking about headaches and checking over my head physically and magically.

He is clinical in his manner. But when he's finished he sits on the ground and gestures for me to sit with him.

"I don't know how but you seem back to normal," He says surprised. I grin at him happily.

"However, I don't want you to overdo it. You can spar, lightly." He says.

I can't help but to let out happy laugh.

"No tumbling," he admonishes, "until we see if things stay this way."

I'm too happy to argue.


	54. Chapter 54 Attacked!

Dear Diary,

I step out of my tent after a blightmare to see Alistair, Adela and Tamlen making tea.

"You have a blightmare too?" Adela asks me, as I grab a mug.

I nod. "Yea it was strange like the archdemon…" I start.

"Saw us … it saw us! What does that mean?" Alistair asks panicking.

"Strange we should all have the same dream," Tamlen says thoughtfully furrowing his brow as he offers me the teapot.

"Wait," I say holding up my hand. I am sensing darkspawn in the camp. "Wake the others now!" I command. The other three run to tents shouting. I run to wake Zevran. I see Shale already heading over to Morrigan's tent.

Everyone is sleepily pouring out of their tents when the shrieks appear. Taking a quick look around, I see Wynne is looking decidedly disoriented as shriek appears behind her. Not thinking I run toward her and jump going into a round-off and jump high doing back tuck over Wynne and the creature. I grab my daggers and stab the offending creature. As it falls her face is the picture of shock, "Zevran!" I yell as another shriek makes its way over to attack.

Zevran runs over and puts Wynne in between us protecting her. The rest of the darkspawn are dispatched efficiently but I can still sense them. Ox comes to take a still disoriented Wynne back to her tent.

Looking over at Tamlen, Alistair, and Adela, I say, "We need to secure the perimeter."

They all nod silently and walk in a different direction.

"Lethallan!" I hear Tamlen cry.

I race over toward him and see a ghoul standing in front of him. The creature was obviously elven at one point but is so decayed my heart plummets when I realize this was Tamlen's Vhenan. This is going to crush him. Maker's Breath hasn't he dealt with enough?

"You…Lethallin," the creature says in a guttural heartbroken voice.

"Neria, ma vhenan…" Tamlen sobs.

"Don't…don't come near me! Stay away!" Neria growls threateningly.

She runs off. Alistair and Adela have joined us now. We all race after her.

As we catch up to her, she looks at all of us in turn her face softens when she sees Tamlen.

"Don't…look at me! I am…sick…" she says.

Tamlen looks at me and I nod understanding. "We can help you, Neria. Don't be afraid." Tamlen says soothingly.

"No help…no help for me," Neria replies firmly. "The song…in my head. It calls to me. He sings to me. I can't stop it! Don't want to hurt you Lethallin. Please…stop me."

"I have to try. We can heal you lethallan. The wardens, they can help." Tamlen tries to explain.

"Then…I must leave you no choice," Neria says dropping into a fighting stance. She attacks Tamlen slicing his arm and he doesn't move.

"Tamlen!" Adela yells as she grabs her sword. "We can prevent this from happening to others of your clan! If you give up now and we lose to the archdemon, I swear I will hunt you down in the void and kill you again!"

Alistair is stunned into silence.

Tamlen looks over at me. "Tamlen please, if you can't…I understand but she won't let us help her." I say gently.

A Neria charges forward for another attack and suddenly stops. Tamlen's dagger is planted at her midsection it's a fatal blow. He catches her as she falls.

"I wish we never found that cave, ma lath," He says sorrowfully.

"I always loved you…so sorry, ma vhenan," She says with her last breath.

Tamlen lets out a choked sob. I race over to him wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He leans into me and weeps as I wrap the other arm around him. Alistair and Adela look at me questioningly.

"Move the body away from here." I instruct quickly and gently. "We will bury her with an oak staff and plant a tree over the grave. It is the Dalish way."

They nod and collect Neria gently from the ground moving her away from the camp. Ox brings me supplies to take care of Tamlen's arm. I stay with my friend as he pours out his heartache. I know this was like losing her all over again. Finally his tears subside and I clean and dress the wound on his arm.

"I'm sorry lethallan. I should have reacted sooner," he says looking sheepish.

"Nonsense, its fine. I understand. I wanted to help her too," I say brushing his hair away from his face.

Leliana walks over and wordlessly hands me a bottle of wine, giving us a small, sad smile, before she walks away. I look at Tamlen. He nods taking the bottle from me, popping the cork and taking a deep drink before handing it to me.

"Well at least now I know what happened to her," He says with a bit relief.

I know it's stupid to ask but it slips out anyway. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I will be." He says firmly with tears still shining in his eyes. "If we can stop the blight we can prevent this from happening to others. Adela was right even if I didn't want to admit it."

I take a gulp from the bottle before handing it back to him.

"I…I don't want to be alone," He says almost pleading.

"That's fine," I say giving him a small smile. "Just give me a minute and we can stay right here." I walk over to my tent and grab some blankets. Stopping in the kitchen area I grab cheese and bread before heading back over to Tamlen.

He helps me lay one thick blanket down to sit on as we curl up in the other. We sit silently drinking the wine and eating. Nothing needs to be said. He just needs the comfort of someone being with him. Weariness hits me and we lean against each other before pulling off our hard armor pieces and finally lie down. We face each other and he pulls me into his chest as if he's afraid I will go away too. He rolls onto his back keeping most of my upper body on his chest and shoulder. I wrap my arm around his slim waist firmly so he realizes I'm not going anywhere. He sighs contentedly laying his other hand over my arm and falls asleep, exhausted from the emotional toll this has taken on him.


	55. Chapter 55 The Morning After

Dear Diary,

I woke to hearing the others at the fire talking quietly. I try not to shift as to not wake Tamlen but he seems to wake anyway.

"Elly," he whispers.

I look up at him. He looks a bit ashamed of the rather scandalous way we are laying. But my gaze is unabashed. His eyes become a shimmery with unshed tears and he swallows thickly.

"It's ok," I whisper pulling him into tighter hug and stroking his hair.

"I guess…I thought she was….already gone," He says his voice is raspy and sorrowful.

"I know, Mi'assan," I console gently. He takes some time pulling himself together.

"Would you come with me to find a tree to plant?" He asks searching my face.

"Anything you need," I respond instantly.

"I…should thank you. I know that usually humans burn their dead...I appreciate you thinking of our ways," He says a bit shakily.

"Of course," I say with a small smile. I really need to move as nature is screaming at me but I won't move until he's ready. However, Tamlen seems to be frozen in place.

I let go my embrace and sit up. The action seems to startle him out of his reflection. He looks at me a bit sheepishly. Standing up I hold out my hand wordlessly. He takes it and I help him up.

"Let's meet at the pond," He says looking at the ground, "I need to wash up."

"Yes, I would like to as well," I say trying to decipher his expression. Walking back toward the tents I am stopped by Leliana.

"I think I can help with the arrangements," Leliana says slowly.

"Oh?" I ask curiously.

"When my mother died, Lady Cecilie had quite few elven servants and one of them taught me the song that they sing when someone passes," She explains. "I thought it might be nice for Tamlen to hear it for his friend."

"She was his heart, his love," I correct lightly. "I do think your idea is good one. It might make Tamlen feel better."

"I wanted to do something," Leliana says with a small smile, "He seems so lost right now."

"Well, it was like losing her again," I say quietly. She nods. "I will call you when we are ready."

I walk to my tent and grab fresh clothes. I meet Tamlen as I am walking down to the pond. "You won't mind if I don't feel like practice today?" He asks looking at me. I nod understandingly. "I'd like to have plenty of time to find the right tree and I need to carve a staff to bury her with." He explains.

I lay my hand on his arm stopping him. "Whatever you need to do, Falon, I am here for you."

"Thank you," He replies with a little relief.

"You know the others are here for you too," I note lightly as we continue walking.

"I know and I appreciate it," He says with a small smile, "I'm learning more and more, that you and your friends aren't like most of the Shems, I'm used to meeting."

We quickly bathe and head out into the woods. Tamlen seems to be looking for a small yew sapling. He tells me it was Neria's favorite. I assume he will be looking for larger tree to harvest the staff from. We find the tree for the staff first and Tamlen reverently thanks the tree before harvesting the wood. Nearby we find a proper size seedling and I help him dig it up being careful not to damage the delicate roots. He carries the staff and I carry the tree back to camp. He sets to work immediately on the staff and I wrap a wet cloth around the roots of the tree.

Alistair, Cullen and Sten offer to do the digging. I give them a grateful nod as I grab something to eat. Taking some time to rest I briefly wonder about Wynne as she still has not come out of her tent. I ask Ox if he's seen Wynne. He gives a strange look says he hasn't. I decide to let it go for the moment, until after we've had the funeral…at least I think the Dalish call it that.

Tamlen tells me he's ready and everyone heads over to where Alistair, Cullen and Sten have dug the hole and already placed Neria's body. I note that Wynne is not in attendance and it makes wonder if she ill. Everyone is quiet as Tamlen places the beautifully carved staff in her hands. The reverent silence continues as we fill in the grave. I hand Tamlen the seedling we found. He looks at me. "I want you do this with me, Falon." I nod and help him plant the seedling over the grave.

Just as we stand and brush ourselves off Leliana begins to sing. Tamlen is trying to sing but I can tell his voice is thick. Strangely enough once again I feel moved and I know the words. I take his hand for support and sing along too. This action gets a few surprised looks but I ignore them and continue supporting Tamlen by singing the funeral song of the Dalish elves.

"hahren na melana sahlin

emma ir abelas

souver'inan isala hamin

vhenan him dor'felas

in uthenera na revas

vir sulahn'nehn

vir dirthera

vir samahl la numin

vir lath sa'vunin"

Everyone else disperses with the exception of Tamlen and me. I reach down and put a crystal grace flower I found next to the grave. He grabs my arm as I turn away. I was thinking he might need some time alone.

"How did you know that song? How did Leliana know it?" He asks fiercely.

I look at him confused at his reaction for a moment. "Leliana said that one of the elven servants she lived with taught it to her when her mother died. Did we do something wrong?"

His expression softens. "I'm sorry Falon. It wasn't wrong, it was perfect, but I was not expecting it."

I look up at him furrowing my brow. "I don't know how I knew it though, Leliana didn't teach me it."

He looks at me curiously. "You mean Leliana didn't teach it to you?" He asks puzzled as if to clarify.

I shake my head. "I just knew it and wanted to be supportive of you. I don't even sing often after hearing Leli sing I feel like such an amateur. I just sit back and enjoy her singing."

He looks thoughtful for a moment. "Strange indeed, I wonder if your head injury might have something to do with it."

"I don't know," I say slowly looking at him to make sure he is okay.

"I know you're worried about me but you should check on Wynne." He says perceptively. "I will be okay. The closure was helpful and better than me not knowing. Although I hated to have to…do what I did. I needed to even as a ghoul she made me a stronger person just as she did in life."

"I'm heading back to camp to check on Wynne," I say with a small smile. "I'm sure Ox wants to scold me about tumbling last night before he gave me permission to."

The slight joke makes Tamlen smile. "I'll be along in a bit."

Mi'assan – my arrow

Song translation

elder your time is come

now I am filled with sorrow

weary eyes need resting

heart has become grey and slow

in waking sleep is freedom

we sing, rejoice

we tell the tale

we laugh and cry

we love one more day


	56. Chapter 56 Relevations

Dear Diary,

After the funeral I head back to camp intending to see about Wynne. Ox, Morrigan, Leliana and Alistair are having heated discussion at the fire I notice the others are keeping their distance and trying not to intrude.

"What's going on?" I ask brightly forcing a charming smile onto my face.

"Wynne is not well," Alistair says hotly striding forward. "And they," he jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the other three, "won't tell me what's going on or why?"

I look over at Morrigan she has her lips set in a thin line. Ox is just shaking his head and Leliana looks compassionately at Alistair, but she seems firm in her silence.

"Ok, if I ask would you be willing to tell me?" I ask looking skeptically at the 3 of them.

"Alone, we promised Wynne," Leliana explains.

"Alistair, go spar with Sten," I command.

He looks at me sharply for minute. "I'll get this figured out," I add gently.

His face softens and he nods walking quickly away.

We head over to Morrigan's more private tent area. I notice that Leli has grabbed 2 bottles of wine. Andraste's ass this must be bad.

"I'm sorry. We didn't tell you before Elly. But with Tamlen's grief we didn't want to intrude," Leliana apologizes.

Ox nods in agreement and even Morrigan's harsh face is slightly softened.

"So what is going on with Wynne?" I ask furrowing my brow as I accept the open wine bottle.

"Elly, this isn't going to be easy to hear," Ox says cautiously. "But you know how your strength and coordination came back …almost like magic?"

I nod and patiently wait for him to speak again after taking a swallow of the bottle.

"The spirit of Faith, the one that saved Wynne's life wanted to help you too." Ox explains.

"What do you mean help me?" I ask curiously.

"The spirit gave part of it's strength, itself, to help you," Morrigan says softly her face is uncharacteristically compassionate.

"That sacrifice has made Wynne temporarily weak, she has been unconscious since after the fight last night." Leliana finishes.

"Twas a good thing you were able to save her," Morrigan says pragmatically.

I'm stunned. "She did what!? When did she!? Why!?"

"I wasn't sure at first," Ox says slowly, "after I checked you out I went to speak with her. When I saw her condition I pieced together what happened."

"Then Ox came to me," Morrigan offers, "I watched over him as he went into the fade to see what happened."

"It was there, I spoke to the Wynne, as she slept and she told me what she had done," Ox explains, " as she was unable to be awakened it was the only way."

"The three of us have been making sure that Wynne is comfortable and gets some nourishment," Leliana expounds further. "I was going to bring you to us last night but Tamlen needed you and we could handle it."

"OK that answers what," I say incredulously. "But why?"

"The spirit seems to agree with Wynne that you are the person to finish this with the archdemon," Ox says with a small smile. "It wanted to help it gave you a piece of itself, which Wynne agreed to do as well. In doing so it speeded your recovery but in giving a piece of itself, it also gave you knowledge that seems to be of the elvhen."

"When?" I ask softly.

"She came to you as slept and did the spell," Leliana confirms, "Shale mentioned it to me."

"It can't be undone to make Wynne better?" I ask.

Ox and Morrigan shake their heads.

"Elly, you've been given a gift," Leliana chides, "It would be rude to return such an honor."

I sigh and take another drink. "I know I'm just worried about Wynne. Believe me I am grateful."

"So what will happen to Wynne now?" I ask curiously.

"The spirit will need to gain some strength it's hard for them to change things in the physical world," Ox explains, "Wynne may be unconscious for some time. We will just need to wait."

"Will she recover?" I ask, "Will she be herself?"

"She will recover as she did after she fell," Morrigan answers, "but as for her being herself, I hope not." She grins wickedly.

I give her a wry smirk shaking my head.

"We need to inform the others of this and let them know we won't be leaving this camp until Wynne is well enough to travel." I decide.

Ox holds up his hand. "I agree with you telling the others but her healing could take weeks."

"Well then, the archdemon better hold the blight until we get there," I retort.

Morrigan gives me hard look as Leliana smirks.

"We will take it one day at a time," I concede, "If it seems to be going on too long, we will make a main camp here and I'll take the others to Haven."

"Come," Leliana says standing up, "We should tell the others."

"Yes," I say rising to my feet. I take another long gulp of the wine. "I expect Alistair and Cullen are not going to happy about this turn of events."

We head back and gather the others around the main camp. We explain the events that created my quick recovery and the effect it had on Wynne. Most of our companions take it in stride, but considering the amount of strange things we have happen to us I'm not surprised. However Alistair and Cullen are upset. Leliana pulls Alistair aside to talk to him. Cullen stalks off to the pond.

I grab another bottle of wine and head toward the pond to speak with Cullen. He's pacing back and forth when I find him.

"How could she?" He rants, "She made herself and you abominations! You were both at the tower when Uldred and his blood mages were turned into those creatures."

"Cullen you knew Wynne was a spirit healer, is it so surprising that spirit of faith would save her?" I point out gently. "She was able to protect the children and many innocents at the circle."

"But what is she," He says striding over to me, "What are you?" He grabs my arms hard enough to leave bruises.

I look up at him unflinching. "I'm still Elly and she is still Wynne," I state firmly.

"But what if the spirit wishes to change that?" He sneers.

"Not all mages are like Uldred!" I retort. "You should realize that by now. Quite frankly if you don't that's your problem!"

"Well let's see if you become an abomination to protect yourself." He says pushing me back roughly as he grabs his sword.

"I won't fight you Cullen," I state firmly looking at him.

"Then you will die," He says coldly.

"Elly!" I hear Zevran call from behind me.

I hold up my hand hopefully halting him. "I'm fine Zev. Cullen just needs to work this out."

"So you are basically telling me that if I fight you I'm an abomination," I clarify looking at Cullen.

He nods and steps toward me.

"And if I don't fight you," I continue, "You will kill me anyway."

He nods again.

"How in void does that prove anything?" I ask incredulously.

"She has a point," Zevran adds from a few feet away.

"Maker, you're right. I'm not thinking sensibly," Cullen sighs dropping the sword. "I am still paranoid about what happened at the tower."

"I can understand and I knew you would be upset. That is why came to talk with you," I say offering a small smile. "I knew that you didn't know about Wynne and it would be shock."

"That's putting it mildly," Cullen admits wryly, "Maker's breathe, I'm an ass."

I can't help but to snicker. "Sometimes, but we all love you anyway Cullen," I tease.

My teasing draws a slight chuckle from him. "I suppose I need to apologize to Ox and Morrigan. I'm sure they heard my ranting clear to Denerim."

"Ox will accept your apology but Morrigan will need a bit more than that," Zevran says craftily, as he walks up to stand beside me.

Cullen looks a Zev curiously.

"When you apologize, give her this. She likes fine baubles." Zevran explains as he tosses Cullen a gold chain.

"Thanks," Cullen says looking at Zevran. Turning his gaze toward me he says, "Elly I'm truly sorry for being such bronto's ass."

I snicker lightly. "It's ok Cullen, apology accepted, but I think you've been hanging out with Oghren and Leske too much."

Cullen departs to make his apologies leaving Zev and I at the pond.

"Elly, are you okay?" Zevran asks grabbing the dropped bottle of wine.

"Yea, things got a little tense there," I admit, "but I'm okay."

I sit down on the ground as he opens the bottle. He sits and takes a long draught before handing me the bottle.

"Would you have really let him hurt you?" Zevran asks worried. "You aren't even armed."

I snicker lightly. "You think I'm unarmed?"

I sit up pulling two daggers from my tunic, two more from my boots and another from the sheath along my thigh under my leather skirt, seeing this Zevran chuckles.

"Besides I would have first dodged him," I explain, "I can tumble again you know. I have sparred before with him. He's stronger but I'm faster."

Zevran shakes his head. "I was afraid that I wouldn't get to you before you got hurt."

"Well thankfully, it didn't come to that," I say breathing a sigh of relief as I raise the bottle to my lips.

"I expect when Wynne finds out she will give him a good scolding," He says amused. "I would like to be around to hear it."

"I'm sure she will," I agree leaning into his shoulder.


	57. Chapter 57 Waiting

Dear Diary,

Tamlen seems to better. I spend some extra time with him and he seems to appreciate my company. We have been practicing Vir Tanadhal every morning since. Then I usually go swimming with Zevran and do some sort of sparring practice in the afternoon. Soris and I have been making a point to spend time with Tamlen in the evening as it seems he starts thinking a lot then.

Almost everyone has been taking time to sit with Wynne… It's been 3 days now but she's still unconscious. It makes me wonder how much energy the spirit had to expend to help me. I'm grateful but worried I wouldn't want my recovery to be at the expense of Wynne's existence. The thought of this terrifies me as my mother had sacrificed herself for my getaway. Rory did as well and he was lucky it didn't cost his life. Why is my life worth more than any other?

I'm interrupted in my musing by Leliana. "Go, I will sit with her for a while," she says giving me grin. "I had planned on reading to her," she explains holding up the book she's carrying.

"Well Zev and Sten want to try doing the toss that didn't…work so well in the cave," I admit.

Leliana snickers. "Be sure you are in an open area…no trees."

I stifle a snicker shaking my head as I walk away. Heading to my tent I grab my practice gear and head over the sparring area. Sten and Zev have been practicing already.

"Any change?" Zevran asks curiously.

I shake my head. "Leliana said she wanted to read to her. Something racy probably," I tease lightly.

Zevran grins for a moment. "And she didn't invite me," he says mock pouting.

"More likely she's filling Wynne's head with songs about vegetables," Sten deadpans.

I snort trying to stifle a snicker. Zevran looks at Sten with amazement. "Did our large, rather taciturn friend make a joke?" He asks grinning.

"Pasharra, we are here to practice," Sten says firmly but the corners of his mouth are ever so slightly upturned.

I do some stretches and easy tumbling to warm up. Zevran and Sten seem to watching with interest. I feel almost that they are looking for any sign of me being weak or making a mistake. I shake it off and continue until I am satisfied with my warm-up.

"Kadan, are you ready?" Sten asks concerned.

"I don't seen any low ceilings or branches," I tease, "I'm fine Sten, really."

"Maybe I should throw first," Zevran says uneasily.

"Perhaps your right," Sten concurs.

"Excuse me, I'm right here," I remind them.

"Pasharra!" Sten says scolding me.

"Seriously you two are worse than Wynne ever was," I point out. "Fine, come on Zev."

Zevran flashes Sten a quick conspiring look. I roll my eyes at the both of them.

"Ready Elly," Zevran asks as he laces his hands together to make me a foothold.

"Yes," I reply.

He throws me up and out. I flip easily landing on my feet.

"Again!" Sten commands. We do it a few more times and Sten seems satisfied.

"I'm ready," Sten says firmly.

I walk over to Sten and reach up to touch his chin so he looks down at me. "It's okay, Kadan. It will be fine. I am alright." I reassure him.

Sten gives me small smile as laces his hands together. He looks at me as I step into his hand and he hoists me up. I nod and he throws. I definitely go higher than Zevran has ever thrown me but I do the flip and land on my feet gracefully. I feel like I am one with the moves.

A wide grin spreads over Sten's usually passive features. "Again!" He says firmly. We practice the move a few more times with Zevran waiting to be my opponent as I land. Sten excuses himself to _sit with the sickly mage_ as he puts it. Zevran and I continue to spar. We seem to be almost too evenly matched.

"Why don't we put some stakes on the sparring match?" He asks as he's looking for an opening.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask curiously dropping into a defensive posture.

"Whoever gets the first 3 hits must do a task of the other's choosing," He says roguishly.

I know better than to bet with Zevran unless I know the terms of the agreement. "So what task would you have of me?" I ask grinning wickedly.

"I would like to learn this Vir Tanadhal, that you have been practicing with Tamlen, I think it may enhance my skills." He says almost plaintively .

"That is a reasonable request," I reply slightly astonished, but then I remember that Zevran had told me his mother was Dalish. I would have taught him just because he wanted to learn but if this how he wishes to ask, I can go along with it.

"What are your terms?" He asks curiously.

I think for a moment tilting my head to look up at him. "I would like to hear a story about you."

"Nothing tawdry, not even a stolen kiss," He says teasing with a smirk. "I agree with the terms."

We spar with everything we have looking for weakness in the other. I make a hit then he makes a hit. We are being patient but at the same time eager to find a crack to exploit. We keep at for some time and I note that Zevran is getting tired. He makes a mistake and I get another hit. "Come one Zev, you can't get tired now," I tease, "I thought you had better stamina than that."

My jest seems to invigorate him again. "I'm not quite done yet," he huffs back.

As he catches my arm before I can move it. We are 2 and 2 now. It just got real. I realize that I love his stories and I really wish to hear more. I feint left and as he goes to defend I roll right and catch him as I come out of the roll before I completely rise to my feet. He looks at me a bit astonished.

"Well played, dear warden," He says grinning at me. "Story time will commence after a bath."

I look at him and then at myself. He has dirt streaks on his face and arms. I am sweaty and coated in with dirt in where my skin had contact with ground. "I think that's a great idea," I say grinning. "I'll bring wine."

I walk to my tent and grab clean clothes and bathing items. As I head down to the pond, Zevran meets me and walk together.

"You know Zev if you really wish to learn Vir Tanadhal, you can join Tamlen and I we practice daily." I offer.

"So I win too," he teases. "Do you think Tamlen would mind?" he asks more seriously.

"I don't see why not?" I say brightly. And then I stop walking to face him. "Why do you think he wouldn't teach you?"

"A couple of reasons actually," Zevran explains, "First I am a city elf and I don't know much of Dalish ways. Secondly it just seemed to be special time for you and Tamlen."

"Well to answer your first reason, You have been working with Tamlen with daggers so I don't see why he wouldn't teach you. He told me his clan took in many city elves and taught them Dalish ways." I explain.

"Secondly, I'm not sure what you mean by special time," I say curiously, "But Vir Tanadhal is has a meditative quality we both enjoy."

Zevran looks at me funny for moment. I can't read the expression on his face because I have never seen it before. "I will join you in the morning then," He says shifting his face into grin.

Once we have taken short swim and bath, we dress in clean clothes and open the wine.

He takes a sip and hands me a bottle.

"I only have one story left worth telling," He says a bit uncomfortably.

"If it's too painful don't worry about it," I say looking at him as he shifts is legs restlessly.

"No, I suppose it is time," He decides. "You have been a good friend to me, after all. There is no reason to be silent."

He takes another sip before continuing. "There is a reason I accepted this mission in Ferelden far away from home. And it had nothing to do with any thought that I might leave the crows. Meeting you, after all, was quite the accident. My last mission before this one…did not end well."

"What happened?" I ask taking another sip of wine.

"The mission itself was quite successful…it just did not end well for me," He explains, "You must realize until that day I was cocky and arrogant. I was the best crow in Antiva. I believed. And I bragged of my conquests often, both as an assassin and a lover."

"You mean you were more cocky and arrogant?" I tease lightly.

He chuckles at my jest. "Indeed, I was often told I was in sufferable, right before I ended up in bed with someone. Such is how it was."

He sighs taking a drink. "One of the crow masters grew tired of my boasting. My bid for an incredibly difficult mark was accepted, much to my surprise, a wealthy merchant with many guards and completely silent. Taliesen agreed to be part of my team as did an elven lass named Rinna. She was…a marvel. Tough, smooth, wicked, eyes that gleamed like justice, everything I thought I desired." He stops to take another drink and hands me the bottle.

"Rinna was special. I had closed off my heart, I thought." He continues, "But she touched something within me…it frightened me. When Taliesen revealed to me that Rinna had accepted a bribe from the merchant and told him of our plan, I readily agreed that she needed to pay the price and allowed Taliesen to kill her."

I hand him back the bottle. He takes it gratefully and drinks. "Rinna begged me not to. On her knees, with tears in her eyes she told me that she loved me and had not betrayed us. I laughed in her face and said that even if it were true I didn't care."

"But that wasn't true, was it." I state quietly.

"I convinced myself that it was," he replies, "Taliesen cut her throat and I watched her bleed as she stared up at me. I spat on her for betraying the crows. When Taliesen and I finally assassinated the merchant, we found the true source of his information. Rinna had not betrayed us, after all."

"I'm so sorry, Zev," I say sadly, knowing that no words can ever comfort the tragedy that occurred.

"I…wanted to tell the crows what we had done, our mistake." He says emotionlessly. "Taliesen convinced me not. He said it would be a foolish waste. So we reported that Rinna had died in the attempt."

I take a quick gulp and hand the bottle again.

"WE needn't have bothered," Zevran says angrily as he takes a sip from the bottle. "The crows knew what we had done. The master, who disliked me, told me so to my face. He said the crows knew and they didn't care. And one day my turn would come."

"So you felt guilty?" I ask gently.

"I felt empty. I felt as if I was nothing." He explains, "I felt as if she had been nothing. You once asked why I wanted to leave the crows. In truth, what I wanted was to die. What better way than to throw myself at one of the fabled grey wardens? And then…this happened and here…I am."

"Do you still want to die?" I inquire in almost a whisper. I am almost afraid of his answer.

"No, what I want is to begin again," He says firmly. "Whatever it is I sought by leaving the Antiva, I think I found it. I owe you a great deal."

"You don't owe me anything Zev, I'm just glad to have you with me." I say honestly, leaning my head into his shoulder.

"And I am happy to be had," He says smiling. He puts an arm around me pulling me in to lean on him more.

"And for the record," I add, "You are something. Everyone is something. Even Howe."

"What is Arl Howe?" Zev asks curiously.

"An asshole." I answer promptly.

He chuckles.

"But in all seriousness. You are worth something. I hope your realize that. You are not expendable to me." I say smiling. "I'm glad you don't want to die anymore." I lean up giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Elly." he says gratefully, "it was good to talk about this. And thanks… for not judging and just accepting."

I nod taking a drink and handing him the bottle.

He takes a sip giving me a long look. "I guess I did win after all," he jests lightly.

"How so?" I say curiously turning my head to look up at him.

"I still got a kiss," he chuckles.

I snicker inwardly shaking my head.

I hear running coming toward us. "Elly! Zevran! Wynne's awake!" Leliana calls out.


	58. Chapter 58 Conscious

Dear Diary,

I race into the main camp toward Wynne's tent. Opening the flap she immediately focuses on me and her face brightens. Ox looks over at me. "I'll leave you two to talk," He says knowingly.

"Wynne," I say slightly chiding her, "You worried me."

"I'm sorry," she says with a weak smile, "I would have told you our plans but I was afraid you would refuse."

"Probably an accurate conclusion," I reply. "In fact I asked if it could be undone, but Ox and Morrigan said it couldn't."

Looking at me, her smile widens.

"Why would you endanger yourself and little time you have left Wynne?" I ask curiously. "For all any of us know a darkspawn could end me tomorrow and the others will have to go on without me."

"I'm an old woman, Elly," she says practically, "my time is short anyway. I wanted to ensure that our leader would be able to see this through. You need to see this through to end. It is because of your decisions that we have the force we do. It is because of your determination that we will beat the archdemon."

I open my mouth to protest but I am interrupted by Wynne.

"You have caught the arch demon's attention. The attack in camp showed as much. I suspected for some time. Your dreams are worse than the others." She continues, "The arch demon has chosen you not the other wardens as its nemesis. This means that you are a threat to it."

"I'm not the only warden here," I retort lightly. "And it's not only the archdemon after wardens …Loghain's bounty hunters are as well."

"That is why we wanted to give you every advantage," Wynne explains, "The spirit of Faith agrees with me and has faith in you as well. That is why we helped you heal faster. To be completely honest your recovery might have taken months. You were right to tell the others to go on. But you know that they would refuse."

"How much did it weaken the spirit?" I ask softly. I am afraid of the answer.

"It did weaken the spirit but nothing has really changed because I will have warning to let you know." She says referring to her fall before.

I nod understanding. "You realize there is no way I can thank you for this. I just wish the cost wasn't so high."

"I will not lie in a bed, coverlets up to my chin, waiting for death to claim me. That is not the death for me," She claims firmly. "I will fight with the grey warden and help her prepare for the task that is yet before her."

"But Wynne the price is so high for the gift you gave me?" I protest.

"It is, so you better listen to me, because I swear, if I should fall before the end and you don't seem to be doing things properly, I'll get up again to give you a good finger-wagging," she threatens somewhat playfully.

I snicker lightly. "I'll hold you to that promise."

"You know I think you will be alright without my help," she says happily settling back into her pillows.

"Is there anything you regret?" I ask wondering if there is anything that needs to set right for my friend.

"I try not to dwell too much on the mistakes of my past, of which there are many. I would go quite mad if I did that." She says simply. "But I do have one regret…the greatest misstep of my life, made even more grave because it had dire consequences for someone else."

"Tell me," I cajole gently, "it might make you feel better."

Wynne sighs. "Years ago I was assigned as mentor to a lad, Aneirin. He was my first apprentice. Aneirin was an elf, raised in one of those elven alienages and was very mistrustful of humans, especially humans in authority."

"I can see how this could be trouble," I admit.

"What Aneirin needed was time." She says sorrowfully, "Time to get used to his new home, time to emerge from his shell so we could build a rapport. I gave him no such time. I was young and arrogant. "He is a mage" I thought. He needs to grow up and act like one. I expected too much from him too quickly. I gave no consideration to his origin or his feelings and he retreated further from me. All I could think of was how stubborn he was, how he was throwing away all his talent and his potential, just to be difficult."

"And what did he think of you?" I ask curiously.

Wynne chuckles lightly. "Oh, I dread to think. I was harsh taskmistress. He might have thought I was a demon in disguise. You cannot plant crops in cold wintry ground, you cannot teach a student who is closed-off and unresponsive. Patience is needed and I learned that too late to help him. I wish I had been more aware…stopped for a moment to put myself in his shoes."

"What happened to Aneirin?" I query.

"Aneirin ran away from the circle, one night. I had berated him over some trivial ridiculous matter I no longer remember. I drove him away because of something utterly unimportant," She explains sadly. "He was a child, fourteen at the time of his leaving. They had his phylactery and they hunted him down."

"Why didn't they bring him back to tower then?" I ask curiously.

"They declared him a "maleficar" a mage who practices forbidden magic and deserving of death. He was child misunderstood and lost," Wynne says. "I begged the templars to tell me if he suffered, if they gave him a quick death. I got no answers from them. I was his mentor and they wouldn't tell me what became of him."

"That was cruel of them," I note distastefully.

"I should have known better. I had the best mentors, they were kind and compassionate…Why didn't I learn from them? I failed Aneirin. All I had to do was listen to him. He would try to talk to me, and I would tell him to concentrate on his spells. He talked about the alienage sometimes…and the Dalish. He always talked about looking for the Dalish elves."

"Maybe he did find the Dalish," I say hopefully.

Wynne sighs sadly. "The templars are well-trained and thorough. That he still lives…it would be a vain hope. The apprentices that came after Aneirin benefitted greatly from lessons I learned from him. In a sense he was my teacher and I was his student."

"See there is a bright side," I say with a small smile.

Wynne gives me a small smile in return. "And there it is. My story, my one greatest regret."

"I'm sorry, Wynne," I say comfortingly reaching over to lay my hand on her arm.

"What's done is done," she says with a small tight smile, "But it does feel good to speak of it. I think I need to rest now."


	59. Chapter 59 Haven

Dear Diary,

Haven was a mess…Cultists, revered fathers; they might as well be Tevinter. We had to kill almost everyone in the town because they attacked us. We did manage to find Brother Genitivi alive. I can't say the same for the Redcliffe Knights that came after him. We left Genitivi with Ox, Wynne, and few of the others. Wynne is able to travel now but not fight. She insisted on seeing at least the some of the temple herself.

After working our way through the harrowing maze of underground tunnels we managed to take care of the rest of cultists (I hope). We decided to camp at the last larger cave area tonight as dusk was setting when we emerged from the tunnels. We also see a high dragon near the entrance which prompts us to wait but it seems to take no interest in us. We will enter the temple proper in the morning.

We head to the temple this morning and are totally ignored by the dragon (the cultists' Andraste). Almost immediately are stopped by the guardian. I brought Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, Morrigan, Sten and Tamlen with me.

This guardian doesn't seem to wish to fight but he greets us?

"I bid you welcome, pilgrim." He says.

"Who are you?" I ask curiously.

"I am the guardian, the protector of the Urn of Sacred Ashes." He answers. "I have waited years for this."

"For me?" I ask puzzled.

"You are the first to arrive in a very long time." He explains, "It has been my duty, my life, to protect the urn and prepare the way for the faithful who have come to revere Andraste. For years beyond counting I have been here and shall I remain until my task is done and the imperium has crumbled into the sea."

"The imperium is no longer as powerful as it once was," I inform him.

"Ah…is it not? Then perhaps this is the beginning of the end," He says with relief.

"Who are the men who have taken the rest of the temple?" Alistair asks curiously.

"When my brethren and I carried Andraste from Tevinter to this sanctuary, we vowed to forever revere her memory, and guard her here." the guardian explains. "I have watched generations of my brethren take up the mantle of their fathers. For centuries they did this, unwavering, joyful, in their appointed task. But now they have lost their way. They have forgotten Andraste, and their promise."

"I would like to see the urn." I say getting to the point.

"You have come to honor Andraste and you shall. If you prove yourself worthy," the guardian answers.

"But what if I'm not worthy?" I ask curiously.

"Then you will not come to the ashes," He says simply. "It is not my place to decide your worthiness. The gauntlet does that. If you are found worthy, you will see the Urn and be allowed to take a small pinch of ashes for yourself. If not…"

"Alright," Morrigan says losing patience, "let's get this over with. Magic permeates this place. I expect there will be traps and tests."

"Before you go," the guardian interjects, "there is something I must ask. I see the path that brought you here has not been easy. There is suffering in your past…your suffering and the suffering of others. You abandoned your father and mother, leaving them at the hands of Rendon Howe, knowing he would show no mercy. Do you think you failed your parents?"

"No, they made me go," I say firmly, "I had to survive to tell Fergus we were betrayed."

"Then you do not dwell on past mistakes, neither yours nor someone else's," the guardian replies.

"What's past is past," Leliana says, "Why bring it up and open old wounds?"

"It's easy for other to judge what you've done, in hindsight but it doesn't make it any better," Alistair says comfortingly. "You are too hard on yourself no one is perfect."

"And what of those that follow you," the guardian asks, "Alistair, knight and warden…you wonder if things would have been different if you were with Duncan on the battlefield. You could have shielded him from the killing blow. You wonder, don't you, if you should have died, and not him?"

"I…" Alistair begins, "yes. If Duncan had been saved, and not me, everything would be better. If I'd just had the chance…maybe…"

"And you," the guardian continues looking at Leliana, "Why do you say the Maker speaks to you, when you know the Maker has left? He only spoke to Andraste. Do you believe yourself her equal?"

"I never said that," Leliana retorts hotly, "I…"

"In Orlais, you were someone. In Lothering you feared you lose yourself, become a drab sister and disappear," the guardian interrupts. "When your brothers and sisters of the cloister criticized you for what you professed, you were hurt but you also reveled in it. It made you special. You enjoyed the attention, even if it was negative."

"Your saying I made it up," Leliana asks incredulously, "For…the attention. I did not! I know what I believe!"

Sten looks at the Guardian. "Demand whatever answers you want spirit."

"You came to land as an observer, but you killed a family in a blind rage," the Guardian says simply, "Have you failed your people, allowing the Qunari to be seen in that light?"

"I have never denied that I failed," Sten says firmly.

"And the antivan elf," the guardian continues.

"Oh, is it my turn now?" Zevran asks facetiously, "Hurrah. I'm so excited."

"Many have died at your hand. But is there any you regret more than a woman by the name of…" The Guardian begins to ask.

"How do you know about her? How do you know about that?" Zevran asks heatedly.

"I know much," he explains, "It is allowed to me. However the question stands. Do you regret…"

"Yes," Zevran says loudly cutting him off, "The answer is yes, if you wish to know. I do. Now move on."

The guardian looks at Tamlen. Oh Maker!

"Tamlen," The guardian starts, "Neria was one of your clan…a blood sister…your love. You left her in the ruins to her fate. Then when she appeared you killed her. Tell me Tamlen, did you fail Neria?"

"No, she was amazing and deserved more than that but she chose." Tamlen says firmly much to my surprise.

I reach over and touch his arm giving him a supportive glance.

"And you, Morrigan, Flemeth's daughter…what…" he starts to ask.

"Begone spirit I will not play your games," Morrigan commands.

"I will respect your wishes," the guardian replies. "The way is open you can enter."

The first room we enter after leaving the Guardian is has ghostly visages of people. They don't attack but stand there as if waiting. Walking up to the first one I am posed with a question.

"Echoes from a shadow realm, whispers of things yet to come. Thoughts strange sister dwells in night, is swept away by dawning light. Of what do I speak?" the visage says.

"Riddles it is then," Morrigan notes lightly.

"Dreams," I say suddenly and everyone looks at me.

The visage speaks again "A dream came upon me, as my daughter slumbered beneath my heart. It told of her life, and her betrayal and death. I am sorrow and regret. I am a mother weeping bitter tears for daughter she could not save." She disappears and line light makes it way to door on the other side.

"Perhaps if we answer all the riddles we can get through the door," Tamlen says smiling.

So we work to answer the questions most are riddles Rory and I used to tell each other as children. I never dreamed (excuse the pun) that they would useful in such a way. Other riddles were almost scholarly in their intent and Leliana documented everything as this gave such insight into the past.

Once the door is opened I look into the hallway and am shocked to see "father!" It's not real I know he died but still all the same it is a shock. Tamlen reaches over and touches my arm. I give him a small firm smile and walk up to ghost.

As I approach he turns. "My dearest child, " he says.

"Father?" I question.

"You know I am gone, my girl" He says, "and all your prayers and wishes will not bring me back. No more must you grieve, my pup. Take the pain and guilt, acknowledge it and let go. It is time. You have such a long road ahead of you and you must be prepared. And so I leave this in your hands…" He pauses to hand me an amulet, "I know you will do great things with it." He disappears.

I walk to sit down on stone bench because I am afraid my knees will buckle from under me. Leliana seeing my distress sits immediately. "How unnerving!" she says hotly, "I'm so sorry Elly."

I say nothing. I'm just too overwhelmed.

Zevran sits on the other side of me. Saying nothing while Alistair and Morrigan begin arguing about what they saw (was it a spirit to help or unfriendly apparition to bring pain). Tamlen is standing beside Leliana looking at me concerned.

"Mara! You are acting like elvhen'alas!" Tamlen shouts at the two arguing.

The others quiet.

"By the dread wolf, give her a moment," Tamlen adds calmly.

Zevran puts an arm over my shoulders. "Are you ok Elly?" He asks his eyes showing compassion.

I take a deep breath. "Yes, it was strange but what I needed oddly enough."

"Thank you," I say directing toward Leliana. I give Leliana a quick hug and she gets up walking over to Alistair. I reach over and grab Tamlen's hand giving it a squeeze. "Thanks for shutting them up. You called them dirt elves," I snicker gleefully.  
>As I lean into Zevran's embrace, he chuckles. "So that's what he said I was wondering."<p>

"Thank you as well Zev," I say looking up at him appreciatively.

"Anytime you need me Elly, I am yours," He says a bit flirtatiously. I blush lightly at his innuendo.

I stand extracting myself from Zevran. "Shall we move on?"

The next room seems to have doppelgangers of ourselves we must fight to move on. Once the dopplegangers are gone, I can't help but to restate Leliana's earlier sentiment. "Now that, was unnerving!"

Everyone chuckles except Sten but I did see the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.

The following room seems to hold a puzzle where we have move around stepping on tiles to get on person across. Working together we quickly pass this test.

As we enter what seems to be the final room, there is an altar with wall of fire behind it. Looking over the fire I can see the Urn.

"By the maker…it's…it's the Urn of Sacred Ashes," Alistair says in awe. "That's it…That's really it!" He adds excitedly.

"Powerful magic indeed," Morrigan says lightly trying to hide her astonishment.

"I…I don't know what to say," Leliana stutters.

"It…it is real," Zevran says amazed.

"Congratulations, you found you found your pot of holy dirt," Sten says wryly.

"And that whining woman believes this will heal Arl Eamon?" Tamlen says doubtfully.

"I guess we will find out," I say hopefully walking towards the altar. It is little more than dusty stone I can barely make out an inscription.

"Cast off the trappings of worldly life and cloak yourself in the goodness of spirit. King and slave, lord and beggar, be born anew in the Maker's sight." I read out loud.

"Seems we must go through the fire naked," Zevran says mouth twitching with mirth.

"Do you think it will be safe?" Alistair asks.

"Well we can try it carefully I suppose," Leliana says with wicked grin.

We all give each other some space, as we strip down. Well this is a bit embarrassing. I try not to look at anyone. "Everyone ready?" I ask walking toward the wall of fire.

I walk through and am not damaged. The fire feels no warmer than the air in the room. The others follow in suit.

I feel like we are not alone and turning back toward the door I see the guardian standing there.

"You have been through the trials of the gauntlet," He says almost happily, "You have walked the path of Andraste, and like her, you have been cleansed. You have proven yourself worthy, pilgrim. Approach the Sacred Ashes."

I walk to the Urn the others follow.

"I didn't think anyone could succeed in finding Andraste's final resting place…but here… here she is," Alistair says awestruck.

"I stand in awe…really," Morrigan says only slightly sarcastically.

"I never would have dreamed…I would lay my eyes on the Urn of Sacred ashes," Leliana breathes, "I…I…I..I have no words to express."

"Congratulations you found a waste-bin," Sten says dryly.

"Nice vase, I should get one for my house," Zevran says dryly.

"Will the ashes even work?" Tamlen asks uncertainly.

"I don't know," I say as I open the Urn, "but we might as well try." I take pinch of the ashes and drop them into a pouch.

We head back down the stairs and the fire is gone after getting dressed and looting the contents of the room we head to the door on the side facing the dragon.


	60. Chapter 60 The Dragon!

Dear Diary,

I had a sneaking suspicion that when we exited the temple we might have to deal with the dragon. The damn lizard roared when it saw us. We give each other a panicky glance as none of us really want to have to fight the creature. I have Kolgrim's horn and am wondering if it will calm the dragon down.

"Should I try the horn?" I ask quickly as the dragon takes flight.

"Seem as though it would be just as likely to attack us either way," Tamlen says stoically.

"What harm could it do?" Zevran asks worriedly.

"Couldn't hurt to try before things get worse," Leliana adds.

"I thought you wardens would find fighting dragon instead of darkspawn, more…exciting," Sten says with feral grin I've never seen before.

I don't have time to question it now, so I grab the horn and blow it. It echoes it's low but loud tones through the canyon, reverberating several times off the canyon walls.

The dragon lands in front of us and roars; its breath is a mix of brimstone and carrion. I'm hard pressed to keep my stomach in check. It rears up in the same gesture I saw the other dragons we fought earlier, I know this means it's going to spew fire at us.

"Move!" I yell. Everyone scatters to dodge the blast. We end up surrounding the dragon and trying to take a leg out at a time. By doing this we have the dragon confused. It's trying to shake all of us at the same time.

"Looks like you could use some help here!" I hear a voice shout over the fighting. I look over to see Adela, OX, Leske and Cullen racing toward us.

"OH you just didn't want to miss this!" I retort teasingly.

"Sten!" I call out to get his attention as the others add their attacks to ours. Catching his gaze I jerk my head toward the top of the dragon. He grins wickedly as he races over to me.

"Are you sure, Kadan?" He asks quizzically.

"Yes, we must do it while the dragon is preoccupied," I reply quickly readying myself.

He throws me up the dragons back and I make the climb to its head. It's treacherous, due to the way the creature is moving to avoid the attacks from below, but it pays little mind to me. Until I get to its head that is, it tries to shake me off. I hang on for dear life. Ox and Morrigan freeze both front legs at the same time and this gives me the moment I need. Wrapping my legs around its neck, I drive both daggers into eyes of the creature; it roars one last time and then falls. Getting my feet under me somehow I manage enough of a jump to flip twice in the air and land gracefully on my feet. Turning around I see the dragon has dropped dead.

"I would prefer to never do that again," Alistair huffs.

"Umm…Don't think we have much choice there Al, the archdemon is a dragon after all." I tease lightly.

"Well, we got practice then," Adela's says grinning.

"Ataashi," Sten says with wonder.

After looting the dragon for some coveted dragon scales. I turn to the others. "Let's get back to camp," I say with grin. I am ready to leave cult town.

Once back at the camp we made outside of Haven. Ox and Wynne look after Brother Genitivi's wounds. Adela offers that if we head to the town we had stopped at before we can get passage for Genitivi back to Denerim. We have to head to Redcliffe, speedily to help the Arl. So we agree to have Sten, Adela, Leske and Morrigan take Genitivi to the town while the rest of us head to Redcliffe Castle. We will remain in Redcliff until the others meet up with us.

As everyone scatters for the night Sten looks over at me. "Kadan," He says nodding to the outskirts of camp.

I nod and walk with him away from those left at the fire.

"Ataashi, that's what we call them, "The glorious ones," he says sighing.

"You revere dragons?" I ask curiously.

"Well we consider them….sacred…No, that is not the correct word…Well perhaps it is." He says confused.

I look at him puzzled.

"Ah there are no words that work in this language!" He says with frustration.

I wait patiently to give him a moment to collect his thoughts.

"We hold dragons sacred but we also know that dragons are chaotic savage creatures. It is good we killed that one today," Sten explains. "We don't revere them like your kind does the Maker and Andraste, but we respect them and even feel a kinship with them."

"Kinship?" I ask curiously.

"I and Ox are the only Qunari you have ever seen, most of the others have horns," He elaborates. "So, there are physical similarities amongst dragons and most of my kind. Some of the Qunari believe that the Tamassrans cultivated dragon blood into our breeding lines."

"I had wondered why Ox has horns and you don't," I say puzzled.

"It is said that those without horns are special. Because it is rare, much like your red hair," He says reaching out with finger to lightly wrap a curl around it. "I do not know yet what that will mean as I am soldier and part of the body of Qun."

"I'm sure one day you will find out," I say smiling at him.

"I agree, Kadan. I will meet you at Redcliffe." He says ending the conversation as he turns back toward the camp.

I walk back to campfire to find Adela, Tamlen, Zevran and Leske, dipping into the wine stores.

"Come join us Elly," Adela offers with grin. "We did take down a high dragon today after all."

I accept the wine with smile and sit. Adela exciting recounts my actions teasing me. "You just had to show off today didn't you?"

"I would have preferred to leave the creature alone but it probably would have started feeding on any farm animals in the area," I say pragmatically.

"I imagine it took a lot of animals to feed all those dragonlings and drakes," Zevran says thoughtfully.

Leske nods. We sit drinking and chatting for a bit longer. Adela gets drunker and drunker till finally Leske walks her back to his tent and heads to his.

"Adela's going to be feeling that tomorrow," I tease as they leave, "Sten will not be amused by a hung over cranky dwarf."

Zevran and Tamlen both chuckle.

"Accurate observation, I think," Tamlen says with wicked grin.

I am amazed at how he has adapted to being with a bunch a humans. He fits right in with the rest of this crazy group. I realize thoughtfully.

"On that note I think I will head to bed as well," Tamlen says standing up.

I notice that Zevran has been pretty quiet tonight.

"Everything alright, Zev?" I ask curiously looking over at him with a small smile.

He sighs giving me a wry grin. "I'm fine, Elly."

"You've been pretty quiet this evening," I observe lightly.

"Just thinking," he says a bit defensively.

My mouth overrides my common sense to let it go. "Care to share?" I quip softly.

"No… I...uh…mean no offense, I simply…no," He says withdrawing.

"As you wish, my apologies for intruding," I reply with sigh.

"You do not need to apologize. Just…do not ask. I don't wish to speak of it now." He says in a kinder tone.

"Well I suppose I should head to bed as well," I say standing up pressing the wine into his hands. "Good night Zev."

"Good night Elly," Zev says.

If it didn't know any better I would have said his voice sounded wistful as he said goodnight. But if he had wanted to talk, he would have.


	61. Chapter 61 Arl Eamon

Dear Diary,

We make it back to Redcliffe castle quickly. I don't know for certain if the ashes will help the Arl but as we walk into the main hall Teagan rushes over to us.

"Did you find the ashes?" He asks worriedly.

"Yes, what is the Arl's condition?" I question him.

"Unfortunately unchanged, we have tried more healing magic. We are only able to keep him alive. Jowan is an incredible healer …it's hard to imagine him as a blood mage and he has been searching for an antidote to the poison. He's had little success, as it was given to him. He knew nothing about it, except that it was poison," Teagan explains as he takes my arm and ushers me to the family quarters upstairs.

"I'm not exactly sure what we are supposed to do with the ashes," I admit.

"I do," Ox says with a grin. "If you don't mind me helping," he adds when he sees the look of disgust on Isolde's face.

I look over at Wynne and she shakes her head. I don't feel as if Wynne couldn't handle the task. It's more like she wants Isolde to grow up a bit. "Well, if Isolde wishes to send a messenger to the mages tower and wait for someone to come; I guess that's her decision." I offer quietly.

Isolde has the sense to look ashamed. "I do apologize, Ser Ox. Forgive my stupid ingrained prejudices. I am…unused to being in such mixed company."

"It's alright, my lady," Ox says smoothly. "I wasn't raised in Par Vollen I was raised in Ferelden. I will do the ritual and everything I can to save the Arl."

"Oh, thank you!" Isolde squeals hugging the large man. To say we are surprised is a bit of an understatement. Ox reaches over and pats Isolde on the back awkwardly.

Ox ushers the rest of us out of the room save for Wynne and Isolde as he says he will need their assistance.

Everyone seems to disperse as we leave the room. The men head to the sparring practice area. Leliana goes to visit the chantry. Teagan offers me a drink while we wait in the study. As we get settled in the study, Teagan opens a bottle of wine and pours our cups.

"Do you think it will work?" he asks curiously looking at me.

"I don't know anything for certain," I admit. "However we found it and for a relic we weren't even sure existed…that in itself is something. If one myth can be true why can't the other?"

"Excellent point," Teagan says with a smile. "How did you find it?"

"We went to Denerim to locate Brother Genitivi and found him gone," I start explaining. I tell him about the cult and that we found Brother Genitivi alive in Haven. I explain the gauntlet without going into too much detail about my father and the trials we faced.

"So you mean you all had to walk through fire naked?!" He laughs heartily.

I snicker. "Just so, you better be sure to tell your brother, the lengths we went to bring back those ashes," I tease. "Not to mention the high dragon outside the temple that tried to fry us on the way out."

"So how was Denerim? I've been hearing there is some ruckus about the Alienage." Teagan asks.

I feel myself start at his question as the image of the assault runs through my head. "There is something going on. The Alienage is closed. They are saying there is a plague." I say as calmly as I can.

"And what else?" Teagan presses not buying my calm demeanor.

"It's fine, Teagan, Denerim was fine." I say forcing a grin to my face. "I got new armor from Wade and did some shopping at the Wonders of Thedas."

"You're not fooling me, Elly," Teagan says lightly belying his concern.

"Fine," I huff, "there was an incident at the Gnawed Noble Inn. I was assaulted in my bath by a drunken idiot who thought I was whore. Now can we discuss more pleasant things?"

"He didn't…" Teagan asks leaving the unspoken question in the air.

"No, Thanks to Soris and Sergeant Kylon," I answer shortly. I know this is big deal for nobility but sometimes I feel Teagan forgets that being warden, my title is forfeit. "Besides I'm not noble anymore so it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter if you are noble or not Elly," Teagan hotly retorts. "What matters, is that you're alright."

"I'm working through it…" I say lamely, feeling like chided child. I shouldn't have assumed. I drain my glass and Teagan immediately refills it.

"Have you met Soris? He could tell you more what is going at the Alienage than I can," I say changing the subject.

"I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting the young man. He seems like the good sort," Teagan says thoughtfully allowing me drop the previous conversation.

There is a tap at the door.

"Come in," Teagan calls out.

"The Arl is awake," the servant girl says breathlessly as she pokes her head in the door.

Teagan and I both race up to the family quarters. Eamon is on his bed and his eyes are open. "Teagan, what are you doing here?" He asks.

"Brother, I have much to tell you and some of it will not be easy to hear," Teagan says calmly.

"Tell me all of it then," Eamon says soberly.

Isolde takes her leave with Conner leaving the three of us.

After explaining all the events of Ostagar and Redcliffe, the Eamon is pacing back and forth in anger.

"This is most troubling," he says sadly his pacing belying his ire. "There is much to be done it is true. But I should first be thankful to those who have done so much. Lady Cousland, you have not only saved my life but kept my family safe as well. I am in your debt. Would you permit me to offer a reward for your service?"

"I need your help against the blight. I think that will do," I say smiling. The Arl stops pacing and just regards me intensely.

"I understand, but regardless of your motivations. I feel you are worthy of a reward. I would like to honor your efforts nothing more," He adds graciously.

"As you wish," I agree nodding my head.

"Then allow me to declare you and those with you Champions of Redcliff. You will always be a welcome guest within these halls." He says ceremoniously.

"On a more personal note, I knew your parents. Bryce and Eleanor were my friends. You have grown up strong and do what is right just as they did. I will check on Highever for you. Bann Gilmore was good choice to oversee the teyrnir until Fergus is found. You did them proud and I'm proud of you as well." He says smiling kindly.

"Well, I didn't attack Isolde this time," I tease lightly.

The Arl chuckles. "Yes, you had just finished a history lesson about the Orlesian war, if I recall correctly."

"We should speak of Loghain, brother," Teagan offers soberly, "There is no telling what he will do once he learns of your recovery."

"Loghain instigates a civil war even though the darkspawn are on our very doorstep. Long I have known him. He is a sensible man; one who never desired power." Eamon says curiously.

"I was there when he announced he was taking control of the throne, Eamon," Teagan says with a disgusted look on his face, "He was mad with ambition, I tell you."

"Mad indeed!" Eamon says angrily, "Mad enough to kill Cailan, to attempt to kill myself and destroy my lands."

Eamon looks at me. "Whatever happened to him, Loghain must be stopped. What's more we can scarce afford to fight this war, to its bitter end."

"What do you propose then?" I ask curiously. "I mean you can unite the nobility against him."

"I could unite those opposing Loghain, yes," Eamon explains, "But not all oppose him. He has some powerful allies."

"Including Arl Howe," I spit out like poison.

Teagan reaches over touching my arm. Eamon nods compassionately.

"We have no time to wage a war against him. Someone must surrender if we have any chance of fighting the darkspawn. We need to save our men for the blight." Eamon says softly.

"Loghain must capitulate then," I say evenly.

"Yes, I will spread word of Loghain's treachery, against the King and me. But it will be claim made without proof." Eamon says.

"That will give Loghain's allies pause, hopefully," I say smiling.

"But we must combine it with a challenge even Loghain cannot ignore," Eamon says wisely, "we need someone with a stronger claim to the throne than Loghain's daughter, the queen."

"You mean to put forth Alistair," I say sighing.

"Perhaps we should go get him, and let him weigh in on it," Teagan says with a mischievous grin as he goes to the door and calls the servant girl to bring Alistair.

Alistair enters the room, his joy, at seeing Eamon alive and well is apparent on his face.

"Arl Eamon," He breathes, "I'm so happy to see you whole again. I'm sorry I refused to see you…and then you were sick. "

Eamon smiles. "Take a breath, boy. It's good to see you too. Although, you aren't exactly a boy any longer." He reaches over to grasp Alistair's shoulder.

Stepping back he looks at Alistair. "I shouldn't have sent you away. I shouldn't have let Isolde get to me. I'm sorry."

"And I should have let you see me, given you a chance to explain," Alistair says sadly.

"Well, now that everyone has apologized perhaps we could speak to Alistair about the subject at hand?" I offer grinning.

Teagan gives me roguish grin in reply.

"Alistair, I would like put you forth for the throne," Eamon says kindly, "I would not propose such a thing if we had an alternative but the unthinkable has occurred. Calian is dead and has no heir."

"I know," Alistair says glumly, "It's not what I would want. But after speaking to Elly and Teagan, I knew that it was a possibility."

"Teagan and I have claim through marriage," Eamon explains.

"However, if you either of you put yourselves forward, you would be seen as opportunists, no better than Loghain. My claim would be by blood." Alistair finishes for him.

Eamon raises his eyebrows turning to look at me.

"Yes, I have been grooming him," I say with a wicked grin. "We realized that this was a possibility for quite some time. We wouldn't want him eaten alive by the nobility in court."

"Insightful," Eamon says looking at me slightly astonished.

"How do you feel about this Alistair?" Eamon asks gently much to my surprise.

"It's not what I would have chosen," Alistair says slowly, "and there will complications, due to my being a grey warden. But if it will reunite Ferelden against the darkspawn, I'll do it."

"I see only one way to proceed," Eamon says smiling, "I will call for a Landsmeet. This will call all the nobility to Denerim and then Ferelden can decide who shall rule, one way or the other."

Eamon sighs and looks at me. "Then the business of fighting our true foe can begin. What say you to that, Lady Cousland? I do not wish to proceed without your blessing."

"Please, Arl Eamon, it's just Elly now." I say with small smile, "I agree to your plan but we need to have all our armies ready after the Landsmeet regardless who wins. The blight must be stopped. We have to take the treaties to Dalish elves yet."

"Then we will call the Landsmeet after you have collected your allies," Eamon replies. "However there is matter of the mage, my son's tutor. He still lives I understand."

"He does. He is in the dungeon, brother," Teagan replies, "I wasn't sure what to do with him. He did face the demon that Connor made the agreement with and he did help keep you alive until Elly returned with the sacred ashes."

"It seems he was told by Loghain that you were a threat to Ferelden and that things would be made right with the circle, if he poisoned you," I add.

"Have him brought here to me. I wish to see him," Eamon says.

Teagan nods and leaves the room to get Jowan. I know I want to recruit Jowan as he doesn't seem like the bad sort. He just made some terrible decisions and he did try his best to atone.

Once Jowan has joined us Eamon speaks. "Jowan, what you have done is not in question. You tried to assassinate me and set into motion a series of events that nearly destroyed everything I cherish. What do have to say in your own defense?"

"Nothing my lord. Except that I am sorry. I expect no mercy for what I have done," Jowan says hanging his head.

"I see. Elly do you have anything to say in Jowan's behalf?" Eamon asks. As the injured party, I'm sure you can understand that my ability to see the merciful part is strained."

"He confronted a demon in the fade to save Connor's life and helped to keep you alive until I returned. I agree Jowan has made some terrible errors in judgement but I do think his intentions are good." I say slowly thinking about how I want to do this. "Perhaps he will do better with wardens. I think it would be waste to kill him or have him rot in a prison."

"You wish to conscript him?" Eamon asks lightly his tone belying his surprise.

I ignore Alistair's gasp of surprise.

"Some of my best friends were assassins hired to kill me," I reply with a grin.

"If you choose to conscript him, his fate is out of my hands," Eamon says thoughtfully.

"Jowan, you are hereby conscripted into the wardens," I state looking firmly at him. "You will dedicate your life to fighting the darkspawn."

"Thank you, my lady. Thank you, my lord. I will not let you or the wardens down," Jowan says a bit reverently. Teagan has a guard lead him back to the prison.

"I do hope you will stay and rest a few days," Eamon says smiling, "I would like to spend some time with Alistair."

"I think that can be arranged," I say. "A bed would be a welcome change to sleeping on a bedroll."


	62. Chapter 62 Rest and Revelation

Dear Diary,

We had been enjoying a well-deserved time of rest and relaxation while waiting for the others to rejoin us. Things feel a bit off after my last chat with Zevran. I notice he seems to be avoiding me somewhat preferring to stay in the company of Soris and Leske. I try not to let this bother me too much as he was the one who said he didn't wish to speak about whatever is bothering him.

However as everyone disperses after breakfast this morning, Leliana intercepts me. "I was thinking a walk around Redcliffe would be nice today," she says in way of an offer.

I shrug my shoulders. "Why not?" I can miss sparring practice for a day and the strange tension coming from Zevran is getting to be distracting.

We leave the castle and walk around the surrounding village. The weather is delightful for once and we can really take in the beauty of the waterfalls and the windmills that dot the land here.

"What do you know of this place?" I ask curiously.

"Next to nothing, perhaps the name comes from the red rock under the waterfalls or perhaps this place was forgotten in lore," Leliana says with a small smile.

"So what is on your mind Leli?" I ask lightly.

"What is going on between you and our Zev?" she queries bluntly.

"Nothing," I reply giving her a puzzled look. "We had a strange talk the other night obviously something was on his mind but he said he didn't want to talk about it. It's seems he's been avoiding me a bit since. I couldn't tell you."

"You know he cares about you," Leli says sighing.

"I care about him too…I care about all of you," I reply still confused.

"No…I mean…Maker, give me the words…"she berates herself. "I'm a bard dammit and I can't find the right words."

She takes a deep breath as I look at her quizzically.

"He is a character your Zevran, no?" She continues.

"Zevran is not mine by any stretch of imagination," I reply.

"He owes you his life. That alone makes him beholden to you," she says cunningly, "He seems to seek pleasure above all things but there is more to him, isn't there? He is more complex than he lets on."

"Yes, that's true," I admit. "Have you been watching him?"

"Yes…No! Not in that way, anyway," she says quickly, "I feel it is in my interest to study those I travel with. And Zevran deserved special scrutiny, seeing as he tried to kill you. But it seems you trust him, judging from your closeness. I trust your judgement. You haven't led us astray yet."

"So what's your point, Leli?" I ask curiously. "Zev and I are friends."

"For one of the smartest people I know, you can be so oblivious sometimes," she huffs stopping to turn toward me.

"Has it occurred to you that Zevran has been trying to court you?" She asks. "In his own strange way of course because he doesn't know how to properly court someone he cares about."

"You think that is what this is all about?" I ask incredulously.

"He's an Antivan crow, what he knows about real romance and feelings could fit into a thimble. He's spent his entire life avoiding his feelings because he was raised to be an assassin." She explains. "He's struggling with real feelings and it scares him."

"And what am I supposed to do?" I question looking at her slightly stunned.

"I think you need to think about whether you like him too," she says knowingly. "He thinks you won't take him seriously because of his perpetual flirting…it is just his nature you know."

To say I am astonished would be an understatement. I'm not sure how to proceed or what to think even. I hadn't considered this possibility.

"I…I don't know…" I say lamely.

"Oh come on Elly," Leliana chides lightly, "Do you like Zevran or not?"

"I suppose…I do," I admit trying to keep a blush from rising to my cheeks.

"Well, we must figure out how to get past his fear then," she decides.

"Leli," I reproach. "It will work out if it is supposed to. You don't need to go and play matchmaker." I can see where she is going with this as she grins manically.

"Fine! Spoilsport!" She huffs looking over at me as I give her a firm look.

* * *

><p>The next day the others rejoin us and we agree to leave for the Dalish in 2 days. This will let the others rest as well. Tamlen has told us to go to the Brecilian Forest as this is a place the Dalish are known to camp.<p>

After our meeting to decide the best route to get there I head to my room. I find a note waiting for me from Zevran stating, he wishes to talk. He asks to meet at the waterfall. I'm tired but curious so I strap hidden daggers on and leave the castle.

As I approach the waterfall I see Zevran lurking in the shadows. Upon recognizing me he calls out "good you are here, why all the dark shiftiness?"

"Me?" I say curiously as I walk up to stand next to him. "I got a message from you."

Immediately I know what happened. "Leliana…" I say through gritted teeth.

"Leliana? Why would she?" Zevran says confused for a moment and then realization hits him.

"That would explain the food and drink that was here before I arrived," He says gesturing to a carefully packed basket.

I nod trying not to blush at the embarrassment of the situation. This is so humiliating. Zevran decides to examine the contents of the basket. "Wine, cheese, a blanket, fruit, and a note," Zevran says pulling the items out as he investigates.

"What does the note say?" I ask curious despite my ire and obvious mortification.

"Elly and Zevran, I know you will most likely be angry but I couldn't help myself," Zevran reads, "I have but one request. Sit and enjoy the contents of the basket with each other. You can hand out your retribution later. Love, Leli."

I stifle a wry snicker. "Well I guess we can "enjoy the contents of the basket" and decide what our "retribution" will be," I tease lightly, thankful my embarrassment at the situation is receding.

Zevran shrugs. "I don't see why not …be a shame to let the basket go to waste."

He opens the wine and pours it as I set out the blanket and the place the food.

Sitting down cross legged on the blanket, I bite into a piece of cheese thinking hard for a moment. "I'm thinking that a frog in her bed might be good start," I tease thinking of retribution.

"If you really want to send her screaming, go earwigs they freak out everyone," He says grinning wickedly as he sits beside me.

"Nice, they have gross pinchy little butts," I say giggling.

Zevran hands me a glass of wine which I accept gratefully and immediately take a sip.

"However, I don't think our bardish friend lured us both down here to plot revenge," He says thoughtfully.

I tense looking at him. "I suppose not," I admit dropping my gaze.

"Obviously, she had the same talk with you as she tried to have with me," Zev adds.

I nod saying nothing as I feel my throat constrict and my mouth go dry. My heart is pounding. I take a gulp of the wine, draining the glass. Zevran says nothing taking the empty glass and refilling it with wine. I take another large sip.

This is getting awkward quick.

"You said you didn't want to talk about it," I manage to whisper.

Zevran smiles. "I am willing to now if you wish to hear it," He offers.

I take a deep breath. "Ok, let's start with something a bit simple. Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I've been acting like child, I realize, let me try to explain," He says taking a sip of wine. "An assassin must learn to forget about sentiment. It is dangerous. You take your pleasures where you can when life is good. To expect anything more would be reckless. I had thought the same between us when we first met ….and yet."

I peer at him through the darkness with a small smirk for the fact that he thought to bed me so easily and then think about the "and yet." Furrowing my brow I ask curiously, "Are you saying you're in love with me?"

"I don't know. How do you know such a thing?" he asks alarmed.

He stops speaking, confused. I reach over to touch his arm offering acceptance and urging him to continue.

"I grew up amongst those who sold the illusion of love and then I was trained to make my heart cold in favor of the kill." He continues, "Everything I have been taught says what I am feeling is wrong. Yet I cannot help it. Since meeting you and traveling with you I have been nothing but confused. Do you understand me at all?"

"I am no wiser than you in this area," I say honestly.

"All I need to know is if there is a chance of something between us…some possibility of…I do not know what." He finishes quietly.

The poor man has laid himself bare and I can do no less.

"I am quite fond of you Zev and I haven't cared about anyone in such a way since… Darrien …and I think I would like to see where this goes," I admit blushing.

Zevran looks up at with surprise. I don't think he was expecting that answer. A happy smile envelops his handsome features.

"I promise I will not press you to do anything you aren't ready for Elly," He says as he reaches for the bottle to top off our glasses. "I'm sorry for acting so strangely. I think I will be better now, much better."

"Good," I say with a grin. I lean over to kiss him on cheek.

"You really thought you could bed me that easily," I tease lightly.

"When we first met I did," He says cockily which makes me stifle giggle.

"And now?" I ask curiously.

"Now, I know better," He says with smirk.


	63. Chapter 63 The First Day

Dear Diary,

We have left Redcliffe and are making our way to the Brecilian Forest. I've just woken and head out of my tent for some tea. I notice Leliana is almost giddily happy this morning. I look at her with questioning expression on my face. I notice that no one seems to be packing up for us to move on.

"Don't tell me you forgot what today is," she gasps in horror.

I raise my hands and eyebrows in the renown _I don't know _gesture.

"Today is the first day!" She gasps, "We need to celebrate."

I think back and she is correct it is the first day of the New Year. How could I have forgotten?

"Lel," I try to reason, "how are we going to celebrate we are in the middle of nowhere."

"You just let me take care of that," she says brightly, "I stocked up at the last village, I also had Bodhan grab some extra supplies for this."

"Do you want me to help?" I ask hopefully. I noticed the others have already split not wanting to be roped in except for Alistair and Adela, who is grinning manically. Wynne has her nose in the latest romance by Varric Tethras. The rest of the guys are sparring already, Morrigan is over at her fire, and Shale is watching Sten spar (I really do think she has a crush on him).

She thinks for a moment and then gets a cunning look in her eye, "No Elly, I think I have enough help go relax," she says grabbing a bottle of wine from her pack and pushing it into my arms.

"It's not even lunchtime yet," I protest.

"It's sunset somewhere," she teases waving me off.

I go to my tent. Grab my money pouch and set off to see Bodhan. I also grab my knitting needles and some beautifully soft wool yarn dyed a deliciously bright purple from deathroot. I should have enough time to knit a simple scarf.

I buy trinkets for the other companions and set off to the lake to knit in peace. I've just opened the wine and started casting on the scarf when Zev walks up carrying some clothes and his bathing items. I think he has more potions and oils than I do.

"Mind if I bathe," He looks at me wickedly.

"Do as you wish, I've enough to keep me busy," I tease.

He chuckles, and crouches down to see what I'm doing.

"Bella, I'm speechless," He says feigning surprise, "I wouldn't have taken you for a knitter."

I shake my head smiling never taking my gaze off my work, "It's better than needlepoint, I didn't have the patience for that fiddly stuff."

"So, Dear Warden," He says in his lovely accent drawing out the dear in the way I like, "What are you knitting?"

I stop and look over at him smiling, "Leliana is working so hard to throw a celebration today, I wanted to give her a special gift and the color suits her don't you think?"

He smiles appreciatively. "A thoughtful gesture … I hope I don't distract you too much from your project," He teases, "Would be a pity to drop a stitch."

"Oh I don't know," I reply looking up and smirking while knitting the next row; "I think can make sure you don't drown yourself and keep my place."

Zev snickers at my comment and retorts with, "If I decide to drown today, it is comforting to know I will be saved by most beauteous goddess."

I shake my head as I chuckle. He walks away to strip down to his lustrous cotton pants and set up his bathing supplies on a rock before jumping in the water. I have to admit the view is ...quite nice. Zevran has been quite the gentleman since our chat and has been true to his word. Although we are a couple, we have been taking things slowly considering the incident in Denerim. He is quite considerate and told me he didn't want to do anything that would trigger a fear reaction in me.

The open simple lace pattern I chose is coming along beautifully. I check the length and the amount of yarn I have left and take a swig of the wine. There will be enough yarn

"You really should join me Elly;" Zev calls teasingly, "The water is delightful."

I take another sip of wine looking up from the knitting, "It's quite ok Zev, you just enjoy and I'll take in the view." I tease.

"As you wish, Elly," He calls smirking.

A few minutes later, he climbs out of the water and starts his long process of skin care within the protection of some trees. I admit to trying to steal a few glances at him, every now and then trying to be as innocent as I possibly can.

By the time he emerges partially dressed as he has decided to leave his tunic off. That is a bit distracting. I am about to the halfway point with the scarf. Zevran collects his bathing items and comes to sit next to me. He smells of allspice, patchouli, and sandalwood with a touch of tangerine. The combination is quite intoxicating and comforting. It is just what I have come to associate with Zevran. I take another swig of wine.

"Can I see?" He asks gesturing to the scarf. I nod finishing the row I'm working on and hand him the scarf.

"It's so soft," he says with wonder, "How did you find wool so soft?"

"My mother had some special sheep," I reply quickly, not wanting to think about my deceased mother at the moment.

"And the pattern is perfect," He ways with astonishment.

He hands the scarf back to me and get right back to knitting it.

"May I?" He asks looking at the wine.

"Of course," I reply grinning, as I know damn well, he wanted the wine from the moment I opened it.

He looks at the much smaller ball of yarn worriedly, "Are sure it will be enough?"

"It will," I smile knowingly.

He watches me knit for some time and we sit in companionable silence.

"You know knitting would be great dexterity exercise for the fingers," He notes lightly.

I grin at him stopping for a moment to take another sip of wine and hand the bottle to him.

"Are you asking to learn, Zev?" I ask innocently looking back down at the knitting and continuing on.

"I might be," He says indifferently.

I stop again setting the knitting in my lap and give him an intense gaze, "if you wish to learn, I would gladly teach you Zev, and if you wish it will be our secret. My mother couldn't knit, it was my father who taught me, the sheep were hers but she got them for my father."

Zev looks astonished at this revelation. "Well not today," he finally says, "but definitely another day, I would like to learn. For now I will be happy to watch you, querida."

He moves a bit closer to watch a bit more intensely. I concentrate on the knitting as he is a bit of a delightful diversion. After a few more rows I stop again to check the length of the scarf. It's almost done I note looking at the length and the ball of yarn. I look at Zev and he wordlessly hands me the bottle and I drink.

"Something about watching you knit," he says dreamily, "is mesmerizing."

"Oh, How so?" I ask curiously finishing the next row.

"Your fingers are so graceful, they just dance," He tries to explain, "It is riveting, and they know exactly what to do. How your index finger just barely touches the tip of the needle after you wrap the yarn around it. You nimbly pull the loops through another loop. It's almost bewitching."

I blush slightly at his words and proximity. My heart is pounding in my chest and I briefly chide myself to pull it together. Checking my yarn I decide it's time to cast off. I decide to take another swig of wine before I start the last row and finding my voice I say softly, "that was an interesting way of putting it."

Zevran smiles and watches in silence as I finish the last row. I pull in the end to hide it and hold it up inspecting my work. I wrap it around my neck to make sure it is long enough and it is perfect. I take it off and start folding it.

Zev takes my hands before I finish folding. "I wish to see it," He says, "May I?"

I nod wordlessly at him as he takes it and holds the scarf up to the late afternoon light watching how the light plays with the lace pattern.

"Beautiful, just like you," He says softly, as he delicately folds the scarf setting it on my bag of trinkets.

I blush again and look down again, "so I'm beautiful am I?" I murmur still looking at the ground.

"I say it because it's true, aside from your physical beauty which is something to behold," he says thoughtfully, " the fact that you would create a gift for someone, says a lot about you, you aren't just giving Leliana your knitting, you're giving her your time and love, and that is beautiful as well."

"Well she is trying so hard to create this party for us I wanted to let her know it was appreciated." I note smiling.

"She will know," he says firmly, taking his hand and tilting my head up, he gently kisses me. I am stunned for a moment and do nothing. His lips are warm and tender and the kiss is a chaste one, almost tentative. I can feel the desire within him raging as he restrains himself. I feel a hunger within myself for something…a bit more. I respond a bit gingerly and he pulls back to look at me as if asking if this was agreeable.

Without a second thought I reach over pull his face toward mine tilting his head so I can gently bite his sensually shaped bottom lip. He gives a small gasp of surprise at this and returns the gentle bite then laves my lip with his tongue. He pulls back for a moment (which really feels like an eternity) as I wait breathlessly for him continue.

He captures my lips again with more purpose this time, gently asking for more. I reply to his unspoken question with a quick caress of his top lip. He slides his arms around my waist pulling me flush to him. Feeling his lithe muscular frame so tight against my own, my knees go weak and I immediately melt as waves of heat wash through me as he gently explores my mouth. My hands of their own violation map out the planes of his back making their way up to his still damp hair and gently caress the sensitive tips of his ears.

He pulls back with an almost ferocious look on his face and takes possession of my mouth once again in an almost bruising kiss that I return with equal passion. Wrapping my arms around his neck, He drops to my neck lightly kissing, biting and tasting until he gets to my ear.

"I have wanted to do that for some time, Bella" he whispers. I shudder into him unable to say or do anything.

"Elly, Zev come on we are ready to party!" Leliana calls out.

I blush guiltily, stepping back as Zev chuckles at the sudden interruption.

"We will be there in a minute," Zev calls out.

He reaches over kisses me briefly again and turns to get his things. I grab the scarf carefully putting it on top the trinkets and we head back to camp.

Once back at camp I stop by my tent to wrap the scarf in parchment paper and place it back in the bag. I head back out. Leliana has gone all out she decorated the camp with hanging ribbon like paper in spring colors and she must have managed to get our mages to put veilfire lights around the camp. She obviously borrowed some tables from Bodhan to set out what I could only call a feast. She went all out on liquor as well with one table dedicated to many bottles of wine and jugs of ale. As I walk over to set my bag down by a stump as Adela calls out, "hey it's time to eat!"

We line up buffet style and help ourselves to the amazing spread it must have taken Leliana, Adela, and Alistair some time (I assume that they watched Alistair closely when it came to cooking). I fill my plate and get some wine and have a seat. As I eat I listen to the good natured banter from the others. I think Leliana might have threatened to shiv anyone who started arguing, the thought makes me smile.

Leliana notes my musing and teases, "You were at the lake all day, Elly."

I blush slightly and set my now empty plate down. "Well someone did thrust a bottle of wine at me and tell me to go relax," I grin cheekily.

I realize that most of the group has finished eating so I grab the bag and start handing out my first day gifts.

For Alistair a carved stone warrior, He smiles as I hand it to him, but protests, "I didn't get anything for you Elly."

"No need," I say smiling brightly, "you obviously did a lot to help today, and give the rest of us a great meal and decorations."

Shale was gifted gold nugget; she holds it up to her face to inspect it and says "shiny!"

For Sten I found a nice portrait, as I know he is partial to art. "My thanks, Kadan," is his response.

Adela is quintessentially Orlesian I realized quickly she loves decadent Orlesian toiletries. She squeals with delight as I hand her an ornate looking bottle of Orlesian perfume.

Ox was presented blank book of fine parchment and a pen with matching inkwell. The mages smiles, "Thank you, Elly."

I had noticed Tamlen's bow string was looking a bit worn so a new string with string wax is what I place in his hand; he looks a bit surprised and gently hugs me, "Thank you, Falon."

Leske receives a new dagger. He grins and flips it in his hand, "Much appreciated, Warden."

For Wynne, I found a copy of Varric Tethras' latest book Hard in Hightown; she looks at the book and at me, "very thoughtful," she says smiling.

Soris receives a stationary to stay in contact with his family. He looks at me a bit surprised. I knew that Leliana was teaching him to write. "Thanks Elly!"

Oghren gets some of ale I found in Wilhelm's Cellar, he looks at it and bellows, "this is a fine gift!"

I giggle happily at him.

I also found another book by Varric Tethras for Rory, it's actually lesser known book called _Darktown's Deal_, a treaty of the complex situation between Orzammar, the surface dwarves and the Carta. He likes politics so I hoped he would like it. He smiles when I hand it to him, and looks it over quickly, looking back at me, he says, "You know me well, thanks Elly."

Morrigan gets a silver chain necklace she immediately puts on, "I…thank you," she says simply.

I give Zev an engraved gold bar, I had collected in my travels; He turns it over in his hands examining it. "I will treasure it," He says softly.

I had a hard time finding something for Cullen as he has about everything he needs and doesn't have any hobbies or collections I know of. So decided on new polishing clothes and a whetstone for his sword, He grins as I hand him the items, "this is just perfect."

For Jowan I found a book of necromancer magic, he seems to have an affinity for. "Thank you, Elly" He says with a break in his voice as he gently takes the tome from my hands.

Finally I come to Leliana; I pull the wrapped scarf out of the bag and hand the package to her. She sets it in her lap and proceeds to carefully unfold the paper around it. Pulling out the scarf she holds it up to the light and gushes, "Maker's Breathe, Elly, you spent all day making this didn't you?"

"She did," Zev confirms grinning.

I nod at her smiling.

"It's gorgeous and the color amazing," she raves wrapping it around her neck, "and so soft …where did you find wool this soft?"

"My mother's flock," I say quickly.

It seems she understands immediately. "I will cherish this gift, thank you" she says solemnly.

With the gift giving done, I walk back to the drink table and pour another glass of wine.

"I think it's high time for some music and dancing," Leliana calls out with a mischievous look on her face as she grabs her lute.

She starts with a lively song that had Adela dancing immediately. Adela grabs Leske who is protesting because he doesn't know how to dance. Alistair is trying to cajole Wynne away from her new book to dance and finally she concedes and dances with Alistair. I sip my wine smiling at the scene. Even Sten is tapping his feet. The mood is infectious.

Rory has come to stand by me, and he bows, "Will you dance with me Elly?" he asks offering his hand with a slight proper bow.

I grin at my friend. "I'd be delighted Rory, might as well put those dancing lessons, mother insisted on, to good use," I answer taking his offered hand.

Truth be told, I love dancing its movements can be like a used in fighting as well, depending on the style of dance. My dance teacher was amazing, I was taught all the noble dances that were expected but also other lesser used styles much to mother's chagrin.

We dance for a few songs and Cullen walks over and taps Rory's shoulder, "May I cut in?" He asks smirking.

"Of course," I grin wickedly spinning and putting Rory's hand in Cullen's. The men look at me shocked as I spin away. Then they shrug their shoulders and decide to dance together playing along with the joke, as I catch my breath and refill my glass.

Zev sidles up to me, "I can see your dance card is full at the moment, dear Bella, would you mind saving a dance for your assassin?" he grins cheekily.

"How can I not dance with my favorite assassin?" I facetiously gasp. "However I guess I should go save them," I joke gesturing to the two men dancing.

Zev smirks as he looks at the two men. "I'll hold you to that, Elly."

I walk out and tap Rory on the shoulder. "May I cut in?" I deadpan.

Rory pretends to debate for a moment and then chuckles, looking at Cullen who is grinning. "Of course."

As I dance with Cullen I look around. Rory is dancing with Wynn and Alistair is sitting next to Leliana as she plays and sings. Adela is still working with Leske teaching him to dance even Jowan is trying to learn the steps with her. Sten and Ox are sitting a bit away from the dancers watching and eating cookies. Morrigan is watching the scene with an amused expression her face. Zev has disappeared for the moment. Shale has also moved away from the party toward the outskirts keeping watch I suppose. Then I see Tamlen, he looks a bit lost, and is fidgeting. When the song ends I thank Cullen for the dance and grab some more wine on my way over to sit beside Tamlen.

"Do the Dalish have celebrations with dancing?" I ask curiously sipping my wine.

He looks at me thoughtfully. "We do," He says smiling, "Bonding ceremonies are big celebrations as are births of children; we also have a huge celebration of the Arlathvhen."

"What is it the Arlathvhen?" I ask slowly trying to pronounce the strange word correctly.

He grins at my butchered pronunciation. "It is a gathering of all the clans, every 10 years all the clans gather and share any knowledge they might have found in their travels. It is a huge celebration lasting a week with feasting, wine, and dancing."

"Would you like to dance, Tamlen?" I ask hopefully.

He smiles a bit wistfully. "I'm afraid I don't know your shem dances they look similar to ours but different. I'm afraid of stepping on your feet."

"Well then teach me the Dalish way and hopefully I won't step on your feet too much," I reply grinning.

He smiles and stands up offering his hand. "Shall we then, Falon?"

I set my glass down and stand up walking over to a space with a bit more room. Tamlen teaches me a traditional Dalish dance, and to my credit I only step on him once. We finally collapse with laughter after 4 songs.

"You are a quick learner," he says amused.

"I like to dance," I grin at him.

Adela comes and spirits Tamlen away to dance with her and I sit and sip my wine. I see Soris quietly come to stand beside me. I glance to side at him with a small smile. "You dance Soris?"

"I haven't had much opportunity to learn," He admits a bit sheepishly.

I know he probably doesn't wish to make a scene. I set my glass down and take his hand. "Let's go over there," I say gesturing a bit away from the others. He nods and allows me to lead him to the spot I indicated.

I show him how to place his hands and then I show him some simple footwork. Soris is a quick learner. Shortly he is able to dance without looking at his feet and seems to take charge. He spins me around smiling. "And to think I was worried I might have to dance at my wedding," He says with a slight bit amazement. "Thanks Elly." We dance a few more songs and I see Adela making her way over.

"Coming to steal my dance partner again?" I tease.

"May I cut in?" she asks grinning.

"But of course," I say roguishly stepping away.

I notice Alistair making his way over to me.

"Will you dance with me, Lady Cousland?" He teases bowing and offering his hand.

"Of course, my Prince," I say lightly jesting, as he smirks wryly.

I had to admit Alistair is good dancer, surprising really, he leads quite well. As he turns us I look over his shoulder. "Andraste's Ass," I whisper to him.

"What?" He whispers back.

"Don't say anything just, look," I whisper, turning us so he can see Morrigan is dancing with Cullen.

"Maker's Breathe," he exclaims softly upon seeing the apostate mage dancing with a templar. I see Leliana grinning manically at the scene. I look over and see Zevran has returned. "I told you so," He mouths out to me as I chuckle and shake my head.

The song ends and I am thirsty. I leave Alistair to go back to Leliana and I take my glass heading over the table. Zevran is already there refilling his glass.

"Leliana was even able to get Antivan wine," He notes appreciatively.

"She really did go all out, didn't she?" I say enthusiastically.

He nods in agreement. "Would you like to try some?" He asks offering his glass.

I take the glass and take a sip of the wine, it has been made with berries and is sweet, but has an earthly quality, almost like chocolate, and it is smooth, creamy. "I understand why you feel Ferelden drinks swill," I affirm with surprise.

He grins and fills my glass with the Antivan wine. We stand and enjoy watching the dancers. Tamlen is teaching Adela Dalish dance and Leske is trying to impress Wynne with his new dancing skills. Alistair is at his post beside Leliana. Ox and Sten haven't moved but have started eating the pie while talking amongst themselves. Rory is dancing with Morrigan and it looks as if Cullen taking a break and getting snack. Jowan is still working on the steps that Adela was teaching him. Oghren is now dancing as well, it's a bit frightening really as he refused to dance before, and I wonder briefly how drunk he is.

As Zevran and I enjoy the wine, Oghren dances his way over to me and stops looking like he wants to say something. "You there, aye you" He slurs looking at me, "I've been watching you, where can I get some sauce for that rump roast?"

Holding back a snicker, I look at Zevran who is grinning from ear to ear and stifling his urge to laugh as well.

"Right here, you mad dwarven stallion," I proclaim grinning cheekily.

"Go and make yourself ready, woman," He says swaying, "I'll be right there to see to it." With that the drunken dwarf falls over, passed out, I can't hold my laughter any longer and I start giggling, which turns into full-blown laughter. Zev is laughing just as hard as I am and we lean on each other for support. By this time everyone else is watching the spectacle as well and most are laughing or chuckling at the scene. Even Sten seems amused. He walks over and picks up the passed out dwarf, scowling as the dwarf's notorious odor hits his nostrils and quickly deposits him in his tent.

Once Oghren is safely in his tent, the music resumes. Zev drains his glass and turning to me as I'm sipping the delicious wine, says "I think it is time for us to dance, querida."

I look at him thoughtfully and drain my glass as well, "You may be right," I agree smiling.

I take his offered hand and move to where the other dancers are. "I must warn you, Warden, that in Antiva we dance a bit differently than Fereldans do," He smirks suggestively.

I blush slightly at his provocative demeanor, "Well show me then, Zev," I tease lightly.

He turns me around pulling my back flush with chest; the sudden contact makes me blush a bit deeper as this seems similar to the dancing mother did not approve of. Then taking my left hand in his right, he spins me out and lets my hand go. I know exactly what he is doing. This is an intensely suggestive dance. Despite the fact I blush deeply at this realization, I walk toward him looking into his honey gold eyes and run my hand from his shoulder down his chest, gracefully rolling my hips as I do so. He looks surprised for moment and smirks at me. He takes my hand and spins me to right. As he lets go I do one more spin and bend my knees slightly posing sensuously in front of him as I move my hands gracefully over my head. He dances effortlessly over to me grabbing my face with his hands making me look up in what looks to be an intimate embrace. Looking at me intently he says, "So you know this dance, Bella."

I stand as he lets go of my face, I as gracefully step around him, running my hand across his shoulders in a light caress, "My dance teacher was Antivan," I offer roguishly.

"Good," he teases as I step to stand facing him again. He grabs me around the waist leaning forward so I have to bend back, I drape a leg over his hip, and he looks at me approvingly as I bend back further almost touching the ground. I come out of the dip and he looks at me hungrily, and spins me several times in succession, then he lets go I continue to spin and run my hands up the sides of my body as I roll my hips looking at him at him with a teasing glance. I smirk and beckon him with a finger. As he dances fluidly back to me, I note that no one else is dancing. We have become the spectacle.

Giving him a wanton look, he pulls me into him again. I drop down crouching then slowly rising, I run my hands up his legs and over chest, while rolling my hips. As I come to standing he gracefully steps behind me and takes me around the waist with his head just above my shoulder, "your teacher taught you well, Bella" He says in a lowered husky tone. I just smirk knowingly as we do a few basic steps easily before he spins me again and pulls me back in. We come face to face once more. I roll my body sinuously as I ghost my hands up his chest. He pins my eyes to his with an intense look than makes butterflies dance in my stomach. I no longer care if we are making scene, it's just Zevran and I…and our dance.

We both step out and pose. He spins me back in so my back is pressed to his chest. He gives a wickedly soft chuckle as he runs his hands along my sides lightly but purposefully brushing my breasts on the way to my waist causing me to shudder slightly. I turn my head to look at him breathlessly as I wrap my leg around his narrow hips and my arm around his neck. I drop my head back to rest on his shoulder. He leans forward; I bend at the waist in large circle bringing my hands gracefully down in front of me as he holds my hips to steady me. I raise my body and I lift my hands over my head placing one arm around his neck. I reach over with the other had turning his face toward mine, gazing at him intently as I raise my leg to curl my thigh and knee around his hip.

"Bella?" He asks huskily with a heated questioning gaze. I nod in agreement. He grasps my waist firmly and I lift my other foot gracefully as he slowly turns my body draped over his. I put one foot down and start to right myself as he turns us a bit faster, putting my other foot back on the ground I turn so that we are facing each other. His gaze is hooded with desire; wrapping my arms around his neck we spin over the ground his arm pulling me in just below my shoulder blade. He lets go again and I spin away, and turn to look at him provocatively. I walk purposefully toward him rolling my hips tantalizingly. I touch his waist and push him back slightly. He smirks at this little game and steps back a few feet.

I walk toward him again, this caressing his waist and turning him with me as we give each other an intense passionate gaze. I step back and he takes my hands pulling me our bodies almost flush. I can tell the song is coming to an end. We dance effortlessly close for a few steps, looking at each other with unspoken desire. He takes a step in toward me. I understand; I wrap my outer leg against his hip tilting my hips against his hip sensuously. "Minx," I hear him growl slightly, as he lets go of my hand and drops the other one running it from my shoulder blade to my waist. I bend into the dip deeply, grinning wickedly, as I press harder into his hip. As I come out of the dip and stand he spins me out to stand beside him and takes a bow, I smile and curtsy to our stunned companions who start clapping. We look at each other breathlessly grinning. Zev leans over and whispers lasciviously, "We need to dance again, amada."

The First day Annum: First Day: The beginning of the year, this holiday traditionally involves many visits to one's neighbors and family (this was once to "check" to make sure everyone was alive at least once a year in remote parts) and a town gathering to commemorate the year past (often accompanied by much drinking and merriment).

I wrote this as one-shot for St. Patrick's Day but realized immediately that I wanted to integrate it into this fict with few changes.

Dear Diary,

We have left Redcliffe and are making our way to the Brecilian Forest. I've just woken and head out of my tent for some tea. I notice Leliana is almost giddily happy this morning. I look at her with questioning expression on my face. I notice that no one seems to be packing up for us to move on.

"Don't tell me you forgot what today is," she gasps in horror.

I raise my hands and eyebrows in the renown _I don't know _gesture.

"Today is the first day!" She gasps, "We need to celebrate."

I think back and she is correct it is the first day of the New Year. How could I have forgotten?

"Lel," I try to reason, "how are we going to celebrate we are in the middle of nowhere."

"You just let me take care of that," she says brightly, "I stocked up at the last village, I also had Bodhan grab some extra supplies for this."

"Do you want me to help?" I ask hopefully. I noticed the others have already split not wanting to be roped in except for Alistair and Adela, who is grinning manically. Wynne has her nose in the latest romance by Varric Tethras. The rest of the guys are sparring already, Morrigan is over at her fire, and Shale is watching Sten spar (I really do think she has a crush on him).

She thinks for a moment and then gets a cunning look in her eye, "No Elly, I think I have enough help go relax," she says grabbing a bottle of wine from her pack and pushing it into my arms.

"It's not even lunchtime yet," I protest.

"It's sunset somewhere," she teases waving me off.

I go to my tent. Grab my money pouch and set off to see Bodhan. I also grab my knitting needles and some beautifully soft wool yarn dyed a deliciously bright purple from deathroot. I should have enough time to knit a simple scarf.

I buy trinkets for the other companions and set off to the lake to knit in peace. I've just opened the wine and started casting on the scarf when Zev walks up carrying some clothes and his bathing items. I think he has more potions and oils than I do.

"Mind if I bathe," He looks at me wickedly.

"Do as you wish, I've enough to keep me busy," I tease.

He chuckles, and crouches down to see what I'm doing.

"Bella, I'm speechless," He says feigning surprise, "I wouldn't have taken you for a knitter."

I shake my head smiling never taking my gaze off my work, "It's better than needlepoint, I didn't have the patience for that fiddly stuff."

"So, Dear Warden," He says in his lovely accent drawing out the dear in the way I like, "What are you knitting?"

I stop and look over at him smiling, "Leliana is working so hard to throw a celebration today, I wanted to give her a special gift and the color suits her don't you think?"

He smiles appreciatively. "A thoughtful gesture … I hope I don't distract you too much from your project," He teases, "Would be a pity to drop a stitch."

"Oh I don't know," I reply looking up and smirking while knitting the next row; "I think can make sure you don't drown yourself and keep my place."

Zev snickers at my comment and retorts with, "If I decide to drown today, it is comforting to know I will be saved by most beauteous goddess."

I shake my head as I chuckle. He walks away to strip down to his lustrous cotton pants and set up his bathing supplies on a rock before jumping in the water. I have to admit the view is ...quite nice. Zevran has been quite the gentleman since our chat and has been true to his word. Although we are a couple, we have been taking things slowly considering the incident in Denerim. He is quite considerate and told me he didn't want to do anything that would trigger a fear reaction in me.

The open simple lace pattern I chose is coming along beautifully. I check the length and the amount of yarn I have left and take a swig of the wine. There will be enough yarn

"You really should join me Elly;" Zev calls teasingly, "The water is delightful."

I take another sip of wine looking up from the knitting, "It's quite ok Zev, you just enjoy and I'll take in the view." I tease.

"As you wish, Elly," He calls smirking.

A few minutes later, he climbs out of the water and starts his long process of skin care within the protection of some trees. I admit to trying to steal a few glances at him, every now and then trying to be as innocent as I possibly can.

By the time he emerges partially dressed as he has decided to leave his tunic off. That is a bit distracting. I am about to the halfway point with the scarf. Zevran collects his bathing items and comes to sit next to me. He smells of allspice, patchouli, and sandalwood with a touch of tangerine. The combination is quite intoxicating and comforting. It is just what I have come to associate with Zevran. I take another swig of wine.

"Can I see?" He asks gesturing to the scarf. I nod finishing the row I'm working on and hand him the scarf.

"It's so soft," he says with wonder, "How did you find wool so soft?"

"My mother had some special sheep," I reply quickly, not wanting to think about my deceased mother at the moment.

"And the pattern is perfect," He ways with astonishment.

He hands the scarf back to me and get right back to knitting it.

"May I?" He asks looking at the wine.

"Of course," I reply grinning, as I know damn well, he wanted the wine from the moment I opened it.

He looks at the much smaller ball of yarn worriedly, "Are sure it will be enough?"

"It will," I smile knowingly.

He watches me knit for some time and we sit in companionable silence.

"You know knitting would be great dexterity exercise for the fingers," He notes lightly.

I grin at him stopping for a moment to take another sip of wine and hand the bottle to him.

"Are you asking to learn, Zev?" I ask innocently looking back down at the knitting and continuing on.

"I might be," He says indifferently.

I stop again setting the knitting in my lap and give him an intense gaze, "if you wish to learn, I would gladly teach you Zev, and if you wish it will be our secret. My mother couldn't knit, it was my father who taught me, the sheep were hers but she got them for my father."

Zev looks astonished at this revelation. "Well not today," he finally says, "but definitely another day, I would like to learn. For now I will be happy to watch you, querida."

He moves a bit closer to watch a bit more intensely. I concentrate on the knitting as he is a bit of a delightful diversion. After a few more rows I stop again to check the length of the scarf. It's almost done I note looking at the length and the ball of yarn. I look at Zev and he wordlessly hands me the bottle and I drink.

"Something about watching you knit," he says dreamily, "is mesmerizing."

"Oh, How so?" I ask curiously finishing the next row.

"Your fingers are so graceful, they just dance," He tries to explain, "It is riveting, and they know exactly what to do. How your index finger just barely touches the tip of the needle after you wrap the yarn around it. You nimbly pull the loops through another loop. It's almost bewitching."

I blush slightly at his words and proximity. My heart is pounding in my chest and I briefly chide myself to pull it together. Checking my yarn I decide it's time to cast off. I decide to take another swig of wine before I start the last row and finding my voice I say softly, "that was an interesting way of putting it."

Zevran smiles and watches in silence as I finish the last row. I pull in the end to hide it and hold it up inspecting my work. I wrap it around my neck to make sure it is long enough and it is perfect. I take it off and start folding it.

Zev takes my hands before I finish folding. "I wish to see it," He says, "May I?"

I nod wordlessly at him as he takes it and holds the scarf up to the late afternoon light watching how the light plays with the lace pattern.

"Beautiful, just like you," He says softly, as he delicately folds the scarf setting it on my bag of trinkets.

I blush again and look down again, "so I'm beautiful am I?" I murmur still looking at the ground.

"I say it because it's true, aside from your physical beauty which is something to behold," he says thoughtfully, " the fact that you would create a gift for someone, says a lot about you, you aren't just giving Leliana your knitting, you're giving her your time and love, and that is beautiful as well."

"Well she is trying so hard to create this party for us I wanted to let her know it was appreciated." I note smiling.

"She will know," he says firmly, taking his hand and tilting my head up, he gently kisses me. I am stunned for a moment and do nothing. His lips are warm and tender and the kiss is a chaste one, almost tentative. I can feel the desire within him raging as he restrains himself. I feel a hunger within myself for something…a bit more. I respond a bit gingerly and he pulls back to look at me as if asking if this was agreeable.

Without a second thought I reach over pull his face toward mine tilting his head so I can gently bite his sensually shaped bottom lip. He gives a small gasp of surprise at this and returns the gentle bite then laves my lip with his tongue. He pulls back for a moment (which really feels like an eternity) as I wait breathlessly for him continue.

He captures my lips again with more purpose this time, gently asking for more. I reply to his unspoken question with a quick caress of his top lip. He slides his arms around my waist pulling me flush to him. Feeling his lithe muscular frame so tight against my own, my knees go weak and I immediately melt as waves of heat wash through me as he gently explores my mouth. My hands of their own violation map out the planes of his back making their way up to his still damp hair and gently caress the sensitive tips of his ears.

He pulls back with an almost ferocious look on his face and takes possession of my mouth once again in an almost bruising kiss that I return with equal passion. Wrapping my arms around his neck, He drops to my neck lightly kissing, biting and tasting until he gets to my ear.

"I have wanted to do that for some time, Bella" he whispers. I shudder into him unable to say or do anything.

"Elly, Zev come on we are ready to party!" Leliana calls out.

I blush guiltily, stepping back as Zev chuckles at the sudden interruption.

"We will be there in a minute," Zev calls out.

He reaches over kisses me briefly again and turns to get his things. I grab the scarf carefully putting it on top the trinkets and we head back to camp.

Once back at camp I stop by my tent to wrap the scarf in parchment paper and place it back in the bag. I head back out. Leliana has gone all out she decorated the camp with hanging ribbon like paper in spring colors and she must have managed to get our mages to put veilfire lights around the camp. She obviously borrowed some tables from Bodhan to set out what I could only call a feast. She went all out on liquor as well with one table dedicated to many bottles of wine and jugs of ale. As I walk over to set my bag down by a stump as Adela calls out, "hey it's time to eat!"

We line up buffet style and help ourselves to the amazing spread it must have taken Leliana, Adela, and Alistair some time (I assume that they watched Alistair closely when it came to cooking). I fill my plate and get some wine and have a seat. As I eat I listen to the good natured banter from the others. I think Leliana might have threatened to shiv anyone who started arguing, the thought makes me smile.

Leliana notes my musing and teases, "You were at the lake all day, Elly."

I blush slightly and set my now empty plate down. "Well someone did thrust a bottle of wine at me and tell me to go relax," I grin cheekily.

I realize that most of the group has finished eating so I grab the bag and start handing out my first day gifts.

For Alistair a carved stone warrior, He smiles as I hand it to him, but protests, "I didn't get anything for you Elly."

"No need," I say smiling brightly, "you obviously did a lot to help today, and give the rest of us a great meal and decorations."

Shale was gifted gold nugget; she holds it up to her face to inspect it and says "shiny!"

For Sten I found a nice portrait, as I know he is partial to art. "My thanks, Kadan," is his response.

Adela is quintessentially Orlesian I realized quickly she loves decadent Orlesian toiletries. She squeals with delight as I hand her an ornate looking bottle of Orlesian perfume.

Ox was presented blank book of fine parchment and a pen with matching inkwell. The mages smiles, "Thank you, Elly."

I had noticed Tamlen's bow string was looking a bit worn so a new string with string wax is what I place in his hand; he looks a bit surprised and gently hugs me, "Thank you, Falon."

Leske receives a new dagger. He grins and flips it in his hand, "Much appreciated, Warden."

For Wynne, I found a copy of Varric Tethras' latest book Hard in Hightown; she looks at the book and at me, "very thoughtful," she says smiling.

Soris receives a stationary to stay in contact with his family. He looks at me a bit surprised. I knew that Leliana was teaching him to write. "Thanks Elly!"

Oghren gets some of ale I found in Wilhelm's Cellar, he looks at it and bellows, "this is a fine gift!"

I giggle happily at him.

I also found another book by Varric Tethras for Rory, it's actually lesser known book called _Darktown's Deal_, a treaty of the complex situation between Orzammar, the surface dwarves and the Carta. He likes politics so I hoped he would like it. He smiles when I hand it to him, and looks it over quickly, looking back at me, he says, "You know me well, thanks Elly."

Morrigan gets a silver chain necklace she immediately puts on, "I…thank you," she says simply.

I give Zev an engraved gold bar, I had collected in my travels; He turns it over in his hands examining it. "I will treasure it," He says softly.

I had a hard time finding something for Cullen as he has about everything he needs and doesn't have any hobbies or collections I know of. So decided on new polishing clothes and a whetstone for his sword, He grins as I hand him the items, "this is just perfect."

For Jowan I found a book of necromancer magic, he seems to have an affinity for. "Thank you, Elly" He says with a break in his voice as he gently takes the tome from my hands.

Finally I come to Leliana; I pull the wrapped scarf out of the bag and hand the package to her. She sets it in her lap and proceeds to carefully unfold the paper around it. Pulling out the scarf she holds it up to the light and gushes, "Maker's Breathe, Elly, you spent all day making this didn't you?"

"She did," Zev confirms grinning.

I nod at her smiling.

"It's gorgeous and the color amazing," she raves wrapping it around her neck, "and so soft …where did you find wool this soft?"

"My mother's flock," I say quickly.

It seems she understands immediately. "I will cherish this gift, thank you" she says solemnly.

With the gift giving done, I walk back to the drink table and pour another glass of wine.

"I think it's high time for some music and dancing," Leliana calls out with a mischievous look on her face as she grabs her lute.

She starts with a lively song that had Adela dancing immediately. Adela grabs Leske who is protesting because he doesn't know how to dance. Alistair is trying to cajole Wynne away from her new book to dance and finally she concedes and dances with Alistair. I sip my wine smiling at the scene. Even Sten is tapping his feet. The mood is infectious.

Rory has come to stand by me, and he bows, "Will you dance with me Elly?" he asks offering his hand with a slight proper bow.

I grin at my friend. "I'd be delighted Rory, might as well put those dancing lessons, mother insisted on, to good use," I answer taking his offered hand.

Truth be told, I love dancing its movements can be like a used in fighting as well, depending on the style of dance. My dance teacher was amazing, I was taught all the noble dances that were expected but also other lesser used styles much to mother's chagrin.

We dance for a few songs and Cullen walks over and taps Rory's shoulder, "May I cut in?" He asks smirking.

"Of course," I grin wickedly spinning and putting Rory's hand in Cullen's. The men look at me shocked as I spin away. Then they shrug their shoulders and decide to dance together playing along with the joke, as I catch my breath and refill my glass.

Zev sidles up to me, "I can see your dance card is full at the moment, dear Bella, would you mind saving a dance for your assassin?" he grins cheekily.

"How can I not dance with my favorite assassin?" I facetiously gasp. "However I guess I should go save them," I joke gesturing to the two men dancing.

Zev smirks as he looks at the two men. "I'll hold you to that, Elly."

I walk out and tap Rory on the shoulder. "May I cut in?" I deadpan.

Rory pretends to debate for a moment and then chuckles, looking at Cullen who is grinning. "Of course."

As I dance with Cullen I look around. Rory is dancing with Wynn and Alistair is sitting next to Leliana as she plays and sings. Adela is still working with Leske teaching him to dance even Jowan is trying to learn the steps with her. Sten and Ox are sitting a bit away from the dancers watching and eating cookies. Morrigan is watching the scene with an amused expression her face. Zev has disappeared for the moment. Shale has also moved away from the party toward the outskirts keeping watch I suppose. Then I see Tamlen, he looks a bit lost, and is fidgeting. When the song ends I thank Cullen for the dance and grab some more wine on my way over to sit beside Tamlen.

"Do the Dalish have celebrations with dancing?" I ask curiously sipping my wine.

He looks at me thoughtfully. "We do," He says smiling, "Bonding ceremonies are big celebrations as are births of children; we also have a huge celebration of the Arlathvhen."

"What is it the Arlathvhen?" I ask slowly trying to pronounce the strange word correctly.

He grins at my butchered pronunciation. "It is a gathering of all the clans, every 10 years all the clans gather and share any knowledge they might have found in their travels. It is a huge celebration lasting a week with feasting, wine, and dancing."

"Would you like to dance, Tamlen?" I ask hopefully.

He smiles a bit wistfully. "I'm afraid I don't know your shem dances they look similar to ours but different. I'm afraid of stepping on your feet."

"Well then teach me the Dalish way and hopefully I won't step on your feet too much," I reply grinning.

He smiles and stands up offering his hand. "Shall we then, Falon?"

I set my glass down and stand up walking over to a space with a bit more room. Tamlen teaches me a traditional Dalish dance, and to my credit I only step on him once. We finally collapse with laughter after 4 songs.

"You are a quick learner," he says amused.

"I like to dance," I grin at him.

Adela comes and spirits Tamlen away to dance with her and I sit and sip my wine. I see Soris quietly come to stand beside me. I glance to side at him with a small smile. "You dance Soris?"

"I haven't had much opportunity to learn," He admits a bit sheepishly.

I know he probably doesn't wish to make a scene. I set my glass down and take his hand. "Let's go over there," I say gesturing a bit away from the others. He nods and allows me to lead him to the spot I indicated.

I show him how to place his hands and then I show him some simple footwork. Soris is a quick learner. Shortly he is able to dance without looking at his feet and seems to take charge. He spins me around smiling. "And to think I was worried I might have to dance at my wedding," He says with a slight bit amazement. "Thanks Elly." We dance a few more songs and I see Adela making her way over.

"Coming to steal my dance partner again?" I tease.

"May I cut in?" she asks grinning.

"But of course," I say roguishly stepping away.

I notice Alistair making his way over to me.

"Will you dance with me, Lady Cousland?" He teases bowing and offering his hand.

"Of course, my Prince," I say lightly jesting, as he smirks wryly.

I had to admit Alistair is good dancer, surprising really, he leads quite well. As he turns us I look over his shoulder. "Andraste's Ass," I whisper to him.

"What?" He whispers back.

"Don't say anything just, look," I whisper, turning us so he can see Morrigan is dancing with Cullen.

"Maker's Breathe," he exclaims softly upon seeing the apostate mage dancing with a templar. I see Leliana grinning manically at the scene. I look over and see Zevran has returned. "I told you so," He mouths out to me as I chuckle and shake my head.

The song ends and I am thirsty. I leave Alistair to go back to Leliana and I take my glass heading over the table. Zevran is already there refilling his glass.

"Leliana was even able to get Antivan wine," He notes appreciatively.

"She really did go all out, didn't she?" I say enthusiastically.

He nods in agreement. "Would you like to try some?" He asks offering his glass.

I take the glass and take a sip of the wine, it has been made with berries and is sweet, but has an earthly quality, almost like chocolate, and it is smooth, creamy. "I understand why you feel Ferelden drinks swill," I affirm with surprise.

He grins and fills my glass with the Antivan wine. We stand and enjoy watching the dancers. Tamlen is teaching Adela Dalish dance and Leske is trying to impress Wynne with his new dancing skills. Alistair is at his post beside Leliana. Ox and Sten haven't moved but have started eating the pie while talking amongst themselves. Rory is dancing with Morrigan and it looks as if Cullen taking a break and getting snack. Jowan is still working on the steps that Adela was teaching him. Oghren is now dancing as well, it's a bit frightening really as he refused to dance before, and I wonder briefly how drunk he is.

As Zevran and I enjoy the wine, Oghren dances his way over to me and stops looking like he wants to say something. "You there, aye you" He slurs looking at me, "I've been watching you, where can I get some sauce for that rump roast?"

Holding back a snicker, I look at Zevran who is grinning from ear to ear and stifling his urge to laugh as well.

"Right here, you mad dwarven stallion," I proclaim grinning cheekily.

"Go and make yourself ready, woman," He says swaying, "I'll be right there to see to it." With that the drunken dwarf falls over, passed out, I can't hold my laughter any longer and I start giggling, which turns into full-blown laughter. Zev is laughing just as hard as I am and we lean on each other for support. By this time everyone else is watching the spectacle as well and most are laughing or chuckling at the scene. Even Sten seems amused. He walks over and picks up the passed out dwarf, scowling as the dwarf's notorious odor hits his nostrils and quickly deposits him in his tent.

Once Oghren is safely in his tent, the music resumes. Zev drains his glass and turning to me as I'm sipping the delicious wine, says "I think it is time for us to dance, querida."

I look at him thoughtfully and drain my glass as well, "You may be right," I agree smiling.

I take his offered hand and move to where the other dancers are. "I must warn you, Warden, that in Antiva we dance a bit differently than Fereldans do," He smirks suggestively.

I blush slightly at his provocative demeanor, "Well show me then, Zev," I tease lightly.

He turns me around pulling my back flush with chest; the sudden contact makes me blush a bit deeper as this seems similar to the dancing mother did not approve of. Then taking my left hand in his right, he spins me out and lets my hand go. I know exactly what he is doing. This is an intensely suggestive dance. Despite the fact I blush deeply at this realization, I walk toward him looking into his honey gold eyes and run my hand from his shoulder down his chest, gracefully rolling my hips as I do so. He looks surprised for moment and smirks at me. He takes my hand and spins me to right. As he lets go I do one more spin and bend my knees slightly posing sensuously in front of him as I move my hands gracefully over my head. He dances effortlessly over to me grabbing my face with his hands making me look up in what looks to be an intimate embrace. Looking at me intently he says, "So you know this dance, Bella."

I stand as he lets go of my face, I as gracefully step around him, running my hand across his shoulders in a light caress, "My dance teacher was Antivan," I offer roguishly.

"Good," he teases as I step to stand facing him again. He grabs me around the waist leaning forward so I have to bend back, I drape a leg over his hip, and he looks at me approvingly as I bend back further almost touching the ground. I come out of the dip and he looks at me hungrily, and spins me several times in succession, then he lets go I continue to spin and run my hands up the sides of my body as I roll my hips looking at him at him with a teasing glance. I smirk and beckon him with a finger. As he dances fluidly back to me, I note that no one else is dancing. We have become the spectacle.

Giving him a wanton look, he pulls me into him again. I drop down crouching then slowly rising, I run my hands up his legs and over chest, while rolling my hips. As I come to standing he gracefully steps behind me and takes me around the waist with his head just above my shoulder, "your teacher taught you well, Bella" He says in a lowered husky tone. I just smirk knowingly as we do a few basic steps easily before he spins me again and pulls me back in. We come face to face once more. I roll my body sinuously as I ghost my hands up his chest. He pins my eyes to his with an intense look than makes butterflies dance in my stomach. I no longer care if we are making scene, it's just Zevran and I…and our dance.

We both step out and pose. He spins me back in so my back is pressed to his chest. He gives a wickedly soft chuckle as he runs his hands along my sides lightly but purposefully brushing my breasts on the way to my waist causing me to shudder slightly. I turn my head to look at him breathlessly as I wrap my leg around his narrow hips and my arm around his neck. I drop my head back to rest on his shoulder. He leans forward; I bend at the waist in large circle bringing my hands gracefully down in front of me as he holds my hips to steady me. I raise my body and I lift my hands over my head placing one arm around his neck. I reach over with the other had turning his face toward mine, gazing at him intently as I raise my leg to curl my thigh and knee around his hip.

"Bella?" He asks huskily with a heated questioning gaze. I nod in agreement. He grasps my waist firmly and I lift my other foot gracefully as he slowly turns my body draped over his. I put one foot down and start to right myself as he turns us a bit faster, putting my other foot back on the ground I turn so that we are facing each other. His gaze is hooded with desire; wrapping my arms around his neck we spin over the ground his arm pulling me in just below my shoulder blade. He lets go again and I spin away, and turn to look at him provocatively. I walk purposefully toward him rolling my hips tantalizingly. I touch his waist and push him back slightly. He smirks at this little game and steps back a few feet.

I walk toward him again, this caressing his waist and turning him with me as we give each other an intense passionate gaze. I step back and he takes my hands pulling me our bodies almost flush. I can tell the song is coming to an end. We dance effortlessly close for a few steps, looking at each other with unspoken desire. He takes a step in toward me. I understand; I wrap my outer leg against his hip tilting my hips against his hip sensuously. "Minx," I hear him growl slightly, as he lets go of my hand and drops the other one running it from my shoulder blade to my waist. I bend into the dip deeply, grinning wickedly, as I press harder into his hip. As I come out of the dip and stand he spins me out to stand beside him and takes a bow, I smile and curtsy to our stunned companions who start clapping. We look at each other breathlessly grinning. Zev leans over and whispers lasciviously, "We need to dance again, amada."

* * *

><p>The First day Annum: First Day: The beginning of the year, this holiday traditionally involves many visits to one's neighbors and family (this was once to "check" to make sure everyone was alive at least once a year in remote parts) and a town gathering to commemorate the year past (often accompanied by much drinking and merriment).<p>

I wrote this as one-shot for St. Patrick's Day but realized immediately that I wanted to integrate it into this fict with few changes.


	64. Chapter 64 The Dalish

**Author's note: I apologize for the late posting. I had a bit of a catastrophe with a very important homework assignment getting deleted. So i had to rewrite it before editing this week's chapter.**

Dear Diary,

We find the Dalish camp and they aren't very friendly because I am a Shem. Tamlen's presence seems to calm their fears somewhat. He pulls the Keeper aside to speak with him privately and after doing so it seems the Keeper's attitude has changed somewhat The Dalish that had weapons trained on the rest of us have backed off, and although we get some sidelong glances, they have been polite.

Tamlen walks back to me after his chat with the Keeper. "Elly I need you to come and see Keeper Zathrian. He wishes to speak with you privately," He says with a small smile.

Zevran leans over and kisses my forehead. "I'll be here if you need me Bella." I look over at Zathrian who has an unreadable look on his face.

"Thanks Zev," I say giving him a quick hug, "I'll be back in a bit."

Tamlen and I walk over to Zathrian. "Thank you Tamlen," Zathrian says dismissing him.

As Tamlen walks away, Zathrian begins to speak, "Tamlen told me his story about what happened and how he came to be in the warden's. I have to wonder though; did you do this for the wardens, or help him?"

"Both. If he hadn't undergone the joining, he either would have been turned into a ghoul or we would have had to kill him because he would have been compelled to attack us." I explain.

"The joining does not cure the blight it only slows the _process_." I continue. Zathrian looks at me curiously.

"So, all wardens are blighted," he says cunningly.

"That pretty much sums it up," I say honestly.

"I had always wondered about that," He admits, "However that is not why I asked you here. We want to honor our treaty but at this time unfortunately we cannot live up to the promise we made. Follow me and I'll explain."

I follow him to another area of the camp that is obviously a sick station of sorts. I note that Tamlen has not gone too far from me. He is obviously being vigilant of any type of hostile behavior. I suspect that Zev is somewhere around as well and although the Dalish haven't been openly hostile, I can tell my friends are taking precautions.

"I would have taken the clan to the north by now had we the ability to move," He explains. "Sadly as you can see, we do not. Do not allow our troubles to burden you, though I suspect they will impact your mission. The clan came to the Brecilian Forest one month ago, as is our custom when we enter this part of Ferelden. We are always wary the dangers of the forest but we did not expect the werewolves would be lying in wait for us. They…ambushed us and though we drove the beasts back, much damage was done. Many of our warriors lie dying as we speak. Even with all our magic and healing skill we will eventually have to slay our brethren to prevent them from becoming beasts. The blights evil must be stopped, but we are in no position to uphold our obligations. I am truly sorry."

"So, this is a curse?" I query.

"Unfortunately yes," Zathrian says quietly.

"Is there no way to help your people?" I ask tilting my face up to his curiously.

"The only way thing to help them must come from the source of the curse itself, and that…would be no trivial task to retrieve." He says studying me with his gaze.

"I can't in good conscience leave people suffering without trying," I say looking directly at him unflinching.

Surprise flits across his face for a mere second before he schools it. "I didn't expect such a response from a Shem. Very well, within the Brecilian Forest dwells a great wolf. We call him Witherfang. It is within him the curse originated and through blood it has spread. If he is killed and his heart brought to me, perhaps I can destroy the curse but this proven too dangerous for us."

He gestures for me to follow him. As we walk he explains, "I sent some hunters into the forest a week ago but they have not returned. I cannot risk anymore of my clan."

"Then we must find this Witherfang and hopefully your warriors," I offer with a small smile.

"I must warn you that more than just werewolves lurk in these forests. It has a history of carnage and murder you see," He warns, "Where there is so much death, the veil separating the spirit realm from our own becomes thin allowing spirits to possess things living or dead. But if you can indeed help, I wish you luck."

"Thank you, Keeper Zathrian," I say warmly.

"So you and the flat-eared Antivan elf?" He asks curiously.

I feel I am being tested so I look up at Zathrian straight into his eyes and firmly say, "Yes, I hope that isn't a problem."

"Is he merely a bed warmer or something more?" He says with a bit of sneer.

The warmth I was feeling for the man recedes from my chest. I put on my most charming noble smile. "Not that it's any of your business, Keeper Zathrian, but Zevran has yet to warm my bed in that manner. Our affections for each other are mutual and none of your business. I do not care whether you approve or not. What I do care about is helping your people so at the very least you can move from this place because the blight is coming. They do not deserve to die because of your bigotry. So despite your anger at humans, I will try to help. Dirthara-ma." I say lightly but firmly.

He starts at the Dalish term. Then has the sense to look away from my fiercely penetrating gaze.

"I will instruct Mithra to allow you a place to stay as it is late, and I will tell our artisans to trade with you. I must return to caring for my people," He says emotionlessly.

"Ma Serannas, Keeper," I say politely before taking my leave.

"Creators lethallan, you just basically dressed down the Keeper, like a len," Tamlen says amazed.

"Tu nadas, Tamlen, he was out of line and he knows it. Tel'abelas," I say honestly, "However, I will not leave without trying to help these people even if he refuses to help with the blight."

I hear a few gasps from some of the Dalish around us whether it's due to my audacity or grasp of Dalish I am uncertain.

I see Mithra walking toward us. "Garas," she says, "I have already taken your companions to where you can camp for the night."

"Ma serannas," I say gratefully as I will be happy to put down my pack. This causes her raise an eyebrow but she says nothing.

Once we reach the area, I set my pack down. "The story teller Hahren Sarel wishes to speak with you before you venture into the forest. Master Varathorn has been told to trade with you so you might wish to check in with him before you leave as well." Mithra leans over to whisper, "I respect you for standing up for your beliefs and being willing to help our people, despite Zathrian's severe prejudice. Ma Serannas, Warden."

I give her a quick smile. "So where are Hahren Sarel and Master Varathorn? " I ask curiously.

She gestures over to one of the many campfires fires and one of the aravels to point them out to me.

"Ma Serannas, Mithra," I say turning to the others as she walks away.

I take Wynne, Zevran, Tamlen and Leliana into the center of the Dalish camp for now to speak with the weapons master and story teller.

I find that word gets around the clan fast (that we will be heading into the forest) and it seems everyone is coming to us for help.

First stop was Master Varathorn who traded with us but did ask if we came across any Ironbark in the forest if we could collect it for him.

Then there was Athras who felt that Zathrian wasn't being honest with him about his wife. He tells me his story and I can't help but to grab the poor man's hand giving it a squeeze as I promise to at least look. He seems slightly stunned at my compassion but gives me small smile before I take my leave.

Cammen, poor Cammen. Tamlen is one who is able to get the poor guy to speak openly. A few honest words to Gheyna, about her and Cammen, a little quick explanation about Zevran and I, is all it takes to bring Gheyna to Cammen's side. This of course is a bit of uproar, as it isn't traditional, but considering all the bad lately, the Dalish seem to be happy that something good is going to happen. I can't believe how fast news travels these it seems the Dalish are as gossipy as dowagers are.

We walk to the halla holding area and it seems there is trouble here as well. My experience with mabari really comes handy here. I am able to calm the Halla so the caretaker can find out what is really wrong, which saves the clan from losing another halla that is so precious to them.

After a chat with Lanyana who strangely enough is an adopted city elf, we finally find Hahren Sarel. He asks us to dine with them. I am surprised, as some of the clan is still wary around us. He explains that because I was willing to help in so many little ways that it was only right to do have us join them.

He tells us stories and explains some of the dangers of the forest. We find that Aneirin did survive and is in the forest. I hope we can find him for Wynne. I think if she spoke to him she would no longer have any regrets.

I can feel myself getting tired so I excuse myself as Tamlen seems to want to stay for a bit longer. I can't say I blame him as this is closest he will be able to get to his clan for a long time. Wynne and Leliana had left long before. Zevran seems to be ready to leave as well, so he walks back with me.

"Bella," he says with a bit of mirth, "I'm told you, had words with the Keeper of this clan."

"I guess you could say that," I admit stifling a wry snicker. Dammit Tamlen.

"And just what did he say to bring out your ire?" He asks curiously touching my arm to stop me. I turn to face him, reaching over to hold his warm hand in mine.

"He suggested that you were only my bedwarmer," I answer lightly, "and I did not approve of his scrutiny or his insinuations."

Zevran's incredulous laugh rings out. "I'm surprised he would even care. Once as a child I ran away from the crows trying to find the Dalish in Antiva. They were more likely to kill me than accept me. The Crows soon found me of course and I was taken back to Antiva City."

"You tried to run away from the crows before?" I say astounded.

"Yes, remember when I told you my mother was Dalish?" He asks with a small smile.

I nod and wait for him to continue.

"She fell in love with an elven woodcutter and accompanied him back to the city, leaving her clan behind for good," He explains. "And there of course the woodcutter died of some filthy disease and my mother was forced into prostitution to pay off his debts, oldest tale in the book."

"I'm so sorry Zev. That must have been horrible," I say reaching up to trace the tattoo on his cheek.

"Is it?" He asks curiously, "It seemed normal enough at the time, growing up. No different than the other elven boys at the whorehouse. You know about my mother already. We were all raised communally by the whores. It was a happy enough existence, ignoring the occasional beating, until I was eventually sold to the crows. I brought a good price I hear."

My heart plummets hearing all this. Some of it I knew already, but the details being put together are so sad.

"I'm sorry you had to grow up that way, Zev," I say sadly.

"That's very kind of you, Bella but unnecessary," he says with a small smile, "it could have been much worse. Shall I tell you what happened to the whorehouse boys who did not fetch a decent price in from the crows? Surely your life hasn't been idyllic. People like you and I are not the product of happy lives of contentment, after all."

I look at him remember the events of the last few months and nod. He wraps an arm around me pulling me in closer to him.

He sighs. "My original point is that my mother's Dalish nature was always point of fascination for me. Through all the years of my Crow's training, one thing of my mother's that I possessed was a pair of gloves. They were of Dalish make, I knew that much, and beautiful. I had to keep them hidden of course, as we were not allowed such things. They were eventually discovered of course and I never saw them again."

"Has there been no joy in your life?" I query tilting my head to look up at him.

He chuckles lightly his eyes shining mischievously in the moonlight. "There has been plenty. To tell the truth, it is because I expect nothing more." He leans down and kisses the tip of my nose to which makes me giggle.

"Still, even I thought it would be better for me, if ran off to join the famous Dalish when one of their clans came close to Antiva City," He says still smiling from our silliness. "Naturally, the reality did not match up to the fantasies I had constructed as a boy when staring at those gloves."

I make up my mind to find him some of those gloves because they had made him so happy.

"So tell me what did you say to Zathrian?" He asks curiously.

I smirk wryly. "I told him it was none of his business. I also made it clear that you were much more to me than a bed warmer. And then I told him I would help his clan in spite of his prejudice. They don't deserve to die because of one Elf's stupidity. It is interesting that this particular clan seems to care about the city elves though. They take in any who wish to join them."

"I thank you …you didn't have to put yourself out in the open like that with him but you did," Zevran says thoughtfully.

"How could I not Zev? I care about you," I say looking at him curiously. "If he doesn't like it, he can go kiss alas."

He chuckles lightly at me. "How could I not adore a woman who fights for my honor," He teases lightly tilting my head to kiss me.

* * *

><p>Translations<p>

Dirthara-ma - may you learn or I'll have you know, used as a curse

Len- child or children

Tu nadas- it was inevitable (liberties taken)

Tel'abelas- I'm not sorry

Alas- dirt

Garas- come

Ma serannas –thank you


	65. Chapter 65 The Brecilian Forest

Dear Diary,

The werewolves can speak! They seem to be human like…ferocious of course but humanized. We have come to the Dalish camp bringing back Deygan. He seems to be one of the warriors that were sent into the forest earlier. I leave Mithra with the others while I search out Zathrian but he is nowhere to be found.

I end up speaking with Lanaya, Zathrian's first (apprentice as I understand). She gives me plenty of information about Zathrian which makes me wonder, who he really is. It's almost dusk by the time our chat ends, so we stay at the camp for the night and head out in the morning.

Today has been exhausting fighting werewolves, moving trees, a group of darkspawn, a mess of skeletons, finding Danyla and giving her the mercy she asked for. She did give us a bit more information which makes me think the Zathrian is shadier than I first thought. Then we find a tree that speaks to us in rhyme and help it by dealing with the weird little mage who strangely enough was camped near Aneirin. Which was actually quite convenient as Wynne was happy to speak with him. I'm so glad we were able to find Aneirin for her. Once he tells Wynne he holds no grudge against her the rest of us leave them to talk. He insists we rest for the night in his camp as the werewolves and dryads seem to stay away.

We have a meeting. I decide to take a smaller group with me further into the forest. The others will remain with Aneirin in case there are complications. I also want to give Wynne and Aneirin a bit more time together as they seem to be getting on so well (and I'm unsure of how much time Wynne has left).

We leave early in the morning successfully make our way through the part of the forest that was previously blocked off, thanks to the rhyming tree's help.

We only travel a short distance before we run into the Gatekeeper. I prefer not to fight him but he leaves us little choice. Once we get the better of the werewolves, a white wolf suddenly appears knocking me down but not attacking. It howls and the werewolves head run further up the path. I know full well the creature could have killed me. It chose not too but I am uncertain as to why. I pull everyone together for a quick chat before moving on.

"I'm sure everyone realizes that was Witherfang," I say calmly. "What is curious to me however is the wolf had the chance to kill me, but did not? It just immobilized me long enough to howl and send the other werewolves running, ideas?"

"Perhaps they wish to regroup and attack from their lair?" Morrigan queries.

"Why do that Witherfang could have killed one of us here?" Alistair says knowingly, "Then there would be less of us to worry about at the lair."

"Unfortunately, Alistair makes a valid point," Morrigan admits.

Tamlen nods in agreement. "These creatures are savage but intelligent. Nothing like the Keeper described."

"I don't believe that Zathrian has been completely honest with us," I note.

"He knows much more than he wished to tell us," Alistair points out.

"Swiftrunner refused to attack us before," Zevran says thoughtfully.

"Maybe Witherfang did not agree with Swiftrunner's action to fight us," I offer.

"Well, we aren't going to figure this out standing here," Morrigan says deliberately nodding at the ruins behind us where the werewolves had disappeared.

I sigh. "I suppose you are right we should move on."

We enter the ruins walking down the long staircase to a door.

"These ruins look tevinter but are filled with elven trappings, very odd," Morrigan says puzzled as she looks around.

"To be honest I thought it was all elven," Alistair says looking at Morrigan, "what tells you that it was Tevinter?"

"The architecture," Tamlen explains gesturing to the pointed arches.

"It seems that elves once lived with the Tevinter humans? Or the Tevinters built this place for them? I never heard of such a thing." Zevran muses.

"Well we aren't discovering anything about the werewolves here and as interesting as this is we probably shouldn't linger. I'm sure that we are being watched." I say moving forward.

We work our way through the winding corridors of this strange place. Many areas have collapsed from age and disrepair. Fighting a young dragon, werewolves, skeletons and spirits as we proceed is exhausting. The odd laboratory we find seems to have notes from Zathrian. I after reading the notes I find I have more questions than answers. We find a library where we discover a strange phylactery of mage's soul. I feel compassion for the poor person and set them free as asked, much to Morrigan's chagrin. By the time we get to the werewolves, Swiftrunner is waiting for us. It seems that the Lady of the Forest (whoever that is) wishes to speak to us. So the werewolves have ceased hostilities by her request. It seems she wishes to inform us of some things, which I had already suspected, so we follow Swiftrunner to speak with this Lady.

We walk into the next room and are surrounded by werewolves growling and although the sound is reverberating all around the room and sounds ferocious none move toward us in a hostile manner. We come to stop and all the werewolves surround us snarling and growling. I see a woman? She is very strange. She looks as if she is partly a tree coming forward. She lays her hand on Swiftrunner's arm and he calms down and drops to his knees this has the effect of calming the others.

"I bid you welcome mortal, I am the Lady of the Forest." She says politely announcing herself.

"Thank you," I reply, "I am glad we had this chance to speak. You may call me Elissa."

"Do not listen to her Lady!" Swiftrunner pleads, "She will betray you! We must attack her now!"

"Hush, Swiftrunner," The lady admonishes lightly, "your urge for battle has only seen the death of the very ones you have been trying to save. Is that what you want?"

"No, my lady." Swiftrunner answers, "anything but that."

"Then the time has come to speak with this outsider," The lady says calmly, "to set our rage aside." Turning to me she says, "I apologize on Swiftrunner's behalf. He struggles with his nature."

"As do we all," I note thoughtfully.

"Truer words were never spoken," The lady says, giving me an appraising look, "But few could claim the same as these creatures: that their very nature was a curse forced upon them. No doubt you have questions, Elissa. There are things Zathrian hasn't told you."

"I suspected as much," I admit relaxing my stance, "would you mind enlightening me?"

"It was Zathrian who create the curse, that these creatures suffer," she explains, "the same curse that Zathrian's own people now suffer. Centuries ago when the Dalish first came to this land, a tribe of humans lived close to this forest. They sought to drive the Dalish away. Zathrian was a young man then. He had a son and daughter he loved greatly, and while out hunting the human tribe captured them both."

Swiftrunner steps forward picking up the story where the Lady stopped. "The humans tortured the boy, killed him. The girl they raped and left for dead. The Dalish found her, but she learned later that she was…with child. She…killed herself."

I can't help but to flinch upon hearing that. Zevran places his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I turn giving him a quick smile, before turning back to face the Lady. "So Zathrian cursed them, I take it."

Swiftrunner gives spares me a compassionate glance and I realize that he noticed my discomfort.

"Zathrian came to this place and summoned a terrible spirit, binding it to the body of a great wolf," Swiftrunner explains walking toward us, "so Witherfang came to be. Witherfang hunted the humans of the tribe. Many were killed, but others were cursed by his blood, becoming twisted and savage creatures…"

"Twisted and savage as Witherfang himself is," the Lady adds with a note of distaste. "They were driven from the forest. When the human tribe left for good, their cursed brethren remained pitiful and mindless animals."

"Until I found you, my lady," Swiftrunner says gratefully, "you gave me peace."

The Lady looks at Swiftrunner with a small smile of fondness before facing us again. "I showed Swiftrunner there was another side to his bestial nature. I soothed his rage and his humanity emerged. And he brought others to me."

Tamlen steps forward to stand beside me. "Why did you ambush the Dalish then, for revenge?" He asks curiously.

"In part," the Lady admits, "we seek to end the curse. The crimes committed against Zathrian's children were grave, but they were committed centuries ago by those who are long dead. Word was sent to Zathrian every time the landships passed this way, asking him to come, but he has ignored us. We will no longer be denied."

I notice that Tamlen is almost shaking with anger. I reach over and place my hand on his arm.

Swiftrunner sighs. "We spread the curse to his people. So he must end the curse to save them."

"Please Elissa," the Lady pleads, "You must go to him. Bring him here. If he sees these creatures, hears their plight…surely he will agree to end the curse."

I look over at the others who nod at me. "All right I will bring Zathrian."

"Tell him if he refuses, I will ensure Witherfang will never be found. He will never cure his clan;" the Lady says firmly with a scowl marring her perfect features. "Outside of this chamber, the passage leading to the surface has been opened for you. Please return with Zathrian as soon as you can."


	66. Chapter 66 Zathrian

Dear Diary,

We leave the room and enter hallway with a staircase leading up. Halfway through the climb I stop.

"Thoughts?" I ask curiously. I am really stopping for Tamlen's sake but I did not want to ask him in a chamber full of werewolves as I am unsure what the target of his anger is.

"Zathrian misled us. He is reason his clan is suffering!" Tamlen says angrily, "a keeper's job is to protect the clan. By ignoring this he has put them in danger!"

"Tis not surprising, is it?" Morrigan asks dryly.

"I see where this headed, downhill, quickly too," Zevran remarks wryly.

"He must end the curse," Alistair says firmly, "it would purely stupid not to."

"Tamlen," I say gently causing him to look at me, "I'm just as angry as you are Falon, not because of what he did it but because it's now hurting those who had no part in it. Those creatures down there and his clan are innocent of the crimes Zathrian is trying to punish them for."

"I…I don't blame them," Tamlen says suddenly, "I don't blame them for attacking the clan. They sent word. They tried to do things peacefully and if they were truly mindless creatures, they wouldn't have tried diplomacy first. It's just because of Zathrian his entire clan is in danger. He does not deserve the title of Keeper."

"Well, let's find Zathrian shall we and he can explain how continuing the curse can benefit, his people and these creatures." I say sarcastically as I turn to continue up the steps. "I have a feeling he will be nearby as earlier he couldn't be found and wasn't "caring for his people" at the camp."

I am not surprised when I open the door at the top of the steps to find Zathrian in the room waiting on me.

"Zathrian, how kind of you to come to us," I say sarcastically, "We were just looking for you."

"Well, aren't you the intuitive one," He answers snidely crossing his arms. "There was no way to tell what would happen once you reached this ruin so I came to see for myself."

Many things run through my head. Couldn't you have told us it was here? Given us a way through the blasted forest you old codger. Perhaps told us the truth. Yea that would have been nice you lying bastard. Before I can voice anything Tamlen steps forward.

"I think we need to have a talk, Keeper," He says keeping his voice clipped.

"Yes, yes, there will be plenty of time for that, did you get the heart?" Zathrian asks brushing Tamlen aside and directing his question at me.

"No, and you will listen to Tamlen's request, after all you haven't been exactly honest with us," I reply curtly.

"We found out the truth about where curse originated," Tamlen says hotly, "it didn't originate with Witherfang it came from you, centuries ago. And now you intend to continue punishing these people as well as your own clan for retribution you feel is needed. Granted the crime was grave but it was committed centuries ago by those who are no longer living!"

I stand beside Tamlen and place my hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze.

"It is your fault your people are now cursed, Zathrian," I state calmly, "These "savages" as you call them reached out to you several times and you ignored their pleas. So they brought to you a threat you can no longer ignore, they cursed your clan. I'm tempted to let you and your clan stew but your clan don't deserve that even if you do."

"You realize the Lady and Witherfang are one and the same? I summoned the spirit and bound it to a great wolf." Zathrian says cunningly it seems he has recovered himself.

"I am well aware of it," I reply dryly.

"You say you want to help my people? Come, I will accompany you back to the ruin. Let us go and I will speak to the spirit and force her into Witherfang's form. He then may be slain and the heart taken." He says firmly.

"I think I made my stance on this clear. If that is your plan I will leave you here to deal with it on your own." I say sweetly with a smile. "Won't you please at least consider talking to them?"

"You claim they have regained their minds, but they are still savage beasts. Their nature is unchanged," He says resolutely. "All they want is revenge or a release I will not give them. No, let us take the heart and end it. You will then have the Dalish for your fight with the darkspawn."

"You still have so much hatred after all this time?" I say astounded.

"You were not there. You did not see what they did to my son…my daughter…and so many others. You are not Dalish. How could you know how we had to struggle to be safe?" Zathrian shouts losing his composure. "How could I have let their crimes go unanswered? You, Shemlen don't understand my pain. All I see when I go to bed at night are the dead faces of my children! They deserve to be wiped out and not defended."

Before I can say another word, Tamlen steps forward. "You know nothing about her, Keeper. She has lost her family and her home. She had to leave her entire life as she knew it behind. And in spite of it all she is fighting the darkspawn and she is here, willing to help your clan and these people you changed. How dare you assume?"

"Enough!" I shout before anyone can start talking again. I step closer to Zathrian and say softly, "So who is suffering now? Your answer is to make them pay forever? Those creatures weren't even alive when your children were."

Zathrian is bristling with anger at this point. I notice that everyone has moved closer to me.

"I have a proposal, Zathrian," I continue softly but firmly, "You can come and meet with this creature you created. Talk to these people you cursed. The werewolves have regained their humanity. I just ask that you meet with them. Besides if you do not come, The Lady assured me that Witherfang will never be found. And quite frankly I would have no problem leaving you here with your clan. I would be more inclined to help the werewolves find a way to end the curse."

"And what if it is revenge they want and not talk? Will you safeguard me from harm?" Zathrian asks.

"I don't think it will come to that," I state calmly, "and I will, unless you attack first."

"I fall to see the purpose of this," Zathrian says miserably, "but very well. It has been many centuries, now. Let us see what the spirit has to say."

We walk back down the steps with Zathrian leading the way striding as if he owns the place. Once he is in the room he faces the spirit and says, "So here you are, spirit."

Swiftrunner bounds forward. "She is Lady of the Forest! You will address her properly!" Just as quickly he moves away from Zathrian.

"You've taken a name, spirit?" Zathrian sneers, "and you've given names to your pets? These…beasts that follow you?"

The Lady seems unperturbed by Zathrian's snide demeanor. "It was they who gave me a name, Zathrian. And the names they take are their own. They follow me because I help them find who are they are," She answers with calm assurance.

"Who they are hasn't changed from whom their ancestors were," Zathrian snarls, "wild savages! Worthless dogs! Their twisted shape only mirrors their monstrous hearts."

"He will not help us, Lady! It is as I warned you! He is not here to talk!" Swiftrunner warns.

"No, I am here to talk though I see little point in it," Zathrian replies with fasiecstiously calm tone, "We all know where this will lead, your nature compels it, as does mine."

The Lady comes forward to stand in front of Zathrian. "It does not need to be that way. There is room in your heart for compassion, Zathrian. Surely, your retribution is spent."

"My retribution is eternal, spirit, as is my pain. This is justice, no more." Zathrian says calmly.

The lady moves back to a safer distance at his words and to be quite honest I don't blame her. Giving him a sidelong glance, the lady asks, "Are you certain your pain is the only reason you will not end the curse? Have you told Elissa how it was created?"

"He said he summoned you and bound you to a great wolf," I offer.

"And so he did," the spirit says sadly, "Witherfang and I are bound as one being. But such power magic could not be accomplished without Zathrian's own blood. Your people believe you have rediscovered the immortality of their ancestors, Zathrian, but that is not true. So long as the curse exists so do you."

"No, that is not how it is!" Zathrian shouts raising his hands.

"I think you have taken this curse long past the justice stage, Zathrian." I say shaking my head. "Just how far will your revenge go?"

"I did it for my people, my son, and my daughter! For them! For justice!" He rants, "I would do anything!"

I notice from the corner of my eye Zevran has moved to an area to the right and behind Zathrian. He gives me a quick wink and smirk. I know he is ready to strike if needed.

"The curse would not end with Zathrian's death," The Lady explains, "His life however depends on its existence. And I believe his death plays a part in its ending."

Swiftrunner growls but doesn't move. "Then we kill him. We kill him now!"

"For all your speech, you are beasts still!" Zathrian claims. "What would you gain from killing me? I know how the ritual ends and I will never do it!"

I can see this is going to shite quickly as Swiftrunner growls at Zathrian. "You see, we must kill them all!"

"Wait!" I yell over the growling. "Zathrian, it's clear you only came to incite a fight! You have insulted these people over and over again in an attempt to get them to attack because I told you I would not fight them unless they attacked first. If anyone has been acting beastly it's you!"

Swiftrunner hearing my words stops growling and raises a paw to calm the others. He gives me a respectful nod of understanding.

"You see," Zathrian says, "they turn on you just a quickly. Either do what you said you would do Warden or get out of my way."

"They have not attacked Zathrian," I say with a calm I don't feel, "I will not help you with this but if you start a fight with them I will protect them and the Lady from you."

"We are standing for what's right here, no matter what," Alistair says firmly.

"Then you die with them," Zathrian sneers, "all of you will suffer as you deserve!" He starts to cast and just as quickly Zevran is there with a well-placed dagger. It isn't a killing blow but an incapacitating one. Zevran holds Zathrian upright.

"No, no more," Zathrian says "I cannot…"

"Finish it!" Swiftrunner growls "Kill him now!"

I flash the Lady a pleading look.

"No Swiftrunner," the Lady says quickly, "We will not kill him. If there is no room in our hearts for mercy, how may we expect there to be room in his?"

Her words seem to affect all the werewolves and they stop and turn to look at the Lady, their gaze respectful.

"I cannot do as you ask, spirit," Zathrian says, "I am too old to know mercy. All I see are the faces of my children…my people. I…I cannot do it."

Zathrian leans heavily on Zevran.

"You are willing then to let your clan die, for revenge," Tamlen says angrily, "Keepers are supposed to protect the clan. You will be killing them. I may be len to you but I know the difference between justice and revenge. Killing darkspawn is justice because they threaten everyone. What you're doing this for; continuing the curse for so long is revenge. These people had nothing to do with the deaths you speak of as if they were yesterday and now your clan will pay the price."

"Perhaps, I have…lived too long," Zathrian admits as he gestures for Zevran help him walk forward. "This hatred in me is like an ancient gnarled root…it has consumed my soul."

As he comes to stand in front of the Lady he asks, "What of you spirit? You are bound to the curse as I am. Do you not fear your end?"

The Lady has a happy calm look on her face as she answers, "You are my maker, Zathrian. You gave me form and consciousness where none existed. I have known pain and love, hope and fear, all the joy that is life."

Her face changes to sadness as she makes her plea. "Yet of all things, I desire nothing more than an end. I beg you…Maker…put an end to me. We beg you…show mercy."

"You shame me, Spirit," Zathrian says with awe and sadness, "I am an old… man alive long past his time."

"Then you'll do it?" she asks, "You will end the curse?"

"Yes, I think it is time," Zathrian says with some relief in his voice. "Let us…let us put an end to it all."

The werewolves surround the Lady to say goodbye. She reaches out to each one of them speaking to them reaching over to grasp an arm or touch a jaw, offering each one comfort until she gets to Swiftrunner. Swiftrunner reaches over to touch the Lady's shoulder and tilts his head down to touch hers. Swiftrunner steps back with a paw still on her shoulder as she turns to Zathrian.

Zathrian nods and steps forward looking at the Lady as if to ask if she is ready. She gives him a nod and the lifts his staff bringing it hard onto the ground. Zathrian drops immediately but the spirit remains slowly becoming more ethereal the werewolves reach out to touch her one last time as she dissipates turning into column of light. They step back as the light shoots upward, I also notice light shooting from Zathrian's body as well.

All of the werewolves start to glow and I can see glowing human shapes as they return to their normal form. Once the glow clears I can see a group of regular humans looking at their new forms, hugging and greeting each other happily. I notice their eyes still have the wolf like color but it's not a deterrent, in fact it adds something to their faces.

One man steps forward to speak with us, Swiftrunner. "It's …over." He says trying out new vocal cords, "She's gone, and…we're human. I can scarcely believe it!"

"So what are you going to do now?" I ask curiously.

"We'll leave the forest I suppose. Find other humans; see what's out there for us. It should be quite interesting don't you think?" He says smiling.

"If you find yourself in need of a place, you can head to Highever, Tell Bann Gilmore that Elissa Cousland sent you." I offer.

"Thank you, for believing in us…for everything. We won't forget you." Swiftrunner says gratefully. With that they all leave running out of the room and up the stairs. I guess they don't realize they can just walk not run.


	67. Chapter 67 The Dalish Camp

**Author's note: sorry for the late post homework got the better of me. Smut alert chapter! even reading still makes me blush.**

Dear Diary,

We walk into the Dalish camp and Lanaya waiting for us. Tamlen wisely suggests that they call all the Hahren together to meet with me as I send the others off. I specifically ask Wynne to speak with Athras while I meet with them. I let the others go back to our camp taking just Tamlen with me as I meet to tell the elders and new keeper about Zathrian.

Once I explain everything, the elders and Lanaya agree that. Although the crimes against Zathrian's family were grave he put into effect a series of events that hurt the clan. But in the end he was a hero because he did what was right. Sarel asks me what I thought of Zathrian.

I explain that in the end he did the right thing and that is what matters. He saved his clan which does make him a hero. Sarel nods and makes it clear that he will be using Zathrian's story to teach lessons about what hatred and the need for revenge can do to the soul.

Although, the clan is saddened by Zathrian's loss they are in good spirits about the upcoming bonding ceremony for Cammen and Gheyna. Lanaya pledges to uphold the treaties the Dalish signed with the wardens.

After the elder's leave Lanaya pulls me to the side. "I would like and your friends to stay with us for a few days, until the bonding ceremony is over. Cammen and Gheyna ask if you would attend," She says smiling.

"I would be honored," I say surprised.

"You have made an impression and that's saying something," Lanaya grins. "So you and the antivan elf?"

I stiffen at the question.

Lanaya doesn't miss it. "I mean no disrespect. I know Zathrian wasn't kind. I don't have such prejudices. When it comes to love it shouldn't matter," she says emphatically as her eyes dart toward Tamlen.

I realize what she is asking. "I have no designs on Tamlen. He is lethallin and falon to me." I explain with wicked grin. "However, you may need to tread carefully as his heart is a bit tender now."

"Yes, he told the keeper about Neria. I had met her at the last Arlathvhen," Lanaya sighs.

"I also wish to offer the best in Dalish hospitality because you and your friends have helped us so much," She says with a grin, like she has a secret. "If you head pass the halla pens there are hot springs, they are special treat when we get to this part of Ferelden. "

"Thanks sound lovely, ma serannas, Keeper," I say graciously.

She wrinkles her nose at me. "I know I was to become Keeper one day," she sighs "it just sounds strange yet."

"I know how you feel," I admit, "one day I'm just Elly Cousland, the next I'm the Warden. One of only 2 left in Ferelden, until we found more that is. I never asked to lead. It's nice the Alistair has been doing more and more, he's nothing like the whining len I first met."

"Really," she answers with grin, "I would have never thought…." She giggles.

"I need to get back to tending those who were injured by the werewolf attack," she says standing up, "Thank you for everything; maybe we can talk more before you leave."

"I would like that," say smiling as I get to my feet.

I get back to our camp and notice that everyone is happy and smiling. Leliana rushes over. "Elly did you get to check out the hot springs? They are just heavenly," she gushes.

I grin at her, "Not yet, I just left the Keeper."

"Oh you must go," she says with a crafty smile.

I don't know what she's planning but I decide to change the focus of her attention. I know that look. "It seems the Keeper would like us to stay a few extra days for the bonding ceremony of Cammen and Gheyna," I say conversationally knowing full well she take that and run with it.

"Oh a wedding," she sings gleefully, "That will be fun. It will be interesting to see how the Dalish celebrate such a happy event." Leliana heads over to the sparring ring to tell the others.

I breathe a sigh of relief and head to my tent to grab some bathing items. I don't see Zevran anywhere. It seems everyone is busy or has already bathed. I really do need to get over having to bring someone with me. So I head back through the Dalish camp and to the area that Lanaya indicated.

I set out my bathing items and strip down to my smalls. Stepping into the water I find it's deliciously warm. I hear rustling behind me and turn to see Zevran stepping around a tree with his bathing items as well.

"I know you don't like to bathe alone, Elly," He says with a grin as he places his bathing items beside mine.

I nod at him with a small smile as I find that the Dalish must have created seating areas in this hot spring. "I figured I needed to get over it at some point so why not try today. Everyone seemed to be busy."

"I can understand that, do you wish for me to leave?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Why? You're here and the water is wonderful."

"And so is the view," he quips with a smirk.

I chuckle remembering our previous conversation before the 1st day party. "I remember a certain elf giving me quite the view as well," I tease.

Zevran snickers as he strips down to his smalls. "I think I caught a certain human stealing glances at me then."

I can't help the girlish giggle that erupts from me as I blush. "I thought I was being discreet dammit."

"Ah querida, you were, I only noticed due to my skills of observation," he teases as he steps into the water. "Ahh wonderful! You think we could come back here after we defeat the archdemon?"

"I think we should make it a priority," I tease lightly as I rinse my hair in the warm water.

"Agreed," he says making his way over to me and sitting beside me. "Zathrian made a mess. How did the elders and Lanaya take the news?"

"Better than I thought they would," I admit, "they don't blame us in fact they have insisted we stay as guests for Cammen and Gheyna's bonding ceremony."

"I wouldn't mind a few extra days here," Zevran says smiling, "so long as we don't go traipsing through that filthy forest again."

"Yea, you didn't seem to like forest too much it was quite beautiful though," I reply amused.

"You are more beautiful than any place I can remember, Bella," Zevran says smiling at me as he drops his head to gently place a kiss on my shoulder.

I turn to face him as he lightly captures my lips in a gentle caressing kiss. I deepen the kiss. Zevran follows my cue and the pulls back tracing my bottom lip with his tongue. I lean in and gently bite his sensuous curved bottom lip, before he can recapture my lips again causing him to chuckle lightly. He ensnares my lips again with a more demanding manner. I immediately melt into him acquiescing to his request. I am thankful we are sitting as I feel my knees go weak and warmth spread through my body. How does he always do this me?

He ends the kiss by pulling away. He brushes a wet lock of hair away from my face, as he smiles at me affectionately.

"I suppose we should wash up as the others may wish to enjoy the hot spring," I say reluctantly.

"The others have already bathed, Bella," Zevran says smiling, "we have the place to ourselves. Leliana worked it out. However, I did bring food and wine…I figured you probably hadn't time to eat."

My stomach hears him and growls. We both chuckle. "I'm getting all pruned anyway," I say raising my fingers that look wrinkled from being submerged in the water.

Zevran snickers at my little display as he stands and starts wading to where he dropped his pack of bathing items.

He turns away respectfully, digging into his pack for the food, wine, a blanket to sit on, and his trousers. I divest myself of my wet smallclothes and grab my dry clothes quickly dressing. I do the same allowing him to change into some loose fitting cotton trousers. I set the food on plates as he opens wine.

"Antivan?" I ask curiously. He nods with a smirk.

"What did you have to trade Bodhan for that?" I tease lightly knowing that antivan wine is hard to find.

"I can't divulge my secrets," He jests lightly, "Perhaps one day I will show you."

I chuckle shaking my head at him as he offers me a glass.

We sup in relative companionable silence punctuated with the occasional joke. My mood is rather quiet and thoughtful and he seems to pick up on that.

"Something on your mind, bella?" Zevran asks lightly.

"I…um yes," I stutter being pulled from my musings. "Zev are you sure this is what you want? I'm a warden and…"

"Elly," Zevran interrupts wrapping an arm around me. "I know we will never have a normal life. We may not even survive the next few days or the archdemon. I would rather have this time with you then never having anything at all," he says firmly. "We don't know what the future will bring but this right now…I'm happy."

"Okay," I say gratefully leaning into him to kiss his neck.

Zevran brings his hand to my face and brushes my cheek with his thumb causing me to look up at him. "You don't need to worry about that," He states leveling me with look that makes my mouth go dry.

He tilts his head down and kisses me gently. The kiss is unconcealed acceptance. Zev knows the issues with me being a warden why was I so worried? I feel his need to deepen the kiss and I surrender letting my thoughts flee, returning his kiss with hungered fervor. I feel him smile against my lips briefly before moving to kiss my neck. My hands are reaching into his still damp hair to trace the lines of his ears. My actions cause him stop momentarily to shudder before he continues his gentle kisses over my collarbone. I feel his hand cup my breast through the fabric of the tunic. He runs a thumb over it and the roughness of the fabric combined with the pressure of his thumb causes me to gasp.

He lowers his head placing his mouth over pebbled flesh still covered by the tunic. Feeling the warmth of his mouth on me sends a flash of warmth through me that pools in my stomach and I shiver against him. Not wanting him to have all the fun I run my hands from his ears ghosting over his shoulders and down the planes of his chest to trace the line where his trousers meet his skin teasingly.

"Bella," he moans softly as he gives me a hungered look. I look up at him for long moment before moving slightly. I see his face fall briefly at the loss of contact. I take the edges of my tunic and in one motion pull it up over my head.

"Querida, are you sure?" He asks in a very low voice.

I reach my hand over to softly trace the tattoo running down his jaw. "Yes," I answer softly.

He looks at me with desire, drinking in the sight in front of him. "Mother of mercy, you are beautiful," He says huskily.

"Is that so?" I murmur moving back toward him, taking his face in my hands and drawing him in for another kiss.

"Yes," he answers simply when we pull apart again. He leans back pulling me down with him. I sigh happily laying my head on his shoulder as his arm encircles me traveling lazily over my back and hip. I am not idle however as my hand caresses and maps out his chest, and stomach, before returning to the previous position of teasing the skin just above his breaches.

"Bella, you will be the death of me," He sighs happily as he rolls to his side shifting me onto my back. Leaning down he takes possession of my lips as his hands travel to my breasts gently brushing over the tips again as if he's afraid to touch me. I arch into him wanting to feel more of him against my skin. My hand migrates up his thigh lightly running over the length of him through the cotton of his trousers. He closes his eyes for a moment as if memorizing the sensation. This action makes me smirk. I reach and grasp him gently. His eyes pop open.

"Querida," he says with surprise.

"Zev," I say looking up at him through my lashes. "You don't have to be afraid to touch me. It's not like I have no experience."

"Point taken," He says huskily with a smirk of his own as he kisses me again.

He reaches over to pull me closer to him running his hand down my side to cup my behind and traces his finger over my stomach, as my hand fumbles with the strings of his trousers.

Leaning over me he swirls his tongue over my nipple, this surprises me as I hadn't realized I closed my eyes. He looks at me questioningly and I chuckle inwardly giving him a small smile. Seeing me amused he turns his attention back to my breasts, laving one and teasing the other with his hand.

I finally am able to work the strings on his trousers and reach my hand to touch him skin to skin. I am rewarded with a guttural groan. His hand leaves my breast down my stomach tracing an outline over my hip to my outer thigh. He then changes direction outlining my inner thigh. He expertly traces his finger over my center.

"Zev," I plead in almost a whisper.

"Bella," He says softly as he slides a finger over my most sensitive spot through my small clothes. I shudder with desire. Pulling his hand away he shifts away from me. I'm disappointed at the loss of contact but then realize he only shifted to divest himself of his trousers.

I sigh with relief as he lays beside me on his side with his head propped up on his arm to look at me.

His skin is touching mine, his desire for me apparent as he presses into my side.

"Now where were we?" he says in a low tone that makes me shiver as he leans in to kiss me again. He once again travels down my body with hand as I kiss him. I use the kiss to keep me somewhat grounded as his fingers find their way to my most tender parts. He removes my small clothes with practiced ease I blush with the realization I am completely bared to him. Zev smiles gently, taking my face in his hands. "Bella you blush so beautifully. I just have to kiss you again," He whispers as he captures my lips once again.

He moves his hand from my face to once again trace the outline of my hip and inner thigh. Instead of just touching me as he did previously. He slides a finger into me causing me gasp into his mouth. My muscles spasm as they adjust. Taking his thumb he gently circles the bundle of nerves, making my hips move of their own accord putting pressure where I like it best.

"Maker, Elly," he says pulling back to get a breath as he slides another finger inside me. I miss his lips immediately and pull him back to me. I kiss him putting every feeling I have for him into it, as his clever fingers keep working. I can't help but to grind into his hand. He groans as he pulls away and moves over me.

He looks at me questioningly. "Elly if you wish to stop…"

I quiet him with finger over his lips. "Zev, I want this I want you," I admit softly ignoring the blush that blooms into my face.

"Bella," He says as he leans in to kiss me again. He reaches down to position himself rubbing against me for a moment. He deepens the kiss ferociously as he thrusts forward and stills. I feel a stretch and then fullness.

He looks down at me. "Querida?"

I open my eyes not realizing they were closed and give him a sheepish smile before reaching up to touch his face and caress ears. He moves ever so slightly brushing over the sensitive nerves at my center. My muscles spasm around him as head falls back and my hips lift in response.

He takes this response as the invitation it truly is and my hands find purchase on his shoulders as we move. I feel a bit awkward at first but soon find a rhythm that works for both of us. I find my hands traveling down to his taut backside. Feeling his movements under my hands is even more thrilling and ignites a blaze of desire that has me wrapping my legs around him.

Zevran seems to understand and increases pace and pressure. I close my eyes and feel Zevran kiss me our tongues tangle until I feel the pressure/pleasure become too much.

"Zev," I gasp as I lock my legs and arms around him. Lights flash behind my eyes and my body quivers. Despite my ironclad hold he continues to move riding out my pleasure that seems to be adding to his own.

"Elly," he groans as he thrusts a few more times before giving a shudder. Looking up at him I notice his arms are shaky so pull him down onto me. He sighs against my cheek as the weight is taken off his arms.

We lie quietly for a few moments catching our breath. Then he pulls back to look at me.

"I like you all disheveled like this," he says smiling.

"You are looking a bit disheveled yourself," I jest lightly, noting that we are still very intimately connected.

He chuckles lightly and makes to move.

"Where do you think you are going Zevran Arainai?" I tease pulling him back down for a kiss.

"Nowhere, but I thought you might be more comfortable without my extra weight," He says smiling against my mouth before granting my request for a kiss.

"I can deal with some discomfort to have you this close," I say returning his smile.

"Duly noted," He says with amusement staying a moment longer to kiss me again before rolling to his back.

I sit up and lazily look over at Zevran drinking in his lithe muscular frame. At least I don't have to sneak glances now.

"Enjoying the view," he quips.

I smile and blush slightly. "Perhaps I am," I say brazenly as I find the bottle of wine and take a drink.

Zevran sits up as well taking the bottle from me as I offer it.

"I think we should probably bathe now as we have become soo dirty," he drawls teasingly.

"Yes, and then we can get _dirty _again," I banter back without once again ignoring the blush at my own brazenness.

Zevran chuckles. "Again? What will the others think?"

"Grey warden stamina, remember," I tease.

"Anything you want, Bella, I am yours," he says gently brushing my hair away from my face.


	68. Chapter 68 Sparring

Dear Diary,

I wake up in my tent with Zevran beside me. I can't help but to grin as he always looks so childlike in repose. Slipping out of the bedroll, I throw on my clothing and leathers before heading out to meet Tamlen for our morning practice.

Tamlen seems surprised to see me as I step into the movements with him. Once we finish our first series. "Zevran won't be joining us this morning?" He asks lightly.

"I thought I'd let him sleep in today," I admit with a slight blush. I see the corners of Tamlen's mouth twitch as he tries to conceal his grin.

"I was going to join the clan in their exercises this morning. I was just doing a quick warm up before i headed over there," He explains, "However since you are here, I don't see why you can't come as well."

"I wouldn't be breaking any kind of rules by doing that?" I ask curiously.

"Mythal! No," He says with a slight chuckle. "To put it bluntly, you are probably as good as or better than many who practice the Vir Tanadhal. I would be proud to bring you with me."

We head into the Dalish camp. We receive greetings and acknowledging nods from the clan as we enter the camp. We come upon a group of warriors already starting their series we wait until they are done.

"Tamlen, you brought this shemlen to practice?" One of the warriors says curiously, his tone isn't derogatory just surprised.

"A shem knows Vir Tanadhal!" another taunts another warrior.

"Tarol," the first warrior admonishes, "the warden has done more than we could do to help the clan. We might all be werewolves if it weren't for her."

Tamlen gives me a knowing smirk. "You might be surprised at this Shemlen," He says quietly.

I feel as if I'm being put on display as Tamlen takes the first stance. I quickly join him as we go through the three series of movements. A complete quiet comes over the group of warriors as they watch us.

"You must have Andruil's blessing!" The first warrior breathes as we finish. "I am Neros, as we haven't been introduced. We would be honored to practice with you." The others nod in agreement and take positions around us as we begin again. Neros walks around giving the other warriors instruction and encouragement. Once he gets to me, he gives me smile. "I have nothing to tell you on how to make your form better. It's perfect. However once we are finished with this morning's practice I should like to hear how you learned our ways."

I nod at him and flash him a quick smile as he steps beside me to finish the last series with us.

Once practice is over Tamlen and I find ourselves talking with Neros and Lanaya as I explain the situation with the spirit and Wynne.

"So basically an elven spirit of faith gave a part of itself to you?" Lanaya clarifies curiously.

"That's how I understand it," I say shifting uneasily.

"Such things are mentioned in our stories but it is rare and usually the recipient is a mage like your friend is," Lanaya says thoughtfully. "The gifts bestowed by such spirits are usually magical in nature. Have you noticed anything different?"

"Other than my innate knowledge of Vir Tanadhal, of your language and songs, I haven't noticed much else," I admit.

"Elly, you are faster and stronger than before," Tamlen says quietly.

"Well, I do feel like I have more energy and I can now hold against our stronger warriors," I admit. "But I didn't know if that was from practice or the spirit."

"Maybe both," Neros says thoughtfully.

"We will be having sparring matches today it is tradition before a bonding ceremony," Lanaya states. "We would be honored to have you and your friends participate. It would be educational for our warriors to spar against others."

"Lanaya, there's no need to be so formal," Neros teases lightly, "Warden would you join us in our sparring before the celebration?"

"Sounds like fun," I say grinning wickedly, "I agree but only if you call me Elly. Warden always sounds too formal."

"Elly it is then," Neros grins back at me.

"So when do we start?" I ask curiously. I am excited by thought of this as it will be the first sparring I have done since leaving Redcliffe. I love a good sparring match.

Tamlen chuckles at my enthusiasm. "As soon as we get the others."

"I will be back speedily then," I tease rising to head to the camp leaving Tamlen.

"Elly!" Tamlen calls.

"I can get them you wait here," I call back over my shoulder giving Lanaya a quick wink.

I race back to our camp and ask the others who would like to participate. It seems the mages aren't much interested in participating but Wynne and Ox are interested in watching (probably wanting to be on standby if anyone is injured).

Alistair, Adela, Jowan, and Leske have headed back into the forest to find some darkspawn for blood to prepare for the joining. We had agreed that now would be a good time, as straggler darkspawn are easy to find here. Thankfully they seem to be leaving the Dalish camp alone. Somehow Adela enlisted in Morrigan's help to make the joining potion. She states she will be too busy to participate Shale states she would prefer to watch as she wouldn't want to get us all killed by squishing a clan member.

The rest of us make our way to the Dalish camp. We are offered practice weapons and Neros is surprised we have our own, after inspecting them he declares them appropriate.

For the first match we are to work in group of 4 against 4 of the Dalish warriors. I chose Zevran, Sten, and Soris for my group. Tamlen takes Leliana over to the area for the archery competition.

As we get walk into the arena I notice the Dalish warriors are clustered together pointing and nodding at Sten. "Sten, can you get me behind them," I ask quietly. He nods his assent. "I think they will try to come for you first because you are the largest target." I note.

Zevran and Soris both nod in agreement.

"If you can get me behind them we can separate them," I continue.

A horn is blown signaling the start of the sparring match. The warriors immediately come toward us. Sten throws me. I tumble through the air over them landing just behind them. This distracts them and two turn direction heading toward me. I manage to keep them off of me until Zevran gets to me. He quickly covers my back to keep me from being flanked.

"About time you got here," I tease breathlessly.

"I couldn't let you have all the fun, Bella," He banters back. We manage to take our opponents out with relative ease after that and looking over at Soris and Sten it seems they managed to do the same.

Neros seems to be impressed by our unusual tactics and asks if we would be willing to show them how to do the throws.

The next match is another group of 4. Cullen, Rory, Tamlen and Oghren are matched against four equally good warriors. As we are watching the match Lanaya comes over to watch with me.

"Ma Serannas," she says with smile.

"For what?" I ask curiously.

"Giving me moment to speak with Tamlen of course, you silly len," she says chuckling.

"Oh that," I reply grinning at her.

"I take it, you and the antivan elf are bonded now, " she says slyly looking at me sideways.

I can't help but to blush at her demeanor. "I guess you could say that," I admit.

"I happened to see you both leaving the springs," she explains noting my red face.

Thankfully no one within our group has said anything about it yet. I realize it will be just a matter of time before the ribbing starts. Leliana and Alistair have already been going through it. At least Leliana doesn't blush every time someone teases her about it. I have a feeling my reaction will be more like Alistair's …blushing furiously any time a joke is made.

"I have liked Tamlen since the last Arlathvhen," Lanaya admits. "But I knew he liked Neria, so I never said anything. Now he's a warden and I'm a Keeper…I just don't know."

"Is there an issue with a keeper having bond mate and family?" I ask curiously, "I know the Zathrian had a family he said so himself."

"Yes and no," Lanaya says carefully, "The clan must come first above all others but it is allowed. It is not always looked upon as a boon. This is because we have to be careful of the amount of mages per clan. If there are more than 3 they are sent to other clans during Arlathvhen."

"Arlathvhen is every 10 years though," I note curiously. "From what I understand many mage children show their gift by around age 5."

She smiles. "You have learned much of our ways. In our clan if we cannot find another clan to take in a mage child, we will keep them and raise them the best we can. It was Zathrian's way and I will continue in the same tradition." She explains. "However other Dalish mage children aren't so lucky. If they aren't transferred to another clan in a timely manner, they are given a pack and sent to fend for themselves."

I am horrified at the thought of this but I school my face. "I see…" I say softly.

"Anyway, Tamlen explained that now that he is warden, this may be the last time he would be able to be among the people." Lanaya says sadly.

"Perhaps if Tamlen is willing you should take what happiness you can," I offer, "I know this is not traditional for your people. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Or if any of us will be alive after the archdemon. "

"Is that how you do it?" She asks turning to look at me and then back over at Zevran.

"For now," I admit, "That's the only way we can."

"You have given me much to think about, Elly," Lanaya says thoughtfully. "Ma Serannas."

The match is over and I am being called for the next match. It seems Zevran and I will be matched with Neros and Tarol. Tarol leers at me as we enter ring.

"I've got the one glaring at you," Zevran says with a smirk.

"Jealous Zev," I tease lightly.

"After last night, cariño, not one bit," he banters cheekily. I can't help but to blush slightly at the reminder.

The horn is blown and Tarol comes right at me trying to bash me with his shield. I feint left giving him a sharp jab to the kidney with my elbow. He grunts as he falls forward. I leave him to Zevran and focus on Neros. I take a running jump going into a round-off jumping backwards to do a flip over Neros effectively flanking him. He seems to be a bit surprised but covers well as our daggers clash.

"Well played, Elly," He says with a wicked grin.

"Well I couldn't let Tarol get the better of me, when I knew my real competitor was you," I smirk as I parry.

"Tarol is young and lets his feelings hinder him," Neros says simply as we circle each other looking for an opening.

Our blades come together again in clash of wood against wood. It seems to be battle of strength at this point and I know I need to be smart about it. I let him push me till I am leaning back bluffing him into thinking his strength is overwhelming me. As he leans to push further I drop to the left and roll. His momentum takes him to the ground. I come to standing out of the roll as he getting to his hands and knees and place my daggers at his kidney and neck.

A wry grin spreads across his face. "Well fought Elly, I submit."

Zevran comes over to me. "I'm not sure whether to be impressed by your ability to bluff or be frightened of you, Bella," He states in a husky tone that makes warm all over.

I look at him with small smile. "How about you just be impressed?"

"Bella, I am impressed with you and much more," He says smiling down at me. He moves to pull me closer to him in a tight embrace before taking possession of my lips in front of everyone. I am a bit shocked to say the least. But I return the unexpected display of affection. As he releases me he whispers "You have no idea how sexy that was to watch."

I hear the exclamations from the onlookers at this point and immediately blush. I look over and seen Tarol walking off the sparring area holding his side with Neros who flashes me a nod and wicked grin.


	69. Chapter 69 The Bonding

Dear Diary,

Today is the day of Cammen and Gheyna's wedding/bonding. I admit I'm curious to see what a Dalish wedding consists of. I shift to roll out of the bedroll and Zevran snakes an arm around me. "Leaving so soon, querida?" He asks lazily.

"Soon, it's almost mid-morning," I tease.

"Stay longer," he says firmly holding me in place.

"Be careful what you ask of me, Zev," I say snuggling into him, "There may come a day when I can't say no."

"Then I will be sure to only ask things that I know you can say yes to," He says smiling as he pulls me closer.

By the time we get to the celebration there is feasting and dancing going on already. Quite frankly it's nice to see everyone happy. Lanaya steps into the center of the dancers and calls for everyone's attention.

"The elders and I have been discussing the events of the past week and we have decided to make the warden and her friends' honorary clan members. From this day forth you will always be welcome within Clan Dinhilnnen."

Most of the clan let out shouts of happiness at this news. Tamlen looks proud as he stands beside me. I feel a tug on my arm and a young Dalish girl says, "Gheyna wishes to see you."

I smile down at the child. "Take me to her then," I offer holding out my hand. She grins grabbing my hand and Zev flashes me a grin as she pulls me to run with her giggling.

I stop short upon sighting Gheyna she has been painted with intricate designs on her hands and feet. "Oh Gheyna you are a beautiful bride, Cammen will be stumbling over himself at the sight of you," I gush.

Gheyna blushes and giggles. "You think so?"

"Maker, yes!" I say firmly. "But I'm curious as to why you asked for me."

"Well, because you helped us, I wanted to you be in the bonding ceremony," she replies wistfully. "It's not traditional but since I've lost much of my family who would normally participate…" she drops her eyes avoiding my gaze.

My heart goes out to this Dalish woman as I know exactly what she means. Before I even think I reach over and grasp her arm and give her a hug carefully as not to muss the intricate braids. "I would be honored to participate. Just tell me what you need me to do."

"Ma Serannas!" she says her joy evident on her face. She has me change into the ceremonial attire and give me instructions.

It seems we have some time before the ceremony starts so she gestures to some cushions for some face paint. It seems the Dalish use clays and crushed flowers to accent the face similar to the powders we use. As the older women of the clan make up our faces, Gheyna turns to me.

"Tamlen mentioned you lost your family as well," She says softly as if she afraid to ask.

I pat her arm. "It's ok and yes that is correct, our castle was attacked by another noble. My parent's and many others were killed but my brother is hopefully still alive."

"You have a brother?" Gheyna asks curiously.

"Yes, his name is Fergus, He's my older brother and was sent ahead with our men to Ostagar. So he wasn't at the castle when…we were attacked." I explain slowly.

"I hope you find him," she offers optimistically.

"I hope so too," I say offering a small smile. I hate to be one to tell him what happened to his wife and child though and my face darkens at thought.

"Elly, what's wrong?" Gheyna asks as she studies my face.

"I…I just don't know how to tell him." I admit sadly.

"Oh, you mean…" she says with sudden understanding. "He had a wife there?"

I nod at her and add, "And his son…"

"Creators," she sighs sadly, "I now understand the look on your face. Fen harel's ass…"

"I don't envy you, Elly but you will do it like you do everything else," she says evenly with grace and understanding. "It won't be pleasant…but I would think he would be happy you are still alive."

"Yes," I agree, feeling a bit better, "and I do look forward to finding him. I just dread telling him."

The ladies finish with our faces and step back inspect their handy work nodding. I look over at Gheyna as she looks at me and we both giggle at each other.

"Creators, they could be sisters," the one older elven woman says astonished. "Perhaps if they were both elven," the other woman nods.

I try to reach into my belt pack before remembering that I had a change of clothes. I have to see. Rummaging through my clothes I find the tiny ornate mirror my mother gave me when I became a teen and she insisted I could not be seen with dirt on my face. Old habits die hard I guess. I look into the mirror as Gheyna steps over watching me curiously.

"Andraste's ass," I say astonished before handing Gheyna the mirror.

"We look like sisters," she chuckles gleefully. "I always wanted a sister."

I grin at her. "I don't see why we can't be, family isn't always blood, it's who you choose to care about."

She grins at me in return. "It's decided then."

"So you and Zevran are bonded?" she teases lightly.

I blush several shades of red.

"He's good looking. I'll give you that one," she says giving me a wicked grin.

"I care about him," I admit. "The fact he is easy on the eyes doesn't hurt either."

Gheyna snickers wickedly.

"You are lucky to have claimed him, I've heard some of the others talking," she says conspiratorially.

"Oh?" I ask curiously.

"Yea, but perhaps it works both ways because I have heard a few the hunters were pretty impressed by you as well even though you are human," she jests thoughtfully. "It's probably good you have each other and he made it apparent that you were his yesterday."

I can't help but to giggle as I blush again. "I guess he did, didn't he."

"And good thing too as Tarol seemed to take a liking to you," she says grinning.

"You've got to joking!" I say incredulously, "he doesn't even like me for being human."

Gheyna snorts, "With Tarol that means he likes you."

"Maker!" I chuckle wryly, now I understand the public display of affection. Zevran must have noticed and decided to stake his claim in front of everyone.

"It's time," I hear a voice say, looking up I see one of the older elven woman addressing us.

I look over at Gheyna and she grins at me. The ceremony is simple with a few words spoken about being open and supportive of each other. The wording is beautiful and I feel blessed to understand it all as I suppose my friends are just hearing elven gibberish. The couple exchange necklaces and the ceremony is over and the party begins.

* * *

><p><strong>Yep, completely made up the clan name because I couldn't find a name for Zathrian's clan…the wiki just said unknown.<strong>


	70. Chapter 70 Wedding Party

Dear Diary,

As the food and Dalish wine flows, we enjoy the company of our guests. Even Oghren is starting to fit in but when he gets boisterous Sten and Shale offer to take him back to camp. Wynne excuses herself not long after along with Ox. The dancing starts and Tamlen grabs my hand.

"Come on, Elly lets show them what you learned," he says with a grin.

Looking up at his smiling face I can't say no, so allow him to lead me to dancing area. I notice that Cammen and Gheyna are missing ….probably "gainfully employed" as Zevran would so elegantly put it. Good for them, from what I understand it is common place with this type of celebration.

After the first song, I notice Zevran has asked Lanaya to dance but he gives me a wink as they make their way over to Tamlen and I. As they dance their way over to us, I step back see Lanaya stand beside me. Taking the hand that has Tamlen's hand I place it in hers and step back again seeing a bit of an astonished look on Tamlen's face but he grins at me. I feel a hand gently grasping my elbow. Knowing its Zev, I allow him to spin me toward him.

"Bella," He says huskily, "I guess I didn't get the chance to tell you earlier but you are beautiful."

"Well it would be in bad form to outdo the bride," I banter cheekily as I dance with him.

"Ah," he grins roguishly, "she was pretty but she wasn't you." He says stepping back.

"Flatterer," I accuse lightly as he dances around me

"It's not flattery if it's true," He retorts teasingly as he grasps me by the waist.

The song ends and I look up to see Leliana with her lute. She gives me a saucy wink as she begins to play.

"Maker's balls," I mutter under my breath watching her, "what is she up to?"

I hear the first notes of the song that Zevran and I had previously danced to and he chuckles.

"I guess our roguish friend wishes for us to dance," Zev answers simply.

I look around me and the dance area is cleared and everyone is looking at us expectantly. Lanaya is smiling as if she is patiently waiting for us to start.

"All right then," I say with nod, blushing at the sudden scrutiny.

Zevran takes my hand and in his and we take a few steps.

"I don't think we should scandalize the dalish," I whisper into his ear.

Zev replies with wicked grin before pulling me spinning me outward and back pulling me tightly to his body.

"Well I guess we will," I stifle a nervous snort, as we take a few close steps to Leliana's lute. Zev pushes my front holding my waist and I lean back gracefully wrapping a leg around his hip for support as I bend into a deep dip. He pulls me upright and he grins at me cheekily.

As he spins me again, he lets go of my hand the skirts of the traditional dalish outfit fly high showing an ample amount of leg. I blush furiously with the realization of this as Zev grins at me devilishly. Oh so that's how he wants to play it huh? I beckon Zev with finger, challenging him and he dances over to me with a smirk. He grabs my hands pulling me into him and I trace the outlines of his face bending my knees slightly as my hands ghost over the rest of his body perhaps lingering a moment longer on his well-muscled behind. As I return to stand, he snakes an arm around my back turning me around to lean my back on his chest as we sway.

"Challenge accepted I see…" He murmurs into my ear as he crouches slightly for my head to lie on his shoulder. He gently takes my ankle a raises it high above both our heads and forget about the challenge for the moment as my embarrassment returns knowing that the dalish outfit wasn't covering much. He gives a slight chuckle as if he realizes my state of mind, much to my chagrin and stands as I lean forward to the right and he turns holding me. Once he stops I come to stand upright on one foot glaring at him as I he holds my knee. Zevran just grins as he holds me by the waist and knee and spins us on the last spin he pushes my knee out and I gracefully kick out both legs. As he sets me down I turn to face him red-faced, "you will pay for that …" I say with a smile noting the crowd. I bend my knees and shimmy moving downward, ghosting my hand down his inner thigh. I feel him take a quick breath of surprise.

"Minx," I hear him mutter quietly as he grins. He pulls me back up to standing and we take few steps moving toward and away from each other. I step gracefully away from Zevran dropping his hand. After a few steps I turn and pose sinuously running my hands down my neck and across my breasts. I note his eyes widen in surprise before he quickly recovers and steps forward. I offer my hand grinning devilishly at him. I can also hear the gasps of the crowd probably scandalized by our dance.

He takes my hand spinning me so my back is to his chest. I take a quick moment to purposely press my behind into hips before arching my back and laying my head on his shoulder as I can tell the song is coming to an end. I lift my right leg wrapping it around his hip as he flexes his knee and he supports me. As the song ends he slowly stands me upright. Turning me toward him he whispers "Touché, I think you won this one Bella."


	71. Chapter 71 Denerim

Dear Diary,

We finally make it to Denerim and no sooner did we arrive at the Arl's estate when Loghain appeared. I would have expected him to wait to make an appearance for a day to so as would usually be appropriate.

"Loghain," Arl Eamon says politely, "this is an unexpected honor, that the regent would find time to greet me personally."

"How could I not welcome a man so important as to call every lord in Ferelden away from his estates while a blight claws at Ferelden's land?" Loghain retorts facetiously.

"Oh so now he realizes it's a blight," Adela mutters dryly.

"The blight is why I am here;" Eamon responds wryly, "With Cailan dead. Ferelden must have a King to lead it against the darkspawn."

"Ferelden has a strong leader, its queen. And I lead her armies," Loghain argues.

"Considering Ostagar, perhaps we need a better general," Alistair says his light tone belying the challenge behind it.

Loghain looks at Alistair as if he is sizing him up. Then his gaze turns me, "and who is this Eamon? Some new stray you picked up on the road?"

I smile sweetly. "Loghain you know exactly who I am, Anora tried to shove me down a well for the last sweet cake when we were little, although I'd suggest she don't try it again."

"Ah Lady Cousland you always did have a blunt way of speaking," he answers with smirk.

"Only in like company," I say lightly turning my gaze onto Howe who is standing behind him. "Although I don't remember you allying yourself with two-faced rotten maggot spawn. I thought better of you than that."

"I'm told that you are now a warden," Howe says with malicious glare, "You have my sympathies on what happened to your order. It is unfortunate that they chose to turn against Ferelden."

"I don't need the sympathies of traitors and regicides," I retort with a wicked smile.

"Don't interrupt churl," Sir Catherine sneers, "Your betters are talking."

"If these are best and finest Ferelden has to offer then Orlais should take over," Adela smirks trying to bait Loghain.

"Enough," Loghain says giving a chiding look at Catherine, "this is not the time or place. I had hoped to talk you down from this rash course, Eamon. Our people are frightened. Our king is dead. Our land under siege."

"And whose fault is that?" Adela mutters.

"We must be united now," Loghain continues ignoring Adela, "if we are to endure this crisis. Your own sister Queen Rowan fought tirelessly to see Ferelden restored. Would you see her work destroyed? You divide our nation and weaken our efforts against the Blight with your selfish ambitions to the throne."

"And Ferelden will surely fall without the wardens," I offer giving Loghain a mysterious glance.

"Cailan depended on the wardens against the darkspawn and look how well that ended. Let of speak of reality rather than tales. Stories will not save us." Loghain retorts.

I shake my head as he doesn't understand why the archdemon cannot be killed by a non-warden.

"I cannot forgive what you've done, Loghain," Eamon states quietly, "perhaps the Maker can but I cannot. The people deserve a King of the Theirin bloodline. Alistair will be the one to lead us to victory in this blight."

"Oh is that all I have to do?" Alistair says a bit facetiously, "No pressure at all."

"The emperor of Orlais also thought I could not bring him down," Loghain says stepping forward. I immediate step forward between the Arl and Teryn making but make no moves toward my weapon. Loghain and I stand face to face. He looks at me surprise crossing his features for split second before he schools his face.

"Expect no more mercy then I showed him," He continues looking at me appraisingly, "There is nothing I would not do for my homeland."

After his statement Loghain turns to walk away.

"Well that was…bracing," Eamon says wryly after the Teryn and his entourage left. "I didn't expect Loghain to show himself quite so soon."

"What should we do?" Alistair asks quietly.

I don't hear the answer as during this whole exchange one of the only things I had been concentrating on was to not immediately disembowel Howe. To be honest it took every ounce of self-control I could muster to contain my composure. I start to shake in anger.

"If you will excuse me," I say quickly and exit the area heading for courtyard, where I can let off some steam against some practice dummies.

After about a half hour I hear a voice, "Would you prefer a partner?" I look over to see Zevran regarding me curiously. I quickly wonder if that is good idea considering my state of mind. I don't want to take my anger out him.

"Do not worry Bella, I will fine," He says as if he reading my mind as he removes his leather. I nod and gesture toward the middle of the courtyard night has fallen and it is only the two of us.

We spar and I don't hold anything back but Zev seems to expect this and I'm getting tired as I have been sparring straight for well over an hour but my anger is not spent.

"Elly!" he chides as my movements become sluggish and angry instead of precise, "Enough already you are exhausted."

"My anger is not yet spent," I growl bitterly as our daggers meet and are locked. Before I can say another word, he quickly drops down which causes my momentum to carry me forward falling towards the ground. Leaving his daggers behind, he pins me to the ground on my stomach. I throw back my head in an attempt to possibly hit him with it but he is prepared and easily dodges me. More easily than I would like to admit he flips me onto my back holding my wrists above my head, straddling my body, as I struggle.

"There are other ways of working out your anger that will not end with you hurting yourself, Bella," he states looking me at sternly. He leans down and traces my neck with his tongue. For some strange reason this incites a passionate but still furious response within me. I am momentarily bewildered by this. I raise my head and bite the skin his shoulder viciously. He removes one hand from my wrists holding them with other and gives my breasts pinch which sends a flood of warmth to my stomach.

He kisses me roughly biting my lips and I return in kind. We are brutal in our caresses of each other until he finally lets my wrists go and reaches under my scale skirt pulling my smalls to the side. I can't help but give an appreciative moan as his clever fingers work my most sensitive areas.

With cat-like agility he changes position and suddenly hilts himself. I gasp in surprise but for some reason I am not deterred by these actions. After a few moments I find myself not wanting to be submitting so easily to him and decide to take action. Grasping his shoulders, I lithely flip us. As he was not expecting this I see his eyes widen in surprise momentarily before a wicked smirk graces his face.

He roughly pulls my face toward his and kisses me once again before grasping my hips with one hand and working the other between us to run his thumb insistently over me in a way that is almost painful. I feel the pressure in me building and quicken my pace. Zevran increases the pace and pressure with his hand and as I tumble over my threshold. I fall forward and he covers my cry with his lips. Grabbing my hips with both hands he grinds into me for his own release. We lie panting for some time before I move off of him and curl into a ball my fists clenched trying to keep my composure.

"Bella, look at me," he chides lightly straightening my smalls and gathering me into his arms. This small gesture is enough to break the tenuous bit of control I had left. I sob bitterly into his chest. His arms tighten around me and he runs his hand over my head pulling me tightly into him.

Zevran says nothing just holding me as the torrent passes. When I finally look up at him he has a soft smile on his face. "Feeling better?" He asks.

I nod sheepishly at him before finding my voice. "I have to admit that was interesting therapy," I joke weakly.

His chuckle rings out in the stillness of the night.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: thankful to have electric back wasn't sure if I could post today<strong>


	72. Chapter 72 Saving the Queen

Dear Diary,

I am finding myself in the difficult position of having to walk into Howe's nest of vipers to rescue Queen Anora. I admit that if I see Howe here I may not be able to keep from going after him even if it messes up the rescue mission and that worries me. Zevran assures me that he will be there to pull me back from the brink if need be. I don't want to Alistair in danger or any of the other wardens as there is still a bounty on our heads still and thankfully not many people outside of our little group know that there are more wardens than just Alistair and me. I take Leliana, Zevran, and Rory with me and we sneak in Howe's estate dressed as soldiers.

Upon finding Anora magically locked in a room we head to dungeons to find Howe and his mage. Two birds one stone perhaps?

As we descend the steps through Howe's room heading down the dungeon. I am disgusted that Howe would have his bedroom this close to a torture area but I'm not surprised as Howe as how has shown what a depraved person he is.

Entering the first room a confused soldier has barely time to ask us who we are when his neck is snapped and the body pulled into the cell. We watch curiously as I can feel the presence of warden in room, when finally rather good looking man steps out of the cell.

"I thank you for creating such distraction stranger. I have been waiting days for the opportunity." He offers appreciatively.

"Well I thought it rather interesting when I felt another warden's presence," I say with a small smile. "You wouldn't happen to be Riordan would you?"

The man looks at me curiously. "You are warden," He says decisively, "but I don't know you. How do you know who I am?"

"Oh, my apologies, I am Elly Cousland, Duncan's last recruit." I reach forward to shake his hand. "There is very worried Orlesian Warden looking for you."

"Ah, so you met Adela, is she still with you?" He questions.

"Yes, go to Arl Eamon's estate you can heal and join up with the rest of the wardens," I explain.

"The rest of the wardens you mean there are more of you?" He says the surprise showing on his face.

"Yes, I would explain but we are in a bit of a hurry. Howe has the queen detained." I offer quickly, "I'm sure Adela will explain everything and very happy to see you."

"yes, then you must hurry, I will meet with you at Arl Eamon's estate." He says briskly taking his leave.

"We can't leave anyone down here to suffer Howe's tender mercies," I mutter as we leave the room.

It seems Howe has his dungeons filled right up my childhood friend Oswyn is in the torture chamber and I free him immediately.

"Elly is an idea of a joke did my father send you?" he asks angrily.

I shake my head. "No, Oswyn, I am so sorry I had no clue you were here. Howe has imprisoned the Queen." I dig through my pack hand him the soldier's armor I was previously wearing as it was too big for me anyway. "Here take this and sneak out, the way behind you should be clear. I need to find Howe and his mage."

He dresses quickly and limps toward me. "Thank you Elly, My father and I will do anything to help you. I'm sorry about what happened at Highever."

I nod as he gives me a quick hug. "Be safe Elly."

My anger at Howe is near a boiling point now it seems killing my family isn't enough, he is imprisoning and torturing people I've known my whole life. I remember Rory's wounds briefly and scowl twists my face.

"A friend of yours?" Zevran asks quietly.

"Yes, Bann Sighard's son. We used to play together as children." I explain.

"Andraste's ass….who hasn't Howe tried to destroy." Rory sighs.

"Let's move on," Leliana suggests.

I nod in agreement and head for the door. In the next prison area we find Ser Irminric, I barely remember him but I do know his sister Bann Alfstanna. I promise to take his ring to her as even though I opened his prison door he seems too addled to leave. I hate to just leave him there but he's offering me little choice. A few cells from Irminric there is someone I never thought I would see, Vaughan Kendalls.

Upon seeing the situation I am tempted to just leave him I remember what happened to Soris's wife and knowing what horrible person he is. I turn away.

"Lady Cousland," he says recognizing me "You can't just leave me here. I'll have you flayed, I'm the Arl of Denerim!"

I shake my head and give Zevran a wicked grin. Turning back, I walk over to the prison door. "And I'm the queen of Antiva," I retort smartly looking at him.

"Smart mouthed bitch as always," Vaughan sneers. I feel Zevran tense beside me.

"I see how your knife-eared servant wishes to protect you, perhaps he wishes to bed you as well," Vaughan taunts.

I give Zevran a sidelong glance. Before grabbing my dagger and thrusting it into Vaughan. As he falls forward I growl, "He isn't my servant. I love him." I twist the dagger and Vaughan grunts and falls to the floor.

I wipe the blood off on Vaughan's clothing and stand looking at the corpse coldly, "Denerim will be better off without him and maybe Soris will have some peace now. He was a twisted piece of work."

As I turn back to leave this part of the prison I see Zev has a look of surprise on his face he quickly schools. Rory nods at me in agreement as he had the unfortunate privilege of dealing with the spoiled noble previously. Leliana seems nonplussed by the situation and we proceed forward.

We enter another room and find Howe.

"Well, look here Bryce Cousland's little spitfire, all grown up and still playing the man." Howe sneers, "I thought Loghain made I clear that you pathetic family is gone and forgotten."

"You won't forget. Their memory drove me to you," I retort.

"Your parent's died on their knees, your brother's corpse rots in Ostagar and his brat was killed and along with his Antivan whore of a wife." He jeers on, "and what's left? A fool husk of a daughter likely to end her days under a rock in the deep roads. Even the wardens are gone. You're the last of nothing. This is pointless. You've lost."

I look at Howe and give him a malicious smile. "You lie, Howe. To yourself most of all. If I am so insignificant to you, you wouldn't have given me that lovely albeit morbid speech to try to break me down. I am Lady Cousland and most of all a grey warden. You are afraid and quite frankly you should be after what you've done. You lie to yourself about that most of all."

"There it is. Right there! That damned look in the eye that marked every Cousland success that held me back." He says grimly, "It would appear you have made something of yourself after all. Your father would be proud. I, on the other hand want you dead more than ever."

A wicked grin crosses my face at his words, "he's mine!" I mutter. As he grabs his daggers and starts toward me, Zevran steps in front of me dropping down. I look at him and grin stepping into his hand as he throws me into the air. I gracefully sail over the man and land looking at a confused Howe. This movement puts Howe and I behind his mages, who are busy with the rest of my party. This will be duel of just him against me.

I smirk and beckon my fingers at Howe. He takes a quick look around and seeing his comrades are occupied, rolls his shoulders and comes at me. Our daggers clash. His movements would be deadly enough but I am quicker and obviously had more practice as of late.

"Looks like you are out of practice old man!" I taunt, "the Cousland's didn't hold you back you did that to yourself!"

"And you need to die," He retorts charging me. Just as he is ready to reach me, I roll to the side and thrust my dagger into his kidney. Howe stumbles just out of my reach holding his side. I calmly walk over to him and grab the dagger twisting it as I pull it out. He gives a grunt of pain as he falls to the floor.

I stand there looking at the man bleeding out on the floor, coldly not feeling anything. When Howe lifts his head "Maker spit on you…" he gasps, "I deserved …more…" then he falls releasing his last breath.

I stand in a daze wondering if it's really over when Leliana, Zevran, and Rory come to stand beside me.

"Elly are you okay?" Zevran asks quietly.

I just can't believe how dark the human soul can be and stand for a few moments saying nothing.

Finally, I nod at him. "Yea let's go."

We head back through the dungeon and into the estate and Anora's door.

"Anora!" I call as I open the door. Anora walks toward me wearing a soldier's armor. "Aren't you bit short for a soldier?" I tease lightly.

"Very funny," she retorts, "but I was surprised when Erlina told me it was you Elly, but I'm not surprised you could do it you always were very strong. I take it the mage is dead."

"As is Howe," I nod.

"I would thank you for that," she says gratefully, "but after what he did to your family and to many others it would be….inadequate."

"Let's just get out of here before someone else shows up," I offer.

Anora nods. As we leave the room and head back to the main entrance we see someone has already shown up Ser Catherine and her guards.

"Warden in the name of the regent, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Rendon Howe and his men. Surrender and you may be shown mercy," Catherine announces.

"I would consider killing Howe to be service rather than a crime but you do not know the whole story. I will go with you. A moment with my companions if you please," I counter.

Ser Catherine gives me a surprised glance but nods her acquiescence.

I hand my weapons and pack to Zevran. "Are you sure about this?" Zevran asks looking at me as he brings his fingers to my face.

"If we kill them it only reinforces the lies about the wardens," I say sadly holding his hand for a moment.

He nods in understanding but I can tell he is uneasy about it.

I walk over to Catherine. "The others can go they are of little consequence it's the Warden, Loghain wants," I can hear Anora's noise of disgust behind me as we leave the estate.


	73. Chapter 73 A Rescue

Dear Diary,

I've been taken to Fort Drakon. I am not interrogated but I am stripped and beaten unconscious. Afterward I wake up in cell. I sit up and prisoner next to me speaks. "You look like you have been through 10 times of crap, friend. What did you do?"

"I killed Rendon Howe," I answer but I can't help rolling my eyes.

"Who calls that a crime? More like a public service, still they'll hang you for it." He replies.

"Well, at least the other wardens are safe," I sigh.

"Wait, you are the warden?" the man asks.

"That's what they call me but I would prefer being called by my name, Elly" I give him half-hearted smile.

"Maker's got a funny sense of humor," the man says with wry chuckle, "From what little news we get in here I thought you were 10 feet tall and made of stone. I never believed your order would kill King Cailan or side with the darkspawn. At least that's what they are saying anyway."

"I know my friends will try to rescue me, I just need to hang in there until they get here." I say hopefully.

The man chuckles, "good luck with that. I'll expect the Maker to walk in here and sing us a sea chantey first, though."

I can't help but smile at his humor. Poor sod has been here for a while. I make up my mind that when help comes (I have to say when because if I don't have hope I would just give up) I'll let the poor man free.

"So who do you think will come rescue you?" He asks conversationally.

"I know Zevran will come and most likely Rory but Alistair will probably be worried as well, and Adela won't want to be left out as well as others it's hard to say. They will probably pick the best skill set for the job." I say thoughtfully.

"How many friends do you have?" The man asks with no small amount of surprise.

I just smile at him and nod as the guard is heading to my door.

"Maker go with you, Elly," I hear him whisper as the door is unlocked.

The next time I awake I can't move my entire body hurts. I was beaten again and I fainted after hard blow to head. I don't remember what happened after that. I lay on the cold stone with my eyes closed and listen to sounds around me it's fairly quiet in here now as the torturer has gone for the day.

Then I hear the man in next cell. "Elly, I don't know if you can hear me, but hope you can. You weren't looking so good when they brought you back."

I manage to make my lips move. "I can hear you."

"You don't know how happy I am that I'm not talking to corpse," the man says with chuckle, "I haven't had anyone to talk too in ages."

I manage to turn my head and smile at him. Suddenly I hear a ruckus coming from the far side of the room. And then Zevran's voice "Elly! Where are you?"

"She's over here!" the man calls to him.

I can hear Zevran picking the lock to my door. As he steps into the cell I hear him gasp and I try to sit up.

"Don't move," he says digging into his pack.

"Maker's breath," Rory says as he enters the cell.

"Elly, you look like crap," Adela says letting out a whistle.

"Bella, I have an elfroot potion here, you need to drink it," Zevran says bringing the bottle to my mouth.

I nod and drink the potion. He pulls a blanket out of his pack and wraps it around me before picking me up. I grimace in pain as he carefully picks me up. He carries me out of the cell.

"Zev, open the door for him," I painfully point to the other cell.

"Ah Bella making friends wherever you are," He says slightly amused.

He nods to Rory who gently takes me from Zev's arms. Once the man is let out I call him over. "Go to Highever tell them Lady Cousland sent you and they can set you up with place to live and job. You won't have to steal to eat again."

Rory gives the man some clothes and a few sovereigns for the trip. "If you have any trouble ask to speak with Bann Gilmore, he is my father." He adds as he places me carefully back into Zevran's arms.

The man is stunned. "I never expected such kindness. You do have friends in high places, Elly." He smiles "I can't even thank you enough."

Alistair chuckles, "you have no idea. The way behind us is clear for the moment if we hurry."

Zevran carries me back to Eamon's estate and takes me to my room. Wynne, Morrigan and Ox are already there.

"By the maker!" Wynne gasps as she removes the blanket after Zevran places me gently on the bed. "There isn't one part of her that isn't bruised or broken."

Zevran's face hardens in anger.

Zevran it's probably best if you leave to let us heal her.

"No!" I say suddenly, "I wish him to stay…."

"I will do whatever you want, Bella," he says softly pulling a chair over to the bed.

Wynne asks several questions about what happened and I do my best to answer them.

Wynne nods, "I think it would be best to put you to sleep for a while to work on knitting your broken bones there are so many."

She gives me a potion and the last thing is see is the furious but sad look on Zevran's face as I lose consciousness.


	74. Chapter 74 Recuperation

Dear Diary,

When I next awake I see Zevran has fallen asleep in the chair beside me. He looks exhausted. I am incredibly thirsty and note the pitcher and metal cup left thoughtfully on the stand beside the bed. I try to be quiet as not to wake Zev as I reach for the cup. But it's almost like he has sixth sense for these things as opens his eyes seeing my hand reaching for the cup. He silently takes the cup and brings it to my lips.

Once I have my fill to drink, he asks, "How are you feeling Bella?"

I give him a weak smirk. "Like sylvan fell on me but I will live."

He gives me smirk in return. "Well you seem to have regained your sense of humor."

"Wynne asked to see you once you woke," He says moving to the door. I get the feeling he is avoiding a me bit for some reason. Although it makes my chest contract painfully, I say nothing as he leaves to get Wynne. But I can't help but wonder what he is thinking.

Wynne comes enters the room without Zevran and once again I feel my chest contract as she examines me from head to toe. The bruises are fading and my bones are mending but it seems I will need some more recuperation time. Wynne says she wishes to have me rest for another 2 weeks. She looks at me worriedly and I have to wonder what she isn't telling me. I feel almost like everyone is walking on eggshells around me and I don't know why.

Then one by one my companions come to check on me. Alistair comes first with a plate of food.

"I thought you might be hungry," He says giving me sheepish glance.

At the moment I realize I am ravenous, "Good call," I grin at him, "I'm starving!"

As he settles in the chair beside the bed and we eat I finally ask him. "What is going on? Where is Zev?"

Alistair shakes his head. "I don't know but he told me he had something he needed to take care of. But we found out what is going on at the alienage…"

He explains the sickness going through the alienage and how Loghain had elves sold into slavery. My stomach turns at this.

"Well at least we got the proof," I say in disgusted voice, as there is a knock on my door.

Alistair answers the knock and Eamon enters the room. After exchanging pleasantries and checking on my well-being he gets right to business.

"You know," he says looking at us, "if Alistair were to marry Anora it would be a solidifying action to put a halt to this political unrest."

"I can't believe I am hearing this," Alistair says incredulously. "Even if I did agree to this why would Anora? She can run the country as she sees fit as it stands now. We take care of her father and she has all the power she needs. But I don't know if I trust her any more than her father."

I shake my head. "Unfortunately," I say gently looking at Alistair, "Eamon is correct as the throne should be still with the Theirin bloodline."

Eamon nods in agreement.

"And what better way to temper Anora's rule than to have her rule with someone else," I add thoughtfully, "She will think you know nothing. She has no idea who you are (aside from Maric's bastard son) and that you have been groomed for this."

"And what of Leliana?" He asks raising his voice slightly, "Have you thought how she might feel about this?"

I look at Alistair and reach my hand out to him. He looks down and takes my hand sitting on the edge of the bed. "Leliana knows who you are and that this might be a possibility," I say softly, "speak with her about it you might be surprised. She was a bard of the courts she understands full well how things work. And Anora might be more amicable than you think." I give a quick smirk as I know about Anora and her proclivities it was known in higher circles but kept under wraps.

"Maker, when you smirk like that means you know something that I don't," Alistair sighs.

"However," Eamon starts as an idea hits him. "We could depose Anora if you wished to marry Alistair…." he says cautiously.

Alistair and I both snicker at the suggestion. Eamon looks confused. "There is problem with that Eamon aside from the fact we feel more like family than lovers. It's hard enough for one warden to produce a child. If two are to marry it wouldn't be possible because of what we have to do become wardens," I explain, "If a non-warden were to marry a warden the chances are higher."

Eamon nods, "I understand. If it's any consolation, I'm sorry Elly." He takes a deep breath, "Maker, I would have felt horrible had anything happened to you." He moves closer to give me quick fatherly hug. "Especially after everything you did for my family. Teagan told me that you turned down his offer and now I understand why. Bryce and Eleanor raised wonderful daughter and if you ever change your mind about Teagan even if heirs are not in picture, I would support it."

Eamon's words bring tears prickling to my eyes. I push them back and take a breath. "Teagan deserves a wife that can be by his side until death, I cannot do that."

"Not to mention, she is crazy about someone else," Alistair teases lightly as if trying to improve the somber mood.

I blush lightly as Eamon gives me fatherly look. "He better be worth your time."

There is another knock on the door and Erlina leans into the room. "Anora would like to speak with you Warden, if you are up to it."

I nod in approval.

"Of course," Eamon says looking at the servant, "We were just leaving."

They leave and few minutes later Anora comes into the room.

"I asked Erlina to bring tea," Anora says a bit nervously.

"That's fine, Anora it's been a long time," I say kindly.

Anora visibly relaxes. "Elly, I'm sorry. Maker, you are a mess." She sighs looking at the bruises on my face. "Are you okay?"

"I will be…" I say looking at her curiously, "What did you wish to talk about?"

"My father," She sighs, "I don't know what he is thinking but I don't wish him dead. In spite of the fact he might have tried to kill me."

I nod in understanding. "Anora, I don't know if that will be possible considering the circumstances," I say choosing my words carefully, "Perhaps a political alliance would be beneficial."

Anora gives me calculated look. "What did you have in mind?"

"Marry Alistair," I say simply, "I know he is very angry about what happened at Ostagar and the following price on the head of the wardens. However I think he would be less likely to kill his wife's father. But bear in mind that your father will need to be dealt with. It will also keep the kingship within the Theirin bloodline."

Anora nods, "That does seem like the simplest solution doesn't it. Ignoring the fact he looks so much like Cailan my recently deceased husband." She looks a bit shaky for moment before collecting herself. "I was actually quite fond of him in spite of …you know. But is this something Alistair would even agree to. Would you talk to him?"

"Anora," I tease lightly, "We are not schoolchildren and I am not going to pass notes for you." I grin at her and she chuckles lightly at my demeanor.

"Go talk to him I think you may be surprised at how he responds," I say having faith in my friend. "You are childhood friend and although we fought more than got along I still consider you as such, we were kids then. Alistair is my brother-in-arms and more knowledgeable than you would think. Give him a chance."

"How come I get the feeling you just had the same talk with Alistair?" she says suspiciously with wry smile.

I just smile enigmatically at her.

"I…I was worried," Anora starts, "You would hate me and…"

"What happened at the Arl of Denerim's estate is not your fault the idea was get you out there safely," I state firmly, "I would not let anyone suffer Howe's _tender mercies._"

Anora nods, "thank you for that."


	75. Chapter 75 What is going on?

Dear Diary,

It is evening now and Zevran still hasn't returned. My other companions have come to see me and although I appreciate their company the person I wish to see the most is still gone. When Tamlen finally comes to see me it is late.

When there is a lull in conversation I sigh sadly.

"What is wrong Elly?" Tamlen asks.

"No one will tell me what is going on," I say looking for answers in his face. Zevran left and hasn't returned since I awoke and I feel that everyone knows something they aren't telling me.

Tamlen sighs, "I don't know where Zevran is but after bringing you back from Fort Drakon, I don't think I've ever seen him angry and he was livid but quietly so. A man like him, you need to let him deal with it. He will tell you when he is ready."

"Maker, I hope he doesn't do anything to get himself hurt," I say worriedly.

"I'm sure he will be fine," Tamlen says consolingly. "I should go and let you rest."

"Umm Tamlen, I don't want to be alone," I say a bit shakily, "Can you stay with me until Zev returns?"

"Of course whatever you need, Elly," he says settling into the chair beside me.

"Don't be silly," I say looking at him, "you need to sleep too." I scoot over on the large bed ignoring my protesting body. "There is plenty of room."

Tamlen looks indecisive for moment before relenting with a smile, "it's the least I can do after the kindness you have shown me."

Tamlen lies down on the bed and I lay my head on his shoulder. "What do you think Zev's doing?" I ask curiously.

Tamlen puts and arm around shoulders gently before answering. "Well if I was in the frame of mind I think he's in, he's probably finding those who hurt you and hurting them. That is how I would react."

"Maker's balls!" I exclaim, "He better not be doing something so stupid….or I may have to kick his arse myself."

"Elly!" Tamlen chides gently, "Don't be too hard on him, a man has to do what a man has to do… he was upset that you chose to go with Ser Catherine in the first place. He was muttering about how you think of everyone but yourself."

"Okay," I sigh slipping my arm around his slim waist, "I won't be too hard on him."

"Good," Tamlen grins, "now go to sleep…you are never going to heal, to gently kick his arse if you don't rest."

* * *

><p>I am awakened by rustling in the room and the quiet voices of Tamlen and Zevran talking.<p>

"Thank you for staying with her," I hear Zevran say quietly.

"It's no problem but I think you need to talk to her, she's a bit hurt and emotional right now," I hear him say softly.

I look over and see Zevran nod at him before closing my eyes again quickly as I don't want them to know I was eavesdropping. Considering they are having the conversation in my room I guess I wouldn't really be eavesdropping though.

I hear the door shut as Tamlen leaves and hear rustling as Zevran does something. I finally decide to quit playing possum and slowly sit up. "Zevran?"

"Bella, you should be resting." He admonishes lightly. I find the candle on the bedside stand and light it. So I can see him. He is dressing a slash on his arm. My heart constricts seeing this.

"And you are hurt," I say putting my legs to the side of the bed. Before he can say another word, I stand shakily ignoring my screaming body and walk over to him.

"It's nothing just a scratch and you shouldn't be out of bed yet," He says trying to finish bandaging quickly.

I am worried and want to see so I stand there trembling as I force my body to remain standing.

"So stubborn," He mutters with a wry smile, as he un-wraps his arm to let me see. It's not a scratch but it's not terrible either I note. "Now, will you go back to bed?" He wraps the bandage again quickly.

"Yes," I say softly as relief washes through me. I turn to head back to the bed and Zevran reaches down to pick me up to carry me the rest of the way.

As he gently sets me on the bed he looks at me as if trying to discern my state of health.

"I'm fine Zev, I think we need to talk…" I say patting the bed next to me. He sits next to me rather stiffly.

"I woke up and then you left no one knew where you were although Tamlen had a few ideas," I explain, "and by your state, I think he was right. Are you okay now?"

Zevran gives me a look of surprise and relaxes. "Yes, Bella I am better now…" He looks at the floor. "I had thought you would be much angrier with me."

"Oh I am, but I can't kick your arse in this condition," I tease lightly.

"Aha," he chuckles, "so biding your time?"

I give him a wry grin and nod.

"Well I better get my thoughts out now before you get better," he says gently taking my arms and pushing me back into the bed.

My body protests but I make no sign of it as he pins my arms to the bed. "Don't ever do something like that again," he says grittily. His grasp becomes a bit harder and I try not to wince. "Promise me!" Realizing he's probably hurting me he loosens his grasp and gets up to pace the room.

"Zev," I say softly reaching out to him. He walks over to me and I pat the bed indicating for him to sit. He sits down rather stiffly again. I reach over and gently take his chin so he is facing me. His eyes are a mix of concern, anger, and hurt.

"I can't promise you that I will survive the archdemon," I see his eyes flicker with alarm, "but I promise I will do everything I can to come back to you."

He sags tiredly and sighs, "I know ….it's just I've never felt this way before….wanting to protect something precious to me."

I nod pulling him down to the bed. "Let's get some rest, we have a few hours before Wynne comes back to check on me."


	76. Chapter 76 A Political Alliance

Dear Diary,

It seems that an agreement has been struck between Anora and Alistair. I admit I'm a little worried about Leliana as I haven't seen her, since I talked to Alistair and Anora.

It seems she has been busy making contact with all the nobles we helped and making connections for the landsmeet. Wynne is checking on me again when Leliana comes to see me.

"Wynne could you excuse us for a few minutes," I ask politely, as Leliana looks as if she ready to burst from whatever information she has.

"I'll be close if you need me," Wynne replies kindly.

"Well Bann Sighard is ever so grateful for the return of his son and will support the wardens at the Landsmeet," she says happily, "Bann Alfstanna collected her brother and has him back at her home for recovery and offered her support as well. And since Arl of Denerim was…killed by Howe, it will take time to find a replacement for him and that won't happen till after the Landsmeet. I also managed to talk to a few of the other Banns and get their support."

"That's wonderful news Leliana," I gush before looking at her quietly, "but I'm more concerned about you."

"That is another thing I need to have a talk with you about," she says a bit crossly, "Alistair is marrying Anora and to be honest, I wasn't very happy about it. But I met with Anora and we talked. …You Knew!"

At this point I'm finding it hard to keep a straight face and I stifle a snort.

"And you didn't tell me?" she continues ignoring my mirth, "Balls, I had to explain it to Alistair!"

No longer able to stifle myself I start chuckling.

"That was really sneaky, Elly!" She admonishes over my giggles.

"How did you know anyway?" she asks quietly looking at me expectantly.

I quiet at the question. "I've known since I was teen, Anora tried to kiss me," I explain softly, "I thought it would be better for you to find out on your own. I thought the 3 of you could work out an agreeable compromise. And thankfully it worked I knew it was calculated risk. Consider it payback for my embarrassment at Redcliff." I tease lightly.

Leliana smirks wryly at my teasing. "I guess I did have it coming. But explaining it to Alistair that I was not only going to be the kings consort but the queen's as well was ….interesting."

I snicker, "of that I have no doubt."

"Well at least he wasn't too upset by the idea and he liked the idea that I could stay at court with him," Leliana add kindly, "So your gamble did pay off."

"Anora isn't a bad person either, she is very task driven and really does what she thinks is best sometimes to point of being brutal. I think her and Alistair can balance each other out," I note lightly. "I also think you could be the catalyst to cement a good relationship between them."

Leliana nods in understanding, "you really thought this through, before taking the risk didn't you."

"Of course I did," I answer kindly. "I really just wanted to be sure you were alright with it. I thought you would be but I wasn't completely sure."

"I'm alright with it," she says a bit smugly, "I should have known you would worry about me and you weren't just using me for political reasons. I do agree with your assessment that they are good for each other but they don't really see it yet. But you know Anora better than I and she seems a reasonable sort. You still could have said something though."

"But where would the fun have been in that," I tease with another snicker.

"Oh you!" Leliana gasps as she gives me a hug, "you are both wonderful and terrible." She takes a seat in the chair by the bed. "How soon will you be allowed to out of bed?" she asks.

"Wynne says I can walk around tomorrow," I tell her smiling.

"Good then you will be able to come," she says slyly.

I raise my eyebrows questioning.

"Alistair and Anora's wedding," she explains grinning, "we all decided it would be better to do it before the landsmeet to cement things before meeting with Loghain. It's going to be in secret so we can spread the news there. I get to help Anora with the arrangements."

With that there is a knock on my door, "Elly can I come in?" Alistair asks.

"Of course," I call from the bed.

Alistair enters the room looking a bit sheepish.

"Oh I guess Leli told you already then," He gives a small smile seeing Leliana with me. "However, I am here as prince consort to formally invite you the wedding," he adds.

"Of course I'll be there Alistair," I say warmly.

"You know you could have warned me," He says giving me a peeved glance.

I look at Leliana with a grin and shake my head. "pfft, there would have been no fun in that," I tease lightly, "Besides you needed to meet each other honestly and without a go between, believe me Anora tried to get me to play mediator."

Alistair smiled at that, "Well, it's nice to know that even the queen is unsure sometimes."


	77. Chapter 77 I am moving

Due to recent incidents on this site I am moving my ficts over to AO3. Here is the actual problem: I received this notice below from another author on here and it has been making the rounds on tumblr. I feel that other authors should be made aware so they can make an informed decision. I did check these sites and not only are they using our ficts to draw people and make money the malware on the sites is insane. So be careful. Fanfiction was notified of the issue some time ago. And I did check this out personally. The part that really got me was they got passwords and username data as well(I could look myself up and find my ficts with just a username search on these sites do not log in, they may have gotten password info as well or could possibly get it that way). I found all my writing I had posted to fanfiction on all these sites. I feel bad for my reader base but I no longer feel safe here. I realize that the information regarding the sites and links will be blanked out in the post below as per fanfiction rules. I will be posting an update when all my ficts are switched for my readers there. I have been busily working between classes and school assignments to get my ficts transferred over. So I hope it won't take too long. I am going under the name LadyVelvetCPeterson on AO3 if you wish to follow my stories there. Hope to see you there and thanks for reading :)

Original post of mirroring sites:

Dear fanfiction writers, Please be aware that there are fake websites which have mirrored literally **ALL** **FANFICS** from fanfiction. As far as I can tell, they are near-perfect mirrors, updating in real-time to FFN's servers. All of your stories, your profile, _everything_ has been stolen and copied onto the following websites: (I really do wish these would post for you here as know not every author on fanfiction has a tumblr)

They are making profit off _your_ stories with advertisements. This is called **spamdexing****_._** Please report them. Theft of this hefty magnitude, literally millions of stories, should **not** go unpunished. Also, do not attempt to log in to any site that looks like but is not. In theory, they could steal your email and password!

HOW TO REPORT Go here:  webmasters/tools/spamreportform?hl=en

Put in the name of the website (one report each)

Write in additional details: _This is a spamdexing mirror site to __ and has stolen my profiles and intellectual property._

Click "I am not a robot" and then "Report webspam"

Report more by clicking the link on: _Go back to the __webspam report form__._

Writers and fanfic readers should report these websites that profit off our hard work. Stop plagiarism and art theft!

I found all of mine on every one of these sites - reported them all. You might want to check. The more people who do report the more likely we can get these spamdexing sites shut down.


	78. Chapter 78

I finally got everything moved and updated. I also took the opportunity to do some re-editing as well. You can find me on archive of our own un the name LadyVelvetCPeterson. I would add an link but it would probably be blanked out as per fanfiction rules. I will be going to back the regular scheduled updates for ongoing fict on Sundays. Hope to see you there:)


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